Feels Like Letting Go
by CherryCrush23
Summary: When her brother died, she knew that nothing would ever be the same. But she had no idea that he had an even bigger hand in what would happen to her. And all she wanted to do was thank him for that.
1. Quiet In My Town

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Summary: Haley never would have thought that the death of her brother would have brought this one. She never thought that she would be so grateful to him for this.**

**Chapter 1: Quiet In My Town**

_Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives. _

Haley James stood next to her mother and father in a long sleeve black dress that stopped just above her knees. She looked around at the people at her brothers funeral and watched their sad faces as they began to lower the casket. She knew that he had touched so many peoples lives and she just couldn't understand, for the life of her, how God could take him away from her and everyone else. She looked up and saw Nathan Scott standing on the other side of the casket. He was her brother's best friend. Had been since they were 5 years old. She saw the sadness written across his face and she watched his sad eyes focus on the casket.

**Today I heard that someone left this earth  
That someone disappeared left no mark here  
Today I heard that someone just got up and left himself  
Lying on the ground**

He looked up a moment later and her eyes met with his before he quickly glanced away from her again. Soon everyone left the cemetery. Haley knew that the majority of them were going to back to her house. She slowly walked towards the limo that was taking her and her family back to her house. She watched Peyton Sawyer get in a car with her dad and Brooke Davis. Haley hadn't really talked to Peyton in awhile. She knew she should, but part of her couldn't. Haley got in the limo and sat silently on the way to her house.

When they pulled up she saw the large number of cars that were parked in her neighbor hood. Most of the people were already inside or they were walking towards her house. She walked in and saw the looks that everyone gave her as she walked in. They all sort of tilted their heads to the side a bit and sent her a sad smile. She returned it with a nod before walking past them and into the kitchen. She saw her grandparents in the kitchen talking to Karen and Keith Scott. Nathan's parents. She looked around the kitchen and saw Brooke and Peyton who were now there and Lucas Scott, Nathan's brother and Junk, Fergie, Mouth and Skills. They all stood in the kitchen talking. But she didn't see Nathan anywhere.

She thought Nathan, out of all of his friends would be here. She looked around again but she didn't see him. She knew that Nathan was taking Jake's death really hard. When Jake was diagnosed with Leukemia a year before, Nathan was always there for him whenever he needed him. He went with him to doctors appointments and was there when Jake was really sick. When Jake died, Nathan was there with him and Haley. Haley was amazed at the fact that he was strong enough to do that. There were times when she knew she couldn't be there with Jake because it was too hard. But Nathan was always there. Even though she and Nathan didn't really see eye to eye and had never gotten along, she was thankful for him.

Jake needed someone like him.

**Today is  
Today is  
Today is quiet in my town  
Today is  
Today is  
Today is quiet in my town**

Haley looked back around the kitchen before walking out to the living room. She looked there for any sight of Nathan but she didn't see him. She shook her head and walked towards the stairs and began to walk up them. She had planned on going straight to her room but instead she stopped in front of Jake's. She grabbed the handle and twisted it slowly. She hadn't been in his room for weeks. Jake hadn't been home due to the fact that he'd been in the hospital for the past few weeks. And she hadn't gone in there since he left. She opened the door slowly and saw Nathan sitting in the chair at Jake's desk. Nathan turned his head quickly and saw her standing in the doorway. "Sorry," she said, "I didn't know you were in here."

Nathan stood up quickly, "it's fine. I'll just go."

"No don't worry about it," she said, then took a step into the room and looked around. It was exactly the way it had been the last time she was in there. "I thought you might have gone home or something," she said a second later, "I mean, when I didn't see you downstairs."

Nathan's eyebrows furrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest. "You think I would just bail?" he asked, "I wouldn't do that. This is for Jake."

"I didn't mean anything Nathan, so don't get so defensive with me."

"Whatever," Nathan mumbled before walking past her and out the door. She heard his footsteps going down the stairs and she walked to the door and shut it. She turned around and sat down on the edge of the bed. She rested her head in her hands before looking up again. She looked towards the corner of his room and saw his guitar propped up against the wall. There were so many nights when she fell asleep to the sound of him playing his guitar. Even after he'd been diagnosed with cancer. It was so comforting to hear him play and now she couldn't imagine what it would be like to not hear him. She turned her head and saw a picture of Jake and Peyton. He had his arms wrapped around her and they both had big smiles on their faces. Jake loved Peyton so much, Haley knew that. And Peyton was one of her best friends and she knew that she loved him just as much.

**Today two boys disappeared without noise  
and I wish that I was them flying somewhere overhead  
And tonight in silence, two lovers hate and find  
One is bored  
One is angry  
but neither one of them is right, oh**

Next to that picture was a picture of Jake, Haley, Nathan, Lucas, Brooke and Peyton. It was taken after the Ravens won the state championship the year before. It was right before Jake had been diagnosed. Jake stood between Nathan and Haley with his arms around both of their shoulders. The boys in their uniforms and the girls in theirs. Haley looked at Brooke's face. She stuck her tongue out playfully while Lucas kissed her cheek. Peyton stood on the other side of Haley with her hand resting on Jake's arm. They all looked so happy. Haley wished she could go back and re live that moment. She would re live any moment that had Jake in it. Haley remembered the day that Jake told her he had cancer. That was one moment she could remember being so scared. She had never been more scared then in that moment when he told her.

_Haley sat on her bed reading a book for one of her classes. She had heard the garage door open a minute before and she knew that Jake and her mom had just gotten home. Jake had been getting sick lately and her mom decided to take him to the doctor to make sure everything was ok. Haley waited patiently for them to get home. While she was reading there was a knock on her door. "Come in," she yelled to who ever was on the other side. The door opened and Jake walked through. She looked up at him and smiled, "hey, how was the doctor." _

_"Um," he said and nodded, "you know it's the doctor." "Yeah," she agreed and said, "is everything ok?" _

_Jake cleared his throat and said, "lets go for a walk? What do you say?" Haley nodded and stood up and grabbed her sweatshirt off the foot of the bed. It said Ravens on the front and on the back had the names of all the girls who were cheering that year. She slipped it on over her head and the two of them walked down the stairs and towards the front door. Jake opened the door for her and she walked out and down the steps of the front porch. Jake followed slowly behind. The started to walk and a comfortable silence enveloped them. Haley looked at her brother and saw the look on his face. It was like he was hiding something from her. "Are you ok?" she asked a moment later. The two of them had walked to a small park near their house and Jake motioned for them to sit on a bench not far away. _

**_Today is  
Today is  
Today is quiet in my town  
Today is  
Oh, Today is  
Today is quiet in my town_**

_She sat down and waited for him to join her. He sat down next to her and said, "I need to tell you something." She looked at him and he could see the worried expression she wore. He hated the fact that he was already worrying her. "I don't want you to freak out or worry or be scared or anything." _

_"Well then you shouldn't start a conversation like that then," she said, "what's going on Jake? Just tell me." _

_Jake let out a sigh and said, "when I was at the doctor, they found something. It's my blood or my bone marrow I don't know. But they diagnosed me with Leukemia, Hales. They say that it's progressed a lot and they're gonna do everything they can to help me." Haley looked away from him and she could feel her heart racing and her body tingling. She felt like she was suddenly short of breath and she gripped the edge of the bench she was sitting on. Jake put his hand on her shoulder but she moved away from him and suddenly stood up. She ran a nervous hand through her hair and looked down at him. "That's not funny Jake. I swear to God if you're joking with me-" _

_"I'm not." _

_**Oh, somebody say something  
Somebody say something  
Somebody say something to me  
Oh, someday say something  
Someday say something  
Someday say something cause I can't take this silence anymore  
Anymore**_

_Haley could feel the tears stinging her eyes and she bit her bottom lip and took a few steps away from the bench. Jake stood up and walked towards her and gently grabbed her arm. He could feel that she was trying to pull away from him but he pulled her to him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight against his chest. He could feel her tears soaking into his shirt but he just continued to hold her while she cried. He ran his hand soothingly over her back. "Hales," he whispered a moment later, "I promise you that no matter what happens, everything's gonna be ok." Haley nodded but she wasn't so sure that she believed him just yet. After staying at the park for awhile longer the two of them slowly made their way back to the house. By the time they got back the sun had gone down._

Haley sat on his bed and she could feel the tears start to fall from her eyes. She was crying for the first time in a long time. While everyone else cried at his funeral, the tears didn't come to her eyes. But now sitting here in his room, it really hit her. Jake wasn't coming back. For the first time in a long time, she cried her heart out.

* * *

Haley laid in her room in a pair of pajama shorts and one of Jake's old sweatshirts. The light was off and the TV was on and it cast her room in a blue glow. She heard her phone vibrate from the window sill where her phone was in the charger. She got up slowly and walked towards it. She looked down and saw that she had a text from Brooke. All it said was that she needed to come over to Peyton's. She seriously thought about ignoring it but she knew that if she did, Brooke would call or come and get her. Didn't they get that she didn't want to hang out. That was the last thing she wanted. She just wanted to be left alone. She sighed and took her phone out of her charger and walked over to her closet before slipping on a pair of tennis shoes. Whatever it was that they wanted, it must have been important. She walked down the stairs and past her parents who were in the kitchen. She doubted they even would notice that she was leaving.

* * *

Nathan walked on to the river court and looked at the chalk on the cement. While Jake was in the hospital people had come to the river court to write him notes and tell him to get better. Even though he probably wouldn't see them, they did it anyway. He saw a large heart with Jake's number 00 in bright chalk. He knew Peyton was the one who drew it there. He walked toward the center of the court and looked down at what was written there. In dark blue chalk was written **I love you Jake and no matter what happens, everything will be ok. Love Hales.** He could feel a pull on his heart when he read this. Did she know when she wrote this that everything wasn't going to be alright? She had to. But then why would she right something like this. He could hardly stand to look at it. It just made him realize that his best friend was gone.

"Hey Nate," he heard from behind him. He turned his head and saw Skills walk towards him. He wore a pair of dark jeans and plain white t-shirt. He walked to the center of the court and looked down at what Nathan had been looking at. He looked back up and at Nathan and patted his shoulder. "How you holding up?" he asked and Nathan shrugged. Skills pretty much already knew the answer to that question. But he couldn't help but ask anyway. Since Jake had died, Nathan had hardly spoken a word to anyone. Skills knew he wasn't ok. "Do you believe in heaven and God?" Nathan asked a second later.

"I do."

"I just find it hard to believe that there's a God that could take Jake away from everyone like this. Who could let him be so sick." "But he took him so he could be in a better place and he wouldn't hurt anymore. You know that Nathan."

"I don't know anything anymore Skills."

They stood there in silence while they both looked around at what other people had written on the court. They were mostly things like We miss you Jake, or Get well soon. Nathan shook his head and walked over to the picnic table and Skills followed. He knew that Nathan probably didn't feel like talking. But maybe all he needed was a friend to be there for him. That's what he was willing to do for him. Just be there. Just incase he decided he need to talk about it. He knew that it was a long shot, but who knew. The two of them sat in silence both thinking about their friend.

**Today is  
Today is  
Today is quiet in my town  
Today is  
Today is too quiet in my town**

* * *

**Today I heard the sound of birds and I wish that I was anywhere but here**

Haley walked through the door to Peyton's room and saw her and Brooke sitting on her bed. Peyton had tears in her eyes and Haley knew that she was probably just feeling sad about Jake. And she couldn't blame her. She loved Jake with her whole heart. Jake used to talk about Peyton being the one and marrying her some day. Haley had no doubt that if things were different, they would get married. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to Brooke in front of Peyton. Brooke patted Haley's knee and Haley sent her a weak smile. Haley then directed her attention to Peyton. She looked like she'd been crying non stop for hours. There were tear stains on her cheeks and her eyes were red and puffy. "I have to tell you something," Peyton said a moment later and wiped the tears away from her eyes. Haley looked between the two of them and waited for one of them to speak.

"What?" she asked.

"I'm pregnant."

Haley let Peyton's words sink in. She was pregnant. Peyton was pregnant. She was pregnant with Jake's baby. "What? I mean- are you sure?" Haley asked a moment later. Peyton nodded and ran a hand through her hair before more tears began to fall from her eyes. "I don't know what I'm gonna do," she said, "I can't do this without Jake. I mean, I need him Haley. What am I gonna do? How can I raise his baby without him?" Haley was thinking about all of the things that Peyton was saying to her. She had no idea what she would do if she were in Peyton's position. She really didn't have a clue. She would be scared out of her mind.

"You won't raise this baby alone," Brooke said, "we'll be there for you. You know that. And your dad and Jake's parents. And this baby is gonna have a great mom and-"

"And no dad," Peyton cried, "I mean what do I tell my baby when they ask about their dad. What am I gonna say?"

"You're gonna say that he was a super hero. That he was a really great guy with an amazing heart. And that even though he can't be there for him or her, that he loves them with all his heart and that he's always looking out for them. That's what you're going to say," Haley said looking at Peyton. "You're gonna say that because it's true. If he were here, he would want you to say that."

Peyton looked at Haley and nodded, "I'm so scared."

"Like Brooke said, we're gonna be here for you. The whole way."

"Yeah," Brooke said, "this baby is going to have a great life. I know it." Peyton moved towards them and hugged both of them tightly. They both hugged her back and Haley ran her hand over her back soothingly, just like Jake would have done if he was there. All she could think about is what Jake would say to her right now. That everything would be ok. Haley honestly believe that everything would be ok. She knew it would be. It was just going to take time for everything to be ok.

**It's too quiet, too quiet  
It's too quite, too quiet  
It's too quiet  
It's too quiet  
It's too quiet  
It's too quiet  
It's too quiet  
It's too quiet  
It's too quiet  
It's too quiet  
It's too quiet  
in my town, in here, in here, in here,  
It's too quite in my town**

* * *

**Today is  
Today is  
Today is quiet in my town  
Today is  
Today is too quiet in my town**

Around 1 in the morning Haley made it back home. She walked quietly through the hallway to her room. She turned the light on and saw an envelop sitting against her pillow. She knew that most definitely wasn't there when she left and she picked it up looking at the hand writing on the outside. It was Jake's, she would recognize it anywhere. On the front of the envelop it said For Haley and Nathan. She couldn't figure out why it would be for the two of them but she also couldn't figure out how it got there. Maybe her mom put it there after she left. She would have to ask her about it later.

She examined the letter awhile longer before setting it on the bed side table. She wanted to open it now and read whatever was inside but it wasn't just for her. It was for her an d Nathan. Even if she didn't want to, she had to wait until he was with her to open it. She would go over to his house in the morning and show him so they could read it together. She looked at it again and then picked it up. She ran her fingers over the writing. There was no mistaking the fact that Jake had written this. She just didn't know why it was here, now. Maybe he wrote it before he died and told his mom or dad to give it to her. That had to have been it.

She didn't want to over analyze it. All she knew was that Jake had something that she and Nathan needed to read so that's what they were going to do. She put it down again and then got in bed after turning the light out. It was hard for her to fall asleep. All she could do was wait for the sound of his guitar from the other room. But the sound never came.

**Today is  
Today is  
Today is quiet in my town**


	2. Empty Room

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks so much for the reviews on the first chapter. I was kinda surprised that I got so many reviews and so much response for the first chapter. But I'm not complaining at all! Keep those reviews coming please! I love em!**

**Chapter 2: Empty Room**

Haley's eyes opened slowly and she tried to adjust them to the light. It was streaming in through the curtains and straight towards her bed. She groaned and rolled over so she could stare up at the ceiling. That was one of the worst nights of sleep she'd had in a while. The silence in her room was killing her that night. She just couldn't take it. She wasn't sure how long she waited to hear music from Jake's room, but it never came. She knew it wouldn't but she couldn't give up hope. But with that thought in her head, she couldn't help but think of how crazy that must seem. There was no way she was going to hear him play and she knew that. All she had left were the memories of him playing for her. Haley could feel the ache in her heart begin again and the tears come to her eyes.

Haley sat up and started to try and blink the tears away. All she wanted was to try and be strong. Especially now. She saw this as a time where she couldn't be weak. She didn't want to have to lean on her parents and friends. Especially when she knew that things were hard for them too. She also felt like she had to be there for Peyton. She couldn't even begin to understand what she was going through. She had no idea what she would do if that were her. Haley wanted to be there for Peyton every step of the way. She felt like she owed it to Peyton. And most of all, to Jake. She knew that he would have been there for her, but since he couldn't now, she had to be.

**I'm so tired of learning to talk  
Building fences on the wall  
In this state, I shall not remain**

Suddenly Haley remembered the letter that sat on her table. She turned to face it and leaned over to grab it. She ran her fingers over the ink on the outside of the envelop. Part of her really wanted to open it now and see what it said. But an even bigger part told her that she had to wait until she was with Nathan. If the situation had been reversed and he opened it without her, she would have been pissed. She had to do him the same courtesy and not open it yet. She looked over at the clock and saw that it was almost 11:30. She hadn't slept in that long in a really long time. She wondered if soon would be a good time to go see Nathan. She really had to talk to him about this and she really wanted to read whatever was inside of it.

She got out of bed quickly and placed the letter in her purse that sat on the chair by her computer desk. She made her way over to her closet and looked through it trying to decide on something to wear. She decided on Jake's sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. She slipped her feet into a pair of white Adidas and made her way to her bathroom to fix her make up and brush her teeth. She wasn't going to let herself become the type of person who didn't get out of bed and who didn't get themselves together. She knew Jake wouldn't have wanted that. After she finished getting ready, she made her way out of her room and down the hall. She stalled at Jake's door but decided to not open it. She walked by her parent's room and saw that the door was shut tight.

When she made her way downstairs she saw her dad sitting at the table in a sweatshirt and a pair of sweat pants. He looked tired like he hadn't slept all night. Maybe he hadn't. She saw that her mom wasn't in the kitchen. "Where you off to?" he asked when she walked in.

**I don't want to go, but if I die young  
Fill my empty room with the sun  
Fill my empty room with the sun**

"Nathan's," she said, "I have to talk to him about something."

He nodded and took a sip from the coffee cup that was in his hand. She walked closer and saw that it was almost empty. "Do you want some more? I could get it for you." Jimmy James shook his head and stared down at the coffee cup.

"I've already had about 4 cups," he said, "and it's not doing anything." Haley placed her hand on her dad's shoulder and tried to sooth him. He placed his hand on top of hers and the two of them stayed there in the silence. She didn't know what it was going to take for things to start to get better or normal. She had a feeling things would never get better completely. There would always be a void in her heart that could never be filled. When Jake died, he took a part of her with him.

**This Doesn't matter like it did before  
This doesn't matter much anymore**

* * *

Peyton sat on her bed staring down at a picture taken of her and Jake a little while after he'd been diagnosed. He had picked her up in his arms and her arm was wrapped around his neck. He was smiling and so was she. They both looked so happy. She would have given anything to have one more day with him. To talk to him one last time. To talk to him about the baby. Their baby. She placed her hand on her stomach and smiled for the first time in days. It was the first time she'd really thought about the fact that this baby was a part of Jake. Something that would always keep him with her.

She continued to look through all the old pictures that she had. She found on that was taken after a homecoming pep assembly when they were sophomores. She smiled as she remembered that was the day that Jake had first asked her out.

**Change my mind or help me to try  
Im afraid and I'm not satisfied  
In this state I shall not remain**

_The crowd was beginning to leave the bleachers and leave for the day. Peyton, Haley and Brooke all stood talking with a group of other cheerleaders. They had just finished their routine for the assembly. Jake stood with Nathan and Lucas not far away. Jake had been thinking about this moment for weeks now. He was going to finally ask her out. Sure, he'd been telling himself that for, forever. But he really meant it now. He'd had enough of this waiting around, he had to do it now, before he lost his nerve. He walked over to her and tapped her on the shoulder. _

_Peyton turned around and smiled when she saw that it was Jake who was standing behind her. "Hey!" she said happily and smiled again. Brooke and Haley exchanged glances before slowly walking away. But at the same time the kept close so they could hear what they were saying. They had been waiting for this moment for a long time too._

"_Um," Jake started, "I've been wanting to ask you something for a really long time now. And I figured why not now."_

"_Ok," she said and laughed a little, "well go ahead then," she said and waited for him to begin to speak again. She could tell just from standing by him that whatever it was he was going to ask was making him nervous. She knew him well enough to know when he was nervous. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and cracked his knuckles and ran his hands through his hair. Peyton bit her bottom lip and waited for him to continue. "Ok," he said, "um well you probably know that I like you. I really like you. And I know this is short notice and you'll probably say no, but I have to ask. Will you go to homecoming with me?"_

_Peyton smiled then crossed her arms over her chest. "Well I'll have to think about it," she said then a moment later said, "ok I thought about it and of course! And it took you long enough to ask me that!" She took a step closer to him and kissed his cheek. Neither of them noticed as Brooke snapped a picture of them from a few feet away._

_After he finished talking to Peyton he made his way back over to where Lucas and Nathan were standing. They were both talking about something. Lucas was saying something about Brooke and Nathan was talking about how he couldn't believe Jake would let Haley go to homecoming with Andrew Morris, the kicker on the football team. But Jake didn't hear a word they were saying. He was too happy about what had just happened to have even thought about what they were saying. None of it mattered to him right then. He had a date with Peyton Sawyer._

**I don't want to go, but if I die young  
Fill my empty room with the sun  
Fill my empty room with the sun**

Peyton's hand went back to her flat stomach and she felt tears in her eyes. She was having mixed emotions. For one she was happy she was pregnant with Jake's baby. But she was so sad that he wouldn't be there to go to the doctor with her. He wouldn't be there when they baby kicked for the first time and he wouldn't be there when she had the baby. But part of her felt like it was his strength that kept her going. She knew she could do this. And even though she couldn't see him, she knew he was with her. Every step of the way.

* * *

Haley walked up the steps of the Scott house. It had been awhile since she'd been there. The last time was a party after a game last year. She looked at the basketball hoop in the drive way and remembered times that Nathan and Jake a few of the other guys had played there. She wondered what it was like for Nathan to look there and know that Jake wouldn't be around to play anymore. She hadn't thought about the fact that she wasn't the only one who'd lost someone. Nathan lost his best friend too. Jake wasn't just her brother.

She stood in front of the door and knocked on the wood. A moment later the door opened and Karen Scott stood on the other side of the door. "Haley," she said and smiled at her before taking the younger girl in a hug. When she pulled away from her seconds later she saw that the smile on Karen's face hadn't faded. Haley smiled back and took a step inside when Karen moved away from the door for her. Haley looked around the house she hadn't been in in awhile and then looked back at Karen. "Is Nathan home?" she asked.

"He's in his room," Karen said, "you can go up and see him if you like? He doesn't come down much." Haley nodded in understanding and then looked up towards the stairs. She was trying to remember which room was Nathan's. She wasn't even sure she'd ever been up there. "Last door on the right," Karen told her as if reading her mind, "you can go up." Haley nodded and smiled again before walking up the stairs and towards Nathan's room. On her way she couldn't help but stop and look at pictures hanging on the walls. Most were Nathan and Lucas. She saw pictures of Keith and Karen on their wedding day and pictures of Karen holding Nathan and Lucas when they were born.

Then she stumbled on a picture of Nathan and Jake. They had to be around 15. They had one arm around each others shoulders and they held a basketball between them. It was their freshmen year after the last game of the season. They had both been the only freshmen to play on JV that year. They were both so proud of themselves. Haley smiled and then kept walking down the hall until she got to the last door on the right. She almost wanted to turn around and leave without bothering Nathan. But she knew she had to talk to him about this letter from Jake. Again she thought about how if it were her, she would want to know about this. She stepped closer to the door and knocked on it softly. She waited for a minute waiting for Nathan to answer. She knocked again a few seconds later. She wondered if she was coming off as impatient.

**This doesn't matter like it did before  
This doesn't matter much anymore  
This doesn't matter like it did before  
This doesn't matter much anymore**

"Come in," she heard his muffled reply from the other side. She could hear in his tone that he sounded some what annoyed. She opened the door and saw that it was dark in his room. He had the curtains closed and the lights off. When she walked in Nathan looked at her from his bed. He was still laying in bed with the comforter pulled up over him. He had many pillows surrounding him and she could tell that she'd woken him up. Nathan sat up and looked towards her. Even in the dark she could see the confusion on his face. "What are you doing here?" he asked. His tone wasn't mean or rude, just confused. He leaned over to his lamp and flipped the switch turning it on. Haley took a second to look around his room. There were basketball trophies lining the shelves. She noticed the many Eminem posters on the wall and the pictures he had around his room. When she looked back at Nathan she could tell he was still waiting for an answer.

"Sorry," she said, "um, I just came here because I have something for you." She opened her purse and pulled out the letter. "It was on my bed last night when I came home. It says that it's for the both of us," she handed him the envelop and he took it in his hands. He looked down at the familiar hand writing. She could he was just as confused about the letter as she was. "I don't know when he wrote it or anything, but I thought that-"

"Did you open it?" Nathan asked quietly looking at the envelop. He noticed that it had never been sealed and he wondered if she'd already looked at it.

"No," she said, "I wanted to wait until I was with you to open it." Nathan nodded and inspected the envelop more. He looked up again and saw Haley standing by the door. He could tell that she felt a little awkward and uncomfortable.

"You can sit if you want to," Nathan said motioning to the foot of his bed. Haley looked towards it and then back at him. Did he really want her to sit or was he just being polite?

"It's alright, I'm-"

"Just sit Haley," he said picking up a t-shirt off the end of the bed before tossing it on the floor. Haley walked over and sat down and crossed her jean clad legs Indian style while facing him. "Do you want me to open it?" Nathan asked after a moment of silence. Haley looked down at the envelop in his hands and nodded. She wasn't sure how she'd react to whatever was in the letter. Maybe it was best if Nathan did open it. He flipped open the envelop and pulled out the letter from the inside. He unfolded the paper and a picture fell out. Haley picked it up and looked down at it. It was a picture of Nathan and Haley. They were standing down stairs in Nathan's kitchen on opposite sides of the kitchen island. They both rested their palms against the granite and looked at each other from across the island. Haley couldn't remember when this was taken. She set it down and looked at Nathan, ready for him to read whatever was in the letter.

Nathan looked at the paper and began to read it:

"_Dear Nathan and Haley,_

_I'm writing this because I want you both to know how important you were to me. If I could I would have taken the time to tell you both how much I care about you. But unfortunately my time came before I could. I love you both, I hope you always remember that. You know, it kinda sucks that you two were never closer. I wish you would have been, it would have made things easier if you guys didn't fight so much. But anyway, that's part of why I'm writing you guys this._

_It would mean so much to me if you guys could try and get along better. I know you both need each other right now. Even if you don't see it, trust me you do. You need each other more than you know. So I've devised a plan for you two. What I want you to do is take a road trip this Summer. Go to any place you want. If it was somewhere we went as a group and we had fun, go there. I don't care. Just go somewhere together. Weird huh? Me encouraging my little sister to go somewhere alone with a guy for awhile. But I trust you Nathan, I'll know you'll look out for her._

_Please do this for me you guys. All I want is for you to be close. You don't even know how much you'll need each other later on. I love you both, try not to miss me too much!_

_Jake_

_Oh and p.s. aren't you both impressed with my photography skills?_

Haley smiled and wiped away the tears that had fallen from her eyes while Nathan read the letter. He set the letter down and picked up the picture that was on his bed. He smiled as he looked down at the picture. He didn't know what he and Haley were saying to each other but he couldn't believe that they were actually acting civilized to each other. Enough so that they were having an actual conversation and they didn't notice Jake taking this picture. Nathan looked up at Haley and said, "so…"

"So…"

They both sat in silence and then Haley said, "so we have to do this thing don't we? I mean this road trip thing?"

"I guess," he said in agreement. Nathan never realized that it was so important to Jake that he and Haley got along. They just never had. Not even when they were little. They never saw eye to eye. He just never sat it changing. He didn't know it really mattered to Jake. And what did Jake mean by the fact that they needed each other more than they even knew? When did Jake even write this letter? He doubted it was in the hospital because he'd been there practically the whole time. And Jake had been slipping in and out of consciousness while he was there. "I didn't know it mattered to him so much," Nathan said a minute later and Haley looked up at him. "Us I mean. Like us being friends."

"Me either," she said and picked up the letter scanning over the words. "But I guess that he wants this. So we should probably do it then."

"Yeah," Nathan said, "I guess we should."

* * *

Brooke walked to the River court and sat on the picnic table. The chalk drawings were beginning to fade and she wished more than anything that they would stay. She leaned back against the table and let the summer sun shine down on her. It was weird for the court to be so silent. It wasn't right. None of the guys had come to play there since Jake had been put back in the hospital. She wasn't sure when any of them were going to play there for awhile. Not until things got back to normal. And how could things get back to normal with Jake gone. She sat up straight when she heard a car pull up on the grass not far away from her. She saw Haley get out of the car and slowly walk towards where she was sitting on the table. "Hey girly," Brooke said, her usually cheery tone now missing from her voice.

Haley smiled and sat down next to her on the table and leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees. Brooke could hardly think of the right things to say to Haley now. She didn't know if there was anything she could say that would make her feel any better. She knew that if she had been in her position, she wouldn't be able to think of anything that would make the hurt go away. Maybe all Haley needed was her friend to be with her. Brooke leaned forward too and the two of them looked at the chalk on the court. They sat there in silence for awhile until Haley spoke up. "I'm gonna be going away for awhile. I'm gonna leave Tree Hill for a bit."

**Daylight is not the same  
When your stabbing at the stars  
In your eyes, and bleeding  
Is what you see**

Brooke turned and looked at her and opened her mouth to speak. Haley could feel her eyes on her so she turned too, and sat up straight. "Haley," Brooke said, "why are you going away? Do you really think that's a good idea." Haley smiled some what and nodded, "Why?" Brooke asked a moment later trying to think of why Haley would leave. Why would she leave now? Now when Peyton needed them and her family needed her.

"It's something I have to do. Jake wants me to. Me and Nathan. He wrote us a letter and he told us he wants us to get away for awhile. I'm only doing this for Jake. And I won't be gone long. I just need to do this Brooke." Brooke nodded and bit her bottom lip. She didn't want Haley to leave. She didn't want her to leave at all. Brooke looked down at her hands in her lap and began to chip at her silver nail polish.

"When are you leaving?" Brooke asked.

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Brooke asked and tucked her hair behind her ears. She wasn't ready for Haley and Nathan to leave. She just found out that two of her best friends were going to be gone for who knew how long and she didn't want them to go. She needed them here. Even thought Lucas was trying to help her cope with Jake's death, he didn't get it like they did. Sure he had been best friends with Jake too, but he wasn't as close with him as Nathan had been. He was dealing with Jake's death in a different way. Brooke needed to face it with Haley and Nathan. But now she couldn't do that. Not with them gone. "That's really soon."

"I know."

Brooke sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Where's your head at B. Davis?" Haley asked a moment later.

Brooke bit her bottom lip then said, "I was just thinking about how things aren't really as important as you think they are." Haley shot her a confused look and she continued, "I just mean, like money and fame and all that kind of stuff. They're not important. I mean I wish I could have spent more time with Jake before he died. That's one thing I regret more than anything right now. Not spending more time with him. Maybe that's selfish of me, but that's how I feel right now. Like I can't believe that in the fall I'm going to New York and you're going to California. All I want right now is for us all to stay here and spend more time with each other. Now all I can think about is that, we don't know how much time we have with each other. I'm just afraid that I'm gonna miss out on so many things with you guys and I'll never get that time back." Brooke looked at Haley and then let out a quiet laugh, "I'm sorry, I'm not making much sense am I?"

"I understand what you're saying," Haley said, "but you don't have to worry about anything like that. We're all gonna be ok. And I won't be as far away. I changed my mind, I'm gonna go to Duke."

"You are? Why?"

"Cuz that's where Jake was gonna go. Now he's not. So I figured why not?"

Brooke smiled, "well at least you won't be as far away." Haley smiled back and gently nudged her with her shoulder. They sat in a comfortable silence for awhile. All they wanted was to just spend enough time with each other as possible, who knew how much time they had.

* * *

Haley woke up around 8 the next morning. She'd said her goodbyes to Brooke and Peyton the night before. She didn't know how long she was going to be gone. And even though she knew she wouldn't be gone all summer, it was still hard for her to say goodbye. She got dressed and double checked that she would have everything for the road trip. She had made a trip to the grocery store the night before picking up food that they would need on their trip. She figured Nathan wouldn't do it so she should. She put her iPod in her purse and her CD player in her bag for the car with extra batteries incase her iPod died. She had no idea where they were going and she had no idea what she would need.

She put on a pair of comfortable black shorts and a Ravens t-shirt. Her hair was wavy from the french braids she'd put them in the night before. Her make up was natural and she wore a pair of blue flip flops on her feet. She grabbed on of Jake's Duke sweatshirts before taking her bag downstairs. She looked out the window when she got down there and saw Nathan's car pulling into the driveway. She watched him get out of the car before walking up to the front of the house. The doorbell rang a second later and she walked towards the door to open it. "Hey," she said when she saw him.

He wore a pair of black basketball shorts and white and black Nikes on his feet. He wore High Flyers T-shirt and she remembered it as the basketball camp he went to the summer before senior year. "Hey," he said back quietly. He saw her bag near the door and leaned down to pick it up. "I'll take this to the car." Haley nodded and told him she would meet him out there, she was going to grab the food for their trip. He nodded before walking out to the car.

When she walked out a minute later she saw him already sitting in the drivers seat waiting for her. She walked around to the back of his GMC and opened the back seat door. She put the bag that had food in it on one of the seats. When she got in the front seat and buckled her seat belt Nathan started the car. "You ready for this?" Nathan asked and looked at her. Haley nodded let out a sigh. Ready for what? She didn't know. But she was ready for whatever and where ever this would take her.

**This doesn't matter like it did before  
This doesn't matter much anymore  
This doesn't matter like it did before  
This doesn't matter much anymore**


	3. You're Not Alone

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Oh my gosh I can't thank you all enough for the great reviews I'm getting! They really mean a lot to me! I'm really surprised that this story is getting so much feedback, I had no idea it would get this big of a response. Anyways, thank you so much for your great reviews! I love you all!! No joke!**

**Chapter 3: You're Not Alone**

Peyton sat on the couch she'd sat on many times with Jake, in the James's living room. It was so weir for her to be there without him. It didn't seem right. But she knew that nothing was going to be right without him. She had been waiting for Jimmy and Lydia to come down stairs. She needed to tell them about the baby. She'd been feeling nervous about it for awhile now. She didn't know how to tell them that she was pregnant. But she knew she had to. There was no way around it. But what if they reacted badly. What if they got mad at her? What was she going to do?

She just wanted Jake to be there. Now she really needed him. How was she going to do this alone?

She looked up a few moments later when she heard Jimmy and Lydia walk back in. Lydia smiled at the younger girl and opened her arms for her. Peyton stood up and hugged her. It was just so natural to be like this. Jimmy did the same before they sat back down and looked at Peyton. "How've you been?" Lydia asked, "we haven't seen you in awhile." Peyton nodded before looking down at her hands then back up at them.

"I've been ok," she said. Honestly, she had been feeling less than ok. She couldn't think of a time when she'd been less ok. "But that's um, that's what I came here to talk to you about actually. I mean… you know with what's been going on with me." She could feel the words bubbling up in her throat but she just couldn't get them out. It was like they were on the tip of her tongue and she just couldn't get them out. Her hands were shaking and she was trying to just get them to stop.

"Are you ok?" Jimmy asked, concerned when he noticed the way her hands were shaking and the way she bounced her knee. It was a habit she'd developed when she was nervous. Peyton looked up and nodded at him before taking a deep breath. She had to tell them. And now was the time.

"I need to tell you both something," she said, "I haven't even told my dad yet. He's still not home, and I needed to tell you," she bit her lip then continued, "I don't want you to think less of me because of this. I've been so nervous about telling you, because I was afraid of what you'd say. But you need to know this. I'm… I'm pregnant." She finished her long ramble and waited for them to say something. She didn't know what they were thinking or what they were going to say to her but she couldn't deny the fact that she was scared.

Lydia stood up and Peyton was afraid she was going to get up and walk out. Was she mad? Did she hate her now? She looked up at Lydia when she walked closer to her. She saw that there were tears brimming her eyes. Lydia held her hands out to Peyton who took them. She pulled her into a tight hug and said, "you must be so scared about this." Peyton could hear it in her tone that she wasn't angry. She wasn't going to tell at her or get upset. And she couldn't have been more thankful. Peyton could feel the tears falling from her own eyes.

"You have no idea," she said honestly and let out a small laugh. "I was so worried you'd be upset or something."

"Honey," Lydia said, "why would you think that?"

"I don't know," she said, "I really don't." Peyton could feel more tears falling from her eyes and Lydia took a step back and looked at the younger girl. She could tell that she was upset and she sat her back down and then sat next to her. "What's wrong?" Lydia asked and Peyton wiped away her tears.

"I'm just, I wish that Jake were here and my mom. I really need both of them," she said and let out a sob. Peyton lost her mom when she was 10. And now that Jake was gone, she was beginning to feel like everyone she loved, eventually left. Just that morning Nathan and Haley left. Who would be next? Sure they were going to come back, but they left when she needed them the most. "I'm just really scared and I feel like I'm gonna be doing this alone."

"You're not," Jimmy said and took a step towards them. He crouched down so he was level with the two of them and he said, "we're gonna be here for you, whenever you need us. And Haley's gonna be here for you too. And your dad. Peyton you're not going to be alone at all. I'll make sure of it."

"Haley and Nathan are gone though. And so is my dad. What if he doesn't come back for awhile. I can't-"

"You can," Lydia said, "and you will. You have a baby to think about now. And he's yours and Jakes. This part of Jake is gonna live on and you'll always have this part of him. That has to mean something don't you think?" Lydia said.

Peyton nodded and rested her hands on her flat stomach. She couldn't believe that she was going to have a baby in just 9 short months. That was just crazy for her to think about. Now all she had to do was remember that she wasn't alone in this. She had her friends and family with her. They were going to be with her every step of the way. She just had to remember.

* * *

Nathan blew through a stop sign on a quiet street in the middle of no where North Carolina. Haley rolled her eyes and looked towards him. "What, did you not see that stop sign?" Nathan glanced at her before directing his eyes back to the road. He chose to ignore her question rather than answer it. Haley shrugged and leaned towards the radio. She pressed the button turning it on and began to look through the stations for something to listen to. They had been in the car for about 3 hours and the radio had turned to static. She sighed before leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms over her chest.

"I think there's a CD in there already," Nathan said a second later, "I mean if you want to listen to something." She nodded and moved forward again to start the CD. A few seconds later a loud rap song began to play through the speakers in the car. Haley immediately turned it down and looked at him. "What the hell is that?" she asked pointing to the stereo.

Nathan turned and looked at her and said, "are you joking? You don't know TI?" Haley shrugged turned back in her seat. She didn't know how she was going to deal with this trip. This was going to be one long awkward silence. She didn't know what to say to him. The only thing they had in common was Jake. He was the only reason they ever ended up hanging out on Saturday nights or just simply being around each other. But now, what was the point in even trying. Haley didn't see the point at all.

She unbuckled her seat belt before turning around in her seat and leaning over the seat to the back to grab her bag. Nathan glanced at her and said, "what are you doing?" She ignored him as she continued to rifle through her bag. A few seconds later she sat back down and he looked at the iPod and book she had in her hands. She put in her ear phones before starting a song and opening her book to the page she had been on. She didn't want things to be so awkward so she figured if she had something to occupy her, then she wouldn't have to try and fill the silence. Soon she realized that she could hardly read because of the bumpy road they were on but she continued to try.

"So," Nathan said trying to get her attention. He noticed that her music was keeping her from hearing him. He gently pulled one of her head phones out of her ear and she turned to look at him. "Sorry," he said, "I was just trying to get your attention," he said. She paused her iPod and took the other ear phone out and looked at him.

"No I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't know you were trying to talk to me."

"I was just gonna ask you where you wanted to go. I mean we never really decided and I was just wondering if there was any place in particular you wanted to go?"

"Oh," Haley said and sighed, "I hadn't really thought about it. Where do you wanna go?" she asked.

"Do you remember, like freshmen year when your family and my family went to Carolina beach?" he asked. Haley nodded and he said, "we could go there for awhile, I mean that was fun then."

"Yeah, you're already driving south so let's go. How long do you think it'll take to get there?"

"Couple hours," he replied, "we're pretty close to Masonboro so it shouldn't be that long." Haley nodded and sat back in her seat. She didn't know what they would do when they got there, but she couldn't deny the fact that she was excited about going back. When they had been there when they were younger she remembered having a lot of fun. She and Nathan actually got along on that trip. She hoped they would this time too. So far they'd been getting along fine, what would change when they got there?

* * *

After more hours of being in the car in silence they finally neared _The Winds Beach Resort. _Nathan thought it looked about the same as the last time they had been there four years ago. He pulled the car up in front of the door and a man came out to help them with their bags and to park the car. Haley got out and looked around. She could hear the sounds of the ocean not far away. She saw Nathan walk towards the door and she followed slowly behind him. They walked through the lobby and made their way to the font desk. A man in a suit smiled at the two of them.

"Welcome to The Winds how can I help you?" he asked looking between the two of them waiting for one of them to speak.

"Um yeah," Nathan said, "we'd like a room please?"

"And how long will you be staying with us?" he asked.

Nathan looked at Haley and said, "what do you think? Like two days?"

"That sounds fine," Haley said. She couldn't believe she was doing this. It wasn't like her to not have a plan. This was one of the most spontaneous things she'd done in awhile. A random road trip with her brother's best friend.

"Two nights," Nathan told the man. He looked through the computer to find what rooms were available. Nathan tapped his fingers against the counter while he waited. The man looked at them and said, "are you two here for the Jackson- Clark wedding?" he asked.

"Oh," Haley said, "no we're not."

"Oh I just assumed because all of the guests for the wedding have been arriving today. The wedding's tomorrow." He continued to talk and Nathan could feel his patience waning. He really didn't care about who was getting married. He just wanted to get their key so they could leave. "Alright," he said, "we've put you two in our Orchid Spa Room, it has a great view of the beach."

Haley smiled and took the key from the man, "thank you so much," she said. Nathan turned around from the desk without saying anything and Haley hurried to follow after him. "You could at least pretend to be nice," she said, "I mean you could have acted like you weren't in such a big hurry."

"I didn't want to hear all about this wedding Haley," he said, "I didn't care."

"He was just making conversation."

"Whatever."

Haley could already feel things changing again. They were pretty much fine in the car, but now that they got here, he was getting his attitude back. She didn't want to deal with him like this the whole time they were together. It was just going to put her in a bad mood. They walked to their room with the bell boy who had their bags on the cart. Haley opened the door and they walked in. Just like the man at the desk had said, the room had a great view of the beach. She walked out to the deck while Nathan told the bell boy where to put their bags. She walked back in later and saw the bell boy standing there waiting for Nathan to give him a tip. Nathan looked at the boy and said, "what are you waiting for?"

"Nathan," Haley scolded and pulled a 5 from her wallet and handed it to him. "Thank you." He smiled at her before walking out of their room. Nathan shut the door before walking back into the room. He laid down on the king sized bed and Haley crossed her arms over her chest. "Excuse me I don't think so."

"What?" Nathan asked.

"You can sleep on the couch."

"I don't think so Haley."

"Nathan come on."

"No," he said, "if sharing a bed with me is such a problem, then you can sleep on the couch."

"No I don't think so," she said and went to grab extra pillows out of the closet before throwing them on the couch. "You better go make yourself comfortable over there." Nathan closed his eyes and interlocked his fingers behind his head.

"Bite me Hales."

"Pass."

She stood there waiting for him to move but she saw that he wasn't going anywhere. Haley sighed and said, "fine, be an ass. That's fine, I'm going to the pool for awhile." She walked over to her bag and grabbed a black and white Billabong bikini out of her bag before going to change in the bathroom. Nathan heard the door slam and shook his head. He knew he was pissing her off but at the moment he didn't care. He couldn't understand why she was freaking out at him so much. He just hoped she wouldn't be like this the whole time, or he was sure he would go crazy. A few minutes later he heard the door open and then slam again. He got off the bed and walked out to the deck and looked at the view of the beach.

He had been beginning to wonder if maybe this trip was a bad idea. But they were already here, there wasn't much they could do about it. Besides, Jake wanted them there. So it's not like he was going to suddenly decide they were going home. He hoped that this trip would just go smoothly, but knowing the two of them, they would always find something to fight about. He knew he should go find Haley and try to apologize for the way he was acting, but his pride didn't want him to. He hated being the one to apologize. But he knew he was being a jerk to her for no reason. He would go find her soon. First he wanted to unpack all his stuff; and claim a side of the bed. No way was he sleeping on the couch.

* * *

Haley laid on one of the chaise lounge chairs by the pool with her iPod playing in her ears. She was trying to drown out the sound of the group of guys on the other side of the pool. She heard them talking about the wedding and she assumed they were the Groom and his Groomsmen. She had heard them talking about how the wedding was in two days and tonight was the bachelor party. Every once in awhile she heard yelling and cheering from the group of guys. She sat up and lifted her sunglasses to get a better look at them. They were probably just a few years older than she was. She could easily pick out the best man. He was standing in the middle of the group of guys with a beer in his hand. He was talking loudly and telling stories causing them to laugh.

She watched as he patted the shoulder of who she assumed the groom was. She slipped her glasses back on before turning her iPod back up. She closed her eyes and tried to soak in the last remaining hours of sun light. A few minutes later she felt a shadow fall over her and she knew someone was standing by her blocking the sun. She opened her eyes and looked up and saw a man in white polo that had _The Winds_ embroidered on it and a pair of khaki shorts. He held a tray in his hand with a margarita on top of it. "Excuse me miss," he said, and she paused her iPod and looked up at him, "this is from that group over there," he said pointing to groom with his groomsmen.

"Oh," she said, "well I'm only 18, I can't have this," she said, "but um, tell them thank you."

The man nodded before walking away with the drink. She watched as he told the guys what she had said and she watched as the groom and best man made their way over to where she was sitting. She sighed and put her glasses on the top of her head getting ready to talk to them. As they got closer she noticed that the groom was wearing a shirt that said, 'Ready for the Ball and Chain- Tom and Aimee.' She smiled at the two of them as they got closer. "Hey," the best man said and stuck his hand out to her. "I'm Eli," he said with what she figured he thought was a charming smile.

"Haley," she said and shook his hand.

"This is Tom," he said pointing to the groom and hitting him in the chest, "he's getting married in two days."

"Congratulations," she said and smiled.

"Thanks," Tom said, clearly more sober than his friend.

"We just wanted to come over and see if we could offer you another drinks since you couldn't have the other one we got you. It's totally on us."

"You know what I'm ok," Haley said, "but thanks for offering."

"No problem," Eli said and smiled, "I also wanted to tell you that you are really hot. I mean I normally wouldn't just come up to someone and say that-"

"Yes you would," Tom said, "Eli maybe you should go."

"What? Why? We're just talking."

"Sorry about him," Tom said, "he's just wasted."

"It's ok," Haley said, "I've seen my fair share of drunk guys over the years."

"If they're anything like him, I'm sorry to hear that," Tom said and smiled. Haley laughed and watched as Eli tried to push Tom but ended up stumbling backwards a few steps. "Dude you're gonna fall in if you're not careful," Tom warned his friend. Eli turned around and saw the pool behind him and laughed before jumping in. Haley laughed and looked up at Tom.

"Yeah he's an idiot," he said, "sorry you had to see that."

"It's ok, really."

"Um, well sorry to have made this really awkward," Tom said and laughed nervously.

"It's alright," Haley said, "we'll just… blame it on Eli," she said and motioned to Eli who was trying to float on his back but couldn't seem to find his balance. Tom laughed and said, "yeah, that sounds like a good plan."

"So you're getting married in two days," she said, "I could hear you guys talking about it, so I knew before he even said anything."

"Oh yeah," Tom said, "two days."

"You seem nervous."

"I am, but ya know I'm excited."

"Well congratulations, again."

"Thank you, again." He smiled before looking at Eli who was still in the pool, "well I should go make sure he doesn't drown or something." Haley smiled and nodded, "It was nice talking to you Haley."

"You too," she said and smiled at him one last time before he walked back to his friends and helped Eli out of the pool. She slipped her glasses back on before putting her iPod back in. A few minutes later she saw Nathan walking towards her. She looked up at him and crossed her arms over her chest. He walked over to where she was sitting and sat down on the chair next to hers. "What do you want?" she asked before closing her eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry ok," he said, "I was being an ass earlier."

"You're being an ass most of the time," she countered back. Nathan nodded and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Ok, I'll give you that."

She turned her head and looked at him before looking away again. "Is there a particular reason you're here?" she asked.

"I told you. I'm sorry, that's what I wanted to tell you."

"Ok," she said, "but you're still sleeping on the couch."

"You wish James. Besides, don't deny the fact that you're not ecstatic about sharing a bed with me." She kinked her eye brow and let out a sarcastic laugh. "Come on, you know you're excited."

"Whatever Scott. Keep telling yourself that."

Nathan laughed before peeling off his t-shirt and laying down in the chair next to her. "Did I tell you, you could stay?" she asked with a joking tone. Nathan shook his head before lightly hitting her on the shoulder with his hand. They both turned their heads when they heard someone yelling goodbye to Haley. Haley saw Tom and Eli and their friends leaving the pool and she waved goodbye to them. She turned and looked at Nathan who had his eye brow up waiting for her to explain. "What?" she said, "why are you looking at me like that?"

"Trying to get with the groom?"

"I was not!" she said, "we were just talking and if anything, I wanted his best man who was totally wasted, thank you very much," she joked. Nathan laughed before shaking his head.

"Whatever you need to tell yourself."

Haley joking glared at him before looking away again. As much as she wanted things to stay like this between them, she wasn't so sure they would. Things always got better then got worse with them. All she wanted was for this trip to go smoothly, and so far it was fine. She just hoped things stayed like that.

* * *

The two of them walked back into their room and Nathan walked into the bathroom and she heard him start the shower. She walked over to her suitcase and pulled out a pair of blue plaid boxer pajama shorts and a white tank top. She heard the door to bathroom lock so she changed quickly before grabbing her cell phone out of her purse and walking to the deck. She dialed Brooke's number and waited for her to answer. "Haley!" Brooke's cheerful voice sounded over the phone and Haley smiled at hearing her best friends voice.

"Hey B. Davis."

"So, tell me how are things going? Have you and Nathan killed each other yet?" Haley laughed and ran her hand through her hair.

"No, not yet. I mean we've been arguing a little bit of course, but things are actually going pretty well I would say. That doesn't mean it'll stay that way, but whatever."

"Yeah. So tell me where are you guys?" Brooke asked.

"Carolina Beach. We're staying at The Winds."

"Nice, I heard it's pretty there."

"Yeah it is. But they put us in a room with one bed and of course Nathan is refusing to sleep on the couch."

"And you are too I'm guessing."

"Well why should I have to?" Haley asked and laughed, "but seriously, he's the most stubborn person I've ever met."

"You should talk Haley."

"What do you mean?"

"When it comes to being stubborn, you and Nathan are practically the same person incase you haven't noticed."

"We are not!" Brooke laughed on the other end of the phone and Haley could practically see her shaking her head.

"You totally are!" Brooke said, "you'll see it eventually. Maybe that's why you guys have never really gotten along because you guys are so similar on some things."

"We are not similar. I mean come on, me and Nathan?"

"Whatever Hales," Brooke said, "look I'm gonna go, you enjoy yourself! And you call me later and tell me everything that's happened!"

Haley laughed before saying goodbye and hanging up. She couldn't believe that Brooke was actually saying that she and Nathan were similar. That was just about the biggest lie she'd ever heard. Her and Nathan were complete opposites, that's why they rarely got along. Brooke was just crazy. Haley sighed and rested her elbows on the railing before looking out at the beach. She heard the distant sounds of yelling. She heard girls yelling about getting married. It must have been the girls party for the night. Haley smiled before walking back in her room. When she walked in she saw Nathan walk out with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Gross," Haley joked, "get dressed."

Nathan shook his head and smirked before grabbing a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and going to change.

* * *

_Nathan sat next to Jake's bed and the only thing that filled the silence in the room was the beeping of the machines. Jake had been going in and out of consciousness for days and Nathan had hardly left the hospital. They had just graduated and Jake had to graduate absent because he couldn't make it to the actual graduation. Nathan didn't even want to go. Lucas had to convince him to go. Nathan couldn't believe that he was really sitting at his best friends bedside in the hospital. This just seemed like a bad dream to him. How could this be possible. He didn't even want to think that his best friend was dying._

"_What the hell are you still doing here?"_

_Nathan looked up when he heard the sound of Jake's weak voice. He looked up at his best friend and say his pale face looking in his direction. Nathan tried to smile but found it hard to do. This was the last place he wanted to be, but there was no way he was leaving. "I could ask you the same thing," Nathan said and Jake smiled weakly. "I mean you gotta come home soon, right?" Jake shook his head and looked away from Nathan and up at the ceiling._

"_Remember that game against Cove City sophomore year when we were swinging varsity?" Jake asked trying to change the subject. Nathan nodded and waited for him to continue on, "that was one of the best nights of my life," he said, "that was a really close game and I thought we were gonna lose."_

"_You and me both man."_

"_But when we won and I made that shot, I remember that was one night that I felt so alive."_

"_It was a great night."_

_They sat in silence, both of them thinking of the many memories they shared over the years. This didn't seem to real to either of them. Nathan didn't know how he was ever going to be able to say good bye to him. He honestly didn't think he could do it. There was no way that he was going to be able to just leave. "Will you do me a favor?" Jake asked a minute later. Nathan looked up at him and nodded._

"_Yeah, of course what do you need?"_

"_Can you promise me that you'll take care of Haley for me? I need you to look out for her."_

"_She's got you man, she doesn't need me-"_

"_I'm not gonna be here much longer."_

"_Don't say stuff like that Jake."_

"_You know it's true Nate."_

_Nathan could feel tears coming to his eyes and he tried to blink them away. He couldn't think about that. He couldn't be strong enough to think about that. "Don't say that Jake. Please don't say that."_

"_I'm sorry Nathan, but you know it's true. That's why I need you to be here for Haley. You gotta look out for her. Please."_

_Nathan nodded and said, "you know I will. I promise."_

_Jake put his hand into a fist, a weak one, but still a fist. He stuck it out for Nathan and Nathan gently punched it. Jake sent him a weak smile before trying to sit up. "What are you doing?" Nathan asked and stood up so he could help him readjust. Jake just sat up straight and held his arms open to hug Nathan. Nathan moved closer and hugged his best friend for what would be the last time. Soon after Jake fell unconscious again and Nathan stayed by his bed before Jimmy James came in to tell him to go home and get some sleep._

Nathan shot up in bed and wiped the sweat off his forehead before looking at the clock. It was almost 4 in the morning. He looked at Haley who was asleep next to him. Well sort of. She had built a wall between them with pillows. He slowly got out of bed trying his best not to wake her up. He walked over to the deck door and slid it open before walking outside. He let the breeze coming from the ocean cool him down. He rested his hands against the railing and hung his head down.

The last thing he wanted was to relive his last moment with Jake. He couldn't believe his subconscious went to something like that. Why couldn't he have gone back to something that he wanted to remember? Why did it have to be that memory? He heard the door open behind him but didn't want to turn around and see her. Well, he didn't want her to see him, not like this. The last thing he wanted was for her to see him about to cry because of her brother. "Nathan?" she whispered quietly. He felt like a little kid trying to hide the tears in his eyes. She walked up behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder and he turned to face her.

He saw her looking at him with concern and he tried to smile to show that he was fine. "Are you ok?" she asked, already knowing he wasn't. Nathan shook his head and she saw that he was trying to hold in his sadness. "What happened?" she asked.

"I had a dream about the last time I talked to Jake."

"I'm sorry Nathan," she said, "I really am."

"I can't seem to get over this."

"It's not just something you can get over, trust me I know. It's gonna take you time, like it'll take me. This isn't something we can just move on from. I mean he was your best friend and my brother."

"I know and I'm sorry, I'm acting like I lost my brother. I haven't even thought about how you've been feeling."

"Don't worry about it Nathan," she said honestly, "I'll be alright."

"No I'm supposed to look out for you. Jake wanted me to."

"Well then let me look out for you too," she said and wrapped her arm around his shoulders and rubber hand over his skin soothingly. He leaned into her embrace and wrapped her arm around her waist. Maybe Jake was right, maybe they did need each other more than they realized.


	4. Slow Life

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter! They really mean a lot! I'm glad you like this story so far, hope you like the next chapter! Let me know what you think, please review!**

**Chapter 4: Slow Life**

Haley woke up and sat up slowly. The room was dark due to the curtains being drawn and blocking the sunlight. She looked at the clock on the table next to the bed and saw that it was almost noon. She pushed her hair behind her ears and turned to look at the spot on the bed next to her. Nathan wasn't there. She stood up and walked towards the back doors and opened the curtains. He wasn't on the deck either. She walked back towards the bed and saw that his shoes were gone too. It was obvious now that he wasn't there.

She walked towards her suitcase and pulled out a dark blue bikini and a pair of black shorts and a tank top. She quickly changed into them and grabbed her flip flops before walking out the door. On her way down towards the beach she looked for Nathan. But she didn't see him. She wondered how he was this morning. When she woke up and found him outside, trying to keep from thinking about Jake, she realized he was holding in a lot more than he let on. She wanted him to feel ok talking to her. The truth was, she needed to talk to him about it too.

She stepped out onto the sand and watched the waves crash onto the shore. She saw kids playing in the sand and families relaxing together. She almost felt like she was intruding on family time. She walked farther down the beach until she wasn't around too many people. She sat down in the sand and pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She watched the water and the way the sun reflected off it. She wished that Jake could have been there with her. She felt like she didn't get to spend enough time with him when he was there. And now she didn't have the chance.

**I think I know whats on your mind  
A couple words, a great divide  
Waiting in the wings a sparing spite  
Crawling out the foreground from behind**

She would have done anything to talk to him or spend one more day with him. But she had to settle with knowing that he was with her, even if she couldn't see him. Certain things made her feel like he was right there. Some things instantly reminded her of him. And she hoped that things wouldn't change. She wanted to always be able to look at things and see Jake in them. She knew that when Peyton had her baby, she was going to see so much of Jake in them. And she was happy about that. She just wished that Jake could be here to see his baby.

A breeze blew her hair in front of her face and she pushed her hair behind her ears again. She looked up next to her when she heard footsteps coming towards her. She saw Nathan in a pair of black basketball shorts and she could tell that he had been running. He was breathing heavy as he stopped next to her. "Hey," she said, "I was wondering where you went." Nathan sat down next to her before laying down in the sand and letting the sun shine down on him. His breathing was still heavy as he nodded.

"Yeah sorry," he said, "I didn't want to wake you up to let you know I was going. I thought I might make it back before you even woke up. You crashed after we came back in."

"Yeah, I was pretty tired."

"I could tell," he said and then sat up. They sat in silence looking at the waves again. Haley didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know how to say that it was ok for him to talk to her about what he was feeling. She knew that he wasn't the type to talk about how he was feeling. She just wished there was something she could say to him. She knew she had to try, he needed to know that she really was going to be there for him if he needed. Or wanted.

"Nathan?"

"Hmm?"

"About last night," she started and glanced at him, "I want you to know that you can talk to me if you want. You don't have to try and hold in what you're going through. I mean, I'm feeling the same way."

Nathan looked down before looking back at her. "It's not easy for me to tell how I'm feeling. I've never been able to. Not even to Jake. I've always kinda felt like no one cared enough to listen, ya know?"

"I'll listen," Haley said, "I'm always here if you need me to just listen."

"Thanks," he said genuinely.

"Just trying to be here for you too," she said, like she had said the night before. Nathan smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He hugged her closer to his body and she giggled before pushing him away. "Gross, you're covered in sand and sweat." Nathan laughed and let go of her before trying to wipe off some of the sand. Haley stood up and pulled her tank top off. She slipped her shorts off and her flip flops before holding her hands out to Nathan. "Get up," she said.

Nathan grabbed her hands and she helped him stand. He toed off his shoes and watched as Haley ran towards the water before letting the waves hit her. She came up and saw him still standing on the sand and she yelled out to him. "Nathan! Get your ass out here!"

Nathan walked towards the water and Haley walked closer to him before grabbing his hands and pulling him into the water with her. She knew that right now, all they needed was to have fun. They just needed to forget about all the bad things in their lives and just have fun for awhile. Nathan picked her up before dunking her under the water. When she came back up she grabbed him before pulling him under with her. It wasn't long before they were having a full out water fight. Haley couldn't remember the last time she had fun like that. The last time she laughed like that. She would have never thought that the one making her laugh and smile like that would be Nathan Scott.

**Even though you're the only one I see  
If you ask,I'll cut you free  
Please don't ask for chance,it'll never be...**

* * *

Lucas shot a faded orange basketball through the hoop at the river court. He bounced off the pavement and back towards him. He felt like since Jake died, he'd been spending a lot of time at the river court. He didn't know why he suddenly felt like he wanted to be there a lot. It figured it was probably because that was where he'd spent most of his time with Jake. And he knew now that he wasn't going to spend any more time with him. All he had was memories. Some were sad, but they were mostly good. He couldn't think of a time when Jake wasn't trying to make sure that everyone was happy. He always tried to make light of situations so there wasn't ever any tension. That's just how he was.

It was things like that that made Lucas happy that Jake was one of his best friends.

"Hey boyfriend."

Lucas turned around and saw Brooke walking towards him. He smiled and made his way closer to her. She stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips and he took her hand in his. The two of them walked over to the picnic table and sat down on the top. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and rested her chin on his shoulder. "So stranger," she said, "how are you?"

"Been better," he said quietly. "How about you pretty girl? How are you?"

"Been better," she said mimicking his answer. "You know I might be better if I got to see more of you. You've been kinda M.I.A lately ya know?"

"I'm sorry."

"I understand if you're feeling sad. I am too, and everyone grieves in their own way, but just promise me that you won't shut me out. I want to be here for you if you need me. I don't want you to have to go through this on your own if you don't need to. I know I can't go through this alone."

"I don't mean to shut you out Brooke, that's the last thing I want to do. The truth is I do need you. I need you so much. I know I can't get through this on my own. I'm not like Nathan, I can't push people away. I need you to help me through this."

"Then let me help you," Brooke said, "and help me too. I think what we need right now is each other. And you know Peyton needs us too."

"I haven't even talked to her since the funeral. How is she?"

"Pregnant."

Lucas turned and looked at her, "are you serious?" he asked.

"Yep. She's pregnant and scared. She needs all the help she can get right now. Now more than ever."

Lucas couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew that Brooke was right. Peyton was going to need all the help that she could get. And he was willing to help in anyway he could. He knew that Jake would be there for her if he could, and Lucas wanted to be there too. Peyton had been one of his best friends since he was young. "Then we're gonna be there for her," Lucas said and smiled at Brooke.

Brooke kissed his lips and rested her forehead against his. "How'd you get to be such a great guy Lucas Scott?"

"It probably helps that I have such a great girlfriend."

Brooke smile and leaned closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. She was glad that she came to talk to him. She'd been feeling like they'd been drifting farther apart from each other and she was glad that they'd talked. The last thing she would have wanted was for him to think they couldn't talk. She wanted him to know that she needed him to get through this. Just like she hoped he needed her.

**Take anything you want its fine  
Keep up the slow life for the night  
Dont take it back, I'll just deny  
This constant noise all the time**

* * *

Haley and Nathan walked into their room and he shut the door behind them. After being at the beach for a few hours it had started to rain. They stayed for a few minutes after it started raining before hurrying to get back to their room. Haley walked towards the balcony and pulled the curtains back farther so she could watch the rain fall. She loved it when it rained, it was one of her favorite things. Nathan grabbed a pair of sweats and t shirt from his duffel bag and turned to go into the bathroom to change. When he came back out he saw Haley was still standing there watching. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I love watching the rain," Haley said, "it's been one of my favorites."

Nathan walked up behind her and watched the way the rain drops fell. He'd never actually taken the time to watch the rain. Never in is whole life. It seemed like something insignificant, and to him, not worth his time. But something as simple as watching the rain fall seemed to make him calm. "I see why," Nathan said after a few minutes of silence. They continued to stand and watch the rain until Haley turned around and walked past Nathan. She grabbed a pair of shorts out of her bag and a long sleeve shirt that said RAVENS across it in dark blue.

"I'm gonna shower real fast," Haley said and then walked into the bathroom. Nathan heard the door close and he walked over to the TV and turned it on. He grabbed the remote and began to flip through the channels. He wasn't really concentrating on what was on the screen though. He was too busy thinking about what Haley had said to him earlier. He knew she was right. He should have talked to her more about what he was going through. She did need someone to talk to just as bad as he did. But it just wasn't easy for him to let on how he was feeling. It never had been.

About a half an hour later Haley walked out of the bathroom. She wore the shorts and long sleeve shirt she'd pulled out and she was using a towel to dry her hair. She saw Nathan sitting on the bed and she sat down next to him. "Whatcha watching?" she asked glancing at the TV. She soon saw _That 70's Show_ pop up on the screen and she smiled and nodded her head. "Jake's favorite," she said. Nathan smiled and nodded and looked at her for a second before looking back at the TV.

Nathan could smell the scent of Haley's shampoo and the lotion she had rubbed into her skin. The smell of pomegranate and violets filled his senses. He didn't know why, but it comforted him. He felt comfortable around her now. He hadn't felt like that in long time. Comfortable. It was something so new to him. But he liked this new feeling. He glanced at Haley again and saw her watching the screen intently and smiling at the things the characters said. She and Jake had the same smile he noticed. He also noticed a cluster of freckles on the side of her neck and the way she crinkled her nose when she laughed. There were so many things about her that he'd never noticed. Like the fact that she was really, really beautiful.

He almost felt like he didn't even have the right to look at her.

But at the same time he couldn't look away.

"You excited about going to Duke?" Haley asked a moment later breaking Nathan out of his thoughts.

"What?" he asked, "Oh. Yeah I guess," he said. The truth was he wasn't planning on going anymore. But he didn't want to talk about it right now. Right now he just wanted to share a moment with her without her worrying about his future.

"You should be. I mean with your scholarship and everything. You're gonna do so great up there."

"You must be excited too," he said trying to get the conversation away from him.

"I am. I'm kinda scared too, but you know that's just because it's new. I've never really been away from home before ya know? But I'm excited."

"You'll do great up there too."

She smiled and looked down at her hands in her lap before looking back at the TV. "Are you nervous about having to start over ins some place new?" Nathan asked, "I mean about having to make new friends and make a name for yourself?"

"Of course. But the way I think of it is, I'm always going to run into situations where I'm not comfortable, but I have to work through it. It's just the way it is. Nothing I can do, ya know?"

"Yeah," Nathan said, "you're right."

"But you shouldn't worry about it," Haley said, "I mean I'm sure you'll become Mr. Hotshot Basketball star in no time. You won't have to worry about making new friends for very long Nathan."

Nathan knew he should tell her that that wasn't going to happen. That he wasn't going to be the big shot that she thought he would. He changed his plans just days after graduation and that sooner than he new it, he would be leaving North Carolina. "We'll see," he said a few seconds later. She smiled at him before looking back at the screen and watching the rest of the show. He really wanted to be honest with her, but he couldn't. Not now. Now all he wanted was to just be here with her.

**Even though you're the only one I see  
If you ask,I'll cut you free  
Please don't ask for chance  
it never be,the wind in front of you**

* * *

Peyton laid in bed with her music playing loudly through her room. Her hands rested on her still flat stomach. All she wanted was for things to go back to the way they were. Back when Jake was still healthy. Back when they were together and happy. Now all she felt was scared. "You know," she heard a voice say from her door, "this music is really starting to bum me out." Peyton looked towards the door quickly and saw Jake standing in the doorway leaning against the frame.

She sat up quickly but couldn't bring herself to move. She knew that she was seeing things. But she didn't want to blink because she had a feeling if she did, he would be gone. "Where's the fun music you used to play? I don't want out kid to grow up listening to this depressing stuff," he said and smiled. Peyton could feel her heart racing in her chest as she looked at him.

"What… what are you doing here?" she asked looking at him, bewilderment clear on her face. "I-I… just- what are you doing here?" she said again. She couldn't find the right words to say to him.

Jake laughed and smiled again, "I never knew Peyton Sawyer to have trouble with words." He walked over to her computer desk and sat in the chair next to it. Peyton took the time to look at him. The color had come back to his skin and his hair had grown back. He didn't look weak anymore. He looked healthy and strong. And she was so happy to see him like that. He wore the dirty black converse he loved on his feet. A simple red t-shirt across his chest and a pair of bullhead jeans. He looked just as good as he always had.

"Jake," she said moving to the end of her bed, going closer to him, but not too close. That was all she could get out. She didn't know what else to say to him. She had wanted to say so much, but she couldn't. The words just wouldn't form in her mouth. She stood up and walked to the chair so she was only a few steps in front of him. She brought her hand up and she was going to touch his cheek.

"Don't," Jake said, "I won't be able to feel it and neither will you. Just don't," he said again.

"I miss you," Peyton said finally, "I miss you so much."

Jake smiled warmly and said, "I miss you too, Beautiful. That's why I'm here. I wanted to see you again."

"How? I don't understand."

"Don't worry about it. All you need to know is that I'm here with you, and right now that's the only thing that's important."

"Jake, you don't know how much I need you. I mean I really, really need you right now," she said and she could feel the tears spilling from her eyes. "I'm so scared and I need you. I'm not strong enough to do this without you."

Jake stood up and stepped as close to her as he could, "you're strong enough to do anything Baby. But believe me, you don't know how much I wish I could raise this baby with you. I want so badly to be apart of their life. I want to see them grow with you. And I'm always going to be here for you and our baby. I just can't be here in the way you need me. But trust me, you can do this."

"But I want our baby to know you," she said and cried, "I want them to know what you were like and how amazing you were. I need them to know that."

"Then you tell them about me. As much as it hurts me," he said, "I can't be here for them that way. I want to be, but I can't."

Jake watched the way she cried and he reached his hand towards her arm. He touched her shoulder and she didn't even look up. He knew she couldn't feel it. He told her she wouldn't be able to feel him. "I wish I could hold you again," Jake said, "I want to feel you in my arms again."

Peyton looked up at him and wiped tears away from her eyes. "Can you stay with me please?" she asked, "I don't want you to leave."

"I'll stay all night if you want me too," Jake said.

She wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him again. It killed her to know that she couldn't. But she couldn't explain what it was like to look at him again. To look into his eyes and see him looking back at her. All she wanted was to be in his arms forever. But she knew she couldn't. But if this was as close as she could get, she would take that. She would be as close to him as she possibly could.

The two of them laid down on her bed and faced each other. She could look at him all night. She wanted to study every inch of his face so that the image of him never left her mind. She knew it never would anyway. She wished she could move closer to him but she knew she wouldn't be able to feel him. "You're just as beautiful as you were the last time I saw you," Jake said and smiled. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," she said, "more than you'll ever know."

**Even though you're the only one I see  
If you ask,I'll cut you free  
Please don't set for chance  
it never be,the wind in front of you**

* * *

Haley and Nathan laid in bed and listened as the rain still fell heavily outside. The only sound occupying the room was the sound of their steady breathing. Thunder cracked outside and the lightning shown through the cracks in the curtain. Haley's heart raced at the sudden sound. She moved the pillows that lay in the center of the bed away from her and she moved closer to Nathan. Nathan felt her shifting in the bed and saw her moving closer. He wrapped his arms around her shoulder and she rested her head against his chest. "I thought you loved the rain," Nathan said and chuckled.

"I do," Haley said, "thunder and lightning, well that's another story."

Nathan smiled and glanced down at her before looking back up at the ceiling. He idly traced patters on her shoulders through the fabric of her shirt. Haley could feel her eyelids getting heavy and she fought to keep them open.

There was something so right about holding Haley in his arms. He couldn't think of how or why the way he felt about Haley were changing so fast. But he knew they were. He'd only been alone with her for 2 days and he was already beginning to feel something for her. But he knew that there was no way that he could tell her that. There was no way that she would ever feel anything for him. He was just her brother's best friend. And the guy who'd been a jerk to her practically her whole life. But he wanted to tell her that he was changing. It just would be a bad idea now. He couldn't do this right now.

"I'll feel really safe in your arms," Haley said, her voice groggy.

"I like making you feel safe," Nathan said. He listened to her breathing steady and he realized she'd fallen asleep. All he wanted was to hold her in his arms forever. And that was the feeling that was beginning to scare him. He'd never felt like that before.

**Even though you're the only one I see...  
**


	5. Calling All Angels

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks a ton for the reviews on the last chapter! And I hope it's ok that I didn't do the lyrics through the whole chapter, just at the beginning, and I only picked the ones that I thought fit.**

**Chapter 5: Calling All Angels**

**I need a sign to let me know you're here  
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere  
I need to know that things are gonna look up  
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup**

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head  
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

The road before them seemed to stretch on forever and they were the only ones on the road. Haley stared out the window watching the trees that blurred past the window. They had been in the car for hours since they had to drive back up north from Carolina Beach. They had no idea where they were going now, they were just going to drive until they decided to stop. The only thing that filled the car was silence as they drove on. Haley had no idea when the weird tension would go away.

Neither of them could deny that things were already beginning to change between them. Last night in their room during the rain was when she really felt the change. Normally she would have just tried to ignore the rain but she felt the need to get closer to Nathan so she could be safe from it. Had she been with anyone else she wouldn't have done anything. But with Nathan, she was glad he was there to be the one to protect her. Even if it wasn't like he had anything to protect her from. It still felt nice to have someone hold her and try and keep her safe.

Nathan glanced at Haley and saw her staring out the window. They hadn't said much since they'd left The Winds. Maybe it was better that way. They didn't have to try hard to find anything to say. Really he did hate not talking to her now. But he really didn't know what to say right now. And the worst part was it wasn't like anything had happened between them to make them feel this way. Nothing even close to resembling something. But it was still a change compared to the way they usually were. Normally they fought about everything and agreed about nothing. But now they were… sort of fine. And the weird thing was, he wanted things to stay that way.

Normally he wouldn't care about it. When they used to fight all through high school he didn't care what she thought or how she felt. He just saw her as his best friend's sister. The bookworm who thought she was better than everyone else. But somewhere along the way, he began to see her differently. And now it was completely different. He thought of her as the girl who made him laugh when he didn't want to and the girl who was so beautiful but didn't even know it. But he would never tell her that. It was just be too weird. What would she say to him if he ever told her that he was thinking that way. She would probably laugh at him and then things would become really awkward again.

He didn't want that. It was the last thing he wanted. But things were awkward right now. And it was probably his fault. Most things were.

"Can I ask you something," Haley said wanting to break the silence between them finally. She didn't want things to become awkward again. It would ruin things. Nathan nodded and she continued, "what's your best memory with Jake? Like when you think of things that were really good with you guys, what comes to mind?"

Nathan let out a quiet sigh and looked back at the road trying to think of one. There were so many great memories with Jake. He didn't know if there was one that was the best. They were all the best to him. He would relive any memory again if he had the chance. "Um," he said, "well there was this one time for my 14th birthday when my dad got me tickets to a Bobcats game in Charlotte and told me I could bring anyone I wanted. So I decided to bring Jake." Nathan laughed and said, "Luke got so mad at me for not bringing him with me. He bitched about it for like 3 months. But anyway my parents took us up there and they let us go to the game and I remember we were on the giant screen for some reason and after the game we got to meet some of the players and we just had a great time that night. But I mean really, all my memories with Jake are great."

Haley smiled while she listened to Nathan tell the story about him and her brother. She could tell just by listening to they way he talked about it how much that day meant to him. She almost felt jealous that she couldn't be apart of one his greatest memories. "I'm kinda jealous."

"About what?" Nathan asked and looked at her for a few seconds before looking back at the road.

"I don't have many memories that were just me and Jake. I mean when we were together it was like it was always us and then everyone else. Or my parents, ya know? But there weren't very many that were just the two of us. The last ones I have are when he was really sick and in the hospital and the day he told me about his cancer. How horrible is that?"

Nathan looked over at her again and saw her trying to hold in her tears. He didn't know what to say to her that would make things any better. Maybe all she needed was for him to be there with her. He reached his hand across to her and touched her shoulder soothingly, hoping that it helped just a little bit.

Haley wiped the tears away from her eyes and shook her head. "God I'm sorry," she said, "I feel like I just keep falling apart and you keep being there for me."

"I want to," he said honestly, "really."

"You shouldn't have to."

"You need time to heal, just like we all do." Haley looked at him and it was like seeing him in a completely different light. He wasn't the same guy she'd grown up with. He'd changed and it was so soon that he had. Just days ago he had been the same guy and then it was like instantaneously he'd changed. Since that night she'd talked to him on the deck, he'd been different. This Nathan, was one she was really beginning to like. "Take as long as you need to heal," he said, "I'm gonna be here for you when you need me."

She looked at him and she didn't even know what to say. All she could do was nod and hope that he was right. That eventually she would heal completely. She believed that with his help she would.

* * *

Peyton woke up and glanced at the clock and saw that it was a little past noon. She rolled over in her bed and hoped that she would see Jake next to her. She wasn't sure how long she'd laid in bed just looking at him. She never wanted to look away from him. It felt so real to have him right next to her and she was so afraid to fall asleep. Eventually she couldn't fight it back any more and sleep over took her. But she fell asleep thinking about Jake. Thinking that he was right there next to her. Like he always should be.

But when she woke up, he wasn't there. She sat up quickly and looked around her room. "Jake?" she said hoping that he would answer and tell her where he was. She moved to the edge of the bed and pushed her hair behind her ears. "Jake?" she asked again and still received no answer. She got up and walked out of her room and made her way down the stairs. The house was pretty quiet except for some sounds from the kitchen. She hurried in to see if he was there.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Jake turned around and saw her standing in the doorway to the kitchen and he smiled at her before turning to look back at the fridge. "I'm looking for food," he said. Peyton walked farther into the kitchen and sat down at one of the chairs at the table and watched him. It all seemed so normal, but she knew that it really wasn't. It was far from it. Jake turned around and saw her and saw the far off look on her face. "What are you thinking about?"

"Honestly," she said, "I'm thinking about how weird this all is. I mean you have no idea how happy I am to see you and how much I've missed you. I've missed you like crazy Jake. But I'm just wondering what you're doing here."

Jake shut the fridge and walked over to where she was and sat down in the chair next to her. He knew this discussion would be coming soon. And she was right this whole thing was pretty weird. But he didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to be with her. "Look," he said, "the truth is… the truth is that I'm not ready to leave yet. I'm not ready to be without you. I just can't. I'm not ready."

"I'm not ready for it either Jake. But I'm so worried for when you do have to go. When you can't just stay here anymore. That's gonna kill me."

"Do you want me to go now?" Jake asked and she could see the sadness in his eyes.

"No!" she said quickly, "I don't. I don't want you to go at all."

"Then I'm not going to. I'll stay as long as you want me to. As long as I can."

Peyton smiled and went to put her hand on top of his but when she did, it was like putting her hand on nothing. She couldn't feel his under hers. Jake looked up at her and smiled sadly. That was the only thing that really sucked about seeing him. She couldn't really touch him and he couldn't hold her in his arms like he used to. He hated it and so did she. But there was nothing either of them could do to change things and make it better. But it didn't mean they didn't want to.

"Have you thought about any names?" Jake asked after a moment of silence. Peyton glanced down at her stomach and shook her head. She hadn't really thought about it at all.

"Why don't you pick one?" she said.

"Me?" he said and then thought about it some more. "How about if it's a girl… Jenny?"

"I like it."

She smiled and looked back up at him. Right now all she wanted was for him to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything would be ok. Because right now, she wasn't so sure.

* * *

Rain started to pour from the skies again and Nathan could barely see out the windshield. The water blurred everything in sight. "I don't know if it's that safe for us to drive for any longer," Haley said. Nathan nodded knowing she was right, but he wasn't sure where they would stop to wait for the rain to end. Haley looked out the window trying to see for a sign that would tell them a good place to stop. In the distance she would see a green road sign that showed rest stops and motels that were coming up. "There's a few motels after the next exit."

Nathan nodded and paid close attention to the road looking for the next exit. He saw the sign for the exit and made his way off the highway they were traveling on. Nathan saw a few motels along the road and he pulled into the parking lot of one of them. "It's not that great," Nathan said looking at the motel in front of them, "but it's probably good enough for us to stop." Haley nodded and heard the engine shut off as Nathan pulled the key out of the ignition.

They quickly got out of the car and ran through the rain and towards the building where they would check in. They hurried through the door and saw an old woman sitting behind the desk and they made their way closer to it. "Hello," she said cheerily when she saw the two of them standing in front of her.

"Hi," Haley said back, "um we just need a room for the night. Until the rain stops."

"Oh," she said and looked out the window, "well it really is coming down out there huh?" she smiled at the two of them and looked for what rooms were available. Nathan looked around the small lobby and waited for the woman to give them a key to a room for them. He didn't really want to stay here but he figured it was the best they had right now. "Well here you go," the woman said, "you're in room 12, which is the building right next to this one."

"Thank you," Haley said and took the key from her hand before she and Nathan hurried out of the building. The hurried towards their room and Haley tried to open the door as fast as she could. They quickly made their way inside their room and shut the door behind them. The thunder cracked in the sky and lightning soon struck after.

Haley shrugged off the zip up hoodie she'd put on and looked around the room. The comforters on the bed looked like they had been bought in the early 70s. The carpet looked just as old. She didn't want to be rude about it, but she didn't want to stay there. She hoped they would only be there for a little bit.

"It's official," Nathan said, "this place is like Vacancy."

Haley laughed and sat down on one of the beds while Nathan grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. "I swear if there's a video of people getting killed we're leaving right now," he said. The TV turned on and flipped through the channels. All the channels were fuzzy and he could hardly make out what was on the screen. He let out sigh and turned the TV off before sitting on the edge of the other bed. He glanced over at Haley sand saw that she had laid back against the bed and was staring at the ceiling.

The only sounds that filled the room were the sounds of the rain hitting their window and the pavement outside. Nathan knew that he needed to talk to Haley and he had to tell her about how he wasn't going to Duke anymore. He knew that she had the right to know that he'd changed his plans completely. "Haley?" he said quietly and she leaned back on her elbows and looked over at him.

"Yeah?" she said.

"I need to tell you something."

"Ok," she said, "what is it?"

"It's about Duke in the fall. I-"

He was cut off by the sound of the ring tone that Haley had set for Brooke. "I'm sorry," Haley said and grabbed her phone, "do you want me to ignore it?" she asked. Nathan shook his head and nodded to her phone. Haley smiled and answered it. Soon the sounds of Haley's conversation on the phone was filling the silent room. Nathan looked over at her and watched as she smiled and laughed along at whatever Brooke was saying. Now wasn't the time to tell Haley. That would have to wait.

* * *

"Ok," Haley said awhile later and Nathan looked at her, "we need to get out of this room."

"Haley have you looked outside lately? It's like a hurricane out there."

"I know, but come on this is ridiculous, there's nothing to do in here." She stuck out her bottom lip hoping that it would persuade Nathan to agree with her and they would be able to do something. Nathan rolled his eyes jokingly and threw up his hands.

"Fine," he said, "I think I saw like a bar or something down the road from here when we got here."

"A bar?" Haley asked, "well that's not really what I-"

"Well you're the one who wants to get out and go do something."

"I know, I know you're right."

"Let's go then," he said and the two of them stood up and Nathan grabbed the key for their room off the dresser and the hurried out the door and towards the car. Nathan unlocked it quickly. Haley quickly got in the passenger seat and shut the door to keep herself away from the rain. Nathan soon got in the drivers seat and started the car and backed up onto the street. They were only driving a few minutes before they saw the bar that Nathan had been talking about come into view.

Haley saw an Irish looking symbol on the sign above the name Connelly's on the bar door. They pulled into the parking lot and Nathan turned the car off and they both hurried up to the bar and Nathan held the door open for her and she walked in. There were a lot of people there. They looked mostly like college age students. Nathan walked farther into the bar and Haley followed after him. They walked up to the bar and Nathan sat down on one of the stools and she sat down next to him. The bartender walked up to them and smiled. "Can I get you two something to drink?"

"I'll just have water," Haley said quickly and Nathan looked at her before looking back at the bartender.

"I'll have a Fat Tire," Nathan said. The bartender nodded before asking to see his ID. Haley watched as Nathan pulled out his wallet before handing it to the bartender. She couldn't believe that Nathan had actually brought his fake ID with him on this trip. But at the same time she wasn't really that surprised. She watched the bartender walk away before she looked back at Nathan.

"What?" he asked.

"You would have brought that with you."

"It was in my wallet and I always have my wallet with me Hales."

She smiled and shook his head, "I have yours too," he told her.

"What?" she asked, "how do you have mine? I don't even have one."

"That's what you think," he said and chuckled, "Brooke made you one last year but Jake didn't think you would ever use it so I've been holding on to it until you do want it."

Haley shook her head and watched as the bartender came back with his beer and placed a glass of water in front of her. She took a sip and then looked back at Nathan. His head seemed somewhere else. She could tell by the way his eyes scanned the bar but fixed on something hanging on the wall. "What are you thinking about?" she asked a minute later and Nathan looked away from whatever he'd been staring at. He turned in his chair to face her.

"Nothing," he said. He still didn't want to talk about the issue that had been weighing on him. "It's not that important right now."

"Are you sure?" Haley asked, "cuz if you need to talk about something, you can talk to me."

"I know," he said honestly, "and I do want to talk to you about it. Just not right now. Now, I just want us to have fun."

Haley nodded in understanding, even though she really wanted him to tell her whatever it was that was on his mind. She could tell it was bothering him and she just wanted him to tell her. But she would wait until the time was right for him to tell her. "Ok," Nathan said, "you need to break in that fake ID."

"Nathan, no. I'm not gonna use that."

"Come on Hales, just once. Just for tonight and you never have to use it again if you don't want to."

Haley sighed and said, "fine, just once."

"Good," he said and smiled before handing her the ID and waving his hand for the bartender. He walked back over to where they were sitting and Nathan looked up at him, "can we get two Irish Car Bombs?" Haley looked over at Nathan with a questioning look but he didn't look back and waited for the bartender to ask for Haley's ID. When he did he watched as Haley hesitantly handed it over. The bartender looked over it and then handed it back to her.

"I'll be right back with those."

Nathan could see the relief on her features and he laughed, "is this like the most dangerous thing you've ever done?" he asked and smiled.

She rolled her eyes jokingly at him before asking him, "what's in an Irish Car Bomb by the way?"

"Well," Nathan said, "it's got a little bit of Guinness in a regular glass then a shot glass with Bailey's and Irish Whiskey dropped inside of it. When you drop it inside you have to drink it all really fast otherwise it gets really gross."

"It sounds really gross already."

"No, it tastes like chocolate if you drink it fast enough."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No I swear it does."

The bartender set down two glasses with Guinness and then two shots of Baileys and whiskey next to it. Nathan thanked the man before looking at Haley. He could see the look of disgust on her face as she looked at what she was about to drink. He laughed, "ok, you ready?" he asked. Haley nodded and watched what Nathan did. They both picked up the shot glass and dropped it in the Guinness before lifting the glasses to their mouths and quickly drinking it down.

They finished and Nathan looked at Haley as she set the glass back down on the bar. "That was disgusting," she said and laughed.

"Oh come on," Nathan said, "it wasn't that bad." Haley looked at him and he laughed, "ok so it's pretty disgusting but you tried it! So good for you."

"I hate you so much," she joked before taking a drink of her water to wash out the taste in her mouth. Nathan laughed again before taking a drink of his beer. "You know what?" Haley said and Nathan looked up at her, "let's do it again."

"Really?" Nathan asked surprised, "ok let's do it."

* * *

By the time they left the bar they had both had four car bombs plus the beer Nathan was drinking. It was clear that they shouldn't be getting anywhere near the car but they weren't thinking about it. Nathan got in the drivers seat and started the car. Haley struggled to get her seatbelt on before she finally got it. Nathan didn't even put his on before he started to drive.

If Haley hadn't been drinking herself she would have made Nathan give her the keys. But she was happy when they made it back to motel safely. It was probably a good thing that they left so late since there were hardly any cars on the road. They slowly got out of the car and Haley walked through some of the shallow puddles of water left on the ground after the rain. Nathan walked closely behind her and saw as she stumbled on the cement. He reached out and grabbed her arm making sure that she wouldn't fall.

Haley laughed and turned to face Nathan. She walked backwards while he still had a hold on her arm. They made their way to the door of their room and Haley waited while Nathan looked for their key. He finally got it out of his wallet before slipping it back into the pocket of his jeans. Haley reached for the key that was in his hand but he pulled it back teasingly. "Nathan," she said, "come on." He laughed before moving his hands so they were resting on either side of her against the door.

She looked up at him and his eyes locked with hers and she could feel him moving closer to her. She subconsciously licked her lips and waited for his to touch hers. His eyes dropped down to her mouth and he watched as she bit into her bottom lip. He could tell that she was waiting for him to do something. Waiting for him to kiss her. And he wanted to, he really, really wanted to. But there was a voice in the back of his head that was telling him not to. Telling him that it was just going to complicate things more for them. But he ignored it.

He took another step closer to her and his lips lightly grazed hers. She stepped away from the wall and kissed his lips harder. Nathan dropped the key that was in his hand and grabbed her waist pulling her body tighter against his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her fingers played in his short dark hair. Nathan's tongue traced the seam of her lips waiting for her to allow him entrance. Her mouth slowly opened up for him and his tongue entered and dueled with hers.

She let a moan slip out of her mouth and he could feel it against his lips. He smirked against her lips and let his tongue trace every crevice inside her mouth. He wanted to memorize the way it felt to kiss her. The way it felt to be this close to her. It was something he was going to keep with him forever and never let go of. They quickly pulled away from each other when the door next to theirs opened and an older man walked out. He looked at Nathan and Haley before walking towards the ice machine that was a few feet away.

Nathan shook his head, frustrated that they had been interrupted. He bent down and picked up the key that he'd dropped and Haley straightened her shirt out and waited for Nathan to open the door. When he did they both walked in silently. There was no doubt that the thoughts on both of their minds was the kissed they had just shared. And neither knew what it meant to the other. But it was obvious that they were going to be thinking about it for awhile.

* * *

In the morning they checked out of the motel before getting back on the road and driving. Again they didn't know where they were going to go, they just wanted to get away. Things for them had been awkward after their kiss. That hadn't said a word to each other while they tried to fall asleep and they both didn't know what they would say to each other. It didn't seem like there was much to say.

Nathan knew he should have listened to voice in his head and not kissed her. It made things worse and more complicated for him. And for her too probably. "Haley," he said, "I need to talk to you."

Haley looked away from the window and at him, "ok."

"I'm sorry about last night," he said, "I shouldn't have kissed you."

"Oh," she said and couldn't help but feel disappointed at hearing that he thought their kiss was a mistake. But he was probably right. "It's ok," she said, "it was just a mistake."

"Yeah," Nathan said, "it would just complicate things," he said, "you and me I mean."

"Yeah," she said, "I know what you mean."

"Cuz the thing is… well there's something I need to tell you," he said and looked at her, "what I didn't want to talk about last night. What I've been trying to get myself to tell you, but I haven't."

"What is it?" she asked a little worried by his tone.

"I'm not going to Duke."

"What? Of course you are. You got a scholarship, you-"

"I know," he said, "but I turned it down. I'm not going to college."

"That's ridiculous," she said, "of course you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Ok," she said, "so you decided not to go to Duke, that doesn't mean-"

"I enlisted Haley," he said suddenly, "I turned down the scholarship and I enlisted. I leave at the end of August. I'm not going to college."

**And I'm calling all angels  
I'm calling all you angels**

**Review, review, review!**


	6. Don't Let Go

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks so much for the reviews! I'm glad that some of you were shocked by the twist I threw in there. I hope you all like what else I have planned for this!**

**Chapter 6: Don't Let Go**

She wasn't sure she'd heard right. There was no way she'd heard right. Was that his idea of some joke? Because it wasn't funny. She felt like her heart was beating a thousand miles a minute. She looked at him for a moment waiting for him to say something. Waiting for him to tell her that he wasn't serious. But she saw no sign that he was kidding. She felt like she'd lost the ability to speak. She didn't know what she wanted to say anyways.

"Are you ok?" Nathan asked looking at her.

She stared forward out the window and twisted the ring that was around her finger. She had just realized that was a new nervous or uncomfortable habit she'd developed. She bit her lip and then turned to face him. "Pull over," Haley said. Nathan looked at her with a confused expression.

"What? Haley-"

"Pull over Nathan," she said in a stern voice. Nathan wasn't about to ask her why again or what she was talking about. He checked in the mirror to make sure no one was behind them before pulling over to the side of the road. When he put the car in park Haley opened the passenger door and got out. Nathan watched as she walked towards the front of the car and leaned back against it. Nathan sighed and got out of the car also before walking towards where she was standing.

He didn't know what she was going to say or what she was thinking about. Was she really that upset? "Haley?" he asked and walked closer to her, "are you ok?" he asked. Haley turned and faced him and crossed her arms over her chest. The wind blew her hair around her face. She stared at him and he was trying to read her expression. He was trying to figure out what she was going to say to him. "Haley?"

"Am I ok?" Haley asked and walked closer to him. "Why would I be ok?" she asked stepping even closer. She shoved him in the chest and he took a few steps back. "What are you thinking Nathan? Why would you do this? Don't get me wrong I think that it takes a lot of courage to do something like this… but what are you doing? You have a scholarship Nathan! Why would you do this?"

"It didn't seem important anymore!" Nathan said looking at the girl in front of him. "When Jake died, most things stopping being important. Playing basketball for Duke didn't matter anymore. I need to do something that's going to matter to people."

Haley didn't know what to say to him. The Nathan he used to be would never have done this. She knew that Jake dying had changed him. It had changed a lot of people, but she didn't know that it would have this big of an impact on Nathan. A big enough impact for him to give up basketball, to give up school completely and enlist. It didn't make sense to her. Like she said, it took a lot courage, but she just didn't understand. How could he do something like this? She looked up at him and saw him watching her. He was obviously waiting for her to say something else.

"I don't want to talk about this," Haley said and walked towards the car again. Nathan watched her get back in the passenger seat and put her seatbelt back on. She didn't look at him while he stood outside the car. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Was he supposed to just get back in the car and start driving again like nothing was going on. He didn't know if he could do that right now. But she didn't want to talk to him, that much was obvious. He wasn't going to press her to talk to him if she didn't want to. It would only end bad if he tried.

He walked closer to the car and leaned back against it. He turned his head to look at Haley. She was sitting in the seat with one of her legs pulled up to her chest with her arm around it. She wasn't looking at him or even anywhere near him. He let out an aggravated sigh before walking towards the car again. He knew they couldn't just stop in the middle of the road for awhile. He got back in the car and looked at her. "Hales?" he asked hoping she would at least look at him. But she didn't. He didn't say anything more before starting the car again.

He drove down the quiet street. The radio was off and he wasn't sure he could stand the silence. It was slowly driving him insane. He wanted to turn the radio on but he wasn't sure that he should. What he really wanted though, was for Haley to talk to him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her reach for her purse and take her iPod out. It was obvious that she didn't want to talk to him and she wanted to tune him out. Once she had it in and he could barely hear the music he turned the radio on. If she was going to tune him out then he wasn't just going to sit there in silence.

While on the drive to their next hotel he couldn't help but wonder what other people would say when they found out. What his parents would think when he told them that he enlisted. He knew that he should have told him right away what he decided to do. He should have told Lucas too. He shouldn't have waited that long to tell anyone. But he couldn't bring himself to tell anyone. He was worried they would have the same reaction that Haley had. And as much that he was upset at her for being mad at him, it made him mad at himself for being the one that made her feel the way she did right then.

That wasn't what he wanted.

The truth was he wanted someone to be proud of him for the choice he made. Like he said, he wanted to do something that mattered for everyone. Him playing basketball his whole life was only a benefit for himself. Not for anyone else. This-enlisting- actually mattered. It might actually make a difference. He wasn't naïve enough to believe that he could change everything himself, but he could help. Maybe no one was going to think what he was doing was a good idea, maybe no one was going to be proud of him for this. But he knew one person that would have been proud. Jake would have been proud.

**I can't sleep in this room  
Still so far from finding you  
I can't see to dig beneath these piles of dirt that cover me**

* * *

Brooke walked up to the front of Peyton's house and knocked on the door. Lucas was working on a paper he had to write for the program he got into and she didn't feel like waiting around while he did that. She had to do something to get her mind off everything she'd been thinking about lately. It was driving her insane. She knew that Peyton had been spending the majority of her time alone at her house since Haley and Nathan left. It made Brooke feel bad. She knew that she should have been spending more time with her. She needed people right now.

A few seconds later Peyton opened the door and saw Brooke standing there. Brooke smiled brightly before walking in. "Hey P. Sawyer! So I was thinking that I know exactly what you need right now. A girls day. Because it's depressing to be here alone."

Peyton smiled at her friend who just let herself in before walking towards the kitchen. Peyton was glad to see her. She hadn't actually talked to her since she told Jake's parents that she was pregnant. She'd been staying home alone hoping to spend most of her time with Jake. She knew that would sound crazy to anyone who heard it. But she knew she was seeing him and talking to him. And that was good enough for her to know. "Um Brooke, I don't know I think I might just want to stay here today."

"Oh come on Peyton, you've been home alone for days. Come out with me. We haven't hung out in forever."

"I know, but-"

"No buts. Now get your sexy pregnant ass up those stairs and get yourself ready I'm going to wait here for you."

Peyton smiled at Brooke before making her way up the stairs. She knew that Brooke was probably right and that she should get out of her house every once and do something. She knew that she needed to go back to the doctor soon so they could do another check up on her and the baby. There was probably a lot she needed to do. When she walked through her door she saw that it was empty. She couldn't deny the fact that she felt her heart sink at the fact that Jake wasn't there.

She walked towards her closet looking for something she could throw on quickly. She settled on a pair of comfortable jeans and a solid black t-shirt. She quickly changed into them before grabbing her black and white converse and putting them on her feet. She walked into her bathroom and started to get ready. She didn't know what she was going to do with her hair. She settled for pulling it back into a pony tail. She knew it didn't look the best but she honestly didn't care what people were going to think when they saw her.

She quickly did her make up before shutting the light off in her bathroom. "Peyton hurry up!" she heard Brooke yell from downstairs. She walked back into her bedroom and jumped when she saw Jake sitting on the edge of her bed. He was wearing the same thing he had been when he showed up the days before.

"Jesus you almost gave me a heart attack," Peyton said and put her hand over her chest. Jake shot her a look before standing up and walking towards her. It was so unnatural for him to be so close and not touch her. All she wanted was for him to wrap his arms around her like he would have done any other time.

"Don't joke about stuff like that," Jake said with a serious tone.

"I'm sorry," Peyton said equally serious.

He smiled at her letting her know that it was ok before taking in her appearance. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"Out with Brooke. So that probably means shopping."

"Ooh," he said, "sounds like fun."

"Don't think I don't sense your sarcastic tone Mister."

Jake smiled before shrugging. "I'd ask you if you want to come," Peyton said, "but I think that would be pretty weird."

"Yeah," Jake agreed, "plus I didn't like shopping with you, Haley and Brooke when I was alive. Not much has changed now that I'm dead."

Even though she knew he was just trying to joke around and lighten the mood, Peyton couldn't help but hate the way he talked about things like that. She hated when he referred to himself as dead. It wasn't like she didn't know it was true, but still when he said it, it made it too real. Like it wasn't real enough already.

"Peyton!" Brooke yelled again from downstairs.

Peyton looked back at Jake before smiling, "well I guess I'd better go. Are you going to be here when I back?"

"I'll be here as long as you want me to," he said and smiled, "you know that."

She smiled again before walking towards the door. She turned back to look at him again and he smiled. It was just like he was really there. Only she knew better. And that's what was killing her inside.

She walked down the stairs and saw Brooke standing at the bottom resting against the rail. Brooke looked up and saw her and huffed before slapping her hands against her thighs. "God, took you long enough," she said, "and were you talking to yourself up there?" she asked, "I thought I heard you."

"Uh," Peyton said, "no I was talking to the baby," she said looking down towards her stomach. Brooke smiled before nodding and walking towards the door. There was no way that Peyton was going to explain seeing Jake to Brooke. It would just make her seem crazy. That was exactly what she didn't need right now. People thinking she was crazy. She was sure that they would blame it on the fact that she had just lost Jake and found out she was pregnant. But she wasn't crazy. She knew she wasn't. But she also knew that what was happening to her wasn't normal.

They walked towards Brooke's blue Bug that was parked along the sidewalk in front of Peyton's house. "Have you thought about any names for the baby?" Brooke asked.

"Yeah I was thinking if it's a girl I'd name her Jenny," Peyton said as she got in the car.

Brooke smiled, "it's cute. I like it. What about if it's a boy?"

"If it's a boy, I'm gonna name him Jake."

"I think that's a great idea," Brooke said. She smiled again before another idea came to her. "You know what! You should totally let me make you maternity clothes and baby clothes and stuff like that. That would be perfect!"

"Brooke you don't have to do that," Peyton said as they started driving. Brooke looked at her and smiled.

"But I want to! Trust me, this would be perfect for me to do."

"Ok," Peyton said, "when I need all that you can do it."

"Thank you," Brooke said and smiled happily showing her dimples. Peyton smiled back before looking back out the window.

Just driving through the streets felt weird. She hadn't really gone anywhere but the hospital and Haley and Jake's house in the past few months. Then when Jake died, she didn't go anywhere. It was like seeing the town for the first time after a really, really long vacation. Except she hadn't really gone anywhere.

Even though she hadn't really been with Jake, it felt weird to go somewhere without him. She knew that the time would come when she would have to get used to it. Get used to him not being around at all. And she wanted to put that day off as long as she possibly could.

**Don't let go  
Don't let go  
We can crawl out  
Out of the shadows**

* * *

Nathan had tried to get Haley to talk to him, but she wasn't going to give in. He knew that there was probably nothing that he could do that would change that. He was the one who decided when and where they were going to stop since she wasn't talking to him. He pulled into the parking lot of the Shell Island hotel. Even as they got out and made their way inside Haley didn't say anything to him. He watched as she walked towards the front desk and began talking to the man behind it.

Nathan walked up next to her and stood there while she talked. "Yeah we'd like a room for two nights please." The man checked the availability before looking back up at Haley and Nathan.

"Would you like a room with one or two beds?" he asked.

"Doesn't matter-" Nathan began to say but was cut off.

"Two," Haley answered quickly. Nathan didn't know why he was surprised to hear her say that. It wasn't like she wanted to share a bed with him when they had to, so why would she when there was the option of not doing it. But still, the way she so quickly answered him made it obvious that she didn't even need to think about it. She must have been even more upset with him than he thought. The man told them their room number and handed them a key. "There's a restaurant down the street from here, just three buildings down, they have a live band on Friday nights. It's a nice place if you're looking for a place for dinner."

Haley grabbed her bag before thanking him and walking away without waiting for Nathan. He followed after her and walked with her to their room. When they walked in they were greeted with bright yellow walls with a large blue couch on the wall. The curtains on the windows were yellow, green and blue. They matched the comforters on the bed. The curtains were pulled back showing the view of the beach. The sun was beginning to set and it cast a pink glow on the water.

Nathan put his bag on the bed before opening it and grabbing a black bag that contained his tooth brush, shaving cream, tooth paste and shampoo. He also grabbed a pair of basketball shorts before saying, "I'm gonna shower real fast."

"Ok," Haley said. The sound of her voice surprised him. He pretty much expected her to ignore him. He looked at her once more before walking into the bathroom and getting ready for his shower.

Haley heard the water turn on and she laid back on her bed. She found herself wondering what everyone was doing back in Tree Hill. She wondered if any of them knew what she knew about Nathan. Thinking again about what he had told her made her upset again. And she hated herself for being upset. It was selfish and she knew it. She wished she could have just stopped herself from being upset. She wished there was an on and off switch. The truth was she hated being mad at him. Not talking to him was killing her. It was awkward and uncomfortable to just ignore him when he was just feet away from her. Especially when she knew she had no right to be mad at him in the first place.

**Don't let go  
Don't let go  
We can find our way back home**

How could she be mad at him for doing something honorable? For doing something that not everyone could do. He was going to fight for their country and for the people in it and she was mad at him for that? It didn't even make sense to her. She couldn't even explain why she was really mad at him. She was going to have to think about it for awhile to really understand. Even then she was sure she wouldn't really have a reason still.

She walked towards her bag and kneeled down to unzip it. After looking through it for a few minutes she heard the door to the bathroom open. "What are you looking for?" she heard Nathan ask. She turned her head to look at him and saw him standing by his bed wearing just a pair of basketball shorts that sat low on his hips and he held a towel around his neck. His hair was still damp from his shower and there were water droplets dripping down his chest and stomach. Nathan couldn't help but smirk when he caught her staring.

Haley blushed before turning back to look at her bag. "Um," she said, "I was thinking we could go get dinner at that restaurant he was telling us about," she said, "I was just looking for something to wear." Nathan couldn't help but smile as he listened to her talk. He could hear it in her voice that she was still embarrassed about staring at him so obviously. But he really didn't care. It wasn't like he didn't do the same to her. Just apparently she hadn't caught him. If she had she was too embarrassed to say anything about it. That was just so Haley.

"Oh," he said and sat down on the edge of his bed, "that sounds good to me." He watched as Haley stood up with and straightened the short denim shorts she wore before walking towards the bathroom. Nathan grabbed her wrist lightly and pulled her towards him softly. She looked down at him and he said, "you're not still mad at me are you?" he asked. Haley glanced down at where his hand was holding hers and she could feel the warmth his fingertips were causing.

"I just don't want to talk about it," Haley said honestly.

Nathan nodded before letting go of her and watching her walk into the bathroom. He laid back against his bed and let out a sigh. He was glad that she was talking to him again. It felt like it had been days since she had really talked to him. And in reality it was just a few hours. Not talking to her was like torture. He hated that she was mad at him or that she had been. Whatever. The point was he didn't like it. But as long as she seemed to be getting over it and talking to him, he didn't want to bring anything up that would upset her.

**Silence keeps the story straight  
Fighting for the perfect state  
Wave your flag  
Oh  
I believe hope is comfort if not relief**

A few minutes later Haley walked back out and she was dressed in a dark blue summer dress. It was strapless and tight around the top and then flowed to her knee. Her wavy hair was pulled back in a pony tail. She only wore a little bit of make up. Nathan couldn't help but stare. She looked beautiful as always. She caught him staring and looked down at herself self-consciously. "What?" she asked, "do I look ok?"

"Yeah," he answered quickly, "you look great."

She blushed before looking down at the ground. She could hear the sound of Nathan looking through his bag. When he went to go change and she checked her appearance again. She couldn't help but feel butterflies when she thought about his last comment. Even something as little as him saying she looked great made her feel happy.

A few minutes later Nathan walked back out dressed in a pair of khakis and a dark blue polo. He sat on his bed and slipped on his shoes before tying them. Haley slipped on a pair of black flats and the two of them walked out of the room together. They walked in silence out of the hotel and down the street to the restaurant. There was still a bit of awkward air around them as they walked and they both wished it would go away.

When they walked in they were greeted by the host that lead them outside. He sat them at a table near the water and Haley watched the waves in the dark. Nathan watched her. He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from her. It was so weird to him to feel this way. And he knew he could hardly admit it. He was only just beginning to admit to himself that there was something there, but he couldn't admit it to her. He felt like he would never be able to admit it to her.

**Don't let go  
Don't let go  
We can crawl out  
Out of the shadows**

Don't let go  
Don't let go  
We can find our way back

Haley turned at looked at him and watched as he tried to cover up the fact that he had been looking at her. He looked down at the glass of water that was placed in front of him and fiddled with his hands. He heard the sound of the band starting to play. They played soft slow music. He was sort of glad for the distraction. He turned around and looked at the band while they played. Haley was also watching them.

They had been sitting there for a few minutes before a waitress came to take their order. After that they were left in another silence. The only sound around them was that of the band and the people around them. Nathan looked out at the dance floor in front of the band and saw a few couples dancing. He looked at Haley before standing up. She watched him with a confused expression. "What are you doing?" she asked.

He stuck his hand out towards her, "dance with me?" he asked.

"What?" she asked, "no, Nathan-"

"Come on you're gonna make me feel bad," he said and sent a pout in her direction. Haley rolled her eyes jokingly before standing up and walking towards the dance floor with him. Nathan wrapped his arms around her waist and she rested one hand on his chest and the other on the back of his neck. The light breeze blew a few strands of hair in front of her face and Nathan brought one hand up to push it behind her ear.

**And there's a heart that still can beat with every breath that's inside me  
And find the spark that's buried deep  
It won't go out  
So please**

"Can I tell you something?" Nathan asked.

"Depends," Haley said, "are you gonna spring more crazy news on me?"

"No," he said, "well I don't think so."

"Ok then go ahead."

Nathan took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts before he spoke. "I don't regret kissing you last night," he said, "the thing is, is that it's complicated. First of all because you're Jake's sister. And it's even more complicated now that I'm leaving-"

"Nathan I don't want to talk about that."

**Don't let go  
Don't let go  
We can crawl out  
Out of the shadows**

Don't let go  
Don't let go  
We can find our way back home

"I know you don't," he said, "but you don't have to talk about it. Just listen. I need you to know why I'm doing this. I'm not doing it because I'm trying to throw a wrench in the works. It's not to like mess with people or anything. It's what I said earlier, I need to do something that's important. If I'm playing basketball for Duke, it's just for me. It's just because it's something I want. It's something that brings the attention to me and makes me feel better about myself or something. But this," he said, "enlisting, it's important. And not just for me."

Haley was listening to everything he was saying, taking it all in. She knew that he was right. About everything he was saying. "I need to tell you why I was so upset earlier."

"I thought you didn't want to talk about it?"

"I don't really," she said, "but I feel horrible about the way I've been acting. It's not that I don't think what you're doing is amazing, I do. I think it takes a lot of courage. But I'm so afraid of losing everyone. I lost Jake. You know that Lucas is leaving to go to California for that writing program and Brooke is going to New York for her internship and I'm sure she's gonna love it there and stay there. And you know Peyton, she's gonna have the baby and she wants to go that art school in Georgia and I'm gonna be alone at Duke now. I'm not good on my own. And the thought of losing you… I can't lose you to."

**Don't let go  
We can find our way back home**

Nathan found that his heart was racing in his chest at what she was saying to him. He wondered if she could feel it. How could she not feel it? "You're never gonna lose me Hales. Nothing's going to happen to me."

"How do you know."

"I won't let anything happen to me," Nathan promised, "I promise you that."

"Please don't be someone that I'm gonna lose. If anything happens to you I'll be really pissed off." Nathan smiled and couldn't help the small laugh that escaped his mouth. Haley slapped him on the arm.

"Haley," Nathan said his tone suddenly serious, "I will never hurt you or leave you or let you lose me. That's a promise I'm making to you right now. You can always count on me. No matter how far away I am. That's something that I promised Jake. I would always look after you. Always."

**Don't let go  
We can find our way back**

**This chapter's kinda short but I would love to know what you all think! Also what did ya'll think of tonight's episode? I loved Bethany tonight and James is sexy as always! I also loved Clay tonight. But you know who I don't like? Alex and Taylor! Ugh!! Well that's pretty much my thoughts on that haha. Well… anyways, please review!**


	7. Much Like Falling

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Chapter 7: Much Like Falling**

_Nathan watched from the corner of the room with his arms crossed over his chest as Haley danced with… he actually couldn't remember his name. John? James? He couldn't remember and he really didn't care. For some reason watching the two of them dancing together… in his living room, was really putting him in a bad mood. And he couldn't even think of why it was making him so upset. Where was Jake? Shouldn't he have been stopping this? He would have hated to see them together. Right? That must have been it. He was just upset because he knew Jake would have been. That had to be the only reason. He took a sip of whatever he'd put in the red plastic cup and let it burn down his throat. He knew that this was around his 5th__ drink. By now he was pretty buzzed and he didn't even remember re filling it. _

"_Why are you watching Haley and Logan like you're about to go over there and ring his neck?" Jake asked as he walked up to his friend. Nathan looked at Jake before looking back at Haley and Logan… apparently that was his name. He really thought it started with a J. _

"_I'm not," Nathan said, "I'm just lookin out for your sister while your off doing… whatever it is that you're doing." Nathan noticed the smirk appear on Jake's face as he nodded back towards Peyton. Nathan's face twisted in disgust. "Eww, if you two were in my room I swear to God."_

"_Dude don't even worry about it, we were in Lucas's," Jake said as he laughed. Nathan couldn't help the laugh that escaped out of his mouth at the thought of the look on Lucas's face if he found out. He couldn't decide it would be better to tell him tomorrow, or just not tell him at all. He took another sip of his drink before looking back at Haley and Logan. His hands were all over her and she didn't seem to be doing a thing to stop it. He knew that she had a little to drink, but she wasn't one to ever drink a lot. And she wasn't one to ever let a guy be on her like that. "I guess he is getting pretty handsy," Jake said, "I'll go break it up."_

_Nathan watched Jake walk towards where they dancing and laughed as he saw Jake push Logan away from Haley. Haley was obviously pissed about it, but it really didn't matter. Jake was like a man on a mission. His mission: keep all guys away from his sister. Nathan could hear Haley's angry voice going off on Jake as he pushed Logan away from her. Nathan chuckled again when he watched Haley storm off into the kitchen towards Brooke, Peyton and Lucas. Jake walked back towards where Nathan was and smiled. "That should take care of that for awhile."_

_Nathan smiled and the two of them walked into the kitchen. Haley glared at Jake when he walked in. "Oh come on Haley," Jake said, "you're not really that mad at me. You'll get over it."_

"_I'm sorry, I just don't understand why exactly you did that?" she said and he could still hear the angry tone in her voice._

"_Because that guy's hands were all over you Hales. And believe me I didn't want to watch my younger sister being groped."_

"_Younger by like 4 minutes Jake. And I was not being groped for your information. We were just dancing."_

"_Yeah well I didn't need to see it. Trust me Hales, you'll thank me later on."_

"_Umm we'll see about that."_

_Haley rolled her eyes again at him before walking out of the kitchen. Jake shook his head and said, "she'll be fine." Nathan turned his head and watched her go. After a few seconds he too left the kitchen. He watched her walk up the stairs and he followed after her. He saw her walk down the hall that lead to Lucas's room and he wondered where she was headed, and if it was his room he wondered why._

_He ignored the girl whose name he couldn't remember as she tried to flirt with him while he walked down the hall. A few seconds after Lucas's door shut he reached it. He stood there for a few minutes wondering if he should go in. He knew he was allowed but still, it felt a little awkward. He ignored the feeling and opened the door. He saw Haley sitting on the edge of his bed twisting the ring on her finger. She turned when she heard the door and stood up quickly when she saw him._

"_What are you doing here?" she asked._

"_Um, this is my brother's room," Nathan said, "so… what are you doing here is a better question."_

_She stood up and said, "I'm sorry. I'll just go," she began to walk toward the door and Nathan shook his head before shutting the door behind him. _

"_It's fine, I don't even care," he said, "if you just wanna be alone for awhile that's fine. I can go," he took another sip of his drink before setting it down on the bedside table. Haley watched as he looked back at the door while waiting for her to tell him whether or not he should leave._

"_You don't have to," she said and sat back down on his bed, "I'm just… trying to get away from Jake for a little while."_

"_You shouldn't be mad at him for what he did. He was just looking out for you."_

"_Yeah, well he doesn't have to, he doesn't need to treat me like I'm some fragile doll that needs constant protection."_

_Nathan sighed and sat down next to her. "He's just looking out for you Haley. You shouldn't get so mad at him for that."_

"_Whatever," she said and looked down at her hands in her lap, "I wouldn't expect you to side with me anyways."_

"_Whatever," Nathan said and reached over to grab his drink. He drank it down before dropping the cup somewhere and standing up. Haley watched as he wobbled a little on his feet. He was obviously on his way to getting really drunk. But of course he was, that's how he was at these sorts of things. It wouldn't be Nathan if he didn't get drunk at a party. _

_Haley shook her head and started to open the door. "Wait," Nathan said. Haley turned around and faced him again and watched him move closer to her. _

_Nathan looked down at Haley's lips and saw Haley biting her bottom lip like she did when she was nervous. He'd known her so long he caught on to the little things she did that other people probably wouldn't notice. And he knew what they all meant. "What?" she asked after a few seconds of awkward silence. Nathan looked up at her eyes and saw her watching him. He stepped closer to her again and he couldn't stop what happened next. He cupped her cheek in his hand and leaned down and before he knew it his lips were on hers. He could feel her gasp against his lips and he couldn't blame her. Even he wasn't sure what he was doing._

_Haley's eyes shot open as she felt him kiss her. She had no idea what he was doing, he'd never even shown any interest in her before. She knew that he was drunk, but she still never expected him to kiss her. The kiss was sort of rough and sloppy. His lips moved quickly over hers and she wasn't sure what to do exactly. A few seconds later she pushed at his chest and pushed him away. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked nervously and she brought her hands up to her lips. _

"_Well that's pretty obvious," he said back to her._

"_You're drunk."_

"_That's never stopped me before."_

_Haley rolled her eyes and looked away from him. Her brain was still trying to process everything that had just happened. It all just didn't make sense. Nathan Scott didn't kiss Haley James. It just didn't happen. He didn't like her, the farthest thing from it, it seemed. So what the hell was he thinking? "Whatever," Nathan said, before making his way towards the door and past Haley, "I should have known that that was a bad idea."_

Nathan sat next to Haley on the beach, his head still thinking about that night at his house. Their first kiss had been anything but a good one. Their second one was in a few ways the same. But at least she kissed him back the second time. He wasn't, in the least bit, proud of the way he'd acted that night. He was a jerk to her that night when she didn't want kiss him. He'd been a jerk to her a lot in the years past. He didn't even know why. Haley was one of the nicest, most pure of heart person he knew and he took advantage of that a lot.

"What are you thinking about?" Haley asked interrupting his thoughts. She was sitting on a towel on the sand next to him. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail and her face was clear of any make up. She looked more beautiful in that moment to him then she ever had. She always looked beautiful to him, that was true, but there was something about now that made her look so amazing to him.

"Nothing important really," Nathan said, "just, I've never really been a good guy, have I? I mean I've always been a jerk."

"Nathan, that's not true."

"No it is," he said, "I've taken you for granted a lot. I took Jake for granted a lot too now that I think about it. I've always been kind of selfish."

"Where is this coming from?" Haley asked as she turned to face him. She sat on her knees with her hands next to her while she looked at him. "Why are you thinking all this?"

"Because it's true. I should have been better when Jake was around."

"Nathan, Jake loved you. You were his best friend and nothing you could have ever done would have made him think less of you. And right now, he would be so proud of you because of what you're doing. I know he would have. So don't ever think that you're not a good person. You may have made some bad choices or not acted the best, or the way you wanted at times, but that's the same with everyone else. You're a good guy Nathan, I don't want you to ever think that you're not."

Nathan didn't even know what to say to her. Here was this amazing girl telling him that he was great and he couldn't even think of a thing to say back. Nothing that did her justice anyway.

"So," Haley said, "about this party tonight, are we gonna go?"

Earlier in their day they had met a few guys who had told them they were throwing a party down the beach from their hotel and that they should stop by. Nathan was pretty convinced that they were more interested in Haley stopping by then him, but it wasn't his place to get jealous. Even though part of him was. "Sure I guess," he answered, "even though I doubt they care if I'm there," he said and sent a knowing glance in her direction. Haley laughed before looking down at her hands.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Haley said with an embarrassed smile.

"Uh huh, sure you don't. Like those guys weren't totally hitting on you."

"Well so what," Haley said, "I'm not really interested in them anyway and besides, I know you wouldn't make me go alone tonight."

"Of course not, what kind of friend would I be if I did that?"

"Right," she said, "so, we're going then."

"I guess so."

* * *

Brooke laid at the end of Peyton's bed and flipped through a scrap book that she and Peyton had found. Peyton sat against her pillows with her sketch pad in her lap. Her music was blasting through her room and she was surprised that Brooke wasn't complaining about it. Normally she would be. It wasn't her style of music. But Brooke had actually been pretty quiet the whole day. Which was so unlike her. Peyton looked down at the end of her bed and watched Brooke's eyes scan the pages and watched as she pushed her dark hair out of her eyes every once in awhile.

"Not that I mind the company lately," Peyton said after a few minutes of them not talking, "but doesn't Lucas want to spend time with you this Summer?"

"He's been busy with those essays he has to write for California. He leaves pretty soon so I guess he has to get ready for that. Besides, even when he has free time, he doesn't really seem to want to spend it with me."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"No it is," Brooke said pushing up on her hands and then sitting cross legged. "He spends most of his time with the guys down at the river court. And I guess I get it that he's gonna be leaving soon and he wants to spend time with them, but what about spending time with me? That probably makes me sound pretty selfish, huh?"

Peyton shook her head before pushing her hair behind her ears. "Not at all. And I don't want you to hate me for saying this but, do you think that maybe you and Lucas are just… I don't know, growing apart?"

"Yeah," Brooke said, "it's just that we're so different. I feel like there's so much he's not getting from me and it's just making it harder and harder for us to be, us."

"There's nothing wrong with you two being different, it's obviously gonna happen. But there's something that's there that made you two fall for each other and maybe now, it's just telling you to just be friends. I'm not saying that you guys don't love each other and I'm not saying that you two won't be together, I'm just saying you never know."

The two of them sat in silence for awhile and Brooke thought about what it was that Peyton had said to her. She knew that it was obvious that she and Lucas had grown apart. Part of it was she felt like there was so much he didn't let her in on. Sometimes she wished he would go to her when he needed to talk about something. When he was feeling sad about Jake, or anything, she wished he would come to her. But it just seemed like he couldn't do it. Or wouldn't do it. She wasn't so sure which it was.

There was a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thought about what would happen at the end of the summer. He was going to California and she was going to New York. She just wasn't sure they were going to be able to make it last. It just seemed too hard right now. And like it wasn't going to get any easier. She knew that she needed to talk to him about it, but she was afraid to. Talking to him about it, about them growing apart, made it all too real. She wasn't always so good with real. She liked to see things the way she wanted. And right now she wanted to believe that things were fine. Even though she knew that wasn't true.

Brooke groaned, "I'm ruining our girls day!" she said, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything!"

"No," Peyton said, "it's fine! We can still do something! Anything you want to get your mind off things."

"I'm not the one who's really going through anything," Brooke said and ran her fingers through her hair. "I should be here for you and instead I'm leaning on you."

Peyton smiled and leaned forward before patting Brooke on the knee. "I don't care. I kinda like it better that way. I like being the one who's needed for a change. So how about we go do something that you want to do and get both of or minds off, whatever it is that we're thinking about?" She smiled again before getting off her bed and walking out her door. Brooke smiled before getting up too and following after her.

* * *

Haley put on a light weight long sleeve shirt over her black bikini top and a denim skirt on over the rest of her swim suit. Her hair wasn't cooperating with her so she decided to leave it down and way and natural. She didn't really bother putting on that much make up because she knew that she would just be taking it off in a few hours. Besides, she didn't know any of the people who were going to be there, and who did she have to impress? She felt perfectly fine going just the way she was.

She looked away from the mirror and out towards the balcony that lead out from their room. She saw Nathan standing on it with his back facing her. He had gone out there a little before she'd come back into the room from changing. Even standing where she was she could see the tension in his muscles and she could tell that he was gripping the railing hard. Part of her wanted to ask him what else was wrong. She didn't want him to feel bad for the rest of her trip. But at the same time there was a part of her that was saying to leave it alone. There was only so much she could get out of him at a time. Pushing him to tell her things that he didn't want to wasn't going to get them anywhere.

Haley walked out to the balcony and came up next to him. He turned and glanced at her before looking back out at the tall grass in the sand before the water. "We don't have to go," Haley said, "I mean if you'd rather do something else, I'm totally fine with that." Nathan turned and looked at her again before shaking his head.

"No," he said, "I want to go. I mean we're not on this trip to do nothing. We should have fun."

"We've been having fun," Haley pointed out.

"I know," he said with a smile, "I'm just saying, there's no reason for us to not go. Besides, those guys really wanted you to go." When he said that he couldn't help but feel jealously rising in him. He had no reason to be jealous and he knew that. He was being ridiculous. He knew what would happen tonight. Those guys were going to try and flirt with Haley and they would think they could get something from her. And they obviously didn't know her all. If they did, they would have known she's not like that. She's better than that. And he was going to have to end up being the protective one. He was going to have to be what Jake would have been.

"Are you sure?" Haley asked.

"Yes," Nathan said, "really. Now let's go." Haley smiled before walking back into the room and towards the door. Nathan grabbed the room key off the entertainment center before following her towards the door. He put the key in his pocket and shut the door behind him. He knew that he told Haley that he wanted to go to this party, and the old him would have wanted to. The idea of there being new girls for him to meet and hook up with without having to ever see them again normally would have been good for him. But now the idea of a party and having to share his time with Haley with other people just didn't seem like fun to him. But he knew that she wanted to go. Even though this didn't really seem like her thing, she wanted to go. So he was going to make the best of it.

They walked out of their hotel and towards the beach. They walked on the drift wood sidewalk that lead to the beach. Before they even got half way down the beach they heard music from a beach house not to far along. They could see people already gathered near the house and they made their way towards it. Haley felt sort of awkward at first. She wasn't normally the type to go to a place where she didn't know anyone and try to fit in. She was always the quiet shy one, but seeing Nathan change just over the past few days, that made her want to change too. She didn't want to be so afraid to meet new people and make new friends. She wasn't going to be able to deal with being alone at Duke in the fall if she didn't learn to let in new people.

"Haley!" she heard someone yell. She looked up towards the house and saw a guy with short light brown hair in a white t-shirt with black swim trunks on. He carried a red plastic cup in his hand and hurried over to where she was. "Haley," he said again, "I'm glad you decided to come. I wasn't sure if you would."

She felt sort of bad because even though she had just met him today, she was having a hard time remembering what his name was. "Yeah," she said, "well we figured we didn't have much to do tonight so why not come down?"

The guy smiled at her before looking at Nathan. He forgot about him. He wasn't sure if he was going to come or not. And he also wasn't sure if he and Haley were a thing. He hoped not. "Mason," another guy said while walking up to them and getting his attention.

Haley inwardly smiled to herself now that she remembered what his name was. Both she and Nathan looked at the other guy who was approaching them. He had shaggy blonde hair and wore a Zoo York hat that was covered in neon colors. He also had a pair of neon sun glasses resting on the bill of the hat. His shirt was white with a black and blue design and he wore blue swim trunks with a green design. He seemed a little taller than Mason, maybe just a few inches shorter than Nathan. What Haley noticed about him right away was the bottle of water in his hand. He was the only one she'd seen that didn't have a red plastic cup in his hand filled with who knows what.

"Mason the neighbors are at the door they want to talk to you. Apparently they're gonna file a noise complaint."

Mason groaned before looking back at Haley and Nathan. "I'm sorry about this," he said more towards Haley, "I have to go take care of that but why don't you guys get something to drink. And stay like right here because I'm gonna be right back." He smiled before dropping his plastic cup and jogging back towards the house. The other boy who had just shown up turned and looked at them.

"I'm Jonnie," he said and stuck his hand out towards Haley then to Nathan. "And you must be that girl that Mason's been talking about since this afternoon."

Nathan could feel himself inwardly cringe at the idea of that Mason guy being interested in Haley. He could already tell that he was no where near good enough for her.

"Oh," Haley said, "yeah I'm Haley."

"Nice to meet you," Jonnie said and looked at Nathan. Nathan instantly got a better vibe from Jonnie then he had gotten from Mason.

"Nathan."

"Nice to meet you Nathan," Jonnie said and both Nathan and Haley could hear it in his voice that he was genuine. "Can I get you guys anything to drink? There's beer and soda in the cooler over there," he said and pointed to a large grill that was set up by the patio, "and water in the green cooler."

"Um," Nathan said, "I'll just take a soda."

"Ok," Jonnie said and smiled, "what about you Haley? Can I get you something to drink?"

"Water sounds perfect."

He smiled before telling them that he'd be right back and hurrying to go get their drinks. "He seems really nice," Haley said, "like genuinely nice."

"Yeah he seems alright," Nathan said, "but I don't like that Mason guy."

Haley laughed, "you just met him like 3 minutes ago how could you not like him?"

"I just get a weird vibe from him is all."

Haley jokingly rolled her eyes. "Nathan you don't like anyone, do you?"

"I like people," he said, "just not all people."

Jonnie walked back over and handed Haley her water and Nathan a can of Coke. The condensation on the outside caused water to drip down his hand. "Humidity here is crazy huh," Jonnie said noticing as Nathan wiped the excess water on his shirt.

"Oh," he said, "yeah it kinda is. But I'm used to it. We're from North Carolina so it's not anything we haven't seen before."

"Oh you are?" Jonnie said, "what part are you from?"

"Tree Hill," Haley answered, "just a few hours from here."

"Nice," he said. "Why don't you guys sit down and we can talk some more?" Jonnie suggested pointing to some chairs near the patio. Haley nodded and walked with him towards the chairs. Nathan followed behind and picked a chair next to Haley. "I feel kind of bad," Haley said a moment later, "I mean I feel like we're keeping you from your friends."

Jonnie smiled and Haley noticed the dimples in his cheeks that appeared. "No you're not," he said, "I mean the people here are alright. I've known a lot of them since I was a kid. Me and Mason grew up in Charleston and we've been friends since middle school. This is his parent's beach house so during the summers they just kinda let him do whatever he wants down here. But he's better friends with a lot of these people than I am."

"Oh," Haley said, "yeah well I did notice that you're one of like 3 people here who's not drinking."

"Yeah I don't drink," he said, "I figure that if you're gonna have a good time, you need to remember it after and drinking does not help that."

Haley smiled, "yeah I don't really drink either. I mean I have," she said looking at Nathan knowing that both of them were thinking of the Irish Car Bomb incident. "But I'm not really a big drinker."

Nathan couldn't help but notice that Haley and Jonnie already seemed to have a lot in common. He could tell that just by watching them talk to each other. He looked up towards the door that lead to the patio from the house and he saw Mason walk out. He had a beer in his hand that was already opened and that he was already drinking. He stopped to talk to a few girls that were standing on the deck and Nathan wondered if he'd forgotten that he was supposed to come back and talk to Haley. Not that he wanted him to.

"So where do you guys go to school?" Jonnie asked.

"Um well," Haley said glancing at Nathan, "I'm gonna be a freshman at Duke this fall."

"Really?" Jonnie asked and smiled. "I'll be a sophomore there! We should definitely keep in touch now."

"Yeah," she said, "that would be great! I would love to at least know one person when I start there."

Jonnie laughed, "yeah I know what you mean. I kinda freaked out when I left Charleston because I wasn't going to know anyone. But there's a lot of things that you can get involved in that's gonna help. Like me I do this praise and worship thing on Thursday nights. It helped me meet a lot of people. Plus I want to be a youth minister so it's kinda right up my ally."

"That's great," Haley said, "oh you don't know how happy I am to know that I'm gonna have someone there I know now!"

Jonnie smiled before looking at Nathan. "What about you Nathan?" he asked, "where do you go or where going to go?"

"Well actually I enlisted a few weeks before I graduated so I'm not going to college. I'm heading down to Texas in August for basic training and then I'm stationed in Europe. But that was sort of a spur of the moment decision."

"I've had plenty of those," Jonnie said, "what was your original plan, if you don't mind me asking."

"Not at all," Nathan said, "I had a basketball scholarship to Duke and that's kinda always been my plan, but you know I just decided that it wasn't as important anymore."

"Well you made a really honorable decision. I think it's great what you're doing and I hope you're safe while you're gone."

"Thank you," Nathan said and nodded, "me too."

* * *

Both Nathan and Haley were surprised that they actually enjoyed themselves. Mason only tried to hit on Haley a couple more times that night. He eventually got too wasted to remember what he was doing and later Jonnie had to help him inside to his room. Haley and Nathan sat in the same chairs they had been in earlier while they waited for Jonnie to come back. "I'm glad we came tonight," Haley said, "and I'm really glad we met Jonnie."

"Yeah," Nathan said, "me too. He seems like a really nice guy actually."

"I'm surprised to hear you say that."

"I can be nice Hales," Nathan said and let out a chuckle, "I don't know why you think I'm so mean."

Haley smiled, "trust me I don't. I just think that you have a hard time trusting people sometimes."

"That's probably true."

"Well as long as you trust me," she said and smiled genuinely. "I'm gonna go get some more water," she said and stood up, "do you want anything?"

"No I'm good thanks."

She nodded before walking up the to the deck. Jonnie smiled when he walked past her before walking back towards Nathan. He sat down next to him in the chair that Haley had been occupying. "I'm glad you guys came tonight," he said, "really I probably would have been bored out of my mind if I hadn't met you."

"Yeah," Nathan said, "we're glad we came. It's really good that you two met. I think Haley's freaking out even more than she's letting on about going to Duke in the fall so it's good that she knows you."

"Yeah," Jonnie said, "but what about you? Are you freaking out about leaving? I mean, it's not any of my business or anything, but I know I would be."

"I don't think it's really hit me yet. I'm sure when I'm about to leave I'll really start to think about it but, right now I'm not scared." Nathan coughed before looking back up to where Haley was. He saw her talking to two guys on the deck and he wondered whether or not he should go over there.

"Don't worry," Jonnie said noticing the way he was watching them, "they're nice guys." A few seconds later he said, "again this is none of my business but are you and Haley… together?"

"No," Nathan answered, "we're uh, we're just friends."

"Well it seems like you might feel something for her," he said and Nathan turned his head to look at him. "and none of my business," he said again, "but maybe if there is something there, you shouldn't wait to tell her."

Nathan thought about what he was saying and he knew that he was right. If there was something there it wasn't fair to keep it in. But he also didn't think it was fair for him to tell her that he might have feelings for her right before he was going to be leaving for months. But just the idea of leaving at all and being away from Haley, it sort of felt like falling.


	8. I'll Follow You Into the Dark

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks a ton for the reviews! I would love to get some more so please keep reviewing and letting me know what you think (:**

**Chapter 8: I'll Follow You Into the Dark**

Haley couldn't believe that they were already on their way home. It seemed like they had just left, but that was actually weeks ago. It was already close to mid June and she couldn't believe all that they had done while they were gone. After meeting Jonnie at the beach party they had left the next day. They drove to Durham and visited Duke. Haley had a feeling that Nathan felt a little upset about not being able to be there. But he did a good job of not showing it. But at the same time she couldn't blame him for feeling a little bad about being there. She felt bad for him. She wanted so badly for him to be able to experience this with her, but that wasn't going to happen now. And she knew that was he was doing was amazing, she just couldn't help but feel sad.

After they left Duke they went to go see Nathan's uncle Cooper. That was something that Haley wasn't going to forget. She hadn't seen Cooper since she was about 10 and it was so good to see him. She had forgotten how funny he was and what a great personality and out look he had. It was easy to see why Nathan looked up to him so much.

She wasn't sure what she was going to remember most about this trip. There was so much that was going to stay with her. Everything about this trip had been amazing. She and Nathan had become so much closer and she was so glad. She wasn't sure what she was going to do without him now. It would be so weird to wake up and not spend every day with him. She was going to miss it so much. She couldn't thank Jake enough for the letter he wrote them. He was so glad that he wanted them to do this.

Nathan looked away from the road for a moment and towards Haley. She was looking through the pictures that they had taken on the trip. Every once in awhile he would see a smile appear on her face while she looked at the pictures. She laughed a few seconds later and he smiled. "What?" he asked. Haley showed him the picture that she was looking at and he laughed. It was a picture of him sleeping while she was next to him sticking her tongue out. She was also wearing his Duke hat and his sunglasses. "When did you take that?"

"While you were sleeping."

"Obviously," he said, "what I meant, smart ass, was where was this?"

Haley laughed and shrugged, "I think this is at Cooper's apartment."

"Well it's really attractive," he said sarcastically.

"Yeah well some of us aren't lucky enough to be as naturally good looking as you are," she said and poked him in the shoulder.

"Stop it, I'm blushing," he joked.

She smiled again before looking back at her camera. She was glad that she'd taken so many pictures. She wanted to remember every second of this trip. And she had a feeling that she would. There couldn't be anything that would make her forget. It was one of the best summers she ever had. Even without Jake.

"Can I ask you something?" Haley asked.

Nathan nodded and looked at her before looking back at the road. "Sure."

"Are you going to tell your family when we get back?"

She didn't even need to elaborate. He knew what she was talking about. The only person besides her that knew he had enlisted was Cooper. He had told him there third night with him. And he was scared as hell to tell his parents and his brother. Not to mention his friends. Who knew what they would think. He was sure that at first they would be mad, just like Haley was. And he couldn't blame them. He had been keeping a pretty big secret from them.

"Obviously I have to. But I'm really afraid to. I think I'm more afraid of telling them then I am of actually leaving you know? But I'm just gonna have to toughen up and do it."

Haley nodded before looking out the window. They were nearing Tree Hill as the sun began to go down. She felt like she had been away forever and that everything was going to be so different now that she was back. And she knew that it would be. She had been gone for weeks and who knew what everyone had been up to while she was gone. Lucas was probably working on all that he had to get ready for the writers workshop in California. He was leaving at the end of August too. She wondered if Peyton had started showing yet. She probably had. And she wondered what Brooke had done while she was gone.

**Love of mine some day you will die**  
**But I'll be close behind**  
**I'll follow you into the dark**

She looked at Nathan again and watched his eyes scan the road. That was when it suddenly hit her. Nothing was the same. While she was going to be taking classes at Duke, he would be half way across the world. She felt an ache in her heart just looking at him. He was going to be so far away and she knew that it would be long periods of time where she didn't get to talk to him. Where she wouldn't hear his voice. She would hear it everyday like she had for the past few weeks. It would be the weirdest thing to get used to. Not seeing him everyday.

"Where's your head at?" Nathan asked a few minutes later turning to look at her.

"No where," she lied, "no where at all."

**No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white**  
**Just our hands clasped so tight**  
**Waiting for the hint of a spark**  
**If Heaven and Hell decide**  
**That they both are satisfied**  
**Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs**

* * *

Nathan stopped the car in front of Haley's house and they both sat in the seats they had been occupying for hours. No words passed between them, but there weren't any that were needed. The sound of the engine shutting off was the only sound surrounding them. Nathan ran his hand over the back of his neck and then rested his head against his head rest. It was weird to be sitting in front of Haley's house. To know that he wasn't going to see her for the rest of the night after she got out of the car. It was weird to know that she was going to go back into the house that Jake wasn't in any more. He should have been there and he wasn't.

The sound of Haley unbuckling her seat belt broke him out of his thoughts and he turned to look at her. He watched as she grabbed the handle of the door and got out of the car. He followed soon after her. He helped pull her bag from the back of the car and handed it to her. She mumbled a quiet thank you and smiled at him. He couldn't help but smile too. He walked towards the door with her but stopped a few steps away from her. "I had a great time with you," Haley said, "a lot more fun than I thought I was going to have."

"Yeah," he said and smiled, "I had fun with you too."

"I'll probably see you tomorrow," she said after a few seconds of silence. He nodded before smiling and turning back towards his car. His steps stalled before continuing towards the door. He heard the sound of the front door opening behind him and he heard her pulling her bag through the door. He was about to get in the car again when he heard his name. "Wait," she said. He turned around and walked a little bit closer to where she was. She ran down the cement steps from her front porch to where he was standing. He was surprised when she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

It only took him a few seconds to wrap his arms around her and pull her body tight against his. It felt good to have her in his arms and he didn't want to let go. He wasn't sure how long they stood under the dark blue sky but he was sure it wasn't long enough. When she let go he could feel the warmth leaving his body with her. "I'll let you go," she said and smiled, "see you later Nathan."

**If there's no one beside you**  
**When your soul embarks**  
**Then I'll follow you into the dark**

He smiled and watched her go back towards her house. He waited until the door shut before he got in his car and drove away. Haley heard his car back out of the driveway and drive down the street from the other side of the wooden door. "Haley?" she heard her mother's voice ask, "is that you?"

"Yeah Momma," she said, "it's me." She left her bag by the door and walked towards the kitchen where she heard her mom's voice. She saw her mom standing in the kitchen in a cream colored sweater with jeans. Her short blonde hair was pushed behind her ears and she smiled brightly when she saw her daughter walk through the door. "Hi Momma," Haley said and hurried to give her a hug. Lydia smiled and hugged her daughter back tightly.

"I thought I heard a car pull up."

"Yeah it was just us."

"Well why didn't Nathan come in?"

"He had to get back home. He has some talking to do with his Karen and Keith."

Haley saw the concern on her mother's face before she asked, "is everything ok with him? Something wrong?"

"He um," Haley started finding it hard to even get the words out, "he's not going to Duke anymore. He enlisted and he has to leave at the end of August."

"Nathan?" she asked, "Nathan Scott?"

"Yeah, Nathan Scott."

Lydia pushed her hair out of her face, "I'm not gonna lie, I'm surprised to hear something like that about him. I never would have thought he would do something like that. But you know what? I'm proud of him. That takes a lot of courage."

"Yeah," Haley said, "I'm just scared for him."

"He's strong, and he's smart. He'll be ok."

"I know," Haley said, "I'm still just worried."

"Well you know what I was worried about?" Lydia said, "the two of you being in the same car for weeks. I'm surprised you didn't kill each other." Haley scoffed and then let out a little laugh. "Oh come on," Lydia continued, "it's not like you two were ever very good friends. You butt heads about everything."

"Yeah well we actually had a lot of fun. To be honest I was worried that it was gonna suck the whole time, cuz like you said, we kind of fight a lot."

Lydia laughed, "only kind of."

"Anyways," Haley said and laughed, "we actually worked things out. I think things will be better for us from now on. Besides I think Jake would have wanted for us to be friends so I feel like we kind of owe it to him. And it's something I'm definitely willing to work on."

"So," Lydia said, "did he kiss you?"

"Mom!" Haley yelled.

"What?" she asked and laughed, "come on I'm just asking! Plus I think that you guys fought so much because you secretly have a thing for each other. It's not a completely insane thought!"

"Me and Nathan… we're just so… not that. It would be too hard to even try and be that with him."

"I don't know," Lydia said, "I've always kind of thought you two were perfect for each other. Even when you were about to kill each other."

"Oh whatever," Haley said before changing the subject. "Where's dad?"

"He went to pick up dinner from Karen's. I wasn't sure what time you were gonna be home but I told him to pick up something for you just incase so he should be back anytime. You hungry?"

"Yeah I kind of am."

"Well good." She smiled before hugging her daughter again. "I'm so glad you're home. I've missed you."

"I missed you too Momma."

**In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule**  
**I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black**  
**And I held my tongue as she told me**  
**"Son fear is the heart of love"**  
**So I never went back**

* * *

Nathan pulled into the driveway and saw that the lights were on. He looked at the clock in the dash and saw that it was almost 9. His mom would have been home soon. He turned the car off and got out. It was weird to be home. It wasn't even like he'd been gone forever but it felt like longer than it really was. And he was honestly scared to go inside. He knew that tonight he had to tell his parents about enlisting. He had to tell Lucas about it too. And his friends. He could feel his heart start to race as he thought about it.

He opened the door and walked inside and heard the sound of the TV in the living room. He walked in and saw his dad and Lucas watching TV. "You're home," Keith said and smiled when he saw his son walk in. He stood up and walked over to the younger boy and gave him a hug. "How was the trip?" he asked.

"It was fun," Nathan answered, "but I'm glad to be home."

"I'm surprised you're still alive," Lucas joked.

Nathan rolled his eyes before sitting down in one of the chairs next to the couch. "Mom home yet?" Nathan asked.

"No," Keith said, "but she should be home soon."

Nathan nodded before looking down at his hands in his lap. "You alright?" Keith asked, "you seem a little… I don't know different."

"No I'm fine," he said, "I just need to talk to you guys."

Nathan could feel his heart racing again and he could practically feel his stomach in his throat. He hadn't ever been so nervous. He wanted to believe that everyone would just accept it and no one would be upset. But he was fully aware that his decision didn't just impact him. It changed everything for everyone. A few minutes later they heard the garage door open signaling that Karen was home. She walked into the living room and smiled when she saw Nathan sitting there. He got up quickly and went to hug her.

**If Heaven and Hell decide**  
**That they both are satisfied**  
**Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs**

"How was your trip?" she asked and he could practically hear the smile in her voice. "I want to hear all about it. I hope you have a lot of pictures."

"Yeah, I mean Haley took them but I'm sure she'll show you."

"Well she'd better. Are you tired or hungry? I can make you something to eat. Your dad and Luke came down to the café for dinner a few hours ago. I should have thought to bring you something."

"No don't worry about it," he said, "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Keith watched the exchange between the two of them and he could tell that his son was nervous. He was fidgetting with his hands and he didn't normally do that unless he was caught in a lie or nervous about something. "Nate," Keith said, "is there something that you want to talk about?"

"Um," Nathan said, "if now's not a good time we can talk later."

"Now's fine," Karen said, "is everything ok?"

"I just have something important that I need to talk to you about." He saw Lucas stand up and start to leave the room thinking that it was something he should leave his brother and parents to talk about."No Luke," Nathan said, "you need to hear this too." Lucas sat back down and so did Nathan. Karen slowly sat down next to Keith and looked at her younger son.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I feel bad about bringing this up now," Nathan said, "I mean I just got home a few minutes ago but, I really need to tell you. It's not something that I can just keep putting off. I mean anymore than I already have."

"Will you just tell us whatever it is?" Lucas said.

"Ok," he replied, "towards the end of the year, right before graduation I decided not to go to Duke anymore. I turned down my scholarship."

"You don't want to go to Duke?" Karen asked.

"No," Nathan said, "I'm not going to Duke."

"Ok," she said, "so you don't want to go to Duke anymore. You got scholarship offers from other schools too. I mean this isn't that much of a problem."

"That's not it is it?" Keith asked, "this isn't just about you not wanting to go to Duke."

"No, its not. I'm not going to college at all." He looked at Lucas and saw the confusion on his face. "The thing is, is that I…" he took a deep breath, "I enlisted."

**If there's no one beside you**  
**When your soul embarks**  
**Then I'll follow you into the dark**

He watched their faces wondering who was going to say something first. He could feel the anticipation killing him. He wasn't sure how long he could stand listening to the clock on the wall tick and the sounds of the quieted TV behind him. Karen looked down at her hands in her lap before looking up at him and pushing her short dark brown hair behind her ears. Keith sat up more and said, "you know that anything that you choose to do, I'm going to support you in. I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared for you now. And this may not be what I would have wanted for you, but if you want this then I'm behind you 100%."

Nathan let a small smile appear on his face. He could feel a weight off his shoulders now. He knew that everyone he told was shocked by what he was saying. But all he wanted was to know that he had their support. He looked at his mom and saw that she had tears in her eyes. The last thing he wanted was to make her cry. "I support you too, Nate. But like your dad I'm worried. So please just, if this is what you want then ok, but if not-"

"I'm gonna do this mom," Nathan said, "I just want you to be proud of me."

She smiled at him before standing up and walking towards him. He stood up too and she wrapped her arms around her much taller son. "I'm always proud of you. And I'm so proud of you now, you don't even know how much. I'm just scared for you."

"Don't be," he said, "everything's going to be ok."

She kissed his cheek and hugged him again before taking a few steps back. Nathan turned and looked at Lucas expecting him to say something too. Lucas stood up and looked at his brother before saying, "I just don't understand." Lucas opened his mouth like he was going to say more before walking out of the room and up the stairs towards his room.

"Lucas," Karen called after him and started to walk towards the direction he gone in but Nathan beat her to it.

"I'll go," he said, "I'm the one who needs to talk to him anyways." He smiled at both of his parents before walking towards the stairs and jogging up them. He walked down the hall past the pictures of him and his brother and their friends or their family that lined the wall. He made his way to the end of the hall and to Lucas's door. He didn't knock before going in.

Lucas sat at his computer desk and he passed a basketball between his hands. "So," Nathan said sitting down on the edge of his bed, "apparently you aren't as supportive as mom and dad."

"I just don't get it Nathan. How could you do that? All you've ever wanted is to go to Duke and now that you can you turn down your scholarship and you join the army. Why? What are you trying to be a hero now? Change things for you because you couldn't change them for Jake?"

Nathan looked up at him when he said that. Lucas continued, "I know that Jake was your best friend and he was my friend too but do you honestly think that this is gonna change things? Changing everything for everyone is not gonna bring him back. So I just don't know why you're doing this."

"I'm not doing this because I'm trying to change things for everyone else. This is about me! Everything that's happened in the past few months has just made me realize that I need to do something that's important. This, enlisting, it is important. And you don't have to understand it Lucas but don't you make me feel bad about it!" he yelled, "it's my choice and it matters and I don't need to you be happy about it."

He stood up and walked out of the room slamming the door shut behind him. He walked down the hall to his room. He shut the door behind him and ran his hands through his hair. The last thing he wanted was to fight with Lucas. He knew that not everyone was going to be ok with what he was doing. But he didn't need them to understand. It was his choice. He knew that Jake would have supported him. And now Haley supported him and so did his parents. Right now, that was all he needed.

He changed out of the clothes he was wearing and into a pair of blue basketball shorts. He laid back against his bed and stared at the ceiling. His mind was racing with so many thoughts and he couldn't quiet them. There were many thoughts about what everyone was thinking about him and enlisting. The way everyone was going to react or how they had reacted. But then suddenly his thoughts switched to Haley. The image of her smiled played in his head. He could hear her laugh and he could see the way the wind blew her hair while they sat on the beach and talked. He missed her already and he hadn't even been away from her for two hours.

He wondered if she was thinking about him. He wanted her to be thinking about him. He wanted her to miss him like he missed her. But he would never know what she was thinking at that exact moment. No matter how much he wanted to know. He needed to do something that was going to clear his head. Something to keep his mind off of missing her.

He sat up and went to his dresser and pulled out a black t shirt and pulled it on over his chest. He then put on a pair of black socks with his black Nikes and grabbed the orange basketball that was on the floor in the corner of his room. He walked out of his room and down the stairs. Karen saw him walking towards the front door. "You going to the River Court?" she asked.

He nodded and smiled at her before walking out the front door and back towards where he'd parked his car only a little while before.

* * *

**You and me have seen everything to see  
From Bangkok to Calgary  
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down  
The time for sleep is now  
It's nothing to cry about  
'cause we'll hold each other soon  
In the blackest of rooms**

_Haley sat on the same bench in the park where she had been with Jake when he had told her about his cancer. He was standing in front of her in a white t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans with white converse on his feet. He looked happy and healthy, she hadn't seen him like that in a long time. He didn't look pale and anemic like had for the months before he died. She stood up quickly and went to hug him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head._

"_I miss you," she said. Jake smiled and nodded._

"_I miss you too Hales. But everything's ok."_

"_Everything's so different now. Nathan's leaving me soon and you're gone. Everything's not ok."_

"_Trust me," he said, "you'll be ok. Everyone will be ok."_

_Haley could feel tears spilling down her cheeks. Jake used the pad of his thumb to wipe the tears away. Haley looked at him again and she could tell that he was no something so much more than human. His skin glowed slightly and his eyes were bright. Standing with him made her miss him so much more._

_Haley suddenly noticed that they weren't alone. Nathan was standing a few feet away from them in a green dress uniform. As he walked closer she saw the pin with his last name pinned to his chest. He smiled at the two of them and Jake hugged him when he got closer. Haley didn't know what to think about the two of them in front of her. All she knew was that she didn't want either of them to leave her. She wanted them both there with her for as long as possible. _

_After a few minutes Jake looked behind him and said, "I have to go," he said. He hugged Haley one more time and she watched him turn around and start to walk towards a bright light. "So do I," Nathan said a few seconds later. Haley could feel her heart race as she watched them both walk away from her. She tried to yell out to both of them but it was like they couldn't hear her. She yelled their names for what felt like hours but they were gone. She couldn't see them anymore. _

**If Heaven and Hell decide**  
**That they both are satisfied**  
**Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs**

Haley sat up in bed and looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. She hadn't even been asleep for an hour. She wiped the sweat off her forehead then rested her hands in her palms. She knew that she wasn't going to get anymore sleep now. She threw the blanket off of her and grabbed her white tennis shoes off the ground and slipped them on. She pulled Jake's sweatshirt on over her tank top and left on the black shorts she'd been wearing.

She walked out into the hall and saw that all the lights were off. Her parents door was shut and she could tell that the light was off. She quietly made her way down the stairs and grabbed her keys out of the laundry room. Once she got outside she unlocked her car and quickly got in. She wasn't sure where she was going but she needed to get away from her house. Just being back for the little time that she had been had made her dream of Jake. And it wasn't that she didn't love seeing him, it was just hard.

She hadn't even been paying attention to where she was driving and when she looked up she saw that she had driven to the River Court. She saw Nathan's car parked next to the court so she pulled up next to it. She saw him turn his head when she pulled up and watched the recognition spread on his face. He smiled when she got out of the car and walked towards him. His smiled stopped though when she saw the tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked and hurried over to her.

"I had a dream about Jake," she said, "he was an angel and it was the last time I was ever going to see him. And you were there too," she said the tears rolling down her cheeks. "You were both leaving me. I was trying to call out to you, but you couldn't hear me. And it was just to real."

"Hey," he said tilting her chin so she would look at him. "Everything's ok. I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here. Whenever you need me you know you can always find me."

"I'm not ready for you to be gone too," she cried and then buried her head to his chest. "I don't want you to go anywhere."

"I'm right here," he said and rested his chin on top of her head. "I'm right here."

The two of them walked to the picnic table and sat on the top and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him again. The warm wind blew off the river and surrounded with the smell of the water. The lights of the court illuminated the court and allowed them to see each other. "You know what?" Nathan said, "I'm glad you're here. I'm not ready to be away from you."

They sat there in the silence listening to the flow of the water just staying in each other's arms. They weren't ready to be away from each other. They needed each other still. And they knew it. It was time they started to admit that.

**If there's no one beside you**  
**When your soul embarks**  
**Then I'll follow you into the dark**  
**Then I'll follow you into the dark**


	9. Right Where You Are, Right Where I Am

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks for the reviews guys! Please keep them up they're what motivates me to update (:**

**Chapter 9: Right Where You Are, Right Where I Am**

Nathan shot the ball threw the metal net and listened to the clinking sound it made as it went through. He had missed that sound. He bounced the ball against the pavement a few times before shooting it towards the hoop again. It bounced on the orange rim before coming back down through the hoop. "I see you haven't lost your touch," he heard from behind him. He turned around and saw Mouth, Fergie, Junk and Skills walking towards him. He smiled at his friends before going and grabbing the ball.

"I guess not," he said before tossing the ball towards Skills, who caught it easily in his hands. Nathan walked closer to his friends who clapped their hands on his shoulders as a way of embracing him. "How've ya'll been?" he asked a moment later.

"Alright," Mouth said, "it's been kind of a boring Summer so far."

"Yeah," Skills said, "I mean with you and Hales gone… Jake… it's been weird."

Nathan nodded before looking down at the ground. He wasn't sure that he really wanted to talk about Jake right now. The last thing he wanted was to bring back his bad feelings about being back. He wanted to be happy to see his family and friends again, he just didn't want there to be the veil of sadness over them still. He felt like an absolute jack ass for even thinking that he wanted to put what happened behind him, but it just hurt too bad to really think about it. To really think that Jake was gone and that he wasn't coming back.

"Speaking of things being weird," Junk said a moment later, "Luke talked to us earlier. You know about you… enlisting."

Nathan nodded and walked towards the picnic table before sitting on it. They followed after and sat next to him. "Yeah I did," he said, "I leave in August."

"Why are you doing that?" Fergie asked, "I mean I thought you wanted to play ball. This is crazy. It's like the farthest thing from the NBA."

"I know that," Nathan said, "look I've had to explain it so many times and really I don't think anyone's going to understand it the way I do. It just makes sense to me. I know that you're probably never gonna get it and it's fine. You don't have to. I just want you to be… I don't know I just want you to pretend it's ok."

"Look man," Skills said, "we don't have to pretend to support you. You know that we already do. I'm not gonna lie, I think you're crazy if you would ever give up your scholarship, especially to Duke, but we're behind you 100 percent."

"I appreciate that," Nathan said. And he really did. It was bad enough that Lucas was mad at him for this, but if his friends were too, he would hate himself for the choice he made. All he needed was the support from the people he cared about to feel ok with what he was doing.

* * *

Haley stood with her shoulder leaning against the door frame to Jake's room. It hadn't changed at all since she was home last. It was so weird to look at it. Like any minute Jake would run up the stairs and gently nudge her aside so he could enter his room. But when she stopped to think about it, she remembered that wasn't going to happen. It was hard for her really grasp the fact that he wasn't coming back. She thought she'd dealt with that a while ago, but now that she was back, it was all coming back to her. It was like she had to re learn the fact that her brother was gone and that he was never coming back.

**The how I cant recall**  
**But im staring at**  
**What once was the wall**  
**Separating east and west**  
**Now they meet admidst**  
**The broad daylight**

She made her way to the top of the stairs but stopped when she heard voices from the kitchen. One she recognized instantly as the sound of her mother's voice and then a few seconds later she realized that the other voice was Karen. She listened for a few seconds before she was able to tell what they were talking about.

"Thank you for agreeing to let us have the party here," Karen said, "I just feel like with Nathan leaving the next morning it would be a lot to plan to have a bunch of people over."

"Of course," Lydia said, "you know that I've always thought of Nathan and Lucas as my other sons and besides, you and Keith are our best friends. We'd be happy to have Nathan's going away party here."

Haley took a seat on the top step and she was sure that neither Karen or Lydia would see her sitting there. She continued to listen to the discussion of the two women downstairs. "Thank you so much," Karen said again, "by the way, how've you been? I feel like I haven't really talked to you as much as I'd like lately. You know with it being Summer, the café gets really busy."

"Don't worry about it," Lydia said, "I know that you have your own things going on. And I've been ok. I mean I'm still trying to get over everything. It's almost been a month now and it's still hard to get over."

"No one would ever expect you to get over this quickly. You have the right to take as much time as you need to get over this."

"It's just so hard," Haley could hear the sadness in her mom's voice and she could hear the way she was trying to keep her tears back. "Plus now with all the things with Peyton-"

"What things with Peyton?" Karen asked.

"She's pregnant. And she's scared out of her mind, not that I can blame her. But she's strong so I have all the confidence that she'll be able to raise this baby. Besides she has me and Jimmy and I'm sure Haley and Brooke. But I just don't know what I would do if I were her."

"I had no idea," Karen said, "everyone has so much going on right now."

Lydia nodded and Karen continued, "I'm scared for Nathan."

Lydia looked at her before putting a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. "I can only imagine what you're feeling right now. But Nathan's smart, he won't let anything happen to him."

"But what if something does happen? I'm trying so hard to be supportive of him and everything he wants, I just don't know how to. I'm scared out of my mind for him. But you know Nathan he's stubborn. And he's dead set on what he wants. And I don't want him to think I'm not supporting him, but I'm just scared."

"I don't see how he could see it as a problem that you're afraid. Nathan may be stubborn but he loves you and he would understand anything that you're feeling. I mean now that can't change the choices he's made, but he would never think badly of you or the way you feel. I think that if you talk to him it might actually help you."

"I'm sure you're right," Karen said.

Haley stood up and turned back towards her room. She wasn't sure if now was the best time to go downstairs. She didn't want them to think she was listening in on their conversation. But she couldn't help but let all the things they had been talking about ring around in her head. She let Karen's fear for Nathan sink in on her and she could feel her heart start to pound as she thought about Nathan leaving just a few short months. She wasn't ready for that. She wanted him around as long as possible. She wanted him to be around to look after her like he promised he would. How was she supposed to face Duke without him.

Even before they were friends, back when she really didn't like him at all, the fact that she would at least have someone from home at Duke with her eased her fears. But now that he was going to be a world away from her, she wasn't sure she would be able to deal with it. Nathan had told her that she had nothing to worry about, but the truth was she was sure she couldn't do this alone.

**So this is where you are**  
**And this is where I am**  
**Somewhere between**  
**Unsure and a hundred**

* * *

Haley walked into Karen's café later that night and saw her standing behind the counter. When she walked over she heard her talking to one of the customers at the counter. Not wanting to interrupt she sat down on one of the stools and waited for her to finish speaking. When she did she turned to the side and saw Haley sitting at the counter. "Haley," she said and flashed her warm and welcoming smile, "what can I get for you?" she asked.

"Actually," Haley said, "I was wondering if we could talk. The thing is, now that I'm home I kind of need a job. I'm gonna need money once I get to school and plus I don't want to just sit at home the rest of summer. So I was wondering if maybe you needed some help around here. I know that Jake worked here not too long ago and I thought maybe I could-"

"I would love extra help around here. You seem more of the waitress type rather than the bus boy type that he was, so why don't you start here tomorrow and we'll see how it goes."

"Thank you so much Karen, really I appreciate it."

"No trust me, I appreciate the help. Summer can get pretty busy and I'm gonna need all the help I can get."

Haley smiled at her and thanked her again for the help. She really needed to get out of the house this summer. There were so many memories of Jake around and being cooped up inside all summer was really the last thing she wanted. If things were going to get anywhere near normal she needed to make them normal again. And getting out and doing stuff this summer was the way to do it.

The door opened a few minutes later and Haley turned when she heard the bell above the door ring. She also heard Brooke's voice accompanied by a few others. She saw Brooke walk in followed by Peyton, Lucas and Nathan. They walked over to the counter where Haley was sitting and Brooke leaned against the counter next to her. "We're gonna go out on my dad's boat tonight. Wanna come?"

"Sure," Haley said before turning back to Karen, "I'll see you tomorrow," she said and smiled before getting up and walking out with her friends. She fell back so she was walking with Nathan and let Brooke, Peyton and Lucas lead the way to Lucas's truck. "So I feel like I should thank you again," Haley said to Nathan.

He turned and looked at her, "what for?" he asked.

"For being there for me the other night. I didn't realize how hard it was gonna be when I got home. I feel like you're always there to pick me up."

"I'm happy to be there Hales," he said and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "I told you I'm always here when you need me."

She nodded and smiled but deep down she knew that he wasn't going to be right there for her. He was going to be gone and she was going to have to learn to take care of herself sometime. They all climbed into Lucas's truck and waited for him to get them to the marina where Brooke's dad kept his boat. Haley hoped that a fun night with her friends was what she need to get her mind off things.

When they got they she saw that Skills and Mouth were also meeting up with them. They all walked across the dock towards the boat and once inside waited for Brooke to start it up. She was the only one who knew what she was doing on there. "It's not very often that Brookes got the smarts to get us going some place," Nathan joked. Brooke made a mocking face towards him before flipping him off. Nathan laughed before sitting down near the back of the boat and waiting for everyone else to sit down too.

"Watch it Scott or I might just kick your ass off this boat," she said while starting the boat. Haley laughed as she listened to them bicker. She sat down next to Nathan and turned her body sideways so she could look out at the water. The sun was beginning to set and she watched as it cast different colors across the water. She let her palm rest against the water as the boat began to move towards the middle of the lake. She let everything else leave her mind except how the water felt against her skin. It was nice to have that be the only thing on her mind for once.

Nathan watched her as she stared at the water. The sounds of everyone talking on the boat seemed so distant as he looked at her. He was taken aback by how beautiful she looked while the sun cast a glow on her. She truly was one of the most beautiful girls he'd ever known and he wasn't sure how he'd never noticed until a few weeks before. But now that he knew it, he took every opportunity to take in just how beautiful she was. Sure he'd noticed while they were on their trip, but now that they were back… her beauty just seemed to scream out at him. All he wanted was to kiss her again. But he couldn't do that. She was still Jake's sister and he knew that Jake wouldn't want Nathan to be thinking about his sister like that. But since that night they'd kissed at that ratty motel, kissing her was all that seemed to be in his mind.

**Its hard I must confess**  
**Im banking on the rest to clear away**  
**Cause we have spoken everything**  
**Everything short of I love you**

He wondered if she felt the same way. He wasn't going to ask of course, but he still wondered. Was that kiss as fresh in her mind as it was in his? The more he thought about it the more he realized if he had the chance to do things over, he would have made sure the next kiss was better. Haley deserved better. She didn't deserve the frenzied, drunk, sloppy kiss they'd shared. Even though he was sure it was a hell of lot better than any other kiss he'd ever had. But she deserved better than a kiss outside the motel room while they were both drunk. Because Haley wasn't that girl and he knew that. She was as classy as they came and he wanted to prove to her how much he really thought of her.

Since the night they met Jonnie he had seriously thought about telling her how he was feeling. But there were a few things stopping him. One, she was Jake's sister. He'd grown up with this girl, known her all his life and the fact that he was starting to have strong feelings for her, it was weird to him. He wasn't sure when exactly he began to see her differently, but if he was being honest with himself, he knew it was long before Jake had even gotten sick. He remembered always feeling over protective of her and even a little jealous when he saw her with other guys, but he always brushed it off. Another thing that was stopping him was the fact that he was leaving in August. He was going to be all the way across the world from her and he knew that he couldn't start something that he couldn't finish. It would kill him to have her and then loose her so quickly. And more than his own selfish feelings, he wouldn't put her through that. He couldn't ask her to wait for him. He had to let her live her life, even if that meant without him.

Haley looked up from the water and saw Nathan looking at her. The look in his eyes was something she'd never seen before. At least not from him. She'd seen the look on Jake's face when he was with Peyton, or even just talked about her. It was the same look she saw on her parent's faces when they were together. It was something that they were so blissfully unaware of and it surprised her to see it on Nathan's face. Why was he looking at her like that? Was it possible that he was feeling the same way about her that she had been feeling about him? Did he get the butterflies in his stomach just when she was around like she did when he was around? Did his heart skip a beat when he heard her laugh like hers did? Did he feel the sparks through his body at a simple touch like she felt? There were so many things she was wondering and wanted to ask but she didn't trust herself to put them into words. Not for him. Besides, now was hardly the time or place to talk about something like that. Not in front of all of the their friends. And if she was wrong about the whole thing, she wasn't sure she could handle that.

**You right where you are**  
**From right where I am**  
**Somewhere between**  
**Unsure and a hundred**

"What?" Haley said. Nathan broke out of the daze he'd been in and saw her looking back at him. She had a questioning look on her face, not that he could blame her. She probably thought he was crazy for just staring at her like that. He knew that he would think he was crazy if he was her. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked. He wasn't sure if his mind was just playing tricks on him and he was just seeing what he wanted to see, but he could have sworn that he saw a light blush paint her skin in the setting sun. He hoped that he had.

"It's nothing," Nathan said, "forget about it."

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Peyton asked bringing them both back to reality. Haley was blushing for sure now that her friends had caught them in that moment like that. God, she could only imagine what they were all thinking watching them talking like that. Brooke would definitely be talking to her about that later. She knew that much was true.

"Nothing," Nathan said, "so Brooke," he said trying to shift the subject away from them, "why exactly did you bring us out here?"

"Well," she said and sat down next to Lucas now that they were far enough out in the water. "I was thinking that this is exactly what we all need. A night to just get away ya know? I mean with everything that's going on we all need a fun night to just stop thinking for a change. Besides the summer's gonna go fast like it always does and now that I'm working this Summer, and same with Tutor Girl we're gonna be busy and Luke's getting ready for that program in California. And Baby Mama over there," she said motioning to Peyton, "she's gonna have a lot going on. And with you leaving Nate, I think we all just need some time together."

"I think you're right," Haley said, "it's nice to not have to worry and think so much. I like just being out here with you guys."

Nathan smiled at her words. He was glad that she could have this time to get away from everything. He could only imagine what it was like to have to go home and not hear the usual laughter and noise that Jake brought to their house. It was hard enough for him to be home without his best friend, but Haley had to deal with the fact that there was someone permanently gone from her home. And that someone was her brother. The last thing Nathan wanted was for Haley to feel sad now that they were back and if these nights out were what she needed, then he wanted to be apart of that. He wanted to be apart of anything that made her happy.

* * *

They had stayed out on the boat for hours, long after the sun had gone down. Haley and Nathan walked off the boat together and she knew that she wasn't ready to go home yet. She wasn't ready to go back to her quiet house. She needed more time away. Part of her felt selfish and bad for wanting to be away when her parents had been in the house without Jake and even without her. But she still wasn't ready to face the fact that he was gone. She would have to do it sometime, but not tonight. She walked with Nathan silently towards Lucas's truck. He was driving back down to the café so Nathan could get his car. After that he was taking Peyton and Brooke back to Peyton's house.

Brooke had been spending most nights at Peyton's house. She had said it was because she didn't like the idea of Peyton being pregnant and alone in her big house. And that was true, she didn't want to leave her friend alone, not right now especially. But it was also because she didn't want to be home. Her parents had been fighting a lot and the noise of their yelling traveled through their house and Brooke could always hear it.

When they got back to the café Nathan and Haley got out of the truck and Nathan said, "did you walk here?" Haley nodded and he said, "do you want me to give you a ride? I don't want you to walk home."

"You don't have to worry about it," Haley said, "I don't even think I'm gonna head home yet so I don't want you to have to wait around for me."

"No," Nathan said, "I was actually thinking about heading down to the beach, so if you want to come with me, I would love for you to." Haley smiled and pushed her hair behind her ears. The warm breeze had blown her hair in front of her eyes.

"I would really like that actually," she said and the both of them walked towards his car. The drive down wasn't long, just a few minutes. But for a little bit, it felt like it had just the month before. She missed being in the car with him on the long drives, at first she hated it. It was awkward and the silence was stifling. But as time went on, she began to really love those times with him. Driving through the small towns that she would never remember the name of or trying to find a place to stay while Nathan refused to ask for directions was something she would never get tired of.

When the car stopped they both got out. She began to walk toward the sand and she took her shoes off when she got there. Nathan walked a few steps behind her, letting her decide where they would stop. She walked towards the shore for a few more feet before stopping and sitting in the sand. She watched the dark waves crash against the shore and let the sound of it surround her. She loved that sound. She was going to miss it when she was at Duke. Nathan sat down next to her and pulled his knees up and locked his arms around his legs. She rested her weight back on her palms in the sand as she continued to look out at the dark expanse of the water in front of her.

**And who's to say its wrong**  
**And who's to say that its not right**  
**Where we should be for now**

"Are you going to miss this?" Haley asked and looked at Nathan, "I mean, the beach and the sound of the waves?" she quickly added hoping that he hadn't thought that she meant spending time with her. Although, she hoped that was something he was going to miss. She knew that it was something she would miss most of all while he was gone.

"Yeah," Nathan said, "I'm gonna miss the smell of the salt in the air and warm breeze. I'm gonna miss the ocean and I'm gonna miss Tree Hill. All of it I think. I mean I know that it was always my plan to get out of here, but now that I am, I'm gonna miss it a lot. I was thinking about it last night, I'm gonna miss the river court. And the guys and my family and all my friends." He turned and looked at her, "I'm really gonna miss you. I think I'm gonna miss you most actually."

Her heart began to race at his words. "I'm gonna miss you too Nathan. It's gonna be so weird to not talk to you everyday. I'm so used to it now."

Nathan smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders and drew her body close to his. A few seconds later they both laid back in the sand and looked up at the stairs. The night sky was clear and they could see what had to be millions, billions of stars. Nathan's hand laid next to Haley's and he absent mindedly intertwined his fingers with hers. He wasn't sure if she even noticed. If she did, he hoped her she didn't pull away. He could have stayed like that forever. Just there in the silence with her. It was then that he felt the most comfortable and safe. Just laying there with her.

Haley yawned and Nathan looked over at her. "Do you want me to take you home? You seem pretty tired."

Haley shook her head, "I don't want to go home. I still… just can't be there. His room feels so empty. I mean all of his stuff is still in there. His guitar, his pictures, everything. But without him I feel like it might as well be gone. All of it. It's all nothing without him there ya know? I'm just not ready to be around his stuff and, and I'm not ready to except the fact that he's not coming back. So if you don't mind, I just wanna stay here with you for awhile longer."

Nathan nodded and then looked back up at the stars. He was happy to stay there with her as long as she needed. If she needed him to just stay there and be with her, he was more than happy to do it. He wanted her to know that all she had to do was say the word and he would be there. "I'm here as long as you need me," he said. And in that moment she knew that he truly meant that.

X

Haley's eyes drifted open and she quickly closed them again when the bright sun began to shine in her eyes. She buried her head back where she had been laying before. She quickly realized that she had been sleeping on Nathan's chest. She heard the sound of the waves not far from her. She sat up quickly and looked around and realized that they had fallen asleep on the beach the night before. She shook Nathan's shoulder trying to wake him. "Nathan, wake up!" she said and shook his shoulder again. He groaned and brought the arm that had been around her up to his face to block out the light. "Nathan we fell asleep here last night."

Nathan sat up slowly and blinked a few times to try and adjust his eyes to the harsh morning light. He yawned and ran his hand over his face. He opened his eyes again and saw Haley sitting next to him. She was squinting in the bright light and trying to tame her hair. She ran her fingers through it a few times before pushing it behind her shoulders. "Not gonna lie," Nathan said, "it was actually pretty comfortable to sleep here last night." Haley smiled and stretched her arms over her head. Nathan's hand went to her back and he swept away the sand that had stuck to her shirt.

She smiled at the gesture before resting her chin on her knees. She stared out at the ocean before it hit her. "Oh my God," she said and turned to look at him, "what time is it?" she asked. Nathan looked down at his watch and said, "almost… 9:30:"

"Oh my God," she said and stood up quickly, "I was supposed to be at your mom's café an hour ago! It's my first day and I'm late and your mom is gonna fire me!"

"No she won't Haley," Nathan said, "just call in and tell her you're sick or something and that you'll start tomorrow."

"I can't do that Nathan! Today's my first day and I didn't even show up on time, how's that going to look?"

"Haley, my mom loves you she'll get over it," Nathan said as he stood up and brushed the sand off his clothes. Haley quickly started towards Nathan's car and he followed after. He could tell that she was panicking about being late, but he knew his mom and he knew that she wouldn't care as much as Haley was thinking.

"Can you please give me a ride?" Haley asked.

"Of course."

He unlocked the car and she quickly got in and put her seatbelt on and waited for him to get in too. When he did he could see the nervous look on her face and he drove quickly to his mom's café. When he got there she quickly threw off her seat belt and shoved the door open. She was about to get out of the car when she leaned back in towards him. She kissed him quickly on the cheek and got out of the car. "Thank you Nathan!" she yelled over her shoulder as she hurried to get inside. Nathan smiled and leaved across the seat to close the door that she'd left open in her rush to get inside.

On his drive home he smiled the whole way. He would never complain about the fact that he got to spend the whole night with Haley. Sure, she was freaking out about being late, but even still he liked the fact that she was relying on him to get her where she needed to be. More than that, he liked the fact that she had confided in him the night before. He wanted her to know that she could always talk to him about anything. He wanted to be the one she went to. But at the same time, this was all so confusing. There was no way they were just friends, but they weren't what he wanted them to be. What he knew they couldn't be. They were somewhere in between. But he was going to be whatever she wanted him to be for as long as he could.

**So this is where you are**  
**And this is where I am**  
**So this is where you are**  
**And this is where ive been**  
**Somewhere between **  
**Unsure and a hundred**


	10. Life on Earth

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks for the review (:**

**Chapter 10: Life On Earth**

_**Stephen King once wrote: Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away… and in the end there is only darkness. **_

Haley sat on the steps that lead to her backyard and she listened to her mom and Karen talk in the kitchen. They were setting up for the party for Nathan. The summer had passed so much faster than she would have liked. Sure, most people hated when Summer came to an end. It meant the start of school again, for some people it meant that the nice warm weather was coming to an end. Maybe it meant a new school. But for Haley, it meant that Nathan was leaving. Haley could feel her heart sink every time she thought about that. She hated that he was leaving her. And she hated feeling so selfish about it. But she really didn't get enough time with him. She hadn't even realized that she liked him at all until this Summer started. And now that she realized she wanted to be around him, he was leaving.

She hoped that school would keep her preoccupied enough while he was gone. Maybe then she wouldn't have to think about the fact that he wasn't there so much. The fact that it would be months before she even got to talk to him at all. It would be forever until she actually saw him again… in person. She hoped that he would at least write to her. That way it would help time go by, at least a little bit. But the truth was, the only thing that had been helping her make it through the months of loneliness and boredom, was Nathan.

Things had been so busy for everyone, just like Brooke had said they would be. She was getting ready for New York. Her mom had already started moving all of their things out there. She had found an apartment that would suit them just fine. So that meant it was time to start getting all of their things in that apartment. Brooke had gone out a few times to help her mom. Lucas had been getting ready for his writing program and Haley barely saw him at all. Peyton was always busy with doctors appointments it seemed. Haley and her mom went with her a few times, because Haley had promised that she would be there. Nathan even went a couple times. Haley knew that it was because it's what Jake would have done, and so Nathan took it upon himself to fill in for him now. Nathan was the only person Haley had seen everyday that Summer.

He would come by the café while she was working and stay there awhile. He talked to his mom and dad a lot and Haley too when she had the time. Which, luckily, she seemed to have time for him a lot. Haley was glad that she got to see him a lot though. She was going to miss that. After work they'd walk around town, she'd make him stop and window shop with her, even though he claimed he hated it. She made it up to him by letting him take her to whatever store or restaurant he wanted later on. She loved the nights they walked around and seemed to do nothing. She would give anything to have every night be like that for them.

She sighed and rested her head in her hands. She felt tired and overwhelmed. She wanted to go up to her room and just sleep. Maybe when she woke up things would be different. Maybe he wouldn't be leaving and maybe Jake would still be there. But she knew that things would never be the way they used to be. She stood up and walked through the door again and past her mom and Karen who had been joined by Keith. They smiled and said hello as she walked by them. She smiled back while she made her way upstairs to her room. Right now she couldn't be around the party planning. It was just too hard. It made it all too real.

She walked into her room and sat down on her bed. She reached over to her night stand and picked up the photo album that laid on top of it. She flipped through the pages and smiled as she looked at the pictures of her and Nathan. The beginning of the book was pictures from their trip. She remembered every night like it had just happened. The night they kissed outside their motel room. The night they danced under the stars while he told her about why he enlisted. The nights they stayed at his uncle Cooper's house. She remembered one night vividly. It was the night she'd really gotten to know Cooper.

_Cooper and Nathan sat in Cooper's living room watching a baseball game that was playing on ESPN. Haley was in the kitchen because she had offered to make dinner for them that night. She could hear their voices as they cheered while they watched the game in front of them. She had been listening to them for awhile now and she could see why they were so close. They were close in age and they had the same opinions on a lot of things. They had the same sense of humor and from what she could tell, they were both stubborn._

_Cooper looked up at Haley and saw her cooking in the kitchen and he smiled before leaning towards Nathan, "she seems like an awesome girl."_

_Nathan turned and looked at her. He watched as she pushed her hair out of her face while reading the directions she'd printed off earlier on how to make the perfect Chicken Picatta. He smiled before turning to look back at his uncle. "She really is," Nathan said. Cooper shot him a knowing look and Nathan laughed a little before saying, "what? Why are you giving me that look?"_

"_Well maybe I'm wrong," Cooper said, "but I know that look. The look you just got when you looked at her. I've had that exact look on my face before."_

"_What look? What are you talking about?"_

"_The look of a love sick dumbass. The last time I had that look was when me and Carrie were dating. I knew I was in love with her. And I married her because I loved her."_

"_Yeah," Nathan said and laughed, "and you got a divorce."_

"_Ok smart ass, so yeah we got a divorce. But I still do love her. And I always will. But just because things didn't end up the way I wanted them didn't mean they weren't good while they lasted. Me and Carrie, we were in love and we used to look at each other the way you look at Haley."_

"_Ok," Nathan said, "let's say that you're right. Maybe I do feel the way you think I feel about her. But what makes you think that there is an possibility that she feels the same way about me?"_

_Cooper smiled at his young nephew and said, "because I've seen the way she looks at you." He smiled again before standing up and walking towards the kitchen where he could smell what Haley was making. He knew that he wasn't imagining things when it came to his nephew and the girl he'd brought with him. But he was just wondering what it would take to get them both to realize it._

_Nathan stood up quickly and followed after him. "Wait," Nathan said, "wait… you need to explain that last part to me."_

_Cooper turned and laughed at him before leaning against the counter across from Haley while he watched her finish cooking dinner. "What are you two talking about?" Haley asked. She could tell they had been talking quietly in the living room, but she couldn't tell what they were saying. She had been straining her ears to try and hear, she knew she was being nosey, but she couldn't help but want to know what they were talking about so secretly._

"_Oh nothing," Cooper said, "I was just wondering if maybe after dinner you two might want to come down to the track and see it before you leave tomorrow."_

"_Yeah," Haley said, "that would be awesome!"_

_Nathan nodded. He hadn't been to the track since he was about 10 or 11 when Cooper just started racing and Karen had brought Nathan and Lucas to see his first race. He remembered being so excited to watch his uncle drive a race car, like a real pro. It had been one of the most fun times of his life and he wouldn't mind going down there again._

_

* * *

_

_After they ate Cooper drove them down to the track where he spent pretty much everyday of his life. To him, it really felt like being home when he could be there. It was the one place where he could be himself. He didn't need to try and impress anyone, he didn't have to try and make anyone like him. He could be who he was and just drive. Being on the road was something that he would cherish for as long as he possibly could. After his divorce from his wife, he spent a lot of his time out on the track. It helped take his mind off all the sadness he was feeling. _

_Haley and Nathan walked around the garage with Cooper looking at all the cars that were there. Cooper had probably driven all of them. But there was only one that was his favorite. He took them over to the bright red car that had his number painted on the side as well as the logos of the companies that sponsored him. "Cooper!" they heard a voice yell and they turned to look at who it was. Cooper smiled as he made his way over to a tall man with shaggy brown hair. He smiled at them all and Cooper turned to face Nathan and Haley again._

"_Guys, this is Ray Green. I race against him sometimes but mostly he just helps out with my car. Ray this is my nephew Nathan and his friend Haley. They're only in town until tomorrow and I thought I'd show them around."_

"_Nice to meet you," Ray said shaking Haley's hand. "But I met you before," he said looking at Nathan, "you weren't very old so you probably don't remember me. But I met you when you and your brother came to see Coop in his first race."_

"_Oh yeah," Nathan said, "I do remember actually. Nice to see you again."_

_Ray showed them around the garage and took them on the tour of what went down behind the scenes. They were soon joined by Ray's kids. He had a daughter named Daytona who was probably just a year older than they were and a son, Garrett who was 16 years old. Haley listened to them all talk about memories of the track and she liked listening to what they had to say, but she couldn't help but feel like she didn't really feel like she belonged there. _

_Cooper saw the far off look on Haley's face while she sat with Nathan listening to what Ray and his kids were saying. They talked about being there a lot as kids and practically growing up at the track. He could tell that while she was smiling on the outside, inside was another story. "Hey Haley," Cooper said, "wanna come take a walk with me?"_

"_Um," she said and looked up at him, "yeah sure." She stood up and walked towards where he was standing. Nathan looked up at them and watched them walk toward the asphalt of the track. He couldn't really understand why they were leaving, but maybe Cooper saw that Haley needed a little time away from all the stories they were sharing. Now that he really thought about it, he could see why that would upset her. Having to listen while Daytona and Garrett talked about their memories as brother and sister, it couldn't be easy on Haley._

"_So how are you?" Cooper asked once they were far enough away from everyone else, "I heard about your brother. I'm really sorry. I only met him a few times, but he was really nice kid."_

"_Oh thanks," she said, "I'm doing ok. I mean I don't think I'll ever really be ok… 100 percent. But I'm better than I was. It helps that I got out of Tree Hill for awhile."_

"_I know what you mean, about not being 100 percent ok, that is. But I also agree with the needing to get out of Tree Hill part. That's why I'm here," he said motioning to the track around them. They walked in silence for a little while until he said, "did Nathan tell you that I just finalized my divorce?"_

_Haley looked up at him and shook her head, "no he didn't. I'm so sorry."_

"_Eh, it's alright. I guess things just weren't supposed to work out the way I wanted them too. I mean me and Carrie, we were in love for awhile. But then something just stopped working with us. We grew apart. And to be honest, I know that a lot of why we didn't work out was my fault."_

"_No," Haley said, "I don't think that's true. I don't think you can blame a relationship ending on one person."_

"_I mean I know that things didn't work out for a lot of different reasons, but I do know that one of the reasons was me spending so much time here. I let it become more important than her. I let it become more important than us and us being happy together."_

"_Do you think you guys might ever work things out? Maybe you might get back together some day?"_

"_I don't know," he said, "I would like to say that yeah we will, but to be honest, I don't think we ever will. Maybe we can be the friends we used to be, but I don't think that we'll ever get back to the love we had."_

"_But you still love her don't you?"_

"_I do. And I think she still loves me."_

"_Then why couldn't you just work things out? I mean I'm not naïve, I know that it's hard to get things the way they used to be. Sometimes they never go back to the way they were. But if you love her and she loves you, why can't you work from there? Why can't you start over?"_

"_Sometimes it takes more than that."_

_Haley nodded and put her hands in the pockets of the sweatshirt she had on. Part of her was wondering why Cooper had told her all of this. Maybe he was trying to just get her mind off all the things she'd been thinking about lately. Mostly Jake. And if that was the case she was glad he was doing it. "I bet you're wondering why I told you all of that, huh?"_

_Haley laughed a little, "yeah actually I was."_

"_The point of all that is that even the worst situation can lead you to something new and unexpected. It sucks that the way you get there is through sadness and maybe loss, but the point is… you get to that something new. That something great and special. For me, maybe it's that I can finally learn that I don't always need someone to make me feel whole. But for you," he said and took a step closer, "maybe for you, it's Nathan." He nodded towards where Nathan was still sitting with Ray and his kids. Haley turned and looked towards him. Nathan was looking right at her. He smiled before looking back at Ray and listening to whatever he was saying._

_Haley had never really thought about it like that. She hated that Jake was gone and she missed him more and more everyday and there were times when she felt like she would gladly trade her life for his. When he died, she knew that nothing was ever going to be the same. But at the same time, Jake had such a big hand in the way things were turning out right now. He brought her and Nathan together, he brought her to the one person she trusted with her whole heart and right now, all she wanted was to thank him._

"Looks like a fun trip."

Haley jumped and dropped the photo album on the floor as she suddenly stood up. She turned and saw Jake standing at the foot of her bed. She gasped and moved closer to the door and farther from him. She knew that there was no way what she was seeing was real. This was something her mind had made up. This wasn't real. She shut her eyes and shook her head. "This isn't real!" she said to herself, "this isn't real… this isn't real."

"It's pretty real Hales," Jake said, "I'm standing right here."

"No," Haley said, "no you're not. You… oh God. I'm going crazy or something. This isn't real."

Jake rolled his eyes and walked closer to her until he was standing right in front of her. "Can you please just look at me?" he asked and waited for her to open her eyes. She shook her head while keeping her eyes closed. "God you're so damn stubborn," he said and sat on the edge of her bed. He knew that she was finding it really hard to accept the fact that she was looking at him, but he really did want her to stop acting like he wasn't real.

"Why are you here?" Haley said a moment later and she finally opened her eyes and looked at him sitting on her bed. "You… you shouldn't be here."

He stood up, "do you want me to go?" he asked quietly.

"No!" she said and she could feel the tears coming to her eyes, "that's really the last thing I want. I want… I want you to be here for real. I want you to still be alive. I want you to be here for Peyton while she's going through everything. I want you to be here for me! I can't even believe that you're gone. After everything I still can't believe that you're gone!"

"You think I don't want all of that too?" Jake said and stood up again, "that I don't want to be here for Peyton? That I don't to be here on the last night that my best friend's gonna be here? That I don't want to be here for you? I want all of that too Hales."

"I never said you didn't!"

She could feel the tears in her eyes and she struggled to keep them from falling. She couldn't believe that Jake was standing there in front of her and she couldn't believe they were arguing. That wasn't how things were supposed to be if she saw him again. They weren't supposed to be fighting for no reason. She hated this. She hated that they were fighting, she hated that he wasn't really there. She hated more than anything that there was no way that he would ever really be there with her.

"I know," Jake said quietly, "I know you didn't."

"Jake you don't know how much I wish things were different. I would give anything for you to be able to live your life. It's not fair what happened to you. I would give up anything for you to live again. I miss you so much. You don't know how hard it is for me to be here without you."

"I'm sorry Haley. Believe me, I wish things were different too. But that's why I'm here now. So I can talk to you. So you can see me again, so you can know that I miss you too. Because I really do. I miss so much now that I'm gone. I'm not ready to give it all up yet."

"How long are you gonna stay? How long do I get to see you?"

"I don't know. I guess, it's kind of up to me."

Haley could feel the tears spilling down her cheeks now and she looked up at him again. "Can I at least hug you?" she asked. Jake looked down at the ground before looking back up at his sister. She could see the sadness on his face as he shook his head.

"I won't feel it," he said, "and neither will you. It'll be like nothing's there."

She nodded and wiped the tears away from her eyes before sitting down on her bed. "Promise that you'll stay for awhile? I don't want you to go yet."

Jake nodded, "alright. I'll stay as long as I can." He smiled at her before they continued to sit in silence. Part of him thought maybe what he was doing to everyone wasn't really fair. That he was giving them a false sense that he was there. But he couldn't give them up yet. He wouldn't give them up yet. As selfish as that was, he just couldn't give up all the people he loved.

* * *

Nathan could feel his nerves kicking in as he walked into the James's house. It wasn't like he hadn't been there what seemed like 1000s of times before. But not for something like this. And the last time he'd been inside was after Jake's funeral. But now it was all about him. It was his going away party. Sure, he'd been the focus of a lot of attention before, this wasn't the first time. But never for something like this. He'd never been the center of attention because of all the things he'd given up. People didn't normally get a party when they gave up their collage scholarships. They didn't get a party when they threw a loop into their life plans and took everyone by surprise.

But Nathan had learned that nothing in his life was going the way he'd planned. He never planned that his best friend would die. He never planned that he would enlist in the army. He never planned that he would give up the scholarship to the school he'd been wanting to go since he was 10 years old. He never thought that he would fall in love with his best friends sister. And he never, never thought that he would ever get the guts to admit that he had.

When he walked through the door he was instantly greeted by people he'd known practically all his life. Jimmy and Lydia were in the living room talking to people that his parents had invited. People like Brooke and Peyton and all of his friends from the basketball team. They were all there. They wanted to see him before he left so that knew that he had all their support. He even saw his coach Whitey there. He saw a few girls that had been on the cheerleading squad with Haley, Brooke and Peyton. Mouth, Skills, Fergie and Junk were all there. He saw them talking to Lucas by the stairs. He saw many people that he knew were friends with his parents. It seemed like almost everyone he knew was there.

But he didn't see Haley.

He knew that she had to be there somewhere. It was weird but it was like he could feel it. He knew when she was close by. His heart would race before he even saw her. But he couldn't help it. That was just the way she made him feel. Like nothing could ruin the high that she put him on. And he didn't want anything to ruin it.

Nathan walked farther through the house saying hi to people as they stopped him on his way in. He would smile before walking farther away. He got into the kitchen and saw Haley reaching to get a glass from a tall shelf. He smiled as he watched her struggle to reach it. He walked up behind her and grabbed it off the shelf for her and she turned around to see who it was. When she saw that it was him a smile spread on her lips and a light blush painted her cheeks. He couldn't help but instantly smile back when he saw it. He loved that he evoked that reaction from her. That he made her nervous. He could feel that physical reaction from her.

"Hi," she said and pushed her hair behind her ears. She looked down at the ground again before looking back up at him and smiling. "Thanks for that," she said and motioned to the glass that now sat on the counter. "It's kind of embarrassing that I'm not even tall enough to reach a glass in my own house."

"You've always been a tiny thing Hales." He smirked when she blushed again. He loved that.

They stood in silence for a moment before Haley said, "well you must be Mr. Popular. A lot of people are here."

Nathan shrugged, "yeah I guess. I mean I don't think a lot of people would turn down a party though ya know?"

"People like you Nathan," she said and smiled, "you'll just have to get used to that. A lot of people are going to miss you and they want to see you before you leave. Don't even act like there's a chance that that's not true."

"I don't know, I guess it's true. But I wouldn't have minded spending the time that I have here with the people I actually care about. Like you and my parents and my friends. Not the people who pretended to be my friends all these years because I could put a ball through a hoop."

"Well at least the people you actually care about are here."

"Not all of them."

Haley nodded. He was right, not everyone that he cared about was here. She wanted to tell him about seeing Jake earlier. But she knew how that would look. Like she was completely crazy. Who could she tell that would believe her? No one. No one was going to believe that she saw her dead brother and that she had been talking to him. If she even mentioned that they would have her committed. There was no point in even bringing it up. Even though she knew what she saw. She saw him in her room. She talked to him. She wasn't making it up and she wasn't crazy.

"There he is!" they heard from behind them and they both turned to look at the person coming towards them. Nathan smiled when he saw Cooper walking towards them with a big smile on his face. "There's the man of the hour!" he said and took his younger nephew into his arms in a tight embrace. "I'm so proud of you Nathan. I think what you're doing is amazing."

"Thanks Coop," Nathan said, "it really means a lot to hear you say that. And it means a lot that you would come out here for this."

"Of course! I had to see you off." Cooper turned and saw Haley standing next to him and he quickly wrapped his arms around her.

It was like hugging Nathan. She felt so small in his arms and her head only came up to his chest. She felt so small around them. "Hey Cooper," she said, "it's good to see you again," she said when they pulled away. Cooper nodded and smiled.

"It's so good to see you Haley. You been keeping him out of trouble this Summer?"

"I guess so," she said, "I mean no permanent damage done," she joked, "but mostly he's been the one helping me out all this time."

"I'm glad to hear that," Cooper said and smiled at his nephew.

"Um, well I'm gonna give you guys some time to talk," Haley said, "Nathan, I'll talk to you in a little bit. It's really good to see you Cooper."

"You too Haley."

Nathan watched her walk away and he realized that leaving in the morning was going to be the hardest thing for him to do. Walking away from the hospital when he knew that it was the last time he would see Jake, it killed him. And so did this. Knowing that he wasn't going to see her for months and months, it killed him too. He was going to go crazy without being able to talk to her. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to do it. "Did you tell her how you feel about her?" Cooper asked.

"No," Nathan said, "and I'm not going to. I just can't."

"I've never known Nathan Scott to be afraid of anything."

"It's not that I'm afraid. I just can't do that to her. Not with me leaving tomorrow. I can't tell her that I love her and then leave her. I won't do that to her."

"Are you ever going to tell her?"

"I don't know," Nathan said, "I want to be with her. I want that so much. But the timing is just never right with us."

"You can't plan falling in love with someone Nate. It happens when you're not looking. I know that you never thought that you'd fall in love with her. But you did and you can't hide those feelings forever."

"Maybe not," Nathan said, "and I'm not hiding them. I'm just… putting them off for now. In a few years when she's done with school and then when I'm home, if things are right then, I'll tell her. I'll tell her everything. But that time isn't right now."

Cooper knew that Nathan was stubborn and that there probably wasn't much that he could say that would convince him to tell her how he felt. He would do it when he wanted to do it. And he couldn't make that time be right now. Nathan never rushed into anything. He did everything on his time and in his own way. This was something that he just couldn't make him do now.

* * *

Haley sat down on her front porch and let the sounds of the Summer night surround her. She could hear the crickets in the grass as they all chirped in unison. She could hear the sound of her neighbors sprinkler in the grass. She heard the sounds of laughter coming from insider her house. Everyone was there to say goodbye to Nathan, to wish him good luck. And she was hiding out, away from everyone.

Right then she wanted Jake to show up again and tell her what she was supposed to do. How she was supposed to handle it. Even if he didn't know, she just wanted him to talk her through it. Tell her everything was going to be ok. That's what he always did when she needed him. And right now that's what she needed more than ever. She needed her brother to be there for her.

"What are you doing out here?" she heard Nathan ask as he walked outside. She turned around and saw him walking towards the porch swing that she was sitting on. His dark blue button down shirt was now unbuttoned all the way and she could see the white t-shirt he wore underneath. His jeans sat low on his hips but were secured in place with the black belt he wore. She could tell that he'd been running his hands through his short dark hair. It was something he did when he was nervous. He sat down next to her and rested his arm across the back of the chair around her shoulders and waited for her to answer.

"I just needed some air," she said, "what about you? Why are you out here?"

"I was looking for you."

She could feel her heart race when he said that. She wanted so badly for him to say something like that. And now that he had she wasn't quite sure what to say next. Sometimes it felt so right just to sit in a comfortable silence with him. But not tonight. She needed to say something to him. Anything. This was the last night she would have with him in a long time and she needed to remember it. She was sure that she would though. She remembered every night that she'd had with him during that Summer.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," he said, "I can't even explain to you how much I'm gonna hate not seeing you all the time."

"Oh don't say stuff like that," she said and looked down at her hands in her lap.

"Why not? It's true."

"I believe you. It's just that you saying stuff like that makes me realize how hard this is going to be," she said. "I'm so afraid that I'm not gonna be strong without you anymore. I'm afraid that I need you to just… be able to live my life. Like I can't do it without you. That's how it feels. And I'm scared as hell now that you're leaving."

Nathan stared at her. She was so beautiful and so perfect and he couldn't believe that a girl like her was telling him that she needed him. He'd never felt more like he was worth anything than he did in that moment. Knowing that she trusted him and needed him made him feel like he could do anything. He wasn't sure what came over him in that moment but he knew that he had to kiss her. There was no stopping it. He leaned in to her and pressed his lips against hers gently. He could feel the shock and surprise from her. She hadn't expected him to do that.

One hand cupped her cheek while the other tangled in her long blonde hair. He could feel his heart start to pound in his chest when she kissed him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him. She slowly opened her mouth and let his tongue invade her mouth. It gently massaged against hers and he let out a soft moan when her fingers gently scrapped against his scalp. He couldn't help but think that the kiss they were sharing was the most perfect kiss in history. He pulled away when they needed air and he said, "that should have been our first kiss."

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. Her lips grazed against his and he wanted to kiss her back but something inside of him was yelling at him not to. He pulled away from her and he saw the confusion on her face. Her hair was tangled from his fingers and her lips were swollen from his kisses and her eyes searched his face for the answer to the question she hadn't yet asked. "Why did you stop Nathan?" she asked and he could hear the hurt in her voice, "I thought that's what you wanted. I thought you-"

"Haley it is what I wanted. You have no idea how much I've wanted that kiss. I've wanted it for so long. But I can't do this to you."

"Do what to me?" she asked, "I don't understand."

"I'm leaving tomorrow Hales," he said quietly, "I'm gonna be gone for months and I can't ask you to put your life on hold for me. I won't ask you to do that. You need to live your life and be happy, even without me. It kills me to say this right now, but you and me, we just can't happen. Not right now."

He saw the tears in her eyes and he hated himself so much in that moment. He sat down next to her but she moved away from him. She stood up and walked towards the door to her house. "I get it," she said, "I'll just… I'll see you tomorrow Nathan," she said before walking inside the house. Nathan let out a frustrated groan and slammed his fist down on the bench he sat on. He couldn't believe that he'd just done that. How could he have turned down the most perfect girl in the world?

* * *

Nathan stood in front of the mirror in his room and looked at his reflection. He was wearing his uniform. The camo fatigues looked so foreign even to him. He ran his fingers over the patch with his last name on it. He let out a nervous sigh before looking back towards the clock on his night stand. It was almost 7 in the morning. He had to be at the bus depot that would take him to the airport at 7:30. From there he would get on a plane to Ft. Worth. After he was there for a week he was shipping out to Germany. From then on it would be places like Iraq and Afghanistan. Thinking about all that was coming at him, he'd never been more afraid in his life.

There was a knock on his door and a moment later Karen walked in. She felt suddenly short of breath as she looked at her youngest son. He wasn't a little boy anymore. He was a man. She had barely been able to keep herself from crying the night before at his party but now that she was looking at him in his uniform, she couldn't stop the tears. Nathan walked over to her and pulled her against his chest. He could feel the sobs shake through her and he rested his chin on the top of her head. "Everything's gonna be ok Mom. I promise."

"I'm just so afraid for you."

"Don't be," Nathan said, "I'm not gonna let anything happen to me."

She smiled up at him before taking his hand and walking out into the hall with him. Keith and Lucas stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for them. When they saw him, it felt like seeing a completely different person. Keith hugged his son tightly before walking out to the car. He put his bag in the back of the car and when he buckled his seatbelt he felt his nerves begin to dissipate. This was the way his life was supposed to go. Everything would go the way it was supposed to and he knew there was no reason to stress over it. Of course there would be times when all he could do was stress, but he would worry about those things when the time came. Not now.

They pulled up to the bus depot a few minutes later. He had about 20 minutes until his bus left. He saw other guys and girls in their uniforms. They had come from near by towns to the busses so they could also go to Ft. Worth. He watched as they said goodbye to their families. It was just life for them and for him too.

It was hard to say goodbye to his parents and to Lucas. When he hugged them he told them all how much he would miss them and that he would always be thinking about them. And that was true. There would never be a day when he didn't think about them. Brooke and Peyton along with his other friends were there to say goodbye to him. It killed him to see Brooke cry while she said goodbye. He had only seen her cry a few times in their whole life. When Jake died and at his funeral. Those were the only times. "Don't cry Brooke," Nathan said, "you're gonna be so busy up in New York you won't even have time to miss me."

"Nathan you're one of my best friends," she said and wiped the tears from her eyes, "I'm always going to be worrying about you." He smiled and kissed the top of her head before saying his goodbyes to Peyton. He told her that he was going to be thinking about her and the baby and that by the time he got home, she would already have it. He kissed her forehead and said goodbye to her before turning around and seeing Jake's parents not to far away.

They had been his second family and saying goodbye to them was harder than he thought it would be. Lydia cried while she said goodbye to him and Jimmy shook his hand before hugging him. "I've always thought of you like a son Nathan," Jimmy said, "and right now I've never been prouder of you." Nathan thanked him and hugged him one last time before saying goodbye to his uncle. He knew that Cooper would write him and he would call him from time to time to check in. Even though he was going to be able to talk to him, it was still hard to say goodbye.

Nathan walked away from Cooper and saw Haley standing next to Brooke. She looked up at him and slowly walked towards him. "Hey," she said. He smiled and quickly took her in his arms in a tight hug. She hugged him back quickly and locked her arms around him. He never wanted to let go of her, she felt so right in his arms. "I'm sorry about last night," she said, "I shouldn't have over reacted."

"Don't apologize. I told you that I wanted that kiss. And I do. I still want it now," he said and smiled, "it's just too hard right now."

"I know."

"God I'm gonna miss you so much," he said and rested his head against hers. "I'll think about you everyday."

"I promise I'm gonna do the same," she said, "please be careful. If something happened to you-"

"Nothing's gonna happen to me," he promised, "don't even worry about me."

"That won't happen. I'm always gonna be worrying about you and thinking about you. All the time."

Nathan smiled before lightly kissing her on the lips. He knew that he was just making things harder on himself and her too, but he needed just one last kiss from. One last one before he left and before she would have to move on with her life. He saw people getting on his bus and he said, "I should go."

Haley could feel the tears roll down her cheeks and she nodded. He was right. It was time for him to leave. He was walking out of her life and she couldn't do anything to stop it. "I have something for you," she said and pulled a folded envelope out of her back pocket. He took it in his hands and looked down at it. His name was written on the outside and he recognized it as her hand writing. "Don't read it until you're on the bus," she said.

"I won't," he said and looked back up at her. He hugged her tightly again before picking up his bag and smiling. "I'll see you real soon Haley. I promise."

"See you soon," she said and watched as he walked towards the bus. He put his bag in before climbing up the steps onto the bus. He wanted to cry out his name and tell him not to leave her. But she couldn't. She felt so powerless in that moment as she watched him leave her. She hated it so much. But she also knew that he was right. She had to go on living life, maybe the living would make it easier to miss him.

Nathan sat down in one of the chairs next to the window. He looked out and saw all his friend and family standing there. He smiled and waved before looking down at the envelope in his hands again. A few minutes later the bus began to pull away and he watched the people around the bus wave as they watched their loved ones leave. He looked back at all the people he loved until he could no longer see them. When they were out of sight he flipped open the envelope and pulled out the letter that was inside. He smiled when he saw the hand written note from her.

_Dear Nathan,_

_Now you're on your way to the airport. On your way to start the new life you chose for yourself. And I want you to know that I'm so proud of you. I think you're one of the bravest people I know and I commend you for what you're doing. But with saying that, I want you to know that knowing you'll be so far away and for so long… it kills me. I'll miss you so much while you're away, but I'll think about you all the time._

_I want you to write to me. I'm sure you'll be busy and moving around a lot, but I want to know everything that's going on with you. I want to know that you're ok and I want to know that you're thinking of me too from time to time. Just like I'll be thinking of you. When I'm at Duke, everything there will make me think of you. I really wish that this was an experience that I got to share with you. But I understand, completely now, the choice that you've made._

_You're right, there are things that are so much more important than our own selfish wants and you're an amazing person for seeing that. I wish I could be more like you in that way._

_I'll end this letter by saying that you're one of the most amazing people I know, Nathan Scott. I'm so glad that I finally got to know you, the real you, this Summer. That trip we took was one that I'll never forget. All the things we did, or saw. I'll remember them all the time. I'll miss you and I can't wait to hear from you. Be safe and be strong, like I know you are._

_Love always,_

_Haley_

Nathan read the letter over and over trying to memorize all of the things that she had said. He would never forget them. He knew he was going to think about her all the time. That was the one thing he never had to struggle to do. He already thought about her all the time anyway. He rested his head against the window next to him and shut his eyes. All he wanted to think about was her and not all the things he'd given up. Things like her.

_**Sometimes we find others in that darkness. And sometimes we lose them there again.**_


	11. In My Veins

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks y'all for the great reviews! They really put a smile on my face (: y'all are awesome! Keep it up! Also, if any of you were fans of the show The Buried Life, on MTV then you should be happy. I'm using those boys in my story haha.**

**I had a really hard time thinking of a song for this chapter but I ended up picking In My Veins by Andrew Belle. Ya'll should check it out :)**

**Chapter 11: In My Veins**

Everything had been moving so fast, like it was all in fast forward. That's how Haley felt, like her life was flashing before her eyes. Nathan was gone now and she would have to wait months before she could see him again. And now she was starting school. She was scared to death to start because she wasn't sure she would fit in and because she had to go at it alone. She stared out the window of the car as her dad drove towards Duke. She was moving into her dorm today. She would be meeting her roommate and she was nervous.

What if they hated each other? What if they were total opposites? She knew there was the possibility that that could happen. But she didn't want that to happen. She wanted her experience at Duke to be as fun and easy as it could be. She wasn't stupid. She knew that her classes would be hard and that she'd really have to work hard. But she always worked hard when it came to school and this was going to be no different. But she hoped that making a new friend in her roommate would make things a little easier. But not if they hated each other. That would just be another stress on top of another.

The biggest stress on her mind right now? The fact that just a week before she had seen her dead brother in her room. That he was talking to her like he wasn't gone. Like nothing had changed. When in reality, everything had changed. But seeing Jake, that was something she never expected. Part of her wanted to run out of the room screaming when she saw him. Things like that, just weren't normal. He died. He wasn't supposed to just show up in her room for a casual conversation. But the other part of her, wanted to throw her arms around him and just cry because he'd come back. She wouldn't give up seeing him and hearing his voice for anything. But she couldn't hug him. She couldn't touch him. She wondered if she wasn't just going crazy.

She continued to stare out the window of the car and watch the cars that passed them and she waited until they got to the campus. She could feel all the nerves in her jangling around inside her as they got closer. "You excited?" Lydia asked and turned in her seat to look at her daughter in the back. Haley shrugged a little and gave a half smile. "Well I am!" Lydia continued. "I mean how many times does your daughter start college? This is a big day for you!"

Haley nodded, "yeah I know, you're right. I guess I'm just nervous."

"That's understandable," Jimmy said, "I would expect that. But you're gonna do so great up here, I can feel it."

"Thanks Daddy," Haley said before looking back out the window. "I hope you're right."

"He is," Lydia said. Haley tuned out whatever they were saying as she continued to stare out the window until they got to Duke. She tried to ease her nerves by just going numb for the rest of the car ride. She didn't want to think about anything. She didn't want to think about school and the new people she would meet. She didn't want to think about all her friends who were going off and experiencing new things. She didn't want to think about how very alone she felt now that she was leaving. She just wanted to pretend that there was nothing to think about. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the window and did just that for the rest of the ride.

The car came to a stop when Jimmy finally found a parking space. Haley's eyes opened slowly and adjusted to the sunlight that was streaming through the window and through her sunglasses. She sat up and rubbed her forehead where she'd been resting against the window. "We're here!" Lydia said excitedly as she got out of the car. Jimmy smiled at his daughter in the rear view mirror before getting out of the car also. Haley ran her hand through her hair before stepping out of the car also. She let the feel of the sun soak into her skin before walking towards the back of the car. Jimmy and Lydia were already starting to unload boxes.

"I think you're really itching to get rid of me," Haley joked.

"Of course not Sweetie," Lydia said as she set down a box by Haley's feet. "We're just so excited for you!"

"You know if I didn't know any better I'd say it's your first day of college," Jimmy said, "I think you're more excited than she is!" He smiled at his wife before kissing her forehead. "Now where is your dorm Hales?" he asked a moment later.

"Um," Haley said and pulled a sheet of paper with her rooming information out of her bag, "ok my dorm is on Anderson," she said and looked around, "which is… right there," she said pointing out the building where she would be living. She was glad that her dad hadn't parked too far away and she hoped that it wouldn't take that long to move her things in. She picked up a box and walked towards the dorm. She could hear the voices of students who were moving into their dorms for the first time just like her. The voices of their parents who were trying to take charge resounded around her. She turned and saw her parents walking with boxes a few steps behind her.

She walked into the building and set the box down before checking the paper again. Her room was room 226. When her parents walked in they waited for her to lead the way to her room. She walked up the steps and when she got to the top of the stairs she saw girls who were walking into their dorms with boxes with their parents trailing behind them. She walked down the hall until she got to room 226. The door was already open and she pushed it open all the way. She saw a girl with long dark hair pulled back into a low sleek pony tail. She wore a pair of black athletic shorts with white edges and a gray long sleeve shirt with the name of some high school Haley had never heard of. She wore a pair of orange Nike Shox on her feet. She smiled when she saw Haley and walked toward her. "Hey!" she said in a cheery southern accent. "I'm Oakley! You know like the Sunglasses. Weird I know," she said and laughed.

Haley smiled back at the cheery girl in front of her. She liked her already. Haley could that she had a bright attitude and she knew that was going to help her when there were times that she was feeling down. She inspected her roommate some more. She was tall and thin and she saw that she had a small stud pierced through her nose. Her eyes were a dark green color. "Hi," Haley said back and stuck her hand out toward her, "I'm Haley."

"It's so nice to finally meet you! I was worried that I was gonna get stuck with some weirdo for a roommate. Ya know like someone who dressed in all black and worshiped the devil or something. Or ya know a girl who was… well lets just say friendly. But you don't seem like a slut at all!" Haley couldn't help but laugh. This girl seemed to ramble just like Haley did. "Oh God," Oakley said, "I'm sorry. I'm talkin' too much as usual!"

Haley laughed again, "no, no. It's really ok. I tend to ramble a lot when I talk so the fact that you do too, it's ok. I totally understand."

Oakley turned and looked at the room. "So I chose that side," she said and pointed to where she had boxes on her bed already. "But if you want it, I'm totally up for a trade. Doesn't matter to me at all."

"No that's totally fine," Haley said and put the box in her hands down on the other bed. Jimmy and Lydia walked in a moment later and saw Haley standing next to the bed she'd chosen as hers. They walked towards her and put the boxes down next to her bed. "Mom, Dad, this is Oakley, she's gonna be my roommate. These are my parents." Oakley smiled and made her way towards Haley's parents and stuck her hand out and introduced herself.

"If ya'll want any help getting things from the car I'd be happy to help. My Momma helped me get all my stuff in here earlier so I can help ya'll out."

"Oh that'd be great," Lydia said and walked out of the room with Oakley next to her. "You just have the cutest accent," Lydia said, "where are you from?"

Haley smiled as she watched her mom talk to her new roommate on the way down to the car. Jimmy wrapped his arm around Haley's shoulders as they walked outside. Haley leaned into his embrace and smiled. Now that she was there and now that she'd met Oakley, she didn't feel as nervous as she had. She felt a little more ready to take on the challenge ahead of her.

* * *

It took a few hours for her parents to leave. When they finally did Lydia shared a tear filled goodbye with Haley. But she understood why. It must have been especially hard to say goodbye to Haley now that Jake was gone. It was like every little goodbye seemed like goodbye for good. She hugged her parents for a long time before they walked back to the car and drove away. She walked back up to her room with Oakley right behind her. "I like your parents Haley," she said when they reached their room. Haley shut the door behind her while Oakley turned on a lamp on her desk. She pushed a box out of the way before sitting on her bed.

"Yeah they're pretty great," Haley said, "I think they like you too."

Oakley smiled before reaching into one of the boxes on her bed and pulling out a blanket. She laid it on her bed and her fingers played with the fringe edging. "I feel like I should start to unpack but I really have no idea where to even start!" she said and looked through another box. Haley nodded and agreed while looking through some of her boxes. One had her pictures and books that she wanted to bring with her. She opted to start with those while Oakley started to unpack close into her side of the closet. A few minutes later, Haley heard music coming loudly from outside. She looked out the window trying to figure out where it was coming from.

"Boy's dorm in the building next over," Oakley said while she grabbed more shirts to put in the closet. "I saw a few of them earlier… so cute!" she said and smiled. Haley smiled too and began to go back to taking pictures out of the boxes. She placed them on the table by her bed and on the bookshelves that Oakley had helped her and Jimmy put together. Haley looked down at the picture in her hand. It was one of her, Peyton and Brooke. She smiled before setting it down on the shelf. The next picture was of her and Nathan on Brooke's boat. His arm was wrapped around her shoulder and she was pulled close to his chest. They both wore big smiles on their faces. The next picture didn't have a frame and so she leaned it against the picture of her and Nathan. It was another picture of them. The one that Nathan had laughed at in the car on the way home from their trip. The picture she'd taken of them while he slept at Cooper's apartment. "Well he's cute," Oakley said when she came to stand next to Haley. "Is that your boyfriend?"

"Oh," Haley said and shook her head, "no. That's my friend Nathan. He and my brother were best friends."

Haley looked down at the picture of her and Jake that was in her hands. "Is that your brother?"

"Yeah," she said and continued to stare at the picture.

Oakley could see the sadness on Haley's face as she looked at the picture. "Are you alright Haley?"

"Yeah," Haley said, "I'm fine… it's just that, my brother passed away a few months ago. I haven't really looked at this picture in awhile."

"Oh Haley, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have said anything if I-"

"No," Haley said stopping her, "it's really ok. I don't mind talking about him. I actually think it helps a lot. I don't want to pretend that he never died. I tried that for awhile. And it doesn't help anything."

Oakley put her hand on Haley's shoulder comfortingly. "Well I'm always here if you want to talk."

Haley smiled and they both continued to unpack their things. By the time a few hours had passed it was starting to get dark out and Haley said, "I'm starving. Wanna stop unpacking and go find some food?" she asked.

"Yes!" Oakley said, "that sounds perfect!"

The two of them walked out of their room, both checking that they had their key to get back in. When they walked outside Oakley pointed toward some boys that she saw walking the same way as them. "I saw them earlier! They are so cute!" she said and smiled in their direction. Haley turned to look at the boys she was looking at and realization struck her. She knew one of those boys.

"Jonnie!" Haley yelled out a second later before she even realized what she was doing. She couldn't believe she'd just done that. What if he didn't remember her? What if he thought she was just some crazy girl who claimed she knew him?

"You know him?" Oakley asked.

"Uh, yeah. I mean.. sorta."

Jonnie looked over when he heard his name being called and when he saw the girl who called it he smiled. He recognized her instantly. He jogged over to where she was and smiled. "Haley!" he said, "good to see you! I was gonna try and look you up once classes started, cuz I remembered that you told me you were coming here. How are you? Where you living? What's going on?" he asked all at once and smiled at her. Haley could instantly remember why it was that she liked him when they met.

"It's really good to see you," she said, "I've been pretty good, just hungry, we're trying to find some place to eat," she said motioning between her and Oakley. "This is my roommate by the way. Oakley this is Jonnie, Jonnie this is Oakley." Jonnie stuck his hand out towards her and shook it. "And we live here," Haley said pointing to the dorm behind them.

"Oh you live close then," Jonnie said, "I live in the one next to you guys. Hey if ya'll are hungry me and my friends were just about to go to this place called Tyler's. It's not too far and it's really good if you guys want to join us."

"We'd love to," Oakley said eyeing his friends not far from them. Jonnie smiled and motioned for them to follow them. When they got to where his friends were he smiled before looking back at the girls behind him.

"Guys this is Haley and Oakley. They're gonna join us. These are my friends Ben and Dave and my brother Duncan." Ben and Dave both stood tall with short dark brown hair. Duncan was around the same height as Jonnie. Instead of shaggy hair like his brother, his hair was cut short but he covered it with the hood of his sweat shirt that sat on the back of his head. They all smiled at the girls and said their hellos before starting to walk towards the parking lot.

Ben, Dave and Duncan got into a dark green truck and Jonnie walked towards a white Nissan. "You guys can ride with me," he said, "we're not all gonna fit very comfortably in Dave's Tahoe," he said and sent a smile towards the two girls. Oakley opened the back door before climbing in, leaving the passenger seat for Haley. Haley got in and waited for the guys in the truck to leave before Jonnie pulled out and followed them. The ride to the restaurant was quick and filled with the sounds of the music coming from the radio. Oakley and Jonnie talked a little filling up the gaps. When they got to the restaurant Haley got out of the car and walked beside Jonnie and Oakley towards the door.

Ben, Dave and Duncan were already talking to the hostess telling them how many people needed to be seated. When they walked to their table Haley sat next to Jonnie and Dave while Oakley sat by Duncan and Ben on the other side of the table. Before long they all began to talk and get to know each other. Haley was surprised that Jonnie's friends seemed just as easy to get along with and like as Jonnie had when she first met him. They all seemed kind and full of heart. She learned that they all had the same morals as Jonnie did and were more interested in helping people than helping themselves.

Dave was obviously the funny one of their group. He didn't even try, he just had the easy ability of making people laugh. Like everything that came out of his mouth was a funny ice breaker. He was cute in Haley's eyes. His short dark hair had gel in it, but not too much, which she was happy about. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a white t-shirt with a pair of converse on his feet. His skin was tan like he'd spent his whole Summer outside. Ben seemed to be the leader of the group. He told the stories, he was the ring leader. His hair was a little darker than Dave's. Almost black. His skin was also tan. He wore a t-shirt with the logo of a brand Haley hadn't heard of. He also wore a pair of jeans with Nikes on his feet. Duncan had put his hood down when they sat down at the table. Haley noticed that he was an animated talker. He used his hands a lot when he spoke and he seemed to be always smiling. Something Haley liked. It made it just that more comfortable to be around him. He wore a simple pair of black athletic shorts and white t-shirt. He wore a dark green hoodie over it. The color had obviously faded which made Haley think that he must have worn that sweatshirt a lot.

Everyone broke off and began talking together when their food got there. Jonnie leaned in to take a drink of his Coke before looking at Haley. "How's your friend… I feel bad I can't remember his name. Nathan? Is that it?"

Haley smiled just hearing his name and nodded, "yeah that's it. And I think he's good. He left last week for training in Texas and this week he's headed to Europe. I haven't heard from him yet though. I wrote him a letter before he left and it had my address for here so he can write whenever he wants. But he hasn't yet. And I know that he's busy and everything, I just really want to hear from him."

"You will," Jonnie said, "trust me."

Haley nodded and took a sip of her soda before continuing to eat and listen to the people around her. She was glad that she seemed to be already brought into this group of friends. They were people she could see herself spending a lot of time with. And it made her nerves even less now. Maybe this wasn't going to be as scary as she thought it would be.

* * *

Nathan laid against his duffle bag and amongst the other cargo that filled the large plane he was on. He was glad that he had taken off his heavy uniform jacket and now he just sat in his brown t-shirt and his camo cargo uniform pants with his black boots. He knew that wearing that in Texas made him sweat like crazy, he could only imagine what it would be like once he got to places like Iraq where it was all desert. He heard the _clink clink _of his dog tags around his neck as they hit turbulence. "Yo Scott," he heard from behind him and tilted his head to see who it was that was talking to him. He saw Tony Battle. He had just enlisted and this was his first tour of duty also. They met during training and hit it off instantly.

"What's up man?" Nathan asked and sat up more when his friend showed up at his side.

"Well," Tony said, "you've been staring at that letter in front of you for hours now. Are you gonna write one back or just keep reading that?" he asked eyeing the letter in Nathan's hands.

Nathan looked back down at it. He'd read it 1000s of times now. He read it all the time it seemed. He loved the way Haley's hand writing flowed over the paper. He could almost see her writing it. He knew that she probably sat on her bed with the paper in her lap. He could see her biting her bottom lip while she thought of the perfect words to write. He could tell that she had stopped writing before starting again when she thought of what she wanted to express by the way the ink flowed on the paper. "No I'm gonna write her back," Nathan said, "I just don't know what to say to her yet. She wants to know everything, I just don't know if there's really much to tell her yet."

"Well you can tell her that," Tony said, "I'm sure she just wants to hear from you. I don't think it matters what the letter says, she probably just wants to get one from you." He laughed a little before continuing, "you're stressing a lot over a letter. You must really like this girl, huh?"

"It's complicated," Nathan said and ran his hand through his hair before sitting up more. "She's my best friend's sister."

"Ohh," Tony said, "he not cool with you two or something?"

"Um no," Nathan replied, "he actually… he passed away during the end of May."

"Oh I'm sorry Man. I didn't know."

"You wouldn't have known," Nathan said, "it's ok."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes until Tony spoke up again. "So what's so complicated with her? If you like her, there's nothing complicated about that."

"I do like her, a lot actually. But I didn't think it was fair of me to ask her to wait for me. I'll be gone for a year and I can't just ask her to put her life on hold for me. She needs to see that she can have a life without me, and I want her to be happy while I'm gone."

"Can I see that letter?" Tony asked. Nathan looked down at it again before handing it to him. Tony's eyes read the words that she had written to Nathan. "Can I say something about this?" he asked. Nathan shrugged and nodded while he waiting for his friend to say something more. "You may not have thought it was fair to ask her to put her life on hold for you, to wait for you, but I can see, just by reading this, that she would have." Tony handed the letter back to him before patting his shoulder and saying, "I'm gonna try and get some sleep before we land." Nathan watched him walk back towards where his bag was.

Nathan looked over the letter again before starring at the paper in his hands. He knew that he had to write to her. He wanted to write to her. He wanted to hear what she was up to, he wanted to know everything. He wanted to know how she was doing at school, he wanted to hear about the people she had met. She was his slice of home and he loved her for that. She was what was keeping him sane and she was making sure that he would come home. She was what he had to come home to. He looked at the paper again before starting to write down on it. He wasn't sure if Tony was right, that she would have waited for him, but it was too late to ask now. And he wouldn't ask in the letter.

He finished writing it and put it in his bag. He would find an envelope when they landed and then he would find someone who could get it back to her. It was so important that his letter got to her. The last thing he wanted was for her to think that he wasn't thinking about her. When really he was thinking about her all the time. There didn't seem to be a second where she was out of his head. When he was in his training and going through all the hard drills he had to do, her face was always in the back of his mind. It was a welcome distraction and it was what got him through the hard times. Each night he thought of her and how it was just one less day until he got to see her again.

When the plane finally landed Nathan was happy that he finally got to stand and stretch his arms and legs. He hated being cooped up in one place for so long without moving. When the doors opened he grabbed his bag and walked with the rest of the guys down the plane. It was already dark in Germany. They had landed not far from the camp they would be staying in. He walked with the rest of the guys towards the camp and when they got there he saw the man who would be his Captain, Owen Morello. He stood tall, a little taller than Nathan. His dark black hair was shaggy and he had been letting his facial hair grow out a little. Nathan had met him when he was in Texas. He was definitely an intimidating man. He was clearly strong, his muscles bulged against his uniform when he crossed his arms over his chest. He stopped in front of the line of men that had just showed up and looked at each of them.

"Men," he said, "as many of you know, some may have forgetten, I'm your captain, my name is Owen Morello. I'm not gonna give you the speech about 'I'm your mom and dad while you're here. I'm the only person who matters' because I know that's not true. I know that you all have family and friends at home that you care about. I want you to know that I understand that they're important. But while we're here, you need to make the men and women around you like you're second family. You will protect each other like a real family would and you will treat each other with the respect you each deserve." He paused and looked around to make sure that they were all listening before continuing on. "Not everything here is going to be exciting, there will be many days when you'll hate it here. You'll be bored, you'll be hot, but you won't complain. This is what you signed up for. Some days will be scary. You need to know that now." His hands dropped to his sides before he brought his hand to his head and ran it through his hair. "I know you're tired, go and get settled in and get some sleep. You got be up early tomorrow."

All the men standing in the line, including Nathan nodded their heads before giving a "yes sir," in unison. Nathan picked up his duffle bag and began to walk towards the tents set up in the military base. He looked around at the guys around him. They all looked exhausted, he could see fear in some of their eyes. He was feeling the same as all of them. Like all he wanted to do was lay down in his bed and sleep for hours and hours. But he knew that the days here would be long. Tomorrow there was more training before they would go out and patrol some of the small towns near by. He wondered what it was like for the people who lived in those towns. They must have felt invaded. He knew that's how he would have felt, at least.

"Scott," Owen said walking up next to him. Nathan turned and dropped his bag and waited with his hands down at his sides and his head straight forward. He knew that he was supposed to wait for an instruction from Owen before he could loosen up.

"At ease," Owen said and watched the tension leave Nathan's shoulders while he waited for Owen to continue to speak. "I hear you did very well during training. Your Drill Sergeant tells me that you're a good shot."

"Yes Sir, I guess so. That's what they told me."

"Well if you're really as good as they say you are, you might consider sniper school later on down the line. It's a good honor to be in something like that. It proves that you're good at something and that somebody sees something in you. You might consider it. But you have awhile before then."

"Yes Sir," Nathan said, "I might consider that."

Owen clapped his hand on Nathan's shoulder before saying, "I'll see you bright and early Scott. Get some sleep." Nathan nodded before picking up his bag and walking towards the camp he would be sleeping in.

When he walked in he saw that there were small bunk beds that were set up. The air in the tent was cool from the late night breeze blowing in. He saw Tony setting up a top bunk and Nathan walked over to where he was. The threw his bag down on the bottom bunk and sat down next to it. Tony had already climbed up to the top and was resting back on the pillow. Next to them a guy with sandy blonde hair had claimed the bottom bed of the bunk. He sat down on the mattress and Nathan saw him pull a picture out of his bag before putting in the springs of the bed above him. The guy looked up and saw Nathan looking at him. "It's my wife Sarah," he said before taking the picture back down and handing it to Nathan. It was a picture of the guy across from him dressed in a tux standing next to a pretty blonde who had her hair pulled half way back. She wore a wedding dress and a bright smile on her face.

"She's beautiful," Nathan said and handed the picture back to him. He wished that he had pictures that he'd brought with him. He didn't know why it didn't occur to him to take any with him.

"Thanks."

Nathan knew that he'd seen this guy during training. He could hold his own pretty well, that was something he'd noticed. But he'd never talked to him. He didn't have any idea what his name was either. "I'm Clay Evans," he said, almost as if he'd been reading his mind. He stuck his hand out towards Nathan and Nathan shook it.

"Nathan Scott."

"Nice meeting you," Clay said and then put the picture back where he'd put it before.

Nathan moved his bag towards the foot of his bed before laying back on his pillow. He stared up at the springs in the bed above him. He rested his hand behind his head and shut his eyes hoping to fall asleep. He listened to the voices of the guys around him. One he recognized was Felix Taggaro. He was a lot of talk. He had a big mouth from what Nathan could tell. He figured it was something that got him in trouble from time to time. He was talking to Damian West. Nathan didn't really know much about him other than he talked a lot. Mostly about women. Nathan didn't really like him all that much. Another voice he heard was Ian Banks's. Ian… he wasn't sure about him. He came off as a nice guy, but Nathan could tell that he was also a little bit troubled.

It wasn't long before most of the guys had fallen asleep. Nathan couldn't help the laugh that escaped his mouth when he heard the majority of them snoring. "There is no way I'm gonna fall asleep with that," he heard Clay say from next to him. Nathan glanced at him and laughed before looking back up at the bunk above him.

"What? You mean your wife doesn't snore like that?" he asked sarcastically.

Clay laughed, "no, not that bad."

"What does she think about you being here?" Nathan asked.

"Well at first she was mad. She yelled at me when I told her. Thought I was joking and then got even more pissed when she realized I wasn't. But eventually she understood that, it was just something I needed to do."

"That's how I feel about it, too."

"Yeah, this definitely wasn't something I planned on doing. I wanted to be a manager. You know like for athletes and people like that."

"Yeah I got a scholarship to play basketball at Duke, so I definitely get what you mean by not what you planned at all."

"Wow, you must be really good then."

"I guess so."

"Yeah, well I just think that there are bigger things going on, and I wanted to be apart of it."

Nathan nodded and then shut his eyes. He could feel the fatigue taking over his body. He really was exhausted and he did just want to sleep. He let his body fall into sub consciousness and when he did, Haley was the first thing he saw.

* * *

Brooke threw away her now empty Starbucks cup. She had been there for a little over an hour working on some sketches. She was working at _Fashion Insider _and she had also been working on her own sketches. Her mother was trying everything to get her going while they were there. This was such a big opportunity for Brooke to get her talent seen. All of her friends had told her that they'd wear anything she designed, because they were all that good.

She walked outside and pulled her black sunglasses down over her eyes. She walked with her sketch book in her hand and she hadn't even made it a few feet before she ran into someone. She hit the persons chest hard and it sent her sketch book to the ground along with his blackberry. "Oh shit," he said and saw her standing in front of him. He picked up his phone and her sketch book and handed it back to her. "I'm so sorry," he said and looked down at his phone trying to fit the battery back in the back. "I totally wasn't looking where I was going."

"Yeah you don't say," she said. She watched as he struggled to get the battery back into the back of his phone. She grabbed it out of his hands and put it back in for him before handing it back. "You might want to try putting it in the right way," she said sarcastically. The guy in front of her smiled and she couldn't help but smile back. He was tall and cute. His hair was cut short and it was a light brown color. He had stubble on his cheeks like he'd skipped shaving the day before and this morning. His smile was a little crooked, but cute.

"I'm really sorry about that," he said motioning to the ground, "again, it was really all my fault."

"No," she said, "I wasn't paying attention either."

"Well I still feel bad. Let me… buy you a coffee at least," he said pointing to the Starbucks she'd just come from.

"I just let there," she said and laughed a little, "but really, it's ok. Nothing bad happened to me, so we're all good." She tucked her hair behind her ears and smiled at the guy. She stuck her hand out towards him. "I'm Brooke by the way."

"I'm Julian," he said and shook her hand, "it was nice to meet you. I think if I could have planned it a little better, I would have been a little smoother."

"No, I liked this way. You've got flare."

Julian smiled and said, "well I've gotta run. I have a meeting with my dad," he said, "which is probably more information than you actually needed." He laughed and ran his hand through his hair. "It was nice to meet you Brooke."

"Nice to meet you too," she said and smiled. He walked past her after smiling again and she headed in the opposite direction back towards where she was working. She looked over her shoulder and saw him just a few feet away from her. He had turned to look back at her too.

"Hey Brooke?" he said and jogged back towards her. "I know that this is a little forward seeing as how I just met you. But do you think that maybe you'd like to run into each other again, on purpose. Say tomorrow around noon? We could get some coffee or something?"

Brooke smiled and glanced down at the ground. "I would love to, but.." she trailed off thinking of Lucas. What would he think about her getting coffee with some guy she'd met in New York. But then again, it wasn't even like he'd bothered to call her since she moved. She'd only gotten one text from him and that was when he told her that he'd gotten to California. But he hadn't told her anything about what he was doing. "You know what, I'd love to actually."

"Alright," he said and smiled, "I'll see you tomorrow, around noon."

"Tomorrow around noon." She smiled before turning around and walking back towards her work. She was glad that she'd run into Julian. She really didn't know that many people here but it was nice to know him.

* * *

Haley woke up when she heard her phone vibrate against the table next to her bed. She reached over to it and saw _New Txt: Jonnie _on the screen. She opened the text and smiled while she read it. _Had a fun time last night. It's so good to see ya again. Lets hang out again soon._

"He likes you," Oakley said from the bed on the other side of the room. Haley turned and looked at her. She sat under the blanket that she had pulled out with her laptop on her legs in front of her. "That's Jonnie right?"

"Yeah," Haley said, "and he does not."

"Oh right!" Oakley said and moved her computer off of her. "He just stares at you all the time and smiles when you're around for no reason! Right," she said dragging out the word.

"You're crazy," Haley said, "we just met pretty much."

"Uh huh," she said, "what ever you say Haley."

Haley rolled her eyes before laying back down against her pillows. She twirled her phone in her hand before texting him back. She really did have a lot of fun with him and his friends the night before. And she couldn't help but let what Oakley said mull around in her head. What if he did like her? Would that be such a bad thing? She wasn't really used to guys showing a lot of interest in her. Most of the guys in high school were too intimidated by Jake and his friends to try anything with her. And then there was Nathan. He was the only guy she ever really became close to. And now he was a world away. He told her not to wait for him, not to put her life on hold for him. Even though she would have. But maybe he didn't want her to.

Maybe she should have been more open to the idea of there being something with Jonnie.


	12. This Is the Thing

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Chapter 12: This Is the Thing**

Oakley jogged up the steps of her dorm and down the hall towards the room she shared with Haley. She could hear the music playing from other girl's rooms and laughing voices that accompanied the music. She had just come back from her run and decided to grab the mail on her way back in. She reached her hand into the loose pocket of her running shorts and pulled out the key to her room and when she opened it she saw Haley sitting on her bed with the lap top on her knees. "Hey," Oakley said, "I grabbed the mail."

"Awesome," Haley said, "anything interesting?"

Oakley flipped through the mail and glanced at the names on the envelopes looking for anything of interest. She got to the end of the stack and her eyes took notice of the yellow faded envelope. Haley's name was scrolled in pen in the center and at the top of the envelope she read the name_ Private Nathan Scott _and the address that followed. "Well, well," she said, "someone got a letter from a Nathan Scott. I don't suppose a certain someone in this room happens to know a guy by that name?" she said and smiled holding up the envelope in her hand.

Haley looked up quickly at the mention of his name. She'd been waiting forever for that letter and now that it was finally there, she didn't want to waste any time reading it. She pushed the computer off her lap and hopped up quickly from her bed and walked towards where Oakley was holding the envelope. She stuck her hand out towards her and Oakley smiled before handing it to her. Haley ripped the envelope open and pulled out the letter from inside. She smiled when she saw small messy print that belonged to Nathan. She sat down on the edge of her bed and began to read what it said.

_Dear Haley,_

_I don't know why it took me so long to finally respond to what you wrote, because believe me, all I wanted was to send you a letter so I could get one back. But you wanted me to tell you everything, all the exciting things I was doing and really… there hasn't been that much going on. I went through training which left me sore and tired and aching for sleep for a week straight. But I definitely see why it helped me. I feel a little more prepared for what I'm gonna go through. But I don't think I can ever be truly prepared for anything._

_I started writing this letter on the plane to Germany when I literally sat on a plane for hours with nothing to do, but I'm finishing it a few days after I started. When I got here I met with my captain again. He told me that my drill sergeant from training was really impressed with me. Which I guess I can't complain about. He told me that I should think about sniper school in a few years. What do you think? Do you think I should consider it? I want to know what you think._

_Lately all we've been doing is more training and patrols. We walk around the cities and small towns and make sure that everything is going ok. I bet that's pretty much what we'll do when we leave Germany, too. You wouldn't believe how hot it is here. I mean the temperature is only about 75 degrees, but with all my gear that I have to carry around, it makes it feel so much hotter._

_Enough about me though. What are you up to? How's school? Tell me everything. What's your roommate like? Is she hot? That was a joke by the way. I can practically see you rolling your eyes right now. But really, I want to know everything. What are your classes like, what are the people like? I want to know it all. It makes me feel closer to home. I miss you Hales. I miss you so much. Maybe eventually I can get the phone and call you, I'll try my hardest._

_I have to go on another patrol and try and find somewhere to get this letter mailed so I'll end this for now. I can't wait to hear from you, that'll be the highlight of my day. Miss you and always thinking about you._

_Nathan_

_Oh, by the way if you have any pictures from this Summer, or whenever really and you want to send them to me… I would love that._

Haley smiled and set the letter down next to her on the bed. She wanted to write back to him right now, but she didn't know what to say. She'd only started class a few days ago and they were boring so far. She was already writing tons of papers and as for meeting new people, well she stuck to spending time with Oakley, Jonnie and the boys. She'd been keeping herself busy mostly, trying to waste the time until she got a letter from Nathan and ultimately until he came home.

**I don't know if you notice anything different.**  
**It's getting dark and it's getting cold and the nights are getting long**  
**And I don't know if you even notice at all**  
**That I'm long gone**

"Someone's got a pretty big smile on her face," Oakley said, "I wonder what could have caused that?"

Haley looked up at her and smiled, "so what if I do?"

"I think it's cute," Oakley said and laughed, "you're all crushed out on him aren't you?"

"No," Haley said, "he's my friend and I'm just happy to hear from him. I'm happy to know that he's ok."

"Uh huh," Oakley said before standing up and grabbing clothes out of her side of the closet. "I'm gonna go shower and change, I'll see you in a little bit," she said and grabbed her towel off the hook by the door before walking out. Haley nodded before laying back against her bed.

She grabbed the letter again and looked over the words. She could practically hear Nathan's voice in her head as she read it again. She could pretty much see the look on his face when he laughed at his own jokes as he was writing. God, she missed him. She wanted to hear his voice, she hoped that he was serious and that he could actually call her soon. She would love to actually talk to him. It would be so much faster than letters. But she loved the feeling she got when she heard that she had a letter from him. She wasn't sure she would give that up for anything, except for actually seeing him.

**And the things that keep us apart**  
**Keep me alive**  
**And the things that keep me alive**  
**Keep me alone**  
**This is the thing**

* * *

Brooke sat at her desk where she was supposed to be doing work for her internship. She was supposed to be addressing letters that had to be sent out but she was secretly working on her sketches. As long as the letters got sent out tomorrow morning she would be fine. She could address them tonight when she got home. Lately all she'd wanted to do was work on her sketches. Well that and spend time with her new friend that she'd met. Julian was pretty much the only person she knew in New York that she was friends with. People at work were ok, but Julian was fun. He made her laugh and she really liked him. But with that like, came guilt.

She knew that she had to call Lucas and talk to him. Maybe if she was honest with him, they could work things out. If she told him how she'd been feeling neglected by him and like he'd been pulling away they could fix things. Maybe then he would realize that he was in danger of losing her. And she knew she had to tell him about Julian. She wasn't sure what he would think about that. She didn't even know if he'd be mad. Would he even care that she was becoming close with another guy? It had only been two weeks since she'd met him and she was already starting to trust him more than she'd been trusting Lucas.

She sighed and pushed her sketch pad away from her. She saw her boss walking down the hall towards where her desk was. She quickly grabbed a stack of envelopes and a pen and made it look like she'd been working on those the whole time. Her boss passed by without a word and Brooke let out a sigh of relief before pushing the envelopes away. She checked the clock on her computer and saw that it was almost 5. She only had to work for about another hour and then she was done for the day. When she heard her phone vibrate on her desk she looked down quickly and saw that she had a text from Julian. She smiled before clicking it open.

_I know you're at work. Too busy for a phone call?_

She smiled before quickly responding. _I don't think so (:_

Her phone started to ring a few seconds later and she quickly clicked the answer button. "Hey Friend," she said and smiled. She loved when he surprised her with calls at work. The truth was that she was usually bored out of her mind and calls from Julian seemed to keep her sane.

"Hey you," he said, "how's work going?"

Brooke groaned and leaned back in her chair. "Good I guess. I mean I'm just addressing envelopes and stuff so it's not exactly a party or anything. But whatever."

Julian laughed and said, "well I'd hope not. I'd be a little insulted if it was a party and I wasn't invited."

"Oh no of course not," Brooke said, "so what are you up to? Anything exciting?"

"Not really. I just had a meeting with my dad and some of the people he works with and class earlier today so there's really not that much going on."

Julian was taking film classes at NYU and also working with his dad. His dad was a big time producer and that's what Julian aspired to be. Brooke could always hear the passion in his voice when he talked about all the things he wanted to do one day. She had a feeling, by the way he talked about him, a lot of it was to please his dad. She knew that he truly loved what he did, but he also wanted to make his dad happy. But as long as it made Julian happy too, then she wanted that for him. It surprised her how much she already cared for Julian. He was already like one of her best friends.

"Sounds about as exciting as my day. I'm almost wondering if I should have just gone to college and not taken this internship."

"No Brooke," Julian said, "your stuff is good and I think working there is gonna help get you noticed. And besides if you hadn't come to New York, you wouldn't have met me."

"There is that," Brooke said and laughed, "that really makes me think I should have gone to college instead," she joked.

"Shut up," Julian said, "now you're just being mean."

Brooke laughed again, "you know I'm kidding."

Julian laughed before saying, "so what are you doing tonight? I was thinking you might want to have dinner or go see a movie or something."

Brooke sighed and leaned forward in her seat. Julian had been asking to hang out for awhile now and they had a few times, but it was usually just coffee or him visiting her at work. But she knew that he liked her and he'd been asking her on more date like activities. And part of her really wanted to say yes, but she knew that she couldn't. "Um," she said, "I don't know Julian. I mean, I'd really like to, but-"

"It doesn't have to be a date or anything like that," Julian said, "I mean I know we're just friends, and we haven't even known each other that long. I promise it's not a date."

She thought about it for a moment before answering. "Ok," she said, "but it's not a date."

"Not a date," he repeated.

She smiled before remembering something. "Oh damn," she said looking down at the stack of envelopes on her desk. "I can't tonight I have to get a huge stack of envelopes addressed and mailed out in the morning. It's probably gonna take me hours. Rain check?"

She could hear Julian sigh before speaking up again. "How bout this?" he said, "what if you come over tonight and I'll make you dinner in a totally friend like way and then I can help you address those envelopes and we can just hang out."

"Are you sure? I mean really it's gonna take me a long time and you don't have to do it."

"No I don't mind," he said, "really."

She smiled before nodding. "Ok. That would actually be awesome." She smiled again before looking behind her when she heard her boss's voice. "I have to go but text me your address and the time and I'll see you tonight." She quickly hung up when she saw her boss walking back towards her.

"Miss Davis," Shayna Goldberg, her scary boss said walking towards her. "I hope you didn't forget that you need to have those invites addressed and mailed out by tomorrow. If I find out that you forgot I can have you out of her so fast. You better not let me down."

Brooke smiled, "I wont. Don't you worry."

Shayna smiled before walking away and back towards her office. Brooke sighed before checking the clock again. Only a little while longer until Julian.

* * *

Nathan sat in the back of an open truck bed with his gun slung across his chest held secure by the strap it was connected to. The sun seemed to be beating down especially hard today and he was burning up already and it wasn't even noon. He hated days like this. All they did was drive around. He was bored and tired and hot. But he wasn't going to complain. Like Owen said, it was what he signed up for.

Nathan sat between Clay and Felix. Felix was of course talking about all the girls he'd "banged back home." Nathan wondered if he ever shut up. He sure hoped so because he was really getting tired of listening to his voice. It was starting to put him in an even worse mood. And Damien wasn't helping either. That dude seriously had not filter and he didn't even think about the words that came out of his mouth. Nathan turned his head and tried to tune them out. He let his eyes sweep over the area around him. He mostly saw people in shops or in the small houses and apartments that were around. He knew that this was just training for what he would be experiencing in Afghanistan. The only reason they were even in Germany was because there had been people caught in some of the small towns harboring terrorists and feeding them information about places in America.

"What about you Scott?" Felix said, "you got a girl back home?"

Nathan couldn't help the small smile that come on his face when he thought about Haley. It was true, she wasn't really his girl, but he liked to think that she was what he had to come home to. "Nah," Nathan said, "not really."

"What's not really mean?" Damien asked. "I mean you either got a hot piece of ass waiting for you back home or you don't. Or maybe girls aren't your thing," he joked and he and Felix laughed.

"No," Felix said, "I saw the look on his face when I mentioned a girl back home. There's definitely one, I can tell. Come on tell us about her," he said and smirked, "she's gotta be pretty hot right?"

Nathan scoffed before looking away from them. He would have loved to push both of them out of the back of the truck but he knew that wasn't allowed. Owen would be pissed if he did that. But God, he wished they'd stop talking. They didn't deserve to even know anything about Haley. She was his piece of home, not theirs and he wanted to keep her to himself.

**I don't know if you notice anything missing**  
**Like the leaves on the trees or my clothes all over the floor**  
**And I don't know if you even notice at all**  
**'Cause I was real quiet when I closed the door**

"What's your problem?" Damien asked, "we gotta share the stories if we're gonna make it through the months away. And clearly you got some stories." Damien laughed before saying, "maybe she's just such a great fuck that you're worried that if she ever meets me you'll lose her."

Nathan was now livid. Who the fuck did this guy think he was? He didn't even know Haley and he hated that he was saying these things about her. If he even knew her he would know that she was so much more than a beautiful girl. She was sweet and funny and amazing and that anyone with her would be the luckiest person in the world. But of course all Damien was thinking about was sex.

"Hey fuck you West," Tony said from his spot close to the front of the truck. He saw the angry look on Nathan's face at Damien's last comment and he knew that he was close to pushing Nathan over the edge. The last thing Tony wanted was for Nathan to get in trouble for something Damien started. "Like you could get any anyways."

Damien mumbled something about being able to get any girl he wanted before he began talking about another subject that Nathan wanted no part of. He really hated his kid now and he was sure there was no way that he was ever going to be friends with him. When he got here, he promised himself that he was going to try and be more open to people and not close everyone off so easily. But not Damien. There was no way that he was ever going to even pretend that he liked Damien. Damien was a prick and he wasn't going to change, Nathan knew that.

When they finished their patrol they headed back towards camp. The hours had passed by in mostly silence and boredom as they patrolled. When they got back Nathan went straight to his bunk and laid down. He didn't know why he was so exhausted but he was. All he wanted to do was sleep. It didn't take long for his exhaustion to take over his body and his eyes slipped closed after a few minutes

In his dreams he saw Haley. They were back home in Tree Hill and they were together, the way he wanted them to be. She loved him and he loved her, just the way it was supposed to be. There was nothing complicated about it, it was just love. In his dreams, Jake was still alive. He and Peyton were together with their baby and they were happy. That was the way it was supposed to be.

When he woke up her heard the voices of the guys in his tent. Most of them talking about what they missed from home. Their families, their wives, their girlfriends. Some talked about what they wouldn't give to go to another football game or baseball game. Nathan could relate. He missed home so much and he missed the way his life used to be. It shouldn't have turned out so different but he knew that was the way it was supposed to be. He chose his life for himself and he understood this was the way it was. Even if he wanted things to be different. But he couldn't change it now, and part of him thought that he wouldn't change it if he could.

He'd never really thought about it until recently. If things hadn't changed, his life would be so different than it was now. If Jake hadn't died, Nathan would have never decided to give up his scholarship and enlist. If Jake hadn't died, Nathan would never have gone on that trip with Haley. If he never gave up his scholarship he would have gone to Duke and he would have played basketball and who knows how much he would have actually seen Haley and his friends. Even though Jake dying was the worst thing he'd ever gone through in his life and he would have given anything to have his best friend back, it brought him to Haley. He hated the idea that it had to be one of another when it came to them, but it seemed like it was that way. It was Haley or Jake and the universe had chosen Haley for him.

He wanted so badly to have both.

Maybe if Jake hadn't died eventually he and Haley would have been brought together. Maybe they would have realized through something else how they felt for each other. But he also had a feeling that if Jake never died, he would have never changed. He would have been the same jerk who hurt people without really thinking about it. Who knows what sort of things he would have done that would have hurt people. What if he had Haley in some sort of other world and he ended up doing something to hurt her? He felt like he'd hurt her enough already.

**And there are things that keep us apart**  
**Keep me alive**  
**And there are things that keep me alive**  
**Keep me alone**  
**This is the thing**

* * *

Peyton stood in her kitchen with her hand over her small bump while looking through the fridge. She was hungry but she had no idea what she wanted. Nothing looked good to her. For some reason she'd really been craving grapefruit and she had no idea why. She'd never even really liked it before, she always thought it had a bitter taste. But now that was all she wanted, but of course she didn't have any in the house. She continued to look into the fridge like she expected it to magically show up. She sighed and shut the door. "Hey dad?" she yelled and waited for her father to answer her.

Larry Sawyer walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where his pregnant daughter sat. She smiled when he came into view and he immediately knew what that smile meant. She wanted something. "What do you need honey?" he asked. Whatever she needed, he was going to be happy to get it for her. That was the reason he'd come home. She needed him. She had told him that it was completely unnecessary that he come home and that she could take care of herself, but he came home as soon as she uttered the words, 'I'm pregnant.'

At first Larry didn't know what to think. Like any father would be when he found out his 18 year old daughter was pregnant, he was a little disappointed. He wanted more for her, he wanted her to go to school and get a great job and he saw that all slipping away when she told him the truth. But the more he thought about it, the more excited her became. He was going to be a grandpa and he couldn't wait. Peyton was going to need all the help she could get when the baby came, especially since Jake was gone. He didn't even know how she had been so strong up until now. He knew that strength must have come from her mother.

"Can you go get me some grapefruit?"

Normally she would have just gone and got it herself but today she was just so exhausted. It wasn't like her stomach was so big that it caused so much extra weight, but today she was just tired. She hadn't slept well at all the night before. She kept having nightmares about losing Jake again. That caused her to wake up in the middle of the night with tears streaming down her face. The only thing that helped her calm down enough to be able to fall asleep was that Jake was there when she woke up. He was sitting next to her on her bed and he laid next to her telling her that everything was ok and how much he loved her until she fell asleep again. She wished that he would have been able to hold her in his arms until she fell asleep again. Normally that's what he would have been able to do. She would have given anything for him to be there again, really there.

"Of course," he said and grabbed his keys off the hook near the back door. He smiled at his daughter on the way out the door and said, "I'll be back in a little while." She smiled and sat down on the stool at the kitchen counter. When she told her dad that he didn't need to come home and take care of her, she really hadn't meant that. She wanted him there but she didn't want him to feel like he had to give up his life and work to take care of her. But she was really happy that he came home. She'd missed him so much. Maybe with him there it would take her mind off the fact that Jake really wasn't. She could pretend that both of men she loved were home.

"Since when do you even like grapefruit?" she heard Jake ask from the door. She smiled and turned to face him. He was still wearing his jeans, t-shirt and converse. Every time she saw him she remembered why she loved him so much. He was just so perfect, in every way.

"I don't usually," she said, "but now I'm craving it! I don't know why."

Jake laughed and walked over to where she was. He leaned back against the counter next to her and said, "I would have gotten it for you, but that would probably be a little weird for the people at the store."

"What you think a ghost buying some grapefruit isn't a normal occurrence?"

Jake smiled before looking away from her. She could see the far off look on his face and she couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about. She knew that look. He was obviously worried about something. "Are you ok?" she asked and pushed her curly blonde hair behind her ears before turning on the chair to face him. Jake turned back to her and smiled.

"Yeah," he said, "I just wish I could actually do something for you. I mean I feel bad that I can't be the one who goes out and gets you what you need. I wish I could go to your doctor's appointments with you. I wish I could hold you again," he said and looked up at her so his eyes met hers. "I miss everything about you."

Peyton could feel the tears pooling in her eyes and she tried to blink them away. "I wish that it could be that way too, baby. I miss you so much." Now she could feel the tears falling and she saw Jake's hand move like he was going to wipe them away but then he remembered he couldn't. "If I could change the way things are, I would," she said, "I would do anything to have you back. Sometimes I wish I could trade my life for yours."

Jake shook his head, "no," he said, "I would never want you to ever do that. I don't want you to even think like that. I want you to live and have an amazing life even though you can't have it with me." He stared at her and he felt like the tears in his eyes now too. He hadn't cried in a long time. The last time he cried was when he told Peyton about his cancer. Even through all the treatments and all the hurt he went through, he never cried. He didn't want anyone to feel sad for him, he wanted them to accept the fact that he wasn't going to make it. He felt like he had to be strong for them.

"Don't ever leave me," Peyton mumbled and moved as close to him as she possibly could. "I can't live with losing you again."

"I already told you," Jake said, "I'm here as long as you want me to be."

* * *

Brooke checked the address on her phone again and saw that she was at the right place. She looked up the cement steps that lead to the apartment complex that Julian was living in. She walked up the steps until she got to the locked glass door. She saw the buzzer by the door and she searched for Julian's name. When she saw J. Baker she clicked the button next to it. She waited a minute before she got an answer. "Yeah?" she heard Julian's voice from the other side. She smiled and pushed her hair behind her ears.

"Hey," she said, "it's me."

"Hey!" he said, "I'll buzz you in," he said and seconds later she heard the door click open. She turned the handle and walked through the door. She saw a few apartment doors on the ground level and then there were carpeted steps that lead up to more apartments. His was on the second floor and she started to make her way up the steps. When she got to his door she knocked and waited for him to answer the door. When he did he smiled before opening the door all the way for her. "Hey," he said and took her in a hug.

She liked the easy going feeling she got when she was around him. It didn't always come so easily with everyone else, but with Julian, it was just natural. She moved into the apartment farther and took her opportunity to look around. The walls were painted dark green and there were movie posters everywhere. He had a big black leather couch in front of a flat screen TV and two leather chairs that faced each other on either side of the couch. The table in the middle of the chairs and couch was covered in DVD cases and magazines.

The kitchen connected the living room and she could smell the food he was making. It smelled delicious. She saw two doors along the wall and she assumed one of them lead to Julian's room. She walked towards the couch and dropped her bag on the floor next to it. "I like it here," she said, "it's very you."

"It's kinda messy," Julian said, "I'm working on that."

"It's ok," she said and smiled, "I don't mind."

He smiled again before walking back into the kitchen. She could hear him getting things ready for dinner and she smiled. No guy had ever made her dinner before. Sure, Lucas had taken her out and he was always a gentlemen, but that was all. The spark had faded out with them and she needed to talk to him about that and quick. She hated that she was lying to him, and she also lying to herself if she thought that she could completely fix things. She sighed as she thought about how that conversation would go. It broke her hear to think about it. She loved Lucas, she probably always would, he was the first guy she ever truly loved. But things just weren't working with them anymore. And it was going to be hard to say goodbye.

Julian walked out a few minutes later and set down two plates. She looked down at the plate and saw the chicken parmesan that he had made for the night resting on top of a plate of steaming pasta. "This looks really good," she said, "do you like to cook a lot?"

"Not really, I mean I don't mind it and surprisingly the stuff I make is edible, but it's not really my thing."

She took a bight and swallowed it down, "well it tastes delicious so at least your good at that." She smiled and then took another bite. They continued to eat and talk for the rest of the hour. She was learning more about him, more about his parents and what it was like for him growing up. Like her, he didn't have the best parents. His were divorced and he spent a lot of his childhood going back and forth between their houses. She knew what it was like to have parents that weren't really together. Even though her parents never divorced, they might as well have. They never spent anytime together and she felt like she lived in a divided house.

After they finished eating she helped him clean up in the kitchen. Even then she was surprised by how easily it was for them to talk and get along. She'd never had an instant connection with a guy before, and it kind of scared her. She was always so guarded, but with Julian, he seemed to see right through all of that.

They walked back out to the living room and she pulled out the stack of envelopes that she had to address and Julian groaned. "You weren't kidding," he said, "that is a lot."

"I told you," she said, "not too late to back out now."

"No," he said and took a seat on the couch, "I told you I'd help you and I will."

"Well thank you," she said, "I really appreciate it."

She pulled out the list of names and addresses that needed to be put on the envelope and the two went to work addressing them. She was happy that it seemed to be going rather quickly thanks to Julian. She knew that without him it would have taken her forever to get this done. They talked which helped pass the time and when she looked up at the clock she saw that it was almost 11:30. "I should go soon," she said, "there's only a few more to do and I can do them myself." She stood up and gathered the envelopes and he stood up as well.

"Thank you again Julian," she said and smiled, "really this was… really helpful. I don't know how long it would have taken me to do this without your help."

"I'm happy to help," he said, "besides, it meant I got to spend sometime with you." He smiled and walked with her towards the door. He knew that she was hesitant to admit that she felt anything for him. But he could tell that she did. Maybe she was just denying it because they had only known each other a few weeks. But he was already starting to fall for her. She was one of the most amazing people he'd met in New York.

She smiled at his comment and tucked her hair behind her ear. "That's sweet," she said. Julian took a step closer and before she knew it his lips were on hers. She leaned in closer to him and kissed him back but only for a moment before she realized what she was doing. She pushed at his chest and pushed him away from her. "I'm sorry," she said, "I can't do that."

"I'm sorry," he said, "I just thought, well I thought we were on the same page. I thought you kinda liked me."

"I do," she said, "I really do, but I have a boyfriend."

"Oh," he said and took a step back, "I didn't know that."

"I know. I should have told you awhile ago. This is my fault. It's just that things with us aren't that good right now and I need to talk to him about it. And until I do that, I can't start anything with you. It wouldn't be fair."

"No," he said, "you're right. Look I'm sorry, you said you wanted to keep things with us friendly and I took it too far, so I'm sorry."

"So am I," she said, because she truly was. She wished things were different for them but right now, they weren't.

* * *

Nathan was getting ready in the morning for another day of patrolling. The day before had gone relatively quickly and he hoped today would be the same. He could only live through the days until he could go home again. There was nothing more he could do to make them go any faster. He looked at Clay who was busy finishing up a letter that he assumed he was sending back home to Sarah.

When he finished getting his gear on he walked out of his tent and his eyes scanned for Owen's. Owen was the only one who had a phone that could be used to call back home. Sometimes they got to use it, but only with his permission. He walked over to Owen's tent and waited for him to acknowledge him standing there. "Scott," Owen said when he saw him standing there. "What can I do for you?"

"Well Sir," Nathan started, "I was wondering if I could get your permission to call home."

"Something wrong there?"

"I hope not. I just told my family I would try and call when I got a chance."

Owen nodded and pointed back to where the large cell phone with the long antenna sat on a desk near a small cot. "Go ahead. You've only got 10 minutes before we leave though so make it quick." Owen walked past him and Nathan hurried inside to where the phone was. He picked it up and quickly dialed the number he'd memorized before he left. It felt like hours that he waited listening to the ringing on the other end. In reality it was probably only a few rings before there was an answer.

"Hello?" he heard the sleepy voice ask from the other end. He smiled instantly.

"Haley?"

"Nathan?" he heard her ask. He could tell that she was more awake now. "Nathan is that you?"

"Yeah it's me." He smiled again. He missed her voice. "I know it's late there. I woke up didn't I?"

"Yeah, but it's totally ok! Oh my God, how are you? Where are you? What are you doing? I was hoping that you'd call me!"

"I told you I would didn't I? I'm about to do another patrol so I wanted to call you before I did."

"I'm so glad you did."

"I can't talk long," he said, "but I wanted to know what you've been up to. How are things?"

"Boring," she said honestly and laughed a little, "I have classes tomorrow and but not til 9. Then after that I don't know what I'm gonna do. But, oh! Guess who I ran into and who I've been hanging out with."

"Who?" Nathan asked and smiled at the enthusiastic sound of her voice.

"Jonnie!"

Nathan thought for a moment trying to think of who that was. He knew that he should have known, but for some reason he couldn't remember. "Jonnie?" he asked.

"Yeah, you remember! We met him at that beach party…" she said trying to jog his memory. "He was friends with that kid Mason, the one who was trying to hit on me."

Mason he remembered… he hated that kid. He thought about it some more and then he remembered the blonde boy who looked like a real California boy. "Oh," Nathan said, "yeah now I remember him. He was pretty cool. So you ran into him?"

"Yeah, he lives in the building next to mine. I met his brother and his friends and there really nice. We've been hanging out sometimes and I really like them."

"Oh," Nathan said. She really liked them. He didn't really know how he felt about her liking a group of guys. He didn't like the idea of her hanging out with them a lot. He knew that Jonnie was a nice guy and his friends probably were too, but still. Haley with a group of guys wasn't something he liked to hear. He knew that he was just being ridiculous, but still, she was his Haley. "That's cool I guess."

"You guess?" Haley asked and giggled, "Nathan can you pretend to be happy that I'm making new friends?"

"No I am happy Hales," he promised, "but I don't know how I feel about it being a group of guys. I know how guys think, it's not always that good. And you're my friend I want to make sure you've got good people around you."

There was a few seconds of silence before she answered, "well I'm smart when it comes to stuff like that. I know who to trust and believe me, Jonnie is a really great guy. I like him a lot."

Nathan sighed, "well then I'm glad."

"Are you?"

"Yes," he said. "Look I gotta go, we're heading out but I really wanted to talk to you. I miss you a lot Hales. More than you know."

"I miss you too Nathan," she said in a quiet voice, "I'm really happy to hear from you. I'll send the letter I wrote out tomorrow."

"I can't wait to get it," he said honestly, "but it's probably gonna take me awhile to respond. We're leaving Europe in a week so it might be awhile."

"As long as I know it's coming."

"It is." He sighed again and ran his glove covered hand over his now buzzed hair. "I gotta go. I miss you."

"I miss you too. Bye Nathan."

"Bye Hales." He took the phone away from his ear and clicked the end button. He could feel his heart sink when he ended the phone call with her. He wanted so badly to dial her number again and just talk to her for hours. But he couldn't. He didn't know when the next time he would hear her voice would be. He had a feeling it would be a long time. The thought of that was killing him.

**And I don't know if you notice anything different**  
**I don't know if you even notice at all**

**REVIEW (:**

**So ya'll probably want more Naley and I'm trying to work as much in as I can, it's just hard with him being away. But I'm trying to get past his months away as fast as I can (: please let me know what you think about this!**


	13. New Morning

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**So for some reason inspiration for anything is not really coming. I don't know why really. I've been watching some of the seasons of the show that I have and I'm hoping some of that will help and hopefully this chapter won't be total crap. Let me know what you think (:**

**Chapter 13: New Morning**

_I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time_

Nathan sat down on his bunk and stretched his arms. They were tired from carrying all of his equipment all day. He'd been in Afghanistan for about 2 weeks. He and Haley had been writing still, but the time between sending his letters and getting one back was slow. He wanted so bad to see her or talk to her. Maybe even for just one hour. But he was going to have to wait months until he actually got to see her. But he couldn't wait. Everyday down was one less day until he got to see her. Hopefully that day would come as quickly as the day he left came.

He laid back against the thin mattress on his bunk and rested his left hand under his head. In the springs of the bunk above him were the pictures that Haley had sent in one of her letters. He smiled every time he saw them. One of the pictures that he zeroed in on was a picture of them on the fourth of July. They were in front of Brooke's parents boat again. Nathan stood on the dock in a pair of khaki cargo shorts with a simple white t-shirt. Haley was on his back with her arms wrapped around him. Her hair was in a pony tail and she wore one of Nathan's duke hats. She had a temporary tattoo of an American flag on her cheek and a smile on her lips. Her cheek was pressed against Nathan who was also smiling.

Nathan smiled again looking at the picture. He would give anything to relive that moment. But he knew it would be awhile before he would see her again. But he knew that the second he saw her the feeling he got would make everything worth it. He would never get tired of the way she made him feel.

He closed his eyes and let the stress of the day and the past few weeks wear off. All he needed was to sleep right now. Maybe if he was lucky enough he would dream about her.

* * *

_Nathan could feel the smile about take over his face as he watched the ball swish through the hoop as the buzzer sounded. That was all he needed to make the most of this night. He looked up at the scoreboard and saw that Duke had beat North Carolina by 3 points. And it was all because of him. He would never get tired of the feeling of satisfaction that he got every time he helped bring his team to victory. It was like something he couldn't explain. He felt so apart of something that he never wanted to let go of. He thanked God for basketball everyday. He was sure it was the only thing that kept him sane. He could hear the sounds of his teammates praising him for what he'd just done. But he could barely even comprehend the words. He was still thinking about the last 10 seconds of the game._

_He'd never been more nervous. They had gone into overtime and all he wanted was for a win. For a minute he was sure that he wouldn't even care if he wasn't the one who got the winning shot. All he wanted was for the game to be over. Then he would know that it would be Duke that was the Final Two. Then he would know that they could be champions again. But the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to be the reason they got there. He made his way towards the 3 point line and when he was sure that he was unguarded he put his hands up for his teammate to pass to him. When he caught the ball in his hands he knew there was no going back. He didn't think about the other players on the other team who were going to try and knock down his shot. He didn't think about his coach who was yelling on the sideline. He didn't think about the 1000s of fans who were cheering. He shot the ball towards the hoop and he knew he had it. There was no way he would miss. And he hadn't._

_After everyone had cleared out of the arena and after his press interviews he went back to the locker rooms. Now that the game was over, he knew it was time for a party. The kids on campus had a lot to celebrate tonight. Now he couldn't wait to celebrate along with them. He showered off and changed before leaving the arena. Sure, his muscles ached and he was tired, but he was still high off the win. Nothing was going to bring him down tonight. All he was going to think about was the fact that Duke was going to be champions again, and it was in large part to him. All he wanted to think about was the fact that he was truly apart of something. And it was something he loved._

_He walked outside and towards the parking lot. He heard the sounds of footsteps running up behind him. When he turned his head he saw Jake running towards him. Nathan smiled and slowed his steps waiting for his friend to catch up to him. Jake wasn't sure if he was going to be able to make it to the game that night. He had Peyton to think about at home with their baby. It was a wonder Jake even was able to make it to any of his classes. "Awesome game Nate!" Jake said and pounded his fist against Nathan's. "I only got here for the last quarter but I was listening on the radio. Wish I could have seen all of it man."_

"_It's ok Jake," Nathan said and smiled again, "you got to see some of it and I'm sure they'll replay that game on ESPN sometime. Besides, like my parents didn't record it. Or yours for that matter," Nathan laughed then said, "hey are you going to that party? The one in the building next to Haley's?"_

"_Like that's the only party?" Jake said, "but yeah I am. Peyton was gonna get a sitter, but she just won't leave Jenny."_

"_I'm surprised you're even here," Nathan said and they continued to walk towards Nathan's car. "I thought you would have wanted to stay in with them."_

"_Well I did," Jake said honestly and laughed while running his hand over his hair, "but Peyton made me leave. She said my loud cheering was keeping Jenny up. So I'm not allowed to come back until she's out for the night."_

_Nathan laughed and they got into his car. He started it and the music blasted through the radio. He quickly turned the dial down so he could listen to his friend talk. The drive back to the dorms wasn't long and so Nathan let Jake fill up the silence. He was glad that Jake was coming with him tonight. Even though he saw him a lot, he felt like he hadn't really hung out with him in a long time. It was nice to have him back for the night. Sure it wasn't like old times back in high school, but it was still going to be a fun time. _

_Nathan parked his car and they both got out. The loud music from inside the building could faintly be heard and hopefully campus police wouldn't break up the party to early. They walked towards the dorm and Nathan couldn't help but let his eyes sneak a glance to the building next door. He shook his head and they walked into the building. On the main floor there were a few kegs and coolers full of drinks. Kids were already dancing and laughing and celebrating. Nathan saw a few girls doing shots by the stairs. He didn't really recognize anyone. There were a few people he'd seen before, but no one he knew by name. They were just faces in a crowd._

"_Do we even know anyone here?" Jake asked._

_Nathan laughed and shrugged before walking towards the kegs. He filled up a red plastic cup and moved it towards Jake, who shook his head. He didn't really drink much anyways, but now that Jenny was around, he never drank. Ever. "Come on man," Nathan said and motioned for him to take the cup. Jake shook his head again. Nathan couldn't help but roll his eyes. "You're no fun anymore."_

"_I'm a dad," Jake said, "I don't have much time to be fun."_

_Nathan laughed and then took a sip of the drink. "Hey so where's Haley tonight?" he asked. Not that he was really that interested. He just figured that she might actually want to come celebrate with everyone else. Maybe she might want to have an actual college experience for once. _

"_I think she's studying," Jake said, "I told her I was going to the game tonight and that she should join me but she said she was busy."_

"_She's always studying. Doesn't she ever do anything fun?"_

"_You know Haley. That's stuffs important to her."_

_Nathan rolled his eyes and then changed the subject when a few guys from the team walked over to them. Jake knew most of them. Jake had a chance to play on the team for awhile but when Peyton was getting closer to having the baby he quit. He needed to focus on taking care of Peyton and Jenny while he and Peyton both kept jobs and took classes. Basketball just didn't fit into that equation. _

_Soon they were all talking and Nathan took the opportunity to excuse himself from them. He finished his drink and dropped the cup on the ground before walking towards the door. The fresh air hit him as he walked down the sidewalk and towards the building next door. A girl walked out the glass doors as he got to the dorm and he grabbed it quickly before it could close him out. When he was inside he made his way up the stairs to Haley's floor. When he got to the right one he went down the hall and past a few doors. When he stopped he looked at the door in front of him. It had sparkly letters that said Haley and Oakley on it with pictures and other things that belonged to them. He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. _

_The door swung open a couple of seconds later and Haley stood on the other side. She had her long hair pulled back into a pony tail with her long bangs falling just over her eyes. She wore a pair of short black shorts and a red long sleeve t-shirt with some logo Nathan didn't recognize. She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "What are you doing here?" Nathan ignored her and looked into her room. Her laptop was open on her bed and her blankets were pulled back. There were a few books open next to her computer and on the table next to her bed. A few pairs of shoes were strewn across the floor._

"_Where's Oakley?" Nathan asked and walked through the door past her._

"_She's probably next door at the party," Haley said and watched as Nathan took a seat on the end of her bed. "Again… what are you doing here?"_

"_Why aren't you at the party?"_

"_I'm working on the paper for psychology. The one that you should probably be working on too, considering it's due this week."_

_Nathan shrugged, "I'll get to it."_

_Haley shut the door and leaned back against it. She didn't understand why he was here. Usually she and Nathan didn't see each other willingly. They hung out when they had to, but never just because. They weren't friends. Not really. "What do you want?" Haley asked. "Is there actually a reason you're here or is it just to piss me off?"_

"_Yeah I'm inviting you to the party."_

"_No thanks," Haley said, "not really my thing."_

"_You mean the boyfriend wouldn't like it," Nathan said referring to Jonnie. Nathan hadn't ever really liked Jonnie. It wasn't that he'd ever really done anything to him that would make him not like him, they were just too different. Their differences made it too hard for them to even pretend to be friends. Plus Nathan felt the need to be protective of Haley when it came to guys. He may not have really liked her, but she was his best friends sister. _

"_Whatever," Haley said and walked farther into the room and sat on the end of Oakley's bed._

_Nathan smirked, "that's it isn't it? Does Jonnie let you do anything fun?"_

"_This has nothing to do with Jonnie," Haley said, "but getting black out drunk every weekend isn't really my idea of fun. Just so happens that Jonnie agrees with that idea."_

_Nathan rolled his eyes and then he thought of something. He knew it was a low blow, but he knew that it would press her buttons. "Hey does he know about us?" Nathan asked. He could see the expression on Haley's face change and he could tell that she was getting annoyed. Her eyes narrowed and she stood up suddenly and crossed her arms over her chest._

"_Us?" she said and scoffed, "there is no us and there's never been an us! If you're talking about the time you mauled me in Lucas's room at the party that hardly qualifies as an us moment. That was more like a drunken mistake. The drunk part being you and the mistake part being me even letting you kiss me."_

_Nathan couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his mouth. That was exactly the reaction he was looking for. He loved to mess with her. It was the only good thing that came from being around her. The pissed off reactions from her were the best. He smirked and stood up and looked her up and down. Something he knew would infuriate her even more. He took a step closer to her and said, "and that is why I came here." Haley's eyes narrowed and she shoved him in the arm. _

"_I hate you," she said, "like I really, really can't stand you. I feel the need to sit down when you talk, that is how much I can't stand you!"_

"_That's clever," Nathan said and opened the door, "as much as I enjoy these visits, I'm gonna go back to the party. I'll tell Jake you said to say hi when I came over to invite you, but you so rudely turned down the invitation."_

"_Get out," Haley said and motioned to the door. Nathan laughed again before opening it._

"_I'll see you in class on Monday Hales."_

"_If you even remember to go." _

_Nathan heard Haley slam the door shut and he laughed again. He just couldn't help himself, he loved to mess with her. It used to be that he only got to get a rise out of her when she was around with Jake or Brooke. But now it was like he went out of his way to see her so he could do it. He knew that Jake probably wouldn't like it if he found out, but that was the price he was willing to pay. It was just too much fun for him to give up._

_

* * *

_

_Nathan sat through the boring lecture that his professor was giving. He was barely paying attention. He tuned in every once in awhile but for the most part he just sat there. He knew that he probably should have been listening, but he really didn't care. It was just too boring for him to care. If he was talking about basketball, then he would listen. It wasn't like he was planning on becoming a therapist, he wasn't even sure why he was in this class. He turned his head and looked down the long row of seats and saw Haley sitting next to Jonnie. He had his arm around the back of her chair and she was taking notes in the large notebook in front of her. Nathan let out a quiet laugh and turned back to the front of the room. She was always such a book nerd. It was a surprise to see a pretty girl so into the books. But that was just the way Haley was and had always been._

_She wasn't the typical girl that Nathan liked in high school. She was far from it. Sure, Haley had been the cheerleader and she'd gone to some of the parties, but she wasn't his type. He wasn't really sure that he had a type really. He just liked girls. Especially girls that liked him. And Haley definitely wasn't one of those girls. But still, there was something about her that he was drawn to. And he couldn't for the life of him figure out what that something was. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't stand for his bullshit. She was one of the few girls who called him out when he was being a jackass. And maybe. even though she was annoying and fought him on just about everything, the fact that she was insanely beautiful helped._

_What the hell?_

_Nathan shook his head and rested his forehead against the palm of his hand. He didn't think any girl was beautiful. And he definitely didn't think that about Haley. He must have been tired. He had actually stayed up and tried to work on that paper. He could barely get himself to type anything on the computer. Everything that came out what bullshit so he deleted it. Which just meant that he was going to have to work extra hard tonight. That was going to be hell. He had practice and he was going to be beat when it came time to work on that paper. _

"_I don't know how many of you have already finished the paper due on Friday," their Professor started, "but as I'm sure you all know, we are the Final Two and we have championships Thursday night. So I'm pushing the deadline of the paper back and it's now due Monday! Don't anyone forget and I will not take any excuses for a late paper."_

_Nathan looked down at Haley and saw her roll her eyes at the smirk on his face. He figured she was probably already done with the paper. Something like this was just going to make her hate him more. It wasn't his fault that things just seemed to work themselves out for him. That's just the way things seemed to go for him. He got up when the class ended and made his way out of the room with everyone else. He was glad it was the last class of the day. But now he had practice which he was sure was going to wear him out. _

_Walking out to he building he saw Haley and Jonnie not too far in front of him. He rolled his eyes as he walked past them but then turned around to face them. "I guess it's a good thing you stayed to work on that paper instead of going to the party," Nathan said and smirked before turning around and walking away from them._

_Haley rolled her eyes and stuck out her hand with her middle finger up when Nathan had his back turned. She heard Jonnie laugh and grab her hand. He interlocked her fingers with his before bringing her hand to his mouth. He placed a light kiss on the back of her hand and smiled. "I don't know why you let him get to you like that. You know that's just the reaction he wants from you." _

"_I know!" Haley said and let out a frustrated groan, "that's just the way things have always been with me and Nathan. We've never liked each other. And I'll probably never like him. The only thing stopping me from killing him is the fact that he's Jake's best friend and Jenny's Godfather. Plus I'm too cute for jail," she joked. _

_Jonnie laughed and kissed her forehead, "you are too cute for jail babe. And besides I think if you went to jail, I'd miss you a little bit."_

"_Well you could always visit me," she said and smiled._

"_I'd still like it better if you weren't in jail."_

"_Then I'll try to contain myself."_

"_Thanks." Jonnie wrapped his arm around her shoulders and the two of them walked towards the parking lot. This was one of the only classes Haley had that was completely on the other side of campus from her dorm. But she was lucky enough to have Jonnie who didn't mind driving her around. When they got to the car he opened the door for her before she got in. "So what are you doing tonight?" Jonnie asked when he got in the car._

"_Well that depends," Haley said, "on whether or not you're asking me on a date."_

_Jonnie smiled, "as a mater of fact I am. So, do you have plans tonight?"_

"_I do actually," Haley said, "I have plans with this really cute guy, you might have seen him before. He's tall, blonde, a good kisser."_

"_And he's moving in on my girl," Jonnie said and shook his head, "I should kick his ass."_

_Haley leaned across the console and pressed her lips against his. His hand cupped her cheek and she could feel his thumb gently rubbing over her cheek bone. She moved back from him and smiled at him before settling back into her seat. She pulled her seatbelt on and he did the same before starting the car. "So I'll pick you up around 8?" Jonnie said._

"_Sounds perfect."_

_

* * *

_

_Nathan shot the ball through the hoop and watched it bounce off the rim and fall back to the ground. He groaned out loud and ran over to get it. "What's wrong with you today?" he heard from behind him. It was Joshua Preston. He was a sophomore and he had come to Duke on scholarship from Georgia. "I've never seen you miss more than 2 free throws at one time. That was about 5. What's on your mind?" Josh picked up a basketball off the ground and bounced it before holding it in his hands and waiting for Nathan to reply._

_Nathan dribbled the ball and said, "I don't know. My head's just all over the place. I'm stressed about the game coming up. I keep hearing the things that people are saying about me on ESPN, like can I actually be a benefit to this team, is the magic gonna wear off by then or is it asking too much of a freshmen to help get a championship title. I guess I'm just letting it get to me."_

"_Well don't. I will come take your TV away if you keep watching all the press stuff. Trust me, I've been there. Last year they were saying the same things about me. And this year they're probably still saying the same things about me." Josh smiled and then turned to face the hoop. He brought the ball up past his nose and shot it towards the net and watched as it sailed in effortlessly. "If I can do that," he said and faced Nathan again, "I know you can. Just let all that stress fall away. Let the game be your reliever."_

_Nathan took in the words of his teammate before bouncing the ball against the wood of the court. When it landed back in his hand he twirled the ball in his hands and shot it towards the hoop. He smirked as he watched it fly through the net. "Nothing but net," Josh said and smiled. "See I told you, if I can do this then so can you."_

"_Yeah," Nathan said, "I guess you're right. I just need to stop thinking about everything else going on."_

"_That's right," Josh said. They practiced in silence for a few more minutes both taking turns with their free throws. Nathan was proud of the fact that he hadn't missed a shot since Josh had finished talking to him. "Hey so where did you disappear to at that party the other night?" Josh asked while he and Nathan finished picking up the stray basketballs. "One second you were drinking with Jake and the boys and then next you were leaving."_

"_Yeah," Nathan said, "I was talking to Haley."_

"_Jake's Haley? Well I mean his sister Haley," Josh said correcting himself._

"_That's the one."_

"_You got a thing for her?" Josh asked and smirked at his friend._

"_Absolutely not," Nathan answered. "I could never in my life have a thing for Haley James."_

"_And why is that? I mean come on man, she's obviously hot. Plus she's actually got brains which is hard to find in a pretty girl. What's there not to like?"_

"_You don't know her like I do," Nathan said, "I've known her my whole life. And she's just… she's too much of a stuck up bitch sometimes. Trust me I know she's pretty. It's hard to miss, but her attitude… that's not hard to miss."_

"_Maybe the attitude problem is because of you."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_I've seen you two together," Josh said, "and I've seen you two fight. Maybe if you weren't trying to piss her off all the time her attitude would be different."_

"_You don't get it," Nathan said and laughed, "it's just too much fun to piss her off. It's about the only fun thing you can do with her. Other than that she's just got that I'm better than you attitude."_

"_Well whatever," Josh said, "I'm just saying, if you weren't always trying to get a rise out of her, you might like what you see."_

"_Me and Haley are never going to be that. We're never even going to like each other. No point in wasting time."_

_Nathan knew that no one really understood why he and Haley hated each other. And he couldn't explain it. To be honest there wasn't a real reason. It wasn't like they'd been friends then suddenly something had happened and they couldn't resolve it. They just never liked each other. From the day they met in kindergarten they had hated each other. And nothing had changed over the years. Except for the fact that she was getting prettier as the years went on. But he would never admit it._

_The first time he noticed that she was truly a girl was their first day of high school. At first he hadn't really recognized her. That Summer she and Jake weren't home the whole time. They had been traveling with their family so Nathan hadn't seen them. But when Haley walked in with Jake that morning, Nathan didn't realize it was her. Her hair was longer and fell far past her shoulders. She was leaner and tanner. And being the guy that he was he noticed that her boobs were bigger too! When did this happen? When she caught him staring at her she rolled her eyes. "What are you staring at?" she asked and then it didn't take long for him to come up with a witty remark and from then on things with them were normal again. He no longer thought she was pretty, she was just the same Haley as always, she just looked a little different._

_Even though things with them never changed Nathan knew that Jake wanted them too. But he was sure that nothing was ever going to change with them. It would take a lot for them to be close to being friends. Unless something earth shattering happened, they would always hate each other._

_

* * *

_

_It was beginning to feel like déjà vu. Nathan had the ball in his hands and he was watching the time on the buzzer tick down. He dribbled the ball and was about to shoot it when something caught his eye. He looked up in the bleachers and not too far from the floor he saw Haley and Jonnie. They were both cheering for the game and waiting for Nathan to take the shot that would win the game. But for some reason when he saw them, the game was the last thing on his mind. Jonnie had grabbed Haley's hand and was holding it in a way that looked so natural. For them, now it probably was. But to Nathan, it was something he didn't want to see. _

"_Nathan!" _

_Nathan turned his head away from them and to the right where he saw Josh. He held his hands open showing that if he wasn't going to take the shot himself, then he needed to pass the ball so he could. Nathan shook his head and glanced up at the scoreboard again and saw that just 3 seconds were left. He quickly got his stance ready and shot the ball towards the hoop. This time he wasn't so sure about what the outcome would be. He watched the ball bounce against the rim and he waited. It felt like forever before it fell back into the hoop as the buzzer sounded. The whole arena erupted in cheers and he could hear the voices of his teammates at they cheered loudly. _

_Normally he would have been so excited to have been the reason for a win. But not now. He didn't even think about it. He turned his head to look up at the bleachers again and saw they was Haley and Jonnie were kissing. It made him sick to look at. He couldn't understand why the fact that Haley was kissing some guy was pissing him off so much. He was her boyfriend and she was allowed to do whatever she wanted. But part of him was screaming that it should have been him. He'd never let that part of himself out. But seeing them now, something inside of himself snapped. All the times that he'd been rude to her and made some comment about her, it was all a cover up. And he was just now admitting it. _

_After showering he walked out the back to where he knew that his friends would be waiting for him. When he walked out he saw Jake and Peyton with Jenny in her carrier. Brooke and Lucas had both flown out for the game and they were both there. There was obviously tension between the two of them since they broke up. He wasn't even sure why they did, but it wasn't really any of his business. He also saw Haley and Jonnie. He wasn't expecting them to have stayed to congratulate him. It wasn't like either of them liked him. _

_Brooke ran towards him and gave him a big hug. "Good job Nate!" she yelled happily. Nathan hugged her back before thanking her. _

"_Thanks," he said quietly to all of them when they had finished with their praise for the game. He saw the look on Jake's face. Jake could tell that something was up with him. Normally he would have been so much more excited, but he obviously had something on his mind. _

"_You alright man?" Jake asked._

"_Yeah," Nathan said and glanced towards Haley quickly before looking away, "I'm fine."_

_

* * *

_

_A few weeks had passed and Nathan had been avoiding Haley at all costs. He only saw her when he had to and when those times came, he didn't say anything to her. Everyone, including Haley, could tell that there was something up with him. But anytime someone approached him about it, he just blew it off. There was nothing for them to worry about, he would tell them. But there was something going on. It wasn't like him to just blow off a party because he was going to study. Which he'd been doing a lot lately. Spending time at the library or in his room instead of out with his friends. Of course he knew why, but it was just too weird for him to talk about with Jake or anyone for that matter. And it had come on so suddenly. All of a sudden he realized that the reason he acted the way he did towards Haley was because all this time, he wanted her for himself. It was just his way of putting it off._

_It was so strange, even to him. Somewhere along the lines of a few days she'd gone from being Jake's annoying sister to something more. All of a sudden it was like her beauty was more obvious. Her eyes were brighter, her smile more beautiful, her laugh more musical. And Nathan couldn't get her out of his head. As much as he tried, he couldn't. He'd gone out with other girls, but none of them had anything on her. He couldn't even make it through an hour with someone who wasn't her. They didn't fight him about the littlest things like she did. They fell for everything that came out of his mouth and that just wasn't the girl he wanted. He wanted Haley. _

_He sat in his dorm room with his text books open in front of him. He was trying to focus on the words on the page but he was finding it hard to do. Normally he sucked at picking out the important stuff in a text, but now it just seemed impossible. He re-read the same paragraph about 10 times and it still didn't make sense to him. He highlighted random sentences hoping that maybe some of them were relevant. He shut his book when he heard a knock on his door. Throwing the highlighter on his desk he stood up quickly to go get the door. When he opened it he saw Haley standing on the other side. "Shit," he mumbled. Now there was no way that he was going to be able to even form sentences with her around._

"_Yeah pretty much how I feel too," she said and rolled her eyes, "but we need to talk. Obviously there's something wrong with you lately so, what is it?"_

"_What?" he asked._

_Haley sighed and walked past him and through the door. Nathan shut the door once she was inside and then went to lean against his desk trying to leave as much space between them as possible. He wasn't sure what she was doing here. She hadn't ever found him out to come talk to him. She liked to avoid him just as much as he used to like to avoid her. But now she was standing in his room trying to figure out what had been up with him for the past couple of weeks._

"_Well you're hiding out in your room all the time, you don't go to parties anymore. Apparently you're avoiding Jake now too. And you don't insult me anymore. And you used to do that all the time. So what the hell is wrong with you lately? I mean really."_

"_Nothing," Nathan said, "and I'm not avoiding anyone."_

"_Right," Haley said, "please you get up and leave every time I come in a room. Look I know you hate me-"_

"_I don't-"_

"_Which is fine because I'm not your biggest fan either. But did I do something to really piss you off? Because really this is a little ridiculous. I mean fine, don't talk to me if you don't want to, that's fine, but you didn't even come over to Jake and Peyton's the other night for dinner. And Peyton wanted you there because Jenny wants to see you. She may only be a baby but she actually likes you and-"_

"_Why do you talk so much?" Nathan asked and laughed._

_Haley crossed her arms over her chest. "Excuse me?"_

"_You talk too much!" Nathan said, "you never stop. You start on these long rambles and it's impossible to shut you up."_

"_Well there we go," Haley said, "that's a start."_

"_What?"_

"_At least you're trying to insult me now. But I mean you're gonna have to try harder than that. I know I talk a lot so telling me that I talk a lot, it's not really a harsh dig. But at least you tried."_

"_I'm not trying to insult you, I was just saying."_

"_Whatever."_

_Nathan sighed and looked back up at her, "look Haley, you're right. I have been avoiding you-"_

"_I knew it-"_

"_But not for the reason that you think. I don't hate you. I used to, but that was obvious back then. And you hated me too, or you still do I don't know. But I haven't been avoiding you because of that. I just… I've been avoiding you because it's too hard to be around you now."_

"_Why?"_

"_Something's different now. I think it's been different since the night I kissed you at that party, but I've been trying to deny it. I've been trying extra hard to not like you since then. But I can't anymore. Because I do like you Hales. A lot. And I don't like seeing you with Jonnie… I hate it. I don't go to places that I know you're going to be at because I don't want to see you kiss him. I know that this is crazy, and I don't really know when it changed for me, or why, but it did. And that's why I avoid you."_

_Haley didn't say anything, she didn't do anything either. She just stared at him. He could feel the regret taking over his body. He never should have told her anything. He should have just denied! But now she knew and now things were going to be weird between them for possibly the rest of their lives. "Can you say something?" Nathan asked._

"_I- I don't really know what to say."_

"_I'm sorry," Nathan said, "I shouldn't have said anything."_

"_Nathan," Haley said twisted the ring on her finger, "I just… I don't feel that way about you."_

"_I know," Nathan said, "and why should you? I'm not… I'm not good for you."_

"_Nathan-"_

"_You should go," he said and motioned to the door, "I'll talk to you later."_

_She wanted to say more but she couldn't think of the words to say. Part of her wanted to tell him that she felt the same way. Part of her did feel the same way. But she couldn't do that to Jonnie. And it was just too hard to say anything more. She opened the door and turned back to look at him one more time. He sent her a small smile and she returned it before walking out the door. That was the last thing she expected when she came to him. _

_Nathan cursed and slammed his fist into the wood of the desk. He felt like he could never do anything right with her. He wished that he could. He wished that he could be the guy she deserved, but he was always the screw up. Nothing was going to change that. He was never going to be good enough for her._

Nathan's eyes shot open and he shook his head. That was the weirdest dream he'd ever had. He could still see the dream playing itself in his head. He tried to shake it away, but he couldn't. Part of the dream he loved, it was the part that allowed him to see his best friend again. But the other part, it hurt. It seemed like no matter what universe he was in, he and Haley just never made sense. They were never good for each other. Or he was never good for her.

He sat up and ran his hands over his head and let out a tired sigh. His muscles ached and that dream left him feeling more restless than usual. "You ok Nate?" he heard Clay ask. Nathan looked up and saw Clay standing next to him looking down at him waiting for an answer. "You don't look so good."

"Bad dream," Nathan answered, "no big deal."

"Ok," Clay said, "you should get ready, we're heading out soon."

Nathan nodded before standing up and suiting up. He got all his gear on before walking out of the tent that resembled the one that he'd stayed in in Germany. The sun was hotter here. It seemed to beat down more harshly on him. He hadn't been outside but a few seconds and he could already feel himself sweating like crazy. He already hated it here. It made him feel even farther from home. Even farther from Haley.

Nathan shook his head and tried to get her out of his mind for awhile. But he knew that would be impossible. She was never going to be out of his head.

**Ehh yeah… I don't like this chapter, not one of my bests in my opinion. But I still would love to know what you all think (: please review!**


	14. Far More

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Chapter 14: Far More**

**Far more, far more, far more, far more  
Far more, far more than we possess  
How much, how much, how much  
How much longer, girl  
How much longer do we need to wait?**

_December 17th__, 2010_

Nathan's eyes swept down the busy market street in Afghanistan. The sidewalks were filled with people, mostly mothers and their children. But there were a few people that Nathan kept an eye on. The ones who would whisper to someone else as their truck drove by or who watched them with angry eyes. He knew how people felt about them being there. Most of them hated them. Nathan watched as little kids ran around the legs of the adults and he waited for them to be chastised by their mothers for running off. In a lot of ways, Afghanistan was different than America, but there were some ways that it was similar. The laughter of little kids filled the air of public places and mother's worried eyes followed their children.

After having watched the people he looked away as they drove out of the market. Their shift was almost over for the day. The markets were closing soon and they needed to make it back to camp. They had a few check points they had to go through along the way. The truck moved along the dirt roads with a few bumps along the way. Nathan watched the road behind them as they drove. He chose to block out the voices of the guys in the truck with him. Sometimes he was fine to talk with them, it helped pass the time. But tonight, he just didn't want to. His head was somewhere else and he was fine with leaving it there.

He reached up to his helmet and grabbed the picture that he had slipped between the elastic band. Holding it in his hands he looked down at it and smiled. It was a picture of him and Haley and Jake when they were 16. It was Jake and Haley's birthday. Haley was standing between the two of them and they were all supposed to be smiling. Jake was laughing and it was obvious that the two of them had been arguing about something. They were still arguing when this picture was taken. It was just so typical of the two of them.

He put it back a few minutes later when they arrived back at camp. The truck stopped kicking up dirt as it did so. He jumped down to the ground from the truck bed and began to walk towards the tent while taking his gear off. He heard the voices of the guys as they did the same. When he walked inside he made his way towards his bed and then collapsed back on the mattress. He reached down under the bed and grabbed a box that was on the ground. He brought it up to his chest and looked through it until he found what he was looking for. He unfolded the last letter from Haley and read it again.

_Dear Nathan,_

_I know it's been awhile since I wrote you last, and I'm sorry about that. I've been pretty busy. I swear all of my classes like to assign incredibly long papers. They take forever! At least you have that going for you. No homework. _

_But that's boring so enough of that. How are you? Anything exciting going on? I sort of hope not, only because then I know you're safe. That's all I want. You safe. So are you? Please say yes. But I want to know everything that's going on. I want to know about the people you meet and what they're like and who you're friends are. _

_Lately I've been going to these praise and worship things with Jonnie. There every Thursday night and when I'm not busy, I go with him. It's sort of amazing. There are so many talented people there and I don't always feel so worthy of being around them. I learned that Jonnie can play the guitar, and he can play it well. I don't know, when I go and I'm there with him, I feel… I feel like I'm apart of something. They even have me singing some nights. At first I was so scared but now, now it's fine. I'm beginning to love it. I think I'm really starting to get what you meant by wanting to be apart of something. Sure, mine's not as great as yours but I still love the feeling._

_I've even been doing a bit of tutoring. I help with people in my classes who need extra help before exams or who need help with papers. I know, the Tutor Girl never stops. I don't think I'll ever change. But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's part of what makes me, me._

_I've been spending a lot of time with Jonnie, not just during the praise and worship time, but outside of that. He's a really amazing guy. He and his friends are some of the funniest people I've ever been around. But it's more than that. Jonnie and his friends are genuine. That's something I really like in people. I know that they're honest and they're completely themselves. And to be honest, I think I'm falling for Jonnie._

_I've been feeling that way for awhile now and I don't know why, but I've been afraid to tell you. I think part of it is I know how protective you can be. After all, you are Jake's best friend. But I feel that part of me knows that you'll be happy for me. I know that you know I make the right decisions in the people I choose to let into my life. That's why you're one of my best friends after all. Because I trusted myself and began to trust you. _

_Even though I'm not saying all this out loud to you, it feels good to get it out and know that you know now. _

_I miss you Nathan. More than I could ever explain in a letter. Please write me soon. I can't wait to hear from you._

_Always,_

_Haley_

Nathan put the letter down against his chest and shut his eyes. The date at the top of the letter ready November 26th. He wasn't sure why he couldn't seem to write a letter back to her. He just couldn't get the right words out when he put pen to paper. Of course, part of him knew that it was because he didn't like everything he read in the letter from her. She had to know that he wouldn't want to hear about her having feelings for another guy. The kiss they'd shared before he left had to have been a clue as to how he felt for her. How could she have not known that he spent his whole Summer falling in love with her.

But then again, he did tell her not to wait for him. As much as he wished that she was waiting for him, he told her not to. Don't put your life on hold for me. That's what he'd told her. And he was right, it wasn't fair to her to ask of that. But still. The fact that she seemed to have moved on so easily. He'd only been gone a few months and she was already starting to fall for someone when his heart still belonged to her. It was like a knife to his chest. He felt like someone might as well have ripped out his heart and stomped on it. But even with all of those feelings rushing around inside of him, he knew that he had no right to feel that way.

He'd never gone out and told her how he felt about her. Even though a huge part of him was screaming at him that he should have. He just couldn't make himself do it. He felt like a coward when it came to her and his feelings for her. Haley James was probably always going to make him feel that way.

Nathan was broken out of his thoughts by the sounds of angry voices from outside of the tent. He moved the box of letters back under his bed before sitting up and getting off his small bed. He hurried towards the opening of the tent and when he did he saw Damien and Ian. They were clearly fighting. Both of them were yelling at each other and other men in their camp were holding them back not allowing their swinging fists to make contact with the other person. Nathan moved quickly between the two of them and pushed at Damien's chest and shoved him towards Felix who was trying to hold his friend back. "What the hell is your problem?" Nathan asked looking between the two of them.

"It's this fucking freaks fault," Damien spat out angry and gestured towards Ian. "He freaked out at me, just started swinging away at me!"

"You probably deserved it," Nathan said and took a step back from where he was, right in front of Damien. He turned to look back at Ian. Ian shoved his way out of Clay's grasp and stormed away from where they had all been standing. Nathan took on last look at Damien before saying, "take your friend back in to cool off," he said towards Felix before jogging away from them and towards where Ian had gone off to.

When he reached Ian he was standing near the parked trucks they used during their shifts in town. His clothes were disheveled from the fight and they were covered in the dirt from the dry ground. Nathan walked up to him and said, "you know you're lucky that I'm the one who broke up that fight and not Owen. You'd both be in deep shit if he'd caught you."

"Whatever," Ian mumbled, clearly trying to blow off the fact that Nathan was even standing there.

"Not that I blame you," he said, "I've been wanting to punch that guy in the face for months."

Ian let a small smirk appear on his face before saying, "yeah, you and everyone else probably."

"What he do this time?"

"He just let his mouth run away with him."

Nathan scoffed, "oh yeah, he's never done that before." Nathan knew it must have been more though. He'd barely heard Ian speak more than two words the whole time he'd been there. There had to have been more that Damien said that really tipped him over the edge. This quiet kid probably wouldn't blow up over nothing. "What did he say to you?"

"He…" Ian trailed off and Nathan could tell that he was still fuming. "He said something about my girlfriend Maggie. Saying that if she were still alive… all the things he'd do to her. If I hadn't killed her."

Nathan knew that a few months before Ian had enlisted he'd been in a car accident with his girlfriend Maggie. He'd been driving and she was killed. He'd made it out with just injuries. He blamed himself for her death and he hadn't gotten over it. He probably wouldn't ever get over it. "It's not like I don't know that she died because of me," he said, "I know that."

"That accident, her death, it wasn't your fault."

"I was drinking that night. She told me not to drive and I didn't listen to her. It was my fault."

"It wasn't," Nathan said, "you can't control the situation. Shitty things are going to happen now matter what you do to try and control them. If they're supposed to happen, they're going to happen. Trust me I know. There wasn't anything I could do to save my best friend when he got sick. And there's nothing I can do to keep the girl I love from loving someone else. Shit happens, but you can't control it. You gotta live with it."

Ian nodded slightly and Nathan shrugged before adding, "I'm a little jealous though." He looked up at him with a confused look on his face so Nathan continued, "I mean that you got to hit him. Really I've been wanting to do that. How'd it feel?"

Ian laughed a little, "pretty good."

Nathan smiled before patting him on the shoulder and beginning to walk back towards the tent. The whole night had been exhausting and he just wanted sleep. He heard the footsteps behind him and he knew that Ian was following back with him. When he walked in and towards his bunk he saw Damien sitting on his bunk with his t-shirt balled up in his hand and pressed against his bleeding lip. Nathan smirked before going back to his bed and laying down. Damien had that coming for awhile. He was just surprised that it had taken that long for it to happen.

"He's been bitching since you left, "Clay said from over on his bunk. Nathan looked over at his friend and watched him shake his head in annoyance. "Doesn't think he did anything wrong."

"Yeah well he did," Nathan said, "trust me, he deserved that punch. Wish I was the one who gave it to him." Nathan looked at Damien one last time before settling back against his pillow. He stared up at the pictures in the springs above him before closing his eyes. He wished more than anything that the months would speed by. He wanted to get home now more than ever.

* * *

Haley walked out of her last class before she would go home for Christmas break. Finishing her last final seemed surreal to her. She didn't feel like she'd been in school long enough for the year to be half over already. But she wasn't going to complain. She was looking forward to getting back home and seeing her family. Although she knew it would be strange being back without Jake, she missed her parents. Not to mention her friends that would also be returning home.

Walking along the sidewalk toward her dorm she felt a cold breeze swirl around her and she wrapped her jacket tighter around herself. She walked quicker so she could get out of the cold. When her building came into sight her she made her way to the steps and jogged up them until she reached the glass door. She instantly felt warmth as she walked through the threshold. She walked over to their mailboxes and pulled out a key that would open their box. When she did she saw that it was already empty. Hoping that Oakley had already grabbed it, she shut it again before turning to the stairs.

When she walked through the door to her room she saw Oakley sitting on her bed in a pair of jeans and an over-sized sweatshirt that Haley knew belonged to Dave. The two of them had been spending a lot of time together over the past couple of months and even though they hadn't made it official yet, they were practically dating. Haley was happy for her friend. She seemed so happy whenever Dave was around and Haley couldn't deny that she was a bit jealous. She wanted someone that made her feel that way too. Even though she knew who she had in mind, she just wished that something might come out of it.

"Hey," Oakley said, her southern drawl coming out. "I got the mail when I got of class. I put your stuff on you're bed," she said motioning to Haley's bed where there we three envelopes sitting on the end of her bed.

Haley picked up the envelopes and looked through them. One she recognized was a letter from her mom. The handwriting on the outside gave it away quickly. The next was a letter from Lucas. Of course he would choose the old school way to keep in contact instead of a phone call. The last was a bill. Haley groaned and dropped the letters back on her bed. Still no letter from Nathan. She was beginning to worry. Why wouldn't he be writing her back? What if something happened to him?

"There wasn't a letter from Nathan?" Haley asked looking at her roommate trying to keep the desperation out of her voice.

Oakley shook her head, "nope," she said. "I can't believe he hasn't written you back yet."

Haley sat back on her mattress and shook her head, "yeah neither can I."

She had been nervous enough sending that last letter out, but now the fact that Nathan hadn't written her back made her all the more nervous. When she had written that she was starting to have feelings for Jonnie, she wondered if that was really fair. Before he left she thought there had been something between them. She knew that she felt something for him. But it seemed like he was trying hard to push her away. She felt more embarrassed the more she thought about it. He must not have wanted her. He told her not to wait for him. Maybe she wasn't what he wanted. All he wanted was a friend in her. Fine, she could be that. She could be his support.

Over time it became easier to accept that. The more she saw Jonnie and the more she got to know him, the more she began to fall for him. He had so many good qualities and he treated every one he knew well. He was funny and sweet and completely kind hearted and she didn't know what else she could want in a guy. He put his needs after everyone else's and he was never selfish. He always put the best of himself forward and she loved that. She was sure that he was one of the greatest people she knew.

Her phone vibrating in her pocket broke her out of her thoughts and she quickly pulled her phone out. _Luke_ flashed on the screen and she quickly hit the answer button. "Oh," she said, "so you do know how to pick up a phone."

"Of course I do," he replied with a laugh. "How are ya Hales?"

"I'm pretty good," she replied and then moved back to lean against the wall. "How bout you? When are you coming home?"

"I leave tomorrow and as for the how am I doing… well I got dumped so I'm not so great."

"What?" Haley asked, shocked, "what do you mean you got dumped?"

"Brooke called me a few days ago and she broke up with me. She said that the distance made this too hard and that she just couldn't do it anymore. I feel like she's giving up too easy on us."

"I'm so sorry Luke. That really sucks."

Lucas sighed on the other end and then said, "it happens, who knows maybe when we're all home she'll change her mind or something."

"Yeah," Haley said, "you never know. Besides it's Brooke, and she loves you, even if things are shitty right now." There was a silence that passed between them before Haley said, "Luke have you talked to Nathan lately?"

"I haven't but he's been writing my parents and I guess he called them yesterday."

"So he's ok?" she asked, relief evident in her voice.

"Yeah, he's fine. Why?"

"He hasn't written me back. And he's not calling me. I don't know if he's just busy all the time or if he just doesn't want to talk to me. It's weird, normally he would have written back by now, but it's been almost a month and I haven't heard from him."

"I'm sure you will soon."

Haley agreed before letting out a sigh. She really hated not hearing from Nathan. It made her worry more than was probably healthy. She just wanted to know that he was ok. It made her so glad to know that Lucas knew he was ok. She didn't have to worry anymore. But even still, she wanted to hear from him. She missed him so much. It was almost killing her. He was her best friend and she just wanted to hear his voice or get a letter from him so that she could know that he was truly ok.

She talked with Lucas for a few more minutes before hanging up. She was going to see him in a few days and she couldn't wait. It had been such a long time and she couldn't wait to see her family and friends. Even though she would be without two of them, she still couldn't wait to get home.

* * *

Peyton laid on her bed with her hand resting against he now large baby bump. She traced patterns through her shirt onto her stomach and smiled when she felt a little kick in response. She couldn't wait to meet her baby. She was already so in love with them and she couldn't wait to meet them in person. It would be her little piece of Jake come to life and she couldn't wait. She looked up towards her closet and smiled when she saw Jake leaning against the door frame. It had been a few weeks since she'd seen him and she was beginning to worry that she wouldn't ever see him again. "Hey you," she said and sat up a little bit, "where've you been lately."

Jake shrugged, "oh you know, here and there."

She smiled, "well I missed you."

"I always miss you."

Jake walked closer to the bed and sat down on the edge and took in the sight of her. Her stomach seemed even bigger than the last time he saw her, if that was possible. She was glowing. She was absolutely beautiful. He wished that he could rest his hand against her baby bump and feel the kick of their child and the fact that he couldn't… it was more depressing than death.

"Am I going crazy?" Peyton asked. "I mean, this isn't normal."

Jake looked up at her face and sent her a half smile. "I don't know. All I know is that I'm not ready to be without you yet. I'm not ready to move on and leave you. I can't."

"I don't want you to. It's just this isn't fair either."

"There's no way to be happy in this situation."

Peyton nodded and rested her hand back on her stomach. "It's just not fair that they'll never meet you."

"I know," Jake replied sadly. He hated it just as much as she did.

* * *

Brooke's lips pressed against Julian's tightly as she sat on his lap. She wasn't sure how long they'd been kissing but it felt like hours and she didn't want to stop. The way his lips felt against hers was addicting. Part of her felt like she could live her whole life kissing him and she would be just fine. She felt Julian chuckle against her lips and he pulled away a second later. "Damn," he said, "I need a break."

Brooke pouted and he laughed before cupping her cheek and pecking her lightly on the lips before lifting her off his lap. He stood up and walked into the kitchen before getting a glass of water. When he came back he took a sip and then handed the glass to her and she did the same. He sat back down and smiled at her. "So I have a question," Julian said. Brooke nodded and waited for him to ask her whatever it was that he was going to ask. "So does this mean we're dating yet?"

Brooke bit her lip, "Julian…"

"Look I know that we've just been hanging out and doing whatever, but… I don't know we spend all our free time together anyway… why wouldn't we just make it official?"

"I haven't even been broken up with Lucas that long. And I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now. I've been in a relationship since I was a sophomore in high school. And it's not like I don't like you, I really do. But I just want to see where things go. I don't want to rush anything. If it's supposed to happen, I just want to let it happen on it's own."

"So there's nothing I can say that's gonna change your mind?" Julian asked with a subtle smile. Brooke shook her head and then pushed her hair behind her ears. "Fine," Julian said, "as long as I get to spend time with you then I'm happy."

"Good," Brooke said, "because I kind of like being around you."

He smiled again and leaned towards her before capturing her lips with his. She threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to her. She pulled away a few seconds later and said, "don't think just because you're a good kisser means you're going to get me to change my mind."

"Well I hadn't thought about that, but now that you mention it."

She slapped him gently in the shoulder before pulling him back in to kiss her. She did feel a little guilty that she didn't want to be exclusive with him, but she just wasn't ready. She hadn't been broken up with Lucas that long and it didn't seem right to rush into a new relationship. It just wasn't fair to him. But she couldn't help the fact that she liked Julian. She liked him a lot. She didn't want to feel guilty about wanting to spend time with him and kiss him. Which she happened to do a lot.

She knew eventually she wasn't going to be able to hold off her strong feelings for him. She'd had them practically since the second they met. He was such a charmer and she fell for him quickly. But for now she had to pretend to be happy with the set up they had. But she knew that she couldn't fight things for long.

* * *

Nathan curled the weight towards him while counting the number of reps in his head. He'd been working out for two hours straight and he could feel the pain in his muscles from carrying his gear around all day and then the work out. He knew he was going to be in a lot more pain the next morning, but at the moment he didn't care. He just needed something to keep his mind off Haley. He didn't need to think about what she'd said in her letter. It was just going to piss him off more. As much as he tried to not be jealous of Jonnie, a guy he barely knew, he couldn't help it. She was his Haley. Not some other random guy. Apparently Tony had been wrong when he said that Haley would have waited for him anyway.

Every time he thought about her with another guy he felt his stomach drop and his chest ache. The last thing he wanted to think of was her with another guy. It sickened him to no end. He just hoped that he'd never have to see them together in person. It was one thing to hear about it in a letter, but it was another thing to have to see it in real life. He hoped that when he got home he wouldn't have to see them. He wanted to see her of course. But he wanted to see her alone. Not with a boy that she was falling for.

He dropped the weight to the ground with a frustrated groan. He listened as it slammed into the dirt ground with a thud. "Big Time," Tony said, "you ok?"

Nathan shook his head before picking the weight back up and taking it over to the weight rack. He dropped it back into place and turned around to see Tony still standing there waiting for him to say something. "You've been pissed off for almost a month straight. What's up with you? Does it have something to do with your girl?"

"She uh, she's not my girl. She told me that there's this guy at her college that she… she really likes him and you know it's my fault. I told her that I didn't want her to wait for me so I pretty much pushed her at all the guys at her school."

"I thought you guys were like…"

"We're not anything," Nathan said harshly, mad at himself for not telling her how he felt when he had the chance. "She's not anything for me anymore."

"Come on man," Tony said, "you know that's not true. When you get home she's gonna see how much she missed you and that other dude, won't even matter."

"I don't think it's gonna work like that this time. As much as I want it to, I pushed her away and now it's too late."

"Nah," Tony said and shook his head before taking a few steps towards him, "it's never too late. Call her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you don't want her with another guy. If she knows how you really feel about her, I guarantee it'll change the way she feels about him."

Tony patted Nathan on the shoulder before walking out of the tent. Nathan thought about what he said and finally he decided what the hell? Why not? He walked quickly out of the tent and towards Owen's tent. He pushed the door back and walked in and saw no sign of him. He looked around him before walking over to the makeshift desk that held the cell phone he'd used to call her before. He picked it up and quickly dialed her number. While it rang he tried to think of what he was going to say to her. He thought about just blurting it out when she answered the phone. Telling her how much he loved her right away and just getting it out there. Then he thought about leading into it a different way.

"Hello?" he heard her groggy voice ask on the other end.

Then he knew it was just time to wing it.

"Hey Hales it's me."

**I love you and I miss you**  
**What else is there to say? **

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	15. Everybody's Changing

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Chapter 15: Everybody's Changing**

The second she heard his voice she knew it was him. She knew that he was on the other end of the phone. Her heart ached at the sound of his voice. She didn't know that she could miss him as much as she did, but he showed her it was possible. It felt like forever since she'd talked to him, and his voice made her smile. "Nathan," she breathed. She felt like she could cry tears of joy. "It's you."

"Yeah," he said and she could hear the smile in his voice, "it's me."

"I'm so glad," she said.

"How are you?"

"Better now," she said, "why haven't you written me? I thought, I don't know I thought something had happened to you. But then Lucas said that you called your parents the other day. Then I was worried you just didn't want to talk to me anymore or something."

"That's crazy," he said, "trust me, I never want to not talk to you. I just… couldn't."

"Why?"

"I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of anything good that was what you would want to hear."

"I just want to hear that you're ok."

"I am. You don't have to worry about that."

"Good."

They continued to talk. About anything and everything. Her classes and her papers and the things she was learning and what she liked about Duke. They talked about his patrols and the people he'd met and who his friends were. Anything they could think of they talked about. They joked about things from that Summer and inside jokes and just anything. It made her miss him so much more than she thought possible.

"Are you going home soon?" Nathan asked.

"Yeah," she said, "I'm leaving tomorrow." She looked at the clock and saw that they'd been talking for almost a half an hour. "Or I guess today."

"I'm sorry," he said, "I don't really know the time difference but I should've let you sleep."

"No," she said, "I'd rather talk to you. It's been too long Nathan."

"I know," he said, "I'm sorry."

"It's ok. So I get to see Lucas and everybody tomorrow. I'm so excited!"

"How are him and Brooke doing?"

She hesitated for a minute. She thought he would have known. "They actually broke up. I was so surprised. I thought they were gonna be together forever."

"They broke up?" he asked, "why?"

"I guess Brooke told him that it was too hard with them being so far away from each other. I can't imagine that trying to keep up a relationship when you're on opposite sides of the country is all that easy. It just sucks for both of them."

He was silent for awhile and Haley began to wonder if they had been disconnected. "Nathan?" she said after a minute or two. "Are you still there?"

"Oh, yeah I'm still here. Sorry I was just thinking about some stuff."

"Like what?" she asked. She could hear the far off sound of his voice and she couldn't help but wonder what was going through his head right now.

"Nothing," he said, "it doesn't matter. So how are things with Jonnie?"

She smiled at the mention of his name. "Good. I mean we're still just friends, but I really like him. I just don't know if he really feels the same way about me."

"How could he not Hales?" Nathan asked, "he'd be stupid not to."

"Thanks Nathan," she said, "that's sweet of you to say."

"Just being honest."

She smiled and she could feel the blush on her cheeks. "I miss you Nathan."

"I miss you too," he said and she could hear the sincerity in his voice, "so much more than I could ever explain."

A little while of silence passed between them again before she heard his name being called in the background. "I have to go," he said. She wanted so badly to tell him not to go. Not to leave her. But she knew that she couldn't. "I miss you Haley. I'll write as soon as I can and I'll try and call again soon."

"Ok," she said, "keep yourself safe. I love you, Nathan. You're my best friend."

"I love you too Hales. Bye."

"Bye."

She heard the click on the other end of the line and she knew he was gone again. She loved when she got calls from him, but she hated when they ended. She dreaded the ends of his letters because she wanted to just keep reading them forever. She hated the ends. They were the worst part for her. She wished she could talk to him forever. Especially right now. She'd been worrying about him so much lately and this phone call just wasn't long enough. Plus, she could tell there was something he wasn't telling her. She could hear it in his voice. And it wasn't like him to hide things from her.

She placed her phone back on the bedside table and laid back down against her pillows. She closed her eyes and tried to let sleep take over her body again but she just couldn't. She saw Nathan's face every time she closed her eyes and she heard his voice in her head. It just made her miss him more. She missed him so much. The more time passed the more she missed him. It was so unfair that she had to wait months to see him. The more she thought like that the more selfish she felt. But at the same time she couldn't feel bad for missing her best friend. She just wouldn't.

Finally sleep took over her and when her eyes fell shut she dreamt of Nathan.

* * *

Haley packed all her things into her bags but she was still double checking to make sure that she had everything she needed for when she went back home. It seemed like everything she needed was there. She stood in her room staring down at her bags when she heard a knock on her door. She turned her back to her bed and went to answer it. When she did she smiled as she saw Jonnie standing on the other side. "Hi," she said, with a smile still on her face. She moved out of the way so he could walk inside.

"Hey," he said. He looked around her room and saw that her and Oakley's things were spread all through out the room. He laughed, "was there an explosion?"

"She's a disorganized packer. And I was looking for my sweatshirt and I couldn't find it. But, don't worry I did."

"Thank God," he joked. "But who's gonna clean this up?"

"Oakley," Haley said with a smile.

Jonnie laughed and sat down on her bed, in the little space that was left. He knew that she was leaving to head back to Tree Hill soon and he was glad that he'd gotten there at a time when it was just her. Not that he was surprised. Oakley and Dave were attached at the face all the time nowadays. He looked over at the pictures on her table and saw some of her and Nathan. He smiled when he saw the happy look on her face. "Talked to Nathan lately?" he asked.

She smiled, "he called last night actually."

Jonnie smiled when he heard the happiness in her voice. He knew it was hard for her to have one of her best friends on the other side of the world. It was even harder knowing that he was constantly in danger. "How's he doing?"

"Good I think. He says not a lot is going on really. It's the same old every day pretty much. But I'm glad that nothings going on. It'd be to hard if I thought he was constantly in danger. I'd rather he be bored than hurt."

"I'm glad he called," Jonnie said, "I can see how happy it makes you to hear from him. I like it when you're happy."

Haley smiled and looked down at her bag, feeling the slight blush paint her face. "This is probably gonna sound weird and I feel like I had it rehearsed differently in my head," he said and stood up, "but here goes nothing. I'm glad you're happy when you talk to him. But I want to be a reason you smile too Haley. I know that sounds like some shitty line from a movie, but it's true. And I think I'm really falling for you Haley."

Haley smiled and let out a quiet laugh. "You're right," she said, "it does sound like a cheesy movie line. But lucky for you, I'm a sucker for those," she paused and saw him smile and couldn't help but smile back. "And I'm kinda a sucker for you. And in case it wasn't obvious before, I'm falling for you too."

Jonnie took a step closer to her and without thinking about it anymore leaned down to kiss her. It felt like it had been a while coming and when Haley kissed him back he felt happiness spread through his whole body. He had a feeling that no matter what happened from then on, this girl was going to be a huge part of his world.

* * *

Nathan sat on the edge of his bed listening as Owen spoke to the whole group of them. He stood in the middle of their tent and he was telling them about their up coming day. They were doing another patrol, but this time in a small town about 3 hours away and they were leaving at 6 the next morning to get there. They would be there most of the day and they would return the next night. Nathan wasn't crazy about the idea of another patrol. Nothing exciting ever happened. Which was probably a good thing. But it got incredibly boring after awhile.

When Owen finished speaking he asked if Damien would see him outside. Nathan had been wondering when Owen would talk to him about what happened the day before. Tony had told Owen, who told him he would speak to him. Nathan thought it was about time Damien got some sense knocked into him. He watched the look of fear spread over Damien's face as he followed him outside of the tent. It wasn't long until he heard Owen's angry voice telling Damien off.

Nathan laid back against his bed and shut his eyes. He knew that if they were going to wake up early he should be going to bed now. But he just wasn't tired enough. He knew he should have been, but he wasn't. He couldn't sleep right now if his life depended on it. He was still thinking about his phone call with Haley. The one that had pretty much ruined his whole day. He should have told her how he felt, but when she started talking about Jonnie, he couldn't do it. Plus, when she talked about Brooke and Lucas, that wasn't another speed bump in his plan. It didn't help that Haley agreed with what Brooke said. But she was right. Distance probably wasn't a helpful factor right now. Lucas and Brooke couldn't keep their relationship together while they were across the country. Nathan and Haley couldn't either when they were across the world.

"How'd your call go?" Clay asked as he sat down on his bed across from Nathan. Tony had told him about it that morning and he couldn't deny the fact that he was interested in knowing how it went. But the look on Nathan's face now, and his attitude earlier in the day, told him the answer to his question.

"Not like I hoped it would." Nathan answered honestly. In fact it was pretty much the exact opposite of how he wanted it to go. He was hoping that he would tell her how he felt and she would feel the same way. Instead, she told him about her feelings for another guy and things were exactly the way they'd been before. He wondered if things would ever go his way for him.

"I'm sorry," Clay said, "what happened?"

"Well she told me about how she's falling in love with another guy and pretty much how she thinks distance can ruin a relationship. And I never even told her how I felt about her."

"You didn't?" Clay said, "wasn't that the whole point?"

"I didn't think it would matter anymore after she told me about that other guy."

"Well how do you know that all she needed to hear was that you were in love with her for her to change her mind? You should have told her how you felt."

"Doesn't matter now."

"Of course it matters."

Nathan shrugged and then laid back down on his bed. He really didn't want to hear about how he should have told her. It didn't matter now. It was too late. And it was never going to work for them. There were always things that were going to separate them. No matter what he did, he couldn't make it work for them.

* * *

Haley sat in the back of her parents car as they pulled into her neighborhood. She had been home last month, but every time she came home she felt happiness rush through her. She loved being at Duke, but nothing was like home. But, at the same time there was a sadness that over came her when she came home. She knew that Jake wouldn't be here. The house was going to be more empty now. The sound of his voice and his laughter wouldn't be there to fill the silence. She wouldn't hear him playing the guitar at night. That was one of the things she'd missed the most. Listening to him play. It was always so soothing to her. And the silence she listened to after he was gone, well, nothing would fill that.

When the car stopped Haley got out and went to the back so she could grab her bags. "I've got em Sweetie," her dad said as he popped the trunk open and grabbed her suitcase. She thanked him before walking inside the house. She was happy to be home. It felt like forever, when really it'd only been a month since she'd been home for Thanksgiving. Walking into the house she took in the warmness of it all. The Christmas decorations were up. The stockings that hung on the railing of the stairs. Jake's was up next to Haley's. She ran her fingers over the stitching of his name.

She could feel the tears welling in her eyes just looking at his stocking on the stairs. As much as she loved being home, all it did was serve to remind her of the fact that he was never coming back. She hated that he was gone and she hated that she got to go on living when his life was cut short. It wasn't fair. He had so much going for him, so much potential, and it all got cut off too soon.

She walked up the stairs and towards her room. When she opened the door she saw that it hadn't changed since the last time she was home. Not that she expected it to. She walked towards her bed and collapsed against it. She laid back against the pillows and then turned her heard to the side and looked at a picture that was sitting in a frame on the table. It was of her and Nathan. She smiled as she looked at it. It was the picture that Jake had put in the letter he had given them. She remembered when she saw it when she was reading the letter. She thought she'd lost it, but really Nathan had it.

She remembered the night he gave it to her. She remembered it like it was yesterday.

_Haley laid in her bed trying to sleep. The sounds from outside were keeping her up. The wind through the trees and the branches of the tall tree outside her window tapping the glass window. Her iPod played quietly from the other side of her room. She pulled the blanket off her body and rested on top of it. Even though it was windy outside, it was also incredibly hot. The hot air traveled up from the garage that was located under her room. She couldn't seem to get comfortable in this heat._

_After a few minutes she got up and went downstairs to get a glass of ice water. The house seemed eerily quiet. She knew that everyone was just sleeping but this seemed really quiet. She had never really liked the quiet. She was used to growing up in a loud house. Whether it was the sounds of her parents laughter in the kitchen late at night when they thought Jake and Haley had gone to bed, or Jake's guitar being played in the middle of the night. But now, her parents didn't stay up and tell stories to each other and laugh anymore, Jake didn't play the guitar. There was just silence._

_She walked back up the stairs, stepping over the one that creaked every time you stepped on it, no matter what spot you stepped on. She made her way back down the hallway and towards her room. When she entered it she walked back towards her bed and put her water down next to her bed. She had been laying there for a few minutes, still trying to sleep when she heard the tapping on her window. At first she thought it was just the wind again but after a few more minutes it was getting more insistent. She got out of bed and walked over to the window. When she pushed the curtain away she saw Nathan on the other side of her window._

_She opened it quickly and saw him perched on the slanted roof. One hand gripped the tree behind him and the other grabbed the house. "What are you doing?" Haley asked and moved out of the way so he could come in, "are you crazy?" He came through the window, falling to the ground. "Shhh!" she said, "do you want my parents to hear you?"_

"_No," Nathan whispered, "sorry I'm not used to sneaking in through windows."_

"_Obviously not," she said, "that wasn't very graceful."_

"_I didn't have time to practice."_

_She smiled and watched as he got up and walked towards her bed. She could see the sweat on his forehead, no doubt from the intense humidity that was plaguing Tree Hill. Plus his black sweatshirt probably didn't help either. He sat on the edge of her bed and ran his hand over his hair, feeling the sweat that dampened it. Haley walked over and sat down next to him. "What are you doing here?" she asked._

_Nathan put his hand into the pocket of his sweatshirt and pulled out something that was rapped in light green paper. He handed it to her, "I wanted to give you something."_

"_What is it?" she asked._

"_Well you have to open it!" he said and laughed._

_She smiled before ripping off the paper. She looked down at the black frame in her hands and laughed at the picture that it contained. It was of the two of them. They looked like they were in a face off. She smiled, "I was wondering where this went."_

"_I still had it at my house."_

"_You know," she said, "even though we hated each other when this was taken, I sort of love this picture."_

"_I do too," he said and looked at it again with a smile on his face._

_She leaned over her bed and put it on the table next to her bed. She sat back up and sat next to him. Looking over at him she saw the sweat on him and she brought her hand up and wiped some of it away. "You can take your sweatshirt off if you want," she said, "it's like 1000 degrees out."_

_Nathan nodded before grabbing the back of his sweatshirt and pulling it over his head. Haley saw that he was shirtless under it and she couldn't help but blush. She was glad it was dark in her room. Nathan laid back against her fluffy down comforter, enjoying the feel of the cool fabric on his skin. She laid back with him and enjoyed quietness of the moment they were in. It just seemed perfect. She wouldn't traded that moment for anything. _

_Haley turned over so she was on her stomach and rested her head in her palm as she faced him. He turned and looked at her, "what?" he asked with a smile on his face._

"_Nothing," she said, "I'm just glad that you're here. I always feel kinda lonely at night. I'm still not used to not sleeping without you next to me."_

_He nodded, "I know that feeling. It's the same way I've been feeling lately. I have no idea how I'm gonna be able to sleep when I'm half a world away from you."_

"_If I asked you not to go, would that be an option?" she asked._

_He felt his heart sink at her words. Now he wished there was a way for him to not have to leave. He hated the idea of having to leave her. It killed him. He was falling so deeply in love with her and the idea of leaving her for a year made him feel like dying. "I wish it was."_

_She nodded and then turned back over so she was laying on her back. Nathan put his hand up and she put her hand in his. He interlocked their fingers and brought her hand to his lips. He kissed the back of her hand before resting their enjoined hands back on the bed. "You're my best friend, you know that?" she asked._

"_You're mine too."_

_She moved closer to him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her so she was resting against his chest. She could feel his heart beating in his chest and that was the sound that put her to sleep._

She could feel tears brimming her eyes as she thought about him. So much was different now. There was no way life could ever be the same. All she wanted was for Nathan to be home and safe and for Jake to still be alive. Everything changed and there was no way for it to be good anymore. She rolled over on her bed and grabbed hold of her pillow and buried her face in it while she let the tears roll from her eyes.

* * *

The day had been long but the patrol went well. They got to spend sometime with the kids in the village. Nathan learned that they were just like kids any other place in the world. They liked to have fun and they liked attention and they were funny too. But what he liked was that the simplest things made them happy. He thought more people should have been like that. Every one was too consumed in material things and all the expensive things they thought would make them happy. It shouldn't have been like that.

The gear on his back was wearing him down. He just wanted to get back and go to sleep. He had a 3 hour ride ahead of him though and that was bringing him down. He was tired of the heat, of the soreness in his back and the long rides. But he signed up for it. He couldn't complain about it, he knew that was what was in store for him when he enlisted. But even still, he wished that he could be back home with his family and friends. He'd never been the type to be homesick when he was away from home, but this… this was different.

He felt a little pathetic when he really thought about it. He knew the reason it was different was because of Haley. He wanted to be home so that things could get back to the way they'd been over the Summer. Now, she was caught up in her own life, in Jonnie. And he knew that he told her that he wanted things to be like that. But, now he wished that he would have told her how he felt, a long time ago. Maybe things would be different. Maybe she would be there for him to come home too. Now he felt guilty about feeling that way. It was like he was having feelings for someone else's girl. But at the same time, he couldn't shake the feeling that she was _his_ girl. Not Jonnie's. His.

Did Jonnie know what her favorite candy was? That she hated the color pink? Even though she always looked beautiful when she wore it. Did he notice that she had more than one laugh? Did he see the flecks of green in her eyes? Did he know that she was the girl who used to blast her music from her car on the way to school, every morning? Did he get to kiss her? That thought killed him. He wanted to be the only one who got to kiss her. But he knew that he wasn't. Somewhere deep down he knew that she was his now.

He tried to shake his head of those thoughts, but he knew, he was always going to be thinking of Haley. That was all he ever did.

He walked towards the back of one of the trucks that was going to be taking them back to camp. This 3 hour ride was going to be hell. He was exhausted and the idea of the tiny bunk that was waiting for him, was heaven. As he made his way towards the truck and was about to step on the truck bed when Felix came towards him and pushed him back. He stepped up onto the truck and turned to look at Nathan. "Think this ones full," he said with a shrug.

"What are you five?" Nathan asked and rolled his eyes. He had really had enough of that guy. He'd been pulling shit like that for awhile, like he thought he was the big man on campus. He clearly didn't see that if he wanted, Nathan could easily kick his ass. But he wasn't worth the effort. Nathan walked away towards the truck a few feet away that was also driving them back to camp. He stepped up and took a seat next to Damien and Clay. He really hoped that Damien could keep his mouth shut on the drive back. He really didn't have patience for Damien talking for another three hours. That was sure to be hell. The truck began to move and Nathan tried to just tune everyone out for the next few hours. But that proved that it was going to be hard.

"So Scott," Damien started, "I saw a picture of that girl you've been sneaking off to call. Damn… she's a hot piece of ass."

Nathan rolled his eyes and chose to ignore his comment. The fact that Owen was sitting in the passenger seat of the truck was the only thing that was keeping him from shoving him off the back of the truck. He really hated when Damien opened his mouth. If Nathan was in a good mood, it made him in a bad mood. If he was already in a bad mood, he made it worse. He really hated that guy.

"Maybe you could give me her number," Damien said hitting Nathan in the shoulder with his fist.

"Don't count on it," Nathan mumbled back. He really. Hated. Him.

"I mean how did you score that one? Damn, the things I would do to her. But I'm sure you've already done it all, huh?" he said with a laugh. "Come on, why don't you share some of the stories with us?"

"And you wonder why Ian kicked your ass," Nathan said, "you have a big mouth West."

"Please," he scoffed, "that psycho didn't kick my ass."

"Sure looked like he did."

"Yeah well he didn't."

Nathan shook his head. He was so close to punching him in the face. His fists were clenched at his sides. He hated all the things he was saying about Haley. What gave him the right? He didn't even know her. He was tired of all the things that Damien said to try and get a rise out of him. And he hated to admit that his words really affected him.

"You're really not gonna tell us?" Damien said going back to talking about Haley. Then he laughed, "fine. But I bet she's crazy in bed."

"You need to shut the fuck up," Nathan said turning and looking at him. "And if you think I'm kidding, test me. Open your mouth one more time."

Nathan was so close to knocking this guy out. He really didn't care what his punishment would be if he beat the shit out of him. All he knew was that he deserved it and he would be happy to be the one to give him what he deserved. It would be his pleasure. He could tell by the look on Damien's face that this was the reaction that he wanted out of Nathan. But at the moment, he didn't care about giving Damien what he wanted, all he cared about was kicking his ass.

Damien smirked, the stupid smirk that Nathan would have loved to punch right off his face. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but suddenly everything was silenced by a loud booming explosion.

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	16. Half Of My Heart

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Chapter 16: Half Of My Heart**

Nathan's head shot in the direction of booming noise and he watched the truck just a few yards in front of them go up in flames. The brakes on the truck immediately stopped, jolting the men sitting in the back. Nathan heard Owen's voice as yelled to them to go look for survivors. Nathan jumped out of the back of the truck and began a sprint towards the truck. Flames burst from under the hood and he took a step back covering his face with his arms. When the flames died down a bit he took another step toward the, now destroyed, truck.

Everything was flying by in slow motion it felt like. Nathan could hear people yelling out to see if anyone could hear them. He could hear the muffled replies back. Nathan had never felt like this before. Never like he had no idea what to do. He was broken out of his daze when he heard someone yell "Help me!" from under the truck. He got down low to the ground and made his way towards the truck. He saw Felix stuck under the weight of the truck, flames making their way closer to his face. Nathan grabbed hold of his shoulders and pulled, trying to get his body from under the weight.

Clay and Tony along with another guy that Nathan hadn't talked to much, named Drew, hurried over to where Nathan was trying to free Felix. They grabbed hold of the truck and used all the strength they could muster to get lift it off of Felix's body. When it lifted Nathan quickly pulled him back away from the fire. He pulled his body back a few feet and took his jacket off himself and threw it down on Felix trying to put the flames out. They had begun to move up his neck and he was screaming from the pain. Nathan tried to tune out the noises he was making as he tried to help him.

After the fire on his skin died down Nathan took another look at him. He was covered in blood and he was screaming in agony. Nathan grabbed his hand and looked down at him. "We're gonna get you help!" he yelled to him, "don't worry, you're gonna get help!" He didn't know if Felix could even hear him or if the pain was too much. Nathan turned and looked the truck. Some more people had been pulled free. Some were lucky enough to have escaped with minimal injuries. But he knew, some of them didn't make it.

Nathan was about to get up and go back to the truck to help when he felt Felix tightened his grip on his hand. He kneeled down next to him again and waited for him to say something to him. "Please don't go!" Felix said. Nathan could hear the fear in his voice. "Don't leave me!" Nathan nodded and patted him on the shoulder before turning around and looking back at the mess behind him.

A few minutes later he heard someone coming closer to him. He turned and he saw Drew coming towards them carrying someone in his arms. "Who is it?" Nathan asked as he watched Drew kneel down on the ground and carefully place the person on the ground.

"It's Ian," Drew replied.

Nathan let got of Felix and moved closer to Ian. His eyes were fluttering shut and he was covered in blood. "Nathan," Ian whispered, then letting out a deep cough. Nathan nodded and patted his shoulder. "Nathan," he said again, "I think I'm dying."

"No," Nathan said and shook his head, "no you're not. You're gonna get help."

Ian lightly shook his head. "I'm not," he replied quietly before coughing again. Nathan saw the blood that spilled from his mouth as he coughed. He was sure that he had a lot of internally bleeding. Nathan looked down at his chest and saw where Ian was resting his hand. He gently moved it out of the way and saw the sharp piece of metal that was stuck in the right side of his chest. Nathan looked up at Drew who was also looking down at Ian. "Nathan," Ian said, "I wanna see Maggie."

Nathan nodded. He knew that Ian wasn't going to make it. By the amount of blood he was coughing up and the severity of his wound, he knew. But he could see the fear in his eyes while he looked down at him. He didn't want him to be afraid. "I know you do," Nathan said. He forced a smile towards him, "you'll see her soon."

"Thank you," Ian said after a few minutes of silence had passed.

"For what?" Nathan asked the boy laying on the ground.

"You were my only friend here."

Nathan smiled, "you don't have to thank me for that."

A few more minutes passed before Nathan knew that he was gone. His eyes finally shut and he could feel the ragged breaths had stopped. Nathan could feel tears stinging his eyes but he blinked them away. He moved back towards Felix who was still laying on the ground staring up at the darkening sky. "How you doing?" Nathan asked.

"I'm hurting," Felix mumbled.

Owen made his way over to them and kneeled down next to Felix and began talking to him. He was trying to keep him as alert as possible before the truck that would take them back to camp returned. He knew it would be here soon, and he needed Felix to just stay awake until the medics could see him.

"Good work Nathan," Owen complimented Nathan before he went to work on talking to Felix. Nathan nodded, but he didn't feel like he'd done anything. If anything he felt bad. He should have been the one in Felix's spot. It would have been him if Felix hadn't taken his spot on the truck. While at the time Nathan had been annoyed and pissed off at him for doing something like that, but now, he didn't know what to think. The only thought that passed through his mind was that it should have been him.

* * *

Hours passed before they finally made it back to camp. More trucks had come to take those who needed medical assistants, and the ones who hadn't made it. The whole trip back was surrounded by silence. No one had anything to say to each other. Even Damien was silent. The silence allowed for Nathan to really think about things. Still the only thoughts on his mind were Ian and Felix. He still felt guilt bubbling up inside of him because of the fact that it should have been him on the way to the hospital. It should have been him who was grasping for life. Not Felix. Even if he hadn't liked him, it wasn't right. It should have been him.

In the moments where he wasn't thinking about Felix, he was thinking about Ian. He couldn't get his face out of his head or the words that he'd spoken from his mind. It wasn't fair that he died like that. He didn't deserve that. And Nathan hated that he thought he was his only friend. But at the same time, he was glad that he thought enough of him to think of him as a friend. But it still wasn't fair. He shouldn't have died with those thoughts in his head. He should have told Ian that it wasn't true.

He walked into the tent after getting off the truck and he joined everyone who made their way in in silence. He knew that after tonight, no one had anything to say. Everyone took their gear off in silence and got ready for bed. But he knew that no one would be sleeping that night. He took his t-shirt off, it was covered in dirt and blood, and dropped it to the ground. He didn't bother changing anymore before he collapsed on the tiny mattress.

Owen walked in a few minutes later. He was covered in sweat and dirt and blood. He looked around the room at them and said, "sleep late. We're staying here tomorrow."

Nathan nodded and laid back against his pillow. He tried to close his eyes and sleep but every time he did, all he saw was blood. He knew there was no way he was sleeping tonight. Not after everything that happened. There was just no way. A few hours passed in silence and he still couldn't sleep. He got up from his bed and walked to the outside of the tent and went a few feet away from it before sitting down on the ground and looking up at the sky. It was finally dark out and he could see the expanse of stars in the sky. The sky was peaceful and motionless. Not clouds above him. It was a stark contrast from the events just hours earlier.

"You should be asleep, Scott."

Nathan turned his head and saw Owen walking towards him. He was wearing a fresh t-shirt and a pair of black sweats. He'd looked like he'd showered off all the dirt and sweat. But most of all, he looked exhausted.

Nathan was about to stand up but Owen held up his hand telling him it was ok to stay seated. He crouched down and took a seat next to him and stared up at the sky that Nathan had been looking at minutes before. "Why aren't you sleeping?" he asked.

"I can't," Nathan replied.

Owen nodded. "I doubt anyone's gonna sleep tonight."

They sat there in silence. It was the first time Nathan had heard the camp completely silent. There was no sounds of whispers or snoring from the tents. Even the late night wind that usually picked up around this time wasn't there. All that was left was silence. It was eerie. Nathan never would have thought that he would prefer the noise. At least when there was noise, everything was normal. But not tonight. Nothing was normal about tonight.

"Felix got flown out already," Owen said, "he'll be in Germany by the morning. They'll help him there."

Nathan nodded, "good. I'm glad. I was feeling pretty guilty about him."

"Why?"

"It should have been me in that spot and not him. At least it was almost me and not him. If he hadn't taken that seat it would have been me. I was so close to being the one. I should be happy that it ended up that way. That nothing happened to him but… I'm not. I just feel guilty."

"If you were the one who was supposed to be in that seat, you would have been. I'm not saying anyone deserves something like that to happen to them, but if it was supposed to have been you, it would have been. Someone up there was looking out for you," Owen said looking back at the sky. "It's not your time."

Nathan looked back up at the sky also. The words he'd spoken were replaying in his head. Someone was looking out for him. Whether it was God telling him he had more planned for him, or Jake being a guardian angel, he would never know. He would like to think it was both. He didn't know what it was, but he knew that there was a reason that he was the one who wasn't on the truck during the accident. But even with that thought in his head he couldn't stop the guilt from bubbling up inside of him.

"You're meant to do something with your life," Owen said, almost as if he'd heard Nathan's thoughts. "And dying isn't it."

Nathan nodded. He was sure that he was right. He knew that there was a reason that he hadn't been on that truck. But he just wanted to know what that reason was. It would eat at him until he knew. "So," Owen said a few minutes later, "who's this girl you've been calling?"

Nathan smiled when Haley entered his mind. No matter what was happening during his day, no matter how bad it got, whenever he thought of her he smiled. He couldn't help himself. He was completely in love with that girl. Apparently that's what love did to you. "My friend Haley," he answered.

"Just your friend?" Owen asked with a smirk.

"Unfortunately, yeah."

"I know that situation," Owen said, "it sucks."

"Yes sir," Nathan answered.

"So have you told this girl how you feel about her yet?" Owen asked. Nathan shook his head and Owen chuckled, "well how do you expect anything to happen with her if you don't tell her? She's not just gonna guess how you feel."

"I know," Nathan said, "and I was going to tell her, I really was. But when I got the chance… she started telling me about how she has feelings for this other guy and then about how she doesn't think a relationship can work when there's distance and I just couldn't tell her. Besides, I told her before I left that I would never make her wait for me. And I can't ask her to put her life on hold because of me."

"So you're just gonna let yourself feel like shit in the mean time?"

"If it means that she stays happy and she doesn't have to be confused by me, then yes. I'd be willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy."

"Let me tell you a story," Owen said, "I was in love with my sister's best friend growing up. We'd always been pretty close but things changed after awhile. I don't even know when it happened, but I fell in love with her. But things went pretty bad for me. I got hooked on drugs during college and dropped out. I hit rock bottom and I was in so deep. But she helped me. She got me into rehab and helped get me clean. And then I joined up and really got my life straight. Right before I left I asked her to marry me. I told her about how much I loved her and how important she was to me and I asked her to marry me. And she said yes. She had been seeing a guy at the time but she told me that she'd always been in love with me and she'd just been waiting for me to make the first move. Before my second tour we got married. We had our first kid 2 years ago. The only thing I regret is not telling her how I felt before. I lost out on time with her."

"That's a great story," Nathan said, "but with all due respect, it's not my story. There's a great chance that it won't work out like that for me. She's had so much happen to her in the last months and I can't throw this loop into her life. If the guy she's with makes her happy then I want her to be happy with him."

"You're a good man," Owen complimented. "A better one than me."

Nathan shrugged. He didn't feel like a good man. He felt guilty and he felt like a coward, that was not the type of man that Haley deserved. Hopefully Jonnie was what she deserved.

* * *

"Can you pass me the bread Hales?"

Haley was broken out of her thoughts and looked up at Lucas who sat across from her at the large table. It was Christmas day and she and her family were at the Scott's for dinner. It was a tradition for their families. But this year it didn't feel right.

She grabbed the basket of bread and handed it to him. He smiled before picking a piece out of the basket and putting it on his plate. He handed it back to her and she placed it back in its original spot. She looked down at her plate again noticing that she'd barely eaten anything on there. It wasn't that it wasn't good, or that she wasn't hungry. She just couldn't make herself eat. Her mind was other places.

Mostly Nathan. She wondered how he'd spend his Christmas. She wondered if he was thinking about her. She knew that was a dumb thought to be having. Especially after everything that was happening with Jonnie. She really liked him. A lot. But part of her knew that her heart was still with Nathan. But she had to get over that. They weren't going to be together. Nathan had told her that. He didn't want her to wait for him. He didn't want her.

She was torn out of her thoughts by the sound of the phone ringing. Karen stood up before going to answer it. Haley listened as she talked to whoever was on the other end. When she hung up she looked at everyone still sitting at the table and smiled. "What?" Keith asked, "what's going on?"

"It's Peyton," Karen said, "that was Larry. He's taking her to the hospital. Her water broke."

* * *

Haley sat in the waiting room next to Brooke. She felt like they had been at the hospital for so long. Maybe they had been. She'd lost track of the time. All she knew was that it was sometime in the early morning. Peyton had been in labor for hours but she still wasn't ready to give birth yet. Lydia was in with her, along with Larry but everyone else had to wait in the waiting room.

"I can't believe Peyton's having a baby," Brooke said.

Haley smiled thinking about it. She was excited. She was ready to see what Peyton and Jake's baby would look like. She wondered if she would have dark hair like Jake and Peyton's eyes. She wondered if he would have Peyton's curly hair and those dark brown eyes that Jake had. She wondered if it would be a he or a she. She couldn't wait.

She wished that she could call Nathan and tell him the news. She wanted him to know that it was finally time for Peyton to have the baby. She knew he'd be excited. It really, really sucked that he couldn't be here for this.

Even more, it sucked that Jake couldn't be here. It was his baby being born and he wasn't here. She didn't know how Peyton was strong enough to make it through this alone. She felt like she never would have been able to be that strong. She envied her in that way. Peyton had always been strong. She always made it through things that she never thought she'd be able to. Like when her mom died. She was strong then too. It wasn't fair, she'd been through so much in her life. She always made it through though.

"Do you think she'll have a boy or a girl?" Brooke asked. "I bet it'll be a girl."

"That's what I think too," Haley replied.

Brooke smiled and leaned back into her chair. "I wish she would just worry up and have it though. I can't stand the waiting!"

Haley laughed and nodded her head. That was exactly how she felt. "I know what you mean."

Haley leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. She figured they would be there awhile and she was going to try and get some sleep. She was exhausted. Her mind hadn't stopped it's rapid thoughts all day and she just wanted to get some sleep. Hopefully when she did she would be an aunt.

* * *

_April 29, 2010_

_Nathan finished his glass of the spiked punch before dropping the plastic cup in the trash. So far prom had been a bore. Brooke was named queen, like everyone knew she would be. Lucas was king. Of course. And Nathan ditched Rachel awhile ago but she was fine with half of the football team on the dance floor. Jake and Peyton had left earlier. That was fine. Jake was getting tired and Nathan would have rather he rested then get sick at Prom. And Haley, she was sitting alone at a table across the room._

_Nathan had seen her all night with her date. The same loser from the party a few months ago. The night he'd kissed her. The night she called the biggest mistake ever. It was whatever. She could pretend like she hated it, but he wasn't buying it. He never brought it up though. He knew that she refused to talk about it. That was fine. Whatever._

_He waited a few minutes before making his way across the room towards her table. She sat with her elbows resting on the table and her chin against her palm. She wore a gold dress covered in black lace. Her hair was curled and tumbled down her back. Even Nathan would admit that she looked gorgeous. Well, he wouldn't admit that to her. Just to himself. He pulled the chair next to her away from the table and sat down in it. She looked up at him and rolled her eyes._

"_This night just keeps getting better," she mumbled sarcastically._

_He chuckled, "where's Logan?" _

"_Probably still throwing up in the bathroom thanks to that punch. You're doing no doubt?" she said and raised an eyebrow at him._

_Nathan shrugged, "why would you automatically assume it was me?"_

"_Because it was," she said and turned to face him, "I know you Scott. That's something you would do."_

_She turned away from him, clearly trying to avoid the fact that he was even there. She really didn't need him there to make her feel worse about how awful her night was going. Something she was sure that he loved. "So you really picked a winner," Nathan said, nodding back towards the bathrooms._

_Haley looked back at him and cocked her head to the side. "Really Nathan? I'm already having a bad night I don't need you to make it any worse."_

"_I'm ruining your night?" he said and scoffed, "I'm not your date that got wasted and is spending the whole night puking in the bathroom."_

"_Well you know what?" she said, "speaking of great dates… isn't Rachel out on the dance floor practically screwing the entire football team out there?"_

"_Like I give a damn."_

_She rolled her eyes again and looked back towards the dance floor. "Classy lady out there."_

"_At least she knows how to have a good time."_

_She ignored his comment and turned away from him again. She really just wanted him to leave her alone. This was seriously the worst night of her life. To make matters worse she had no idea how she was getting home. She could ask Brooke and Lucas but she really had no desire to be the 3rd__ wheel in that awkward car ride. It wasn't that far, maybe she'd just walk. _

_She heard the song change in the background to a slow song and sighed. Now she had to watch all the couples on the dance floor. She heard Nathan's chair squeak behind her and she was glad that he was finally leaving. Suddenly she saw him in front of her again and he stuck out his hand to her. "Dance with me?" he asked._

"_No," she said._

"_Come on James. It's one dance."_

_She looked away from him and around the room. She saw Brooke and Lucas on the dance floor and they looked so completely happy. She was jealous of them. She looked up at Nathan again who was waiting for her to answer him. She groaned and stood up, taking his hand on the way. They walked out to the floor and he pulled her close to him. This was weird. She didn't dance with Nathan. Not to songs like this and not ever. _

_It felt strange to have her in his arms. He would have never thought that this was how prom would go. Spending the last dance with Haley was not something he anticipated. But somehow, it felt normal. It was almost right. It was like everything had worked out the way it had to get them together at the end of the night. He shook his head of those thoughts and looked down at her. "I'm sorry you're having such a shitty night."_

"_Like you care."_

"_I do," he said, "and I really am sorry."_

"_Why?"_

_He shrugged, "because even though I can't stand you, you really are a nice person. Not to me, of course, but to everyone else. You deserve better than this."_

"_Well thanks," she said, "and I'm sorry you have such a trashy prom date."_

_Nathan laughed, "it's whatever."_

_They danced in silence for awhile before Haley looked up at him and made contact with his eyes. "Why did you kiss me that night?"_

_He was taken aback by her question. He never expected her to bring it up. It surprised him to say the least. "I was drunk."_

_Haley nodded and bit her lip. She was stupid for even bringing it up. What did she expect him to say? Did she expect him to confess hidden feelings that he'd had for her? And if he did what would she even say? That was the last thing she wanted. _

"_I'm sorry about that night," he said, "it was stupid of me to do."_

"_It's ok," she said and then looked away from him again. She never wanted to bring up that night again. It never happened as far as she was concerned._

Nathan laid in his bed thinking about that night. If he were given that night again he would have done it better. He would have been better. He would have been what she wanted, not what she got because she had no other choice. He shook his head. It was all too late now. He was never going to get to be with her. That last phone call with her made that obvious. He hated himself for not being honest with her when he talked to her. Now all he was stuck with was regret.

But it didn't even matter. She wanted Jonnie. And Jonnie was there. Not half way across the world like he was.

He closed his eyes and listened to the noises around him. This morning was chaos. Everyone wanted to know how everyone who had been injured last night was doing. They all wanted to know who was ok. So many people were trying to call home. Trying to tell their families about what had happened, trying to tell them that they were ok. Clay was on the phone now with Sarah. Nathan tried not to listen in on their conversation but he couldn't help it.

"I'm fine baby," Clay said, "I promise."

Nathan was suddenly envious of him. He was jealous of the fact that he had someone to call to tell that he was ok. Sure, he could have called his family, but he didn't want to. He didn't want them to worry for nothing. Nothing had happened to them and he didn't want to scare them. It wasn't really fair to them in his mind. He preferred for them to know as little about any danger that happened there as possible. Luckily, he hadn't really been in that much danger.

But listening to the men around him on the phones with their families made him jealous. It made him hate it here. He knew that it was what he'd signed up for, but he was tired of it. He was tired of the same day to day routine of nothingness. He was tired of missing everyone at home. He couldn't wait until May came.


	17. Come Home

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Chapter 17: Come Home**

_December 25, 2010_

_Peyton stared down at the beautiful baby in her arms. She felt like crying tears of joy every time she looked at her. She was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She had Jake's eyes and nose. As she stared down at her, she wondered what else of his she would have? His sense of humor? His laugh? She couldn't wait to find out how much like her father she was. _

"_Hi baby girl," Peyton cooed down at her baby and she smiled when a smile played across her face. "You're so pretty."_

"_Just like her mom."_

_Peyton looked up at the door and saw Jake standing there. She hadn't seen him in awhile and it was weird to see him now. A fresh batch of tears formed in her eyes and she smiled. "Come see her," Peyton said. Jake took a few steps towards the bed. She watched as his eyes looked upon their daughter and instantly they lit up. "Isn't she beautiful?" Peyton asked._

"_She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Jake said quietly. She watched him place his hand on the top of their baby's head. "I don't know if she can feel me," he said a second later. _

"_Maybe she can."_

"_I hope so."_

_Jake stared down at her for a few more minutes before looking at Peyton again. Another smile came over his face, but there was something different about this one. It was sad. And she knew exactly why. "She's never gonna know me," Jake said and looked down at her their now sleeping daughter. She could see the tears beginning to form in his eyes and she longed to bring her hand up and rest it on his cheek. But she knew that he wouldn't be able to feel her._

"_I promise she's gonna know who you are. I'll make sure she knows that her daddy loves her even though he can't tell her himself."_

_Jake looked back down at their baby. "Daddy loves you," he whispered to the sleeping child, "and I'd be with you everyday if I could. I'd watch you grow up and become a beautiful woman. I'd chase all the boys away from you. I'd be there for your prom, I'd be there to walk you down the aisle. I'd be there for everything." More tears fell from his eyes and he wiped them away before looking back at Peyton. "I love her already."_

_Peyton tried to blink away the tears but they just kept coming. It was hard for her to sit there and imagine that he wouldn't get to be with them everyday. It wasn't fair that she got to be there for it and he didn't. Why did that have to happen to him. "She would love you, too."_

"_Did you name her yet?"_

_Peyton looked down at her and smiled. "Jenny," she said, "Jenny Anna James."_

"_It's pretty." He smiled again, "she's pretty."_

_Peyton nodded her head in agreement. They had the most beautiful baby to date. There was no competition, Jenny had already won. There was no way there could be a prettier baby. It was the perfect combination of her and Jake, and she loved Jenny just for being a part of him. It was part of Jake that she would have with her always. She just wished that Jake could be there with them too._

_**Hello world**  
**Hope you're listening**  
**Forgive me if I'm young**  
**For speaking out of turn**  
**There's someone I've been missing**  
**I think that they could be**  
**The better half of me**  
**They're in the wrong place trying to make it right**  
**But I'm tired of justifying**  
**So i say you'll..**_

May 21st, 2011

Peyton stood over the crib and smiled down at Jenny's sleeping form. She wanted to pick her up and hold her in arms again, but she had just put her down and she knew that she needed her sleep. She had barely slept through the night. Peyton also knew that since Jenny was sleeping that she should be sleeping too. But she couldn't bring herself to leave the room. She just wanted to watch her beautiful daughter.

"Peyton," she heard from behind her and turned her head. She saw Lydia standing in there doorway. Peyton had been staying with Lydia and Jimmy since Jenny had been born since her dad was back working. It was better that way. She wasn't alone in her big house and Jimmy and Lydia got to spend more time with her and Jenny. "Why don't you go get some sleep?"

Peyton smiled, "I like watching her."

Walking over to join her, Lydia looked down at her granddaughter and smiled. She really was beautiful. "I can see why," she whispered, "it's hard to take your eyes off her."

Jenny stirred a little and then settled back into the blankets around her. "She's kind of a fussy sleeper," Lydia commented and smiled, "Jake was the same way. Haley was sleeping through the night, but Jake was restless."

"She's already like her daddy." Peyton said gently placing her hand on Jenny's belly.

"She definitely has his eyes," Lydia said still watching her sleeping granddaughter.

Peyton nodded and then yawned. She was exhausted but she really didn't want to leave the room. She loved being around Jenny. It was like anytime she was away from her, even for a second, she missed her. She just felt this strong pull to her and she never wanted to break it. She needed to be around her all the time to be happy.

"Go get some sleep," Lydia said again, "I promise she'll still be here when you wake up."

Peyton smiled and nodded. Looking down at her baby one last time she placed a kiss on her finger tips before touching her fingers to Jenny's cheek. She hoped that the sooner she fell asleep, the faster she would wake up and get to be with her daughter again.

**Come home**  
**Come home**  
**Cause I've been waiting for you**  
**For so long**  
**For so long**  
**And right now there's a war between the vanities**  
**But all i see is you and me**  
**The fight for you is all I've ever known**  
**So come home**  
**Oh**

* * *

Haley sat on the floor placing all of her clothes in boxes. It was already the end of the year and she was going back home for the summer. It didn't feel right. She didn't feel like she'd been at school that long. The year had flown by. It was insane. And as she sat on the floor trying to pack she realized, she was completely unorganized.

"I'm pretty sure this is yours," Haley said tossing a sweatshirt onto Oakley's bed where Dave sat. He picked it up before looking at it and nodding.

"Yep it is," he agreed, "thanks Hales."

"I don't know how so much of your guy's clothes ended up in here," Oakley said from the closet finding more sweatshirts and various items of clothing that belonged to Dave, Jonnie, Ben or Duncan.

"Probably cuz you borrow all our stuff and never give it back," Jonnie said and laughed from his spot on Haley's bed. He was currently looking through the scrap books that Haley had brought with her. He couldn't help but notice the one from last Summer was filled with pictures of her and Nathan. He looked away from the pictures and back towards Haley who folded clothes and put them into boxes. "Hey," he said, "when is Nathan coming home again?"

"I'm not sure of the exact date yet," Haley said, "but it's soon."

Jonnie watched the smile come over her face and he nodded. He was happy that she was happy. But he was also worried. Over the past few months Jonnie had seen the way she reacted to news about Nathan, or just the mention of Nathan's name. Anytime he was brought up in conversation she would smile bigger than any other time he'd ever seen her smile. And when she got letters from him, she was like a little kid on Christmas morning. He had to remind himself that they were just good friends. He had nothing to worry about.

But there were times when he remembered the conversation he had with Nathan last Summer on the beach. He had told him how obvious it was that he had feelings for her and that he should tell her how he felt. But, now things were different. He was with her now and he hoped that Nathan would respect that when he came home. He knew he was being a little ridiculous. But was it such a crazy thought to think that maybe, just maybe they still had feelings for each other? He inwardly shook his head. He had nothing to worry about. He got the girl in the end.

Haley looked up at Jonnie and watched as his eyes scanned the pictures in the scrap books. Sometimes she wondered what he thought about Nathan. But then she shook her head. He probably didn't think anything about him, he had only known him for a few hours almost a year ago. What he thought was probably just that he was someone important to her. Someone she cared a lot about. Which was true.

She looked away from him and back at the clothes she was currently folding. She was excited to be getting home. And she was even more excited that Jonnie was coming with her for a few days. It was time that her family met the boy that she was really falling for. She hoped they liked him. But then again, she couldn't think of any reason why they wouldn't. He was the perfect guy. She'd been letting that sink in for the past few months. He truly was the perfect guy.

Since they'd been dating he'd been the most perfect gentleman. He always called her when he said he would. He treated her with respect. He was the type of guy who held doors open or pulled out her chair and said God bless you when she sneezed. He made her comfortable and she felt like she could be completely herself when she was around him. His amazing personality was what won her over in the first place and it had only seemed to get better the more she got to know him.

He treated everyone with respect. He was the type of person who was always there to listen whenever anyone needed it. Even when he didn't agree with someone he always took in their opinions and tried to see things from their point of view. She wished she were more like that sometimes. She was stubborn where he was open minded. Sometimes when she thought of all the things she wasn't, she realized he was all the those things. They complimented each other. While they had their differences they were also similar at the same time.

They had a similar sense of humor and similar morals. He made her smile and she was always making him laugh. When she really thought about it, they were almost perfect for each other.

* * *

Haley sat in the passenger seat of Jonnie's white Nissan. The radio played softly through the speakers as they sat in a comfortable silence. Jonnie reached over and grabbed Haley's hand, interlocking their fingers. She looked over at him and smiled before looking back out the window. Her bags and boxes were in the back of his car and she could hear them rattling around in the back. She was grateful that he had offered to help her get her things back to her house so her parent's wouldn't have to drive out again.

"Are you excited for your family to meet me?" Jonnie asked a moment later.

Haley turned in her seat and rested her shoulder against it. She smiled and nodded her head. "They're gonna love you. I just know it."

"I hope so," he replied.

"Trust me," she said, "they'll think you're perfect, just like I do."

Jonnie smiled and looked at her. "So you think I'm perfect, huh?"

"Maybe a little," she said. She turned back in her seat and then pulled her knees up to her chest. "So I'm glad you're family's letting me steal you away for a little while. I mean I know that I'm gonna come visit you next month, but I'm really glad that you get to come home with me."

"I can't wait til you come out. I think you'll like South Carolina."

"I'm sure I will. And I hope you're family likes me."

"You're an angel. Why wouldn't they?"

She smiled at him again before leaning over the center console and placing a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you," she said, "now focus on the road. My parents usually like it when I make it home alive."

Jonnie gave her hand a squeeze before taking his hand back and placing it on the wheel. She looked away from him and out the window. She knew they were close to home. She couldn't wait. She had been home fore Christmas and for some reason that felt like such a long time ago. She was so excited to see the Welcome to Tree Hill sign. The closer they got the more excited she became.

She couldn't wait to see Brooke and Lucas. And she could feel the excitement building inside her to see Peyton and Jenny. She was so excited that they would be in the same house. She had a feeling she wasn't going to want to leave her niece much when she got home. She wondered if they were staying in Jake's room. She was sure they probably wore.

She felt like she had so many random thoughts bouncing through her head. It was like there were so many things that could happen while she was home. She just wanted this break to go well. And she didn't see a reason why it wouldn't. It felt like things were finally normal. When Nathan was home things would be perfect.

She saw the welcome sign coming up and she smiled again. She was so ready to be home. She looked over at him and said, "welcome to my world."

**I get lost in the beauty**  
**Of everything i see**  
**The world ain't as half as bad**  
**As they paint it to be**  
**If all the sons**  
**If all the daughters**  
**Stopped to take it in**  
**Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin**  
**It might start now..Yeahh**  
**Well maybe I'm just dreaming out loud**  
**Until then**

* * *

Brooke broke her lips away from Julian's and tried to take in some much needed air. It was like whenever they were in the same room they were instantly drawn together. Part of her never wanted to stop kissing him. Unfortunately that wasn't an option when air became necessary.

It was amazing to her how hard she'd fallen for him. Even with Lucas it took so long for her to fully give into him. She was never the type of person to jump quickly into a relationship and trust someone whole heartedly. She had her parents to thank for that. When you grow up with two people who would rather hand you a credit card than spend time with you it was hard to trust people. She used to refer to her parents as the people who lived in the same house with her. They were never really her mom and dad.

"I could kiss you all day Brooke Davis," Julian said and smiled.

Brooke could feel her heart race every time he smiled. He had the most perfect smile and the most handsome face. She felt herself fall further for him every time she saw him. As much as it scared her, she also loved it. She loved him. Even though she wasn't ready to admit it to him, she had already admitted it to herself. After breaking up with Lucas she tried to deny that it was love for a long time. She preferred to just pretend that it was just a crush. She didn't want to jump into a relationship.

But there came a time when she couldn't fight it anymore. He'd broken down all the walls she'd put up around herself and he saw the real her. She couldn't hide from him. Even with Lucas she was never that vulnerable. Julian saw more of her than she'd ever let anyone see. And that scared her more than anything. She had given him everything, and that left him with the ball in his court. He could leave at anytime. And sometimes she worried that he would find a reason to.

"I wouldn't protest to that," she said and smiled.

He brushed his nose against hers and pecked her lips again. He was so in love with her. He knew it from the moment he saw her that she was something special. He never knew just how much he would grow to love her. It had surprised him at first that he'd fallen in love with her so quickly, but at the same time, he wasn't surprised at all. She was beautiful, funny, sarcastic and smart. She didn't let anyone take advantage of her. She knew how to take care of herself, but that didn't stop him from wanting to take care of her for the rest of his life if she'd let him.

"Wanna know something?" Julian asked a second later. Brooke nodded her head and grabbed his hands pulling him close to her again. Her threaded his fingers through her dark hair and pulled her close to him. "I'm in love with you." He kissed her lips again and then pulled away, waiting for her to respond.

She knew that she was in love with him too. She'd known for a long time. But when the time came for her to say it back, she couldn't form the words. They were stuck in the back of her throat and she couldn't get them out.

A few minutes passed by without her saying anything and Julian began to worry. "Now would be the time for you to say something," he said, "anything, even."

"I-" she began and took a deep breath. "I… I don't know why this is so hard for me."

Why couldn't she just say it back? She loved him why couldn't she just say it? The more she thought about it, the more the same thought kept coming to the forefront of her mind. It was because it didn't make sense. It didn't make sense for him to love her. He was such an amazing person and had so much going for him. What did he see in her?

"Brooke," Julian said, "I love you. I'm in love with you. Do you feel the same way?"

"I- yes. I do."

"Then say it back."

Brooke ran a nervous hand through her hair and looked back up at him. She wished that she could. Saying I love you was not something that came easily to her. Even when she felt that way. She hated it but that's the way it was. As much as she wished she could tell him that she loved him, she just couldn't get the words out. Saying that she loved him would be the hardest and scariest thing she'd ever do.

"I can't."

Julian nodded and stood up. He grabbed his coat off the end of the couch and slipped it on. She watched him button it up and walk towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"You're mom's gonna be home soon," he said glancing at the clock. "Besides, I think you need some time to think about things."

"No I don't," she said and stood up before rushing over to where he was. "I don't need to think about anything. I know how I feel about you."

"But you can't say it."

"I want to, I do. It just- I can't."

He nodded again. "I'm gonna go," he said. "You have fun in Tree Hill."

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead before opening the door and walking out. When the door shut Brooke leaned back against it. She hated herself right then. How could she just let him walk out the door? All she had to do was say three words and everything would have been fine. Three words. Three words that she felt with all her heart and she couldn't do it. She'd let her fear get the best of her.

**Come home**  
**Come home**  
**Cause I've been waiting for you**  
**For so long**  
**For so long**  
**And right now there's a war between the vanities**  
**But all i see is you and me**  
**The fight for you is all I've ever known**  
**Ever known**  
**So come home**  
**Oh**

* * *

Haley laid in her bed staring up at the ceiling. She tried to keep her eyes from drifting to the clock. She really didn't want to look at it. She knew it was close to being 3 in the morning. Finally she couldn't look away from it anymore. When she did she saw the time was 2:58. Six more minutes.

She knew that this was coming. It had been on her mind for the past month. The day was coming soon and she wished it wouldn't. When it did she would have to really think about it again. For the past year she'd been doing a pretty good job at keeping her emotions at bay. If she just went on like everything was normal, she wouldn't have to feel sad. She knew that it was probably unhealthy to keep in her feelings but she didn't want to face them.

Looking at her clock again she saw that it was now 3:04. She sighed and threw off her blanket before getting out of bed. She couldn't be alone now. Being alone with just her thoughts was going to kill her. She walked to the door and slowly opened it trying to keep the squeaking of the hinges away. She glanced down the hall towards her parent's room before tip toeing down the hall. She reached the last room at the end of the hall and slowly twisted the knob to open it.

Her parents had put Jonnie in this room hoping to keep him and Haley as far away from each other as possible. She knew that her parents already loved Jonnie, but they didn't want them in a room close to each other. At least her dad didn't.

Shutting the door behind her she crept towards his bed. She smiled when she saw his blonde hair messy from sleep. He had kicked his blankets away from him and his arm was thrown over the pillow next to him. She sat down on the edge of his bed and moved his arm. She tossed the pillow to the end of the bed before crawling under his arm. His eyes slowly started to open when he felt himself being shifted in his sleep. When he saw her next to him he smiled.

"What are you doing in here?" he whispered.

"I couldn't sleep."

He pecked her lips and smiled again. "You can feel free to stay in here with me. As long as your dad doesn't kill me or anything."

Haley laughed a little. "He won't. I'll be out by morning."

Jonnie nodded. He continued to look at her and even in the dark he could tell something was off about her. There was a reason she wasn't sleeping. And it wasn't just because she couldn't. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Haley looked up and her eyes met his. "It was a year ago today."

His forehead creased, "what was?"

"Jake. He died a year ago today."

He could see the tears welling up in her eyes and he leaned in closer to her and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry baby."

Haley nodded. "I just really miss him ya know?"

"I know," he replied, "I know you do."

"He was such an amazing person. It's not fair."

Jonnie didn't know what to say to comfort her. He wished that he would have known Jake. Maybe if he had he would know what to say. All he knew was that he hated seeing her like this. All he could do now was hold her and be there for her if that's what she needed. But he wished he could do more.

Haley let the sobs take over her body while she cried into Jonnie's chest. She hated that she had finally broken down. She had been trying to be strong but she just couldn't anymore. She missed Jake so much and she would have given anything for him to be back. It just wasn't fair.

**Everything i can't be**  
**Is everything you should be**  
**And that's why i need you here**  
**Everything i can't be**  
**Is everything you should be**  
**And that's why i need you here**  
**So hear this now**

* * *

The time with Jonnie had passed by so quickly. She couldn't believe that she was already driving him to the airport. She didn't want him to go. Even though she would be seeing him in a few weeks, she didn't want to wait that long to see him.

He held her hand in his while she maneuvered the streets towards the airport. Jonnie's flight was in an hour. But, she wished that it would never come. She hadn't had enough time with him.

While he'd been there she showed him around the town she grew up in. Took him to all her favorite places like Karen's Café and the River Court. She introduced him to her friends and family and they all loved him. She knew they would though. It was really no surprise to her. Everyone who met Jonnie loved him. He was just that way. He won over everyone around him.

The airport came into view and she pulled into the parking garage. She shut off the car and got out. He grabbed his bag from the back of the car and walked around to where she was. He took her hand in his and they walked towards the sliding glass doors. He didn't want to leave her just as much as she didn't want to leave him. The weeks until he would see her next would seem like a lifetime.

After checking in his bag she walked with him towards security. She helped him find his boarding pass and ID. He looked at the line he would have to wait in and then looked back at her. "You gonna miss me?" he asked.

Haley held up her hand and showed the distance between her thumb and forefinger. "Maybe just a little."

Jonnie wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close against his chest. She grabbed sides of his hood that was on his head and pulled him close to her. She kissed his lips and rested her forehead against his. "Maybe you could just stay," she said with a small laugh.

"Or you could come with me," he suggested.

"I could," she said, "but then who would pick up Brooke?"

Jonnie laughed, "I can't believe I still haven't met her. And that she comes back the day I leave."

"I know," she said, "but she'll be with me when I come visit you in a few weeks."

"Can't wait to meet her."

"She can't wait to meet you. She keeps asking me when she finally get's to meet the boy. She'll be excited to find out that it'll only be a few more weeks."

Jonnie smiled and nodded. "When does her flight get in?"

"Should be landing soon actually," Haley said thinking about it.

"That's good."

Haley smiled and nodded. "Ok," she said, "you're gonna miss your flight if you don't go soon."

Jonnie nodded before leaning down and kissing her one last time. "You're right."

He hugged her one last time before making his way towards the end of the line. "I'll call you tonight ok?"

"Ok," she said and smiled, "you better."

"And you better take care of my car while I'm gone."

"I will," she said with a laugh as she watched him make his way farther in line. She blew him a kiss before turning around and leaving security. She walked toward the arrivals and stopped when she reached the sign that had the flight information. Her eyes scanned over the flights until she reached New York.

She saw that it had landed and she could feel excitement building in her veins. She wanted jump up and down for joy. The fact that her best friend was now in the same building had her feeling excited. She walked over to the stairs where everyone was waiting for the people they were picking up. She saw a family waiting a few feet from her. A few minutes later she saw a little girl jump up and down when she saw her father making his way up the stairs. She smiled and then went back to searching the crowd.

Her hands were starting to shake as she looked for that familiar face. It seemed like thousands of people had made their way up the stairs, but none of them were the person she wanted to see. She tucked her hair behind her ears while she searched the crowd again. Her impatience was getting the better of her.

"Haley!"

Her head shot in the direction of the familiar voice. A smile instantly came to her face and she took off running when she saw him.

Nathan saw her in the crowd looking for him and he yelled out her name to get her attention. When she saw him she started to run to where he was. He dropped his large duffle bag and took her in his arms when she was close enough to reach. He picked her up and held her tightly. He never wanted to let go.

Everyone around them stopped to watch the blonde girl welcome home the young man in camo fatigues.

He finally placed her back on the ground and when she pulled away from him he saw the tears in her eyes. "Hey," he said, "what are you crying for?"

"I'm just so happy you're home!" she said.

He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away her tears. He pulled her to him again and hugged her tightly. "I missed you so much Hales."

Everything around her faded away and all that was left was him. He was the only thought on her mind. She didn't think about the fact that she'd lied to her boyfriend and told him that Brooke was the one she was hurrying off to pick up. She didn't think about the fact that she had a boyfriend at all. All she could think about was that Nathan was finally home. Now that he was back, she didn't want him to leave ever again.

**Come home**  
**Come home**  
**Cause I've been waiting for you**  
**For so long**  
**For so long**  
**And right now there's a war between the vanities**  
**But all i see is you and me**  
**The fight for you is all I've ever known**  
**Ever known**  
**So come home**  
**Come home**

**Please review!**

**I know that it's been forever since I updated anything and I'm really really sorry! I've just hit a wall with my writing and everything seems like crap. But I hope you guys liked this chapter and I really want to know what you think about it!**


	18. Don't Be Alarmed

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks for the reviews ya'll they mean so much to me! And I'm not sure why the entire last chapter came out in italics it definitely wasn't like that when I was editing it. If that confused anyone I'm really sorry about that! Anyway, I hope this next chapter doesn't disappoint!**

**Chapter 18: Don't Be Alarmed**

_**When there's a burning in your heart  
An endless yearning in your heart  
Build it bigger than the sun  
Let it grow, let it grow  
When there's a burning in your heart  
Don't be alarmed  
**_

Haley could hardly keep her eyes on the road. She kept looking back at Nathan sitting in the seat next to her. Every time she did a smile spread across her face. It was like a dream. One that she'd been hoping to come true for the last nine months. And now it finally had. He was home, he was safe and he wasn't going anywhere. For awhile at least. She didn't want to take her eyes off him. She feared that if she did he might disappear. If she did she might find out that it really was all a dream.

He looked away from the window and back at her. He knew that she'd been sneaking glances at him. He could feel her looking at him. And if he was being honest, he'd been sneaking glances at her too. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Her hair was longer and lighter. Her eyes shone with a brightness that he'd missed. Her smile was still that same smile that could light up any room within seconds. God he missed her so much.

He reached his hand over the console and towards hers before grabbing it in his own. He interlocked their fingers and held her hand in his. "Is this ok?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said with a smile.

He smiled back before looking down at their hands. It felt so right. Like there was no reason in the world why he shouldn't be holding her hand. Any thoughts that he might have had that said she wasn't his girl flew out the window the second she ran into his arms. Everything felt so right with her. Like nothing could ever be wrong in the world.

"I missed you," he said after a few minutes of silence. "So much."

"I missed you, too, Nathan."

She looked away from the road when they stopped at a red light. He could stare into her eyes forever if she'd let him. He wished in that moment that he could kiss her. He seriously thought about it. The opportunity was there and he almost took it. He leaned into closer to her and he was about to kiss her when a car from behind them began to honk their horn signaling the change in the light. She looked away from him and back at the road before lifting her foot off the break pedal.

A few more minutes passed in a comfortable silence for Nathan realized that she was driving to Karen's Café. The lights from the inside caught his attention and he saw what looked like everyone he knew inside. "What's going on?" he asked looking at Haley.

She shrugged, "your mom wanted to throw a little welcome home party for you."

"Yeah," he said, "little."

Haley laughed and put the car in park in front of the restaurant. He followed her lead and got out of the car and walked behind her inside. The second he did he was met with the sounds of loud cheers of excitement. He couldn't help but smile when he saw his mother and father both with tears of joy in their eyes. They made their way over to him and wrapped their arms around him. He couldn't deny the fact that it felt amazing to be with them again. He had missed them so much.

"I can't believe you're finally home," Karen said looking up at her son while wiping tears from her eyes. Nathan leaned down and placed a kiss on his mother's forehead.

"I can't believe it either," he said, "I missed you guys so much."

Haley watched from over by the door as Nathan was reunited with his family. She couldn't help but smile as she watched the happiness between all of them. She knew that his family had missed him just like she had. It was an amazing feeling to finally have him home. It had been too long.

"He happy to be home?"

Haley turned her head, shifting her gaze away from Nathan and his family. Peyton was standing next to her with Jenny cradled in her arms. She nodded and smiled again. "Yeah, I think so. But I'm sure this is a lot to get used to," she said talking about all the people who were eager to talk to him now that he was home.

Haley looked down at Jenny in Peyton's arms and smiled. "He's gotta meet you soon," she said, bringing her finger tips to the baby's belly making her smile as she tickled her. "He's gonna love you," she cooed at the baby, "yes he is."

"He better," Peyton said and laughed as she watched her baby giggle at Haley's actions.

"You know he will," Haley said a second later after she'd stopped tickling Jenny. "How could he not? She's only the cutest baby in the world."

Haley looked away from Jenny and over to where Nathan had been standing minutes before. He was now making his way over to them with a smile on his face. When he reached them his eyes instantly went to the baby in Peyton's arms. "Nathan," Peyton said quietly, "it's so good to have you home," she said and leaned in to give him a one armed hug. "This is Jenny," she said and looked down at her daughter.

Nathan couldn't take his eyes away from her. She was the most beautiful baby he'd ever seen. "She's beautiful Peyton," he said, "she looks just like you and.. And Jake."

Peyton smiled, "yeah she has his eyes doesn't she?" she looked up at Nathan, "do you wanna hold her?" she asked.

Nathan nodded and Peyton gently handed Jenny over to him. Nathan took her in his arms and smiled down at her. It was amazing how much of Jake he saw in her already. It almost brought tears to his eyes. But he shook his head and took a deep breath. "Can you hold her for me while I go to the bathroom?" Peyton asked. Nathan looked up at her and nodded before looking back down at the baby in his arms.

"Seems like you got a knack for that," Haley said with a smile before gently touching his arm and walking towards the kitchen to help Karen with the food.

Nathan walked over to the couches and sat down, all the while not taking his eyes off Jenny.

"I'm happy I finally get to meet you in person," Nathan said quietly to the baby in his arms. "You know I've heard a lot about you. I even have a picture of you that I keep in my helmet. But seeing you in person is better," he smiled down at her and watched as a happy smile played on her lips. "You kinda look like you're dad you know that? I think you have his eyebrows."

"You look awful comfortable with a baby in your arms, Son."

Nathan looked up and saw Jimmy James walking towards the couch he was currently sitting on. He took a seat next to him and smiled at his grand daughter. "Yes sir," Nathan said.

"Sir?" Jimmy said, "well I've never heard you call anyone sir in your life and I've known you a long time."

Nathan laughed a little. "Yes sir I'm sure that's true. The army kinda does that to you."

"I can imagine."

Jimmy lifted the bottle that had been in his hand to his mouth and took a swig of the beer before placing it on the table in front of them. "Everyone's real proud of you Nathan. It takes a big man to do what you do and we're all really thankful to you. And we're glad to have you home."

"Thank you Sir. That's really nice of you to say."

"You're welcome and quit it with all that Sir stuff. You've never even called me Mr. James so don't go callin me Sir."

Nathan laughed, "sorry Jimmy."

"Now that's better."

Nathan smiled and then looked back down at the baby in his arms. "Doesn't she look like Jake?" Jimmy said, "her eyes, they're his eyes."

"Yeah it's hard to miss."

Nathan was so captivated by the baby in his arms. He'd only known her for a total of a few minutes but he knew that this little girl would have his heart forever.

* * *

The rough leather in his hands never felt more right than it did in that moment. He'd forgotten how much he missed this sport. It felt like it had been forever since he'd played. When he went back he would have to make sure that someone, somewhere had a basketball. As he played it now he was sure that if he had to go another year without this game he would go absolutely insane.

He shot the faded orange ball towards the chain net and watched it sail through with ease. It seemed like not much had changed while he was away. Well, that wasn't true. Everything had changed while he was away. Peyton was now a mom, Brooke and Lucas weren't together anymore, and Haley, well, one thing hadn't changed with her. She still wasn't his. That was the one thing that made him most uneasy.

Nathan shook his head when thoughts of her and Jonnie suddenly filled his mind. That was definitely the last thing he wanted to think about. Her with someone else. He could feel the jealously bubbling up in his chest and the anger running through his veins. He really just needed to get over it, but he couldn't. It would never sit well with him. No matter how much time passed.

He shot the ball towards the net again and listened as it fell through. "Damn Scott. You been gone a year and nothings changed."

Nathan looked to his right and saw Skills walking towards the court. "Whatever," Nathan said with a small laugh, "I went away and everything changed."

Skills shrugged, "your game is the same."

"Yeah, I guess so."

Nathan shot again and the ball fell back to the court where Skills picked it up before shooting a few baskets. "Do you ever wonder what woulda happened if you went to Duke?" Skills asked.

"All the time," Nathan replied without hesitation.

"You regret it?"

"I don't know," he said, "sometimes. Other times I know it's what I was supposed to do and it doesn't matter how I feel about it."

Skills nodded before grabbing the ball back from Nathan and shooting it towards the net again. "Well, we're all real glad to have you back. You had us all worried while you were gone."

"I appreciate it," Nathan said, "but nobody needs to worry about me."

Skills nodded. He knew that Nathan was the type to tell people not to worry about him. He could take care of himself. That was always the mentality that Nathan had. It probably wasn't going to change anytime soon. "So," Skills said, "you coming with us to South Carolina?"

Nathan looked up at him with confusion across his face. He hadn't heard anything about South Carolina. "To see Jonnie," Skills said, "Haley says he wants us all to come out there for a while in a couple of weeks. I would assume you're coming with us."

"Hadn't heard a thing about it," Nathan said, "but we'll see."

That was probably not likely to happen. Spending time with Haley and her boyfriend was not high on his to do list. He would much rather stay here by himself while Haley and all his friends went to South Carolina. He had no reason to go there. Did he really want to see them together? No, of course not. Staying in Tree Hill would be so much better than that.

* * *

Nathan knocked on the door of the James's house and waited for it to open. He didn't know if Jenny was asleep or not and if she was he feared the doorbell might wake her up.

It was strange being back here. He hadn't since the night of his going away party. And even then it was hard. It would always be hard to come back to the place where his best friend had lived. It would be hard coming back to the place where the girl he loved lived. But, things were always going to be hard. No matter where he went he would be faced with something that was hard. He couldn't just run away from it.

The door opened and Lydia James stood on the other side. She smiled when she saw him and opened her arms to him. He stepped through the door and hugged her tightly. "Haley should be down in a few minutes," Lydia said as they walked towards the kitchen. "Feel free to make yourself at home," she said before walking out of the kitchen.

He sat at the table and looked around. Not much had changed while he was away. The walls were still painted green. The white counter tops were still covered in cook books and pots and pans. Sitting here should have reminded him of being in his second home. But it didn't. Every time he was in this kitchen he just thought about when Jake would come home after being in the hospital. The time that stuck out the most was when he'd come home after being in the hospital for 2 weeks. He had started to get really sick and they finally had to bring him in. But he would always remember the day that he'd come to see Jake when he was finally home.

_The smell of chicken dumpling soup filled the air. Nathan assumed that Lydia must have been making it for Jake. But when he walked in the kitchen he saw Haley standing at the stove. Her hair was thrown back in a messy pony tail and the ingredients for the soup were spread across the counter. She had flour on he face from the dumplings and she looked stress. "How's that coming?" Nathan asked with a small laugh before sitting at the island in the kitchen._

"_Great," she mumbled back while looking at the note card with her mother's hand written directions on how to make the soup._

"_Looks like it."_

_She ignored him as she continued to busy herself with the task in front of her. She really didn't need Nathan to come in and make snide remarks to her right now. Things were already hard enough. "What are you doing here anyway?" she asked after a few minutes of awkward silence. The only thing filling the gaps were the sounds of her mixing ingredients in a giant pot._

"_Came to see Jake," Nathan stated._

"_He's sleeping."_

_Nathan nodded before twisting in his chair. It was probably better that Jake try and get his rest now that he was home. It wasn't necessary that he be up and around and talking to people. All he needed to focus on was getting better._

"_No, he's not." _

_Both Nathan and Haley looked up to the door and saw Jake standing there. But this was not the Jake they both knew. He now stood there a lot thinner, almost as if he hadn't eaten a thing in months. His skin was now pale and his eyes weren't bright like they used to be. And his hair was gone. Nathan remembered the night that he helped him shave it all off. This Jake that now stood in front of them was a completely different person._

"_What are you doing up?" Haley said, "you should be in bed."_

"_I'm not tired."_

_The dark circles under his eyes said otherwise. But it seemed that no matter how much sleep he got those circles never went away. What did it matter if he slept anymore. It wasn't helping anything. _

"_Well you should still be resting."_

"_All I've been doing is resting," Jake said back, "it's not like I spent the last two weeks running marathons," he bit back to her._

"_I know that," Haley said and dropped her hands to the counter. "But you need to focus on getting better. Rest is gonna help you-"_

"_No it won't Haley!" Jake yelled. "I'm dying! Nothing is gonna save me. No amount of sleep or chicken dumpling soup is gonna save me! Get that through your head."_

"_Jake," Nathan said not believing that those words had just come from his best friend. He'd never seen him get angry or become defeated. But now it seemed that he had. "Don't talk to her like that. She's just trying to help."_

"_Nothing's gonna help me Nathan."_

_Jake looked back at his sister and best friend before walking slowly back through the door and back up the stairs to his room. Nathan watched him slowly make his way out before looking back at Haley. He could see the tears spilling out of her eyes and he watched as she brought shaking hands up to her face to wipe them away. He made his way over to her and gently placed his hand on her shoulder._

"_He doesn't mean any of that," Nathan said, "he's just… he's going through a lot."_

"_I know," Haley said, "but what if he's right? What if he does die?"_

_Nathan didn't even want to think about that. In his head he'd made up the scenario to this whole story. Jake would get better. He would go through all of his treatments and he would become stronger. He would make it out of this alive. He was too strong to just give up._

_Haley looked up at Nathan and he could see the look in her eyes. Like she was begging him to tell her that everything was going to be ok. But he honestly didn't know what to say to her. Nothing seemed like it would make things better._

"Nathan?"

Nathan was broken out of his thoughts by the sweetest sound he could ever hear. He looked up and saw Haley standing in the doorway. Her long hair hung down around her shoulders in natural waves. She pushed her bangs back with a black headband. She wore an off the shoulder white sweater and a pair of navy blue shorts. "What are you thinking about?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said and stood up. "You ready to go?"

She was excited to have a night with Nathan just to herself. When he offered to take her to dinner of course she wasn't about to say no. That sounded like a perfect night to her.

They walked out to his car that was parked in the driveway and she got in the passenger seat. It had been so long since she was in this car with him. At least it felt like it had been forever.

He started to drive and the car ride passed in a comfortable silence. The only thing that was heard was the soft sounds from the radio. The drive passed by pretty quickly. It didn't take long to get to places in Tree Hill. When they pulled up to the restaurant by the river walk Nathan put the car in park before hurrying around to Haley's door to open it for her. "What a gentleman," she said with a smile as she got out of the car.

They walked into the building and were quickly walked back out so they could be seated outside. They were sat right by the water and Haley watched the lights from the city across the river reflect off the water. "I never get tired of this view."

Nathan smiled as he watched her before taking a sip of the water that had been placed in front of him. She looked away from the water and back at him before saying, "I know I've said this before, but I'm really happy you're back."

"I'm happy to be back," he answered honestly, "it is a little weird though."

"I'm not surprised."

Nathan looked back down at his menu trying to decide what he wanted. Haley did the same. Soon enough the waiter came to take their order and then they were left again in another comfortable silence. Haley looked back out at the water and then she turned her attention back to Nathan. "Tell me what it was like there."

"Well," Nathan said, "it was hot. Like nothing I'd ever been in before. The heat just stays with you no matter where you go or what you do. It sticks to your skin and you can feel it on you. And the dirt is ridiculous. It would be in my helmet, in my glasses, my socks and shoes. When I'd shower at the end of the day it would just circulate the drain for up to five minutes."

Haley scrunched her nose and leaned in a little, "that sounds awful."

Nathan laughed, "yeah it kinda was."

"What else?"

"At night… it's like you can see every star in the sky. I'd never seen the sky so clear before. It was amazing. It was my favorite part about being there. I mean, here you can see the stars sometimes. But there, you can always see them."

"What about the people?"

"There not too different. I mean besides the religion and the obvious language barrier. But mostly it's just families who just want to protect each other. The kids there just want somebody to pay attention to them. One day when we weren't patrolling we were in this small town and these kids were playing soccer. They wanted us to play with them. And just us spending time with them, made their day."

Haley smiled as she listened to him talk. This was a completely different side of him that she hadn't seen before. He was just happy to talk about the simple things. A few seconds of silence passed before she spoke up again. "I'm sorry about your friend Ian. When I read about that in your letter… I know I didn't say much back about it, but I really am sorry. I guess I just didn't know what to say to you."

"It's ok," Nathan replied before taking a sip of water. "I'd never seen death like that before. I mean when Jake… he went in his sleep ya know. But Ian…" he trailed off and Haley could see the pain in his eyes while he talked about his friend. She reached her hand across the table and took his hand in hers. "He died in my arms."

"I'm so sorry," she said again. "I really am."

"It's ok. At least he wasn't alone."

"You're a good guy Nathan," she said with a smile and she gripped his hand tighter.

"I missed you so much," Nathan said without a second thought. "There wasn't a day that I didn't think about you."

"I thought about you all the time. I was always worried for you. Scared that something might happen to you."

"Nothing's gonna happen to me. I got a great reason to come home."

**Please review! Sorry this chapter is kinda short but I still hope ya'll like it!**


	19. Somewhere With You

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for the wait on my updates. Inspiration has left me and I'm not quite sure why but I'm trying to work through it. That being said I'm sorry if this update or any others suck. But let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 19: Somewhere With You**

To say that this was the last place he wanted to be was an understatement. He hoped that he would never have to come back to this place. It didn't exactly hold the best memories for him. Every time he'd come through those sliding glass doors it was so he could see his dying best friend. What could be so great about that? Right, absolutely nothing.

Today was less depressing, but still not great.

He walked towards the elevator and pressed the button with the up arrow. It only took a few seconds for the door to open and he stepped inside the cubical. He'd been in these elevators so many times. They always smelled the same too. Like, bad hospital food and cleaning supplies. He'd really grown to hate the smell.

He went to reach for the button for the floor he wanted to go to but stopped when he the number 6 caught his eye. That was the floor that held Jake's old room. The room he'd been in for the last few months of his life. The room he died in. He couldn't seem to look away from it. It was like it was holding him in some sort of trance.

"Nathan?"

Nathan was broken out of his thoughts when he heard her voice. He looked down at her and she was staring at him waiting for him to press the button to the floor they needed. "What floor?"

"Sorry," he mumbled, "uh.. Four."

She pressed the button and it lit up a bright orange color. She knew where his mind was. The same place hers was. Every time she'd been here it was to see Jake and she knew without a doubt that that was the same thing he was thinking of. She looked up at him again and saw the far off look on his face and she knew that he was having a hard time just being here.

"Are you sure you wanna do this today?" she asked and then rested her hand on his arm. "We can always come back another time."

He shook his head, "I just want to get it over with."

She nodded and then hooked her arm through his and they waited for the elevator to stop. When it did, the doors opened soon after and they walked through them onto the white tiled floors and over towards the nurse's station. They saw a middle aged woman behind the desk in a pink and purple pair of scrubs. She looked up at the two of them and then smiled. "How can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Felix Taggaro," Nathan replied.

After the accident it was hard for Nathan to not think about how badly Felix had been hurt. The other thought that constantly plagued his mind was the fact that it should have been him. It almost was him. He felt like he owed everything to Felix. Sure, Felix was alive and he was healing, but he would never be the same.

Felix had been airlifted a hospital in Afghanistan where they treated his wounds as best they could with limited supplies. From their he was sent back to Germany. Then he was brought home to North Carolina. When Nathan heard that he was in Charlotte he knew that he had to see him.

"Oh," she said, "he should be in physical therapy right now. That's just down that hallway-"

"Hell yes!"

Nathan turned his head when he heard Felix's voice from down the hallway. He looked back at the nurse. "Think I found him."

She smiled at him and then watched as he and Haley made their way down the hall towards where Felix would be.

Haley walked behind Nathan and stopped next to him when they were in front of a dark hair man on a treadmill. He had scars covering his neck and his forearms. There were scars on his face from where he'd been cut by shards of glass. From the looks of it there were scars on his legs from the flames as well.

Felix looked up at her and then looked at Nathan standing next to her. Recognition flashed across his face and smiled. "Nathan Scott. Well I'll be damned."

He pressed the stop button on the treadmill and then looked at his doctor before asking him to give him a minute. He grabbed his crutches and then slowly stepped down towards Nathan. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard that you were here and I don't live that far from here so I thought I'd see how you were doing."

Felix nodded and then looked back at Haley. "I'm Felix," he said and then held his hand out towards her. "And you are way to hot to be with Nathan.'

"I see nothing's changed," Nathan mumbled.

Haley laughed a little. "I'm Haley. It's nice to meet you I've heard a lot about you."

From what she'd read about Felix in some of Nathan's letters, the guy seemed like a complete asshole. Everything that Nathan had said about him lead her to believe that she hated this guy. She was definitely surprised when Nathan said that he wanted to go see him. But then again, he really hadn't told her what happened in that accident. Maybe there was more that she didn't know about.

"Oh that's probably a bad thing," Felix said and then glanced back at Nathan before turning his attention back on Haley. "I've seen you somewhere before…" he said stopping to think of it. "You're the girl from those pictures that Nate had in helmet. You're that girl he used to sneak off to call all the time, huh?"

"Yeah," she said with a smile, "I guess I am."

"So what's the story?" he asked looking between the two of them. "This your girlfriend, Scott?"

"Uh, no. She's not."

"Damn," Felix said, "too bad. Well for you, not for me."

"Yeah, why don't you cool it Casanova, I think she's a little outta your league," Nathan said with a small chuckle.

Haley smiled as she looked between the two of them. "I'm gonna give you guys a few minutes. I'll meet you in the lobby?"

Nathan nodded and then watched as she took a step towards Felix. "It was really nice to meet you." She leaned in and hugged him, like she'd known him forever and she was saying goodbye to an old friend. Nathan didn't understand how she could always be like that. She always had the ability to make everyone comfortable around her.

"You too, Haley." Felix smiled at her then said, "I might be here awhile so if you feel like dropping by…"

Haley laughed, "yeah, we'll see."

Nathan watched her smile again before turning around and walking back in the direction they'd come from earlier. "I can't believe you're not dating her," Felix said. "Do you think she's into me?" he asked a second later with a laugh.

Nathan laughed and shook his head. "Totally the same person."

"Why shouldn't I be?" Felix said and shrugged. A moment of silence passed between them before he spoke again. "Look… I really never got the chance to thank you. You pulled me out and you saved my life and I really didn't deserve it. I was always an ass to you and to pretty much everyone and I'm sorry."

"It's ok. And you don't have to thank me-"

"I do. Seriously Nathan. I would be dead if it weren't for you."

Nathan hung his head down and then ran his hand over the back of his neck. "Look Felix, I really feel like I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"It should have been me. Not you. I'm the one who should have been in that seat and I wasn't-"

"Yeah, because I'm an asshole. Nathan you weren't supposed to be in that truck. You never were. That's why you weren't. But I was. I've made my peace with that. It was always supposed to be me."

Nathan shook his head. He just couldn't believe that. It was supposed to be him. Why should he be saved when there were other good guys that had to die that day? It wasn't fair.

"There's something better for you that you haven't gotten to. You're not supposed to die or get hurt. Someone's lookin out for you."

"How do you…" Nathan trailed off, "how are you not mad?"

"What good is that gonna do me? It's not gonna change what happened to me and it's not gonna fix me. I can't be mad at God, Nathan. This whole thing made me so much closer to him. Not to mention the people in my life. My parents, my sister. I don't think I would be close with them at all if the accident hadn't happened."

"But it's not fair-"

"Of course it's not. A lot of things aren't fair. But you can't waste your life wishing things were fair. You have to make do with what you have and believe me Nathan, I can tell you have a lot."

Felix turned and looked back at the treadmill behind him and then back at Nathan. "I gotta get back to this, but I'm glad you came to see me. Seriously, it means a lot. Maybe I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah," Nathan replied with a nod. "It was good to see you."

Felix offered his hand out towards Nathan who shook it. Felix sent him a crooked smile before making his way back onto the machine behind him. Nathan watched as he started it up again before slowly starting a jog. Nathan was amazed at the progress he'd made since the accident. In all the updates he'd heard about Felix it sounded like it was going to take forever for him to get back to normal. But apparently he was on his way already and that was something Nathan was glad to see.

* * *

Haley cautiously stuck her head through the doorway of the room and when she realized it was empty she stepped through. The bed was in the same place, the TV still hung on the wall. Seemingly the room was the same. But there was one big difference: Jake was no longer there.

She walked into that room everyday for the last few months of his life and always saw the same thing. He would sit in his bed with his oxygen tubes and IV's in his arms and monitors beeping in the corner. But he always greeted her with a smile, even when it was hard to do.

But now this room was cold and empty. It didn't hold anything that made her think of Jake, except for the fact that it had been the room he died in. But now, it was nothing but a cold hospital room.

She walked farther into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. It felt weird to be in here now. She had no purpose to being here, there was no reason for her to be there. There was nothing keeping her there. But for some reason she felt rooted to the spot. Like she couldn't get up even if she wanted to.

"How'd I know I'd find you in here."

She turned around and saw Nathan standing in the doorway. His arms were crossed over his chest and she could tell he was reluctant to step through the door. The look on his face said that this was the last place on earth he wanted to be.

"Yeah… I…" she started and then shrugged. "I guess I couldn't help myself."

He finally stepped through and walked over towards the bed. He looked around the room and then sat down next to her. It felt weird to be in here again. He never thought he'd have to come back into this room, but here he was.

The walls were the same color, the blue blanket across the end of the bed looked the same. The same uncomfortable chairs sat on either side of the bed. The same TV was mounted to the wall. But this room was not the same. It was far from it. It seemed colder in here now, like all the sadness that had ever been in this room was now coming back.

"Let's go," Nathan said quietly after a few more silent minutes had passed. He stood up and walked towards the door and then looked back at Haley who was still sitting on the bed. "Hales?"

She turned around and looked at him before nodding and slowly standing up. She looked back down at the empty bed before walking towards Nathan. She could feel the tears that were threatening to spill out of her eyes and she tried to hold them in. As soon as she walked out of the doorway she felt them slip.

Leaning back against the wall for support she couldn't help the sobs that began to rack her body. Slowly she slid down the wall until she was sitting on the ground. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rest her head in her hands as she continued to cry in the mostly empty hallway.

Nathan felt his heart break as he watched the girl he loved crying on the floor. He walked closer to her before sitting down in front of her. He cautiously wrapped his arm around her before pulling her to his chest. Her body molded into his as she continued crying, her tears staining the front of his shirt.

It was rare to see Haley like this. Even after Jake had died she hard hardly seen her cry. She always put up a front like she had to be the strong one. She had to be strong for everyone else and she had to be the shoulder to cry on, but she could never cry. It was clear that these tears were ones that she'd been holding in for a year, and time hadn't completely healed her.

* * *

Peyton stood in the kitchen with Jenny on her hip. She was searching through the fridge trying to find something that she could make for herself for dinner. She had told Jimmy and Lydia to go out for the night, they deserved it for helping her out so much; and she didn't mind a night with just her daughter.

"Ok," she said looking through the fridge, "does mommy want to make spaghetti? Or does she feel like heating up a frozen pizza?"

Jenny cooed and pointed towards the freezer. Peyton laughed and nodded, "yeah that's probably right. I'm not feeling the whole making a meal thing anyway."

She walked Jenny over to her high chair and placed her inside it before going back to the fridge and pulling out the box that contained the oven bake pizza. She turned the oven on and waited for it to heat up before she could pop in the pizza. While she waited she pulled up a chair in front of Jenny so she could feed her. She began to give her a bottle of formula, but it was clear the baby girl didn't want that.

"You're just so stubborn," Peyton said with a shake of her head, "you know, you're just like your daddy."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

Peyton jumped at the sound of his voice. She turned around quickly and saw Jake standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He looked the same as he always did when she saw him nowadays. He smiled at her before walking farther into the kitchen.

"You know I'm beginning to think I'm crazy," she said while looking at him. "It's really not normal for me to be seeing you. Don't you think it's weird."

"I guess," he said, "I told you, I can go whenever you want me to."

Peyton dropped her arms to her sides. "Do you really think that's what I want? How could you even say that?"

Jake laughed a little, "great, so now we're fighting?"

"We're not fighting," Peyton said, her tone clearly frustrated, "I just… do you always have to sneak up on me?"

Jake laughed and walked closer to her. "It's more fun for me that way."

Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Yeah, whatever."

"You know," she heard from the other doorway the lead to the main hall, "this is like the fourth time I've caught you talking to yourself. Are you sure you're not going a little crazy?"

Peyton turned around and instantly smiled when she saw the familiar brunette standing just feet away. She hurried over to her friend and threw her arms around her. "Brooke! You scared the hell out of me!"

Brooke laughed and shrugged, "yeah well if you weren't so busy talking to no one, you might have heard me come in!"

"I was just talking out loud…" Peyton began, "you know, to- to Jenny."

Brooke crooked and eyebrow and shrugged. "If you say so." She smiled at her friend again before walking over to the baby in the highchair. "Hello beautiful girl," she said and began to tickle her tummy. "Did you miss your Aunt Brooke?" she asked as she picked her up out of the chair and held her up in the air before bringing her down to rest on her hip.

Jenny's hands instantly went to Brooke's now short haircut and she began to play with strands of her hair between her fingers.

"Sorry," Peyton said, "she likes hair."

"Of course she does," Brooke replied, "she's a girl."

Peyton smiled and then leaned back against the counter. "When did you cut your hair by the way? It's even shorter than when I saw you last time."

Brooke placed Jenny back in her chair before placing a light kiss on her forehead. She ran her hands through her shoulder length dark hair and then shook it out slightly. "I don't know. Maybe a few weeks ago. Don't you like it?"

"Yeah," Peyton replied, "just don't become Tori Spelling and dye your hair every other week."

Brooke laughed, "yeah, that's a little to 90210 for me. I like it this way."

"It's a big change," Peyton commented before checking the pizza again. "But it looks good. Oh, speaking of big changes, how's the new boyfriend?"

Brooke hopped up on the counter behind her and crossed one leg over the other before groaning. "I don't know that's he's my boyfriend, actually."

"Really? Isn't it time you stopped with all that non exclusive stuff you love to do with boys? Maybe you could try a real relationship this time?"

"No, that's not what I meant. We just… I don't know things were kinda rocky when I left, that's all."

"Rocky how?""He told me he loved me and-"

"You see, usually that's a good thing."

"No it is a good thing. I know that. I just- when he told me, I froze up. I couldn't say it back and things were awkward, feelings were hurt and now I don't know where we stand."

"Do you love him?"

Brooke nodded. She knew she loved him, it was something she knew for awhile. But for some reason she just couldn't say it back. She wanted to, she wanted to so bad. But it was so hard for her to admit it. She felt like the second she admitted she loved him, was when things were going to go bad. Why couldn't he just know she loved him without her having to say it? If that were possible then they could be happy together.

"Yeah," she answered, "I love him so much."

"You have to tell him."

She ran her hand through her hair again and then looked at the oven. "So I know you were planning on sharing some of that pizza with me, weren't you?"

Peyton smiled, "well, yes of course! That was the plan!"

Brooke smiled before hopping off the counter and then looking through the cabinets for a glass. When she found one she filled it with water before getting the pizza out of the oven. After it was cut and served Peyton grabbed Jenny from her highchair before they walked out to the living room to start a movie. Peyton knew that she was gonna like having her best friend home for awhile.

* * *

By the time Nathan and Haley made it back to Tree Hill it was pretty late. They had left for Charlotte late in the afternoon. And they left for home pretty late too. Haley hadn't planned on breaking down the way she did. She was embarrassed. That wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to still cry like that. But Nathan had been so great about it all. He held her while she cried and promised her everything would be ok.

Somehow the way he said it made her believe it. She knew that she was still a little broken after everything that had happened, how could she not be? But something in Nathan's voice made her feel better, for the first time in a long time. That was what she loved about him, well one of the many things she loved about him. He always had the ability to comfort her, even when it seemed impossible. No one else could make her feel like that. Not even Jonnie.

Nathan pulled his car up in front of her house and then shut the car off. "My parent's car is gone," Haley noted, "it's almost 11:30, where could they be?"

Nathan shrugged, "I don't know. Peyton's car is here, why don't you ask her when you get in?"

Haley nodded and then unbuckled her seatbelt. She began to open the door before turning to look back at Nathan. "Would you… would you stay with me for awhile?"

"Of course," Nathan replied quickly. He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door, like she had done and the two of them walked towards the front door. He could feel his hands shaking for some reason as he walked with her. It wasn't like anything would happen between them, and he knew that to be a fact. But more time with her always caused a nervous excitement to race through him. And the fact that he'd spent the whole day with her didn't stop that feeling.

They walked through the front door and she closed it lightly behind her. They both walked up the stairs and she stopped in front of Jake's room before opening the door. She saw Peyton sitting on the bed with her sketchpad in her lap. Jenny was asleep in her crib on the other side of the room. "Hey," Peyton greeted with a smile.

"Hi," Haley replied, "where are my parents?"

"Date night," Peyton said with a smile. "They should be home in a little while."

"Oh," Haley said back, "well I'm gonna head to bed. I'll see you in the morning?" She happened to leave out the part where she would have Nathan in her room with her.

"Yeah," Peyton replied. "I'll see you in the morning."

Haley smiled again before shutting the door and walking towards her room. Nathan followed quietly behind her. When he walked through the door he shut it lightly behind him trying to make as little noise as possible. He knew that Jenny was asleep just on the other side of the hall and he didn't want anything to wake her up.

"I'm gonna change," Haley said looking through her drawers for something to wear. She pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. "Could you… turn around?" she asked.

"Oh," Nathan replied, "yeah, of course."

He turned so he was facing the wall while she changed. He could hear the sounds of her shuffling behind him. The sound of her clothes dropping to the floor seemed so much louder than they probably were. Eventually she told him he could turn around and when he did he saw her turning off the lamp that sat on her desk.

She was dressed in a short pair of green plaid boxer shorts and an oversized t-shirt he didn't recognize. Probably Jonnie's. She walked closer to him and then cleared her throat. "Um," she started, "you can…" she trailed off and motioned to his clothes. When she asked him to stay with her, she meant she wanted him to stay the night. But now, telling her best friend that he could take his clothes off was so awkward it almost made her re-think the whole situation.

Nathan nodded and then his hands began to fumble with the buckle on his belt. He could feel himself blushing. He never blushed. And never because he was taking his clothes off in front of a girl. Well, obviously this wasn't just any girl, but still.

But this was Haley. This girl was his best friend, sure, he was in love with her, but she was still his best friend. This girl had seen him in his boxers countless times over the course of the Summer they spent together. Nothing was really that different now. Nothing that he would admit to anyway.

He pulled his t-shirt over his head and then dropped it to the floor at his feet. He pushed his khaki shorts down to the ground and then he was left standing in front of her in a pair of red boxers and a white wife beater. He could see the blush on her cheeks, not that that surprised him all that much. But he was glad to see that he wasn't the only one who was nervous.

She nervously twisted a ring on her finger before walking towards her bed. The air in the room felt heavy and she felt like she had to do something to break the weird tension between them. She pulled back the blanket on her bed and slipped in between the sheets. She watched as Nathan ran his hand over his hair and then came to her bed and did the same.

He watched her lean over and turn the lamp on her bedside table off and soon they were left in just the darkness. The only source of light came from the moon streaming through the window and the blue lights of her dim digital clock. He looked away from the clock and back at her. He saw her staring at the ceiling and gnawing on her bottom lip.

"What are you thinking about?"

She looked over at him and then said, "Jake."

He nodded and then slowly moved closer to her. "I've been thinking about him a lot lately."

"Me too," she replied, "I really miss him."

"So do I."

"I was thinking about this time when we were seven. Brooke had the biggest crush on him and she made us put on a play wedding. Do you remember that?"

Nathan laughed and nodded. "How could I forget? She made me be best man, I had to walk you down the pretend aisle."

Haley laughed and then placed her hand over her face. "Yeah and you hated it. I think that's just cuz you really, really didn't like me back then."

_May 18th__, 1999_

"_I'm the bride, so I get to stand here," Brooke Davis said as she pushed Jake over to stand next to her, "and you'll stand here. Luke has to stand in front of us since he's the priest."_

"_I don't wanna be the priest," a seven year old Lucas Scott mumbled from a few feet away. "This is dumb."_

"_This is my wedding Lucas and you can't mess it up!"_

_Haley sat in the grass watching as her best friend bossed around her brother and his friends. Nathan stood a few feet away from them while leaning up against the large tree that grew in the James's backyard. _

"_Haley you have to walk down the aisle with Nathan."_

"_Why?" Nathan replied from over by the tree. "I don't even wanna play. And I especially don't wanna play if Haley's playing."_

"_Because _Nathan_," Brooke said exaggerating his name, "you're the best man and she's the maid of honor so you have to walk her down the aisle, it's the rules."_

_Haley stood up and walked to where the beginning of the pretend aisle was. She waited for Nathan to come over, but he looked like he wasn't moving from his spot. _

"_Nathan!" Brooke yelled and crossed her arms over her chest._

"_Just play Nate," Jake said, "if you don't we'll be out here forever."_

_Nathan rolled his eyes before walking away from the tree and over to where Haley was standing. He looked at her and rolled his eyes again before standing next to her. "Now put your arm through his," Brooke instructed while looking at Haley._

"_Do I have to?" Haley asked._

"_Yes," Brooke answered before crossing her arms again. _

_Haley did as Brooke told her to do and then Nathan groaned. "This game is stupid. It's not even any fun."_

"_Quit it," Brooke said. "Now walk her down the aisle so we can start the wedding."_

_They began to walk towards Brooke and Jake and Nathan couldn't help himself as he elbowed Haley in the ribs on the way._

"_Stop it," Haley said with a hint of irritation._

_When he did it again she hit him back. "You're stupid," Haley said as she let go off his arm and walked over to the other side of Brooke and away from Nathan._

"_Whatever, you're stupider."_

"_That's not even a word."_

"_Quit ruining my wedding day!" Brooke said. _

Nathan laughed as he thought about it. He remembered hating having to play in Brooke and Jake's pretend wedding. He wouldn't have done it at all if Jake hadn't told him to.

"I didn't hate you."

Haley laughed, "yes you did! Oh my gosh, I'm pretty sure you hated me a lot actually."

"No," Nathan said, "I liked you."

"Oh whatever!"

"I did!" Nathan said and then laughed again. He moved so he was laying on his side and he was now facing Haley. She, too had rolled over to her side so she was facing him. She was still laughing quietly and he loved the sight of the smile on her face.

"I thought we were always gonna hate each other," Haley said, "when things hadn't changed by the end of high school, I never thought they would change."

"Yeah," Nathan replied, "but I'm glad they did. You're my best friend Hales. I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize you weren't a complete pain in the ass."

Haley slapped him gently on the arm and he laughed. "I'm just kidding… sorta."

"I think I still hate you," she said and shook her head before laughing. She looked back up at him and saw that he was still looking at her. The look in his eyes was different than one she'd seen in awhile. The last time he looked at her like that was before he kissed her the night before he left. And she wanted to kiss him again, so badly.

The moment was there for the taking, she could kiss him if she wanted to. And of course she did. But then Jonnie's face entered her mind. She loved him, she couldn't do that to him. She would be crushed if he kissed another girl, so she couldn't do that to him. It wouldn't be right.

"I know I've said it before," Haley replied, "but I'm really glad you're home."

Nathan smiled and then brought his hand up to push a lock of hair behind her ear. He leaned in and kissed her forehead before pulling her closer to him. "Me too," he replied, "and there's nowhere else I'd rather be than here with you."

**Review!**


	20. Back Down South

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**So I suck because I keep forgetting to save my chapters and people keep restarting my computer and I keep losing everything! This is like the 5****th**** time this has happened ): but hopefully this version will work out the way I want it to.**

**Also I mentioned on a different update that I wasn't able to update as soon as I would have liked because I was in a car accident on Monday, so I'm sorry that these chapters haven't been getting out as quick as I planned. But I hope ya'll review and that you like this(:**

**Chapter 20: Back Down South**

Haley could feel the excitement racing through her veins the more she drove. They were getting closer and closer to the beach house and she just couldn't wait to get there. Then she would get to see Jonnie again. It had only been two weeks, but she missed him. Hopefully, he'd missed her just as much.

She bounced her left knee impatiently as she waited at red light. She took the opportunity to look in the rear view mirror at the car behind her. Lucas sat in the drivers seat of his truck with Peyton in the passenger's seat. Nathan was in the back. She was glad that all her friends were coming with her. All she wanted was for them to get to know Jonnie and see what is was about him that made her love him so much. If they got to know him, they would love him too. She was sure of it.

Brooke looked over at her friend from her spot in the passengers seat and smiled. "You must be really excited, huh?"

Haley turned and looked at her and then smiled. She just couldn't help herself. When she thought of seeing Jonnie she couldn't help but get butterflies in her stomach. There was just something about him that turned her into a school girl with a crush.

"Is it that obvious?"

Brooke laughed and then tucked her hair behind her ears. "Yeah, just a little."

Brooke was happy for Haley. She hadn't seen her this happy in a long time. This Jonnie guy must have really been something if Haley was this excited. All Brooke knew was that he better treat her right. If anyone deserved to be treated like a princess, it was Haley. Especially after all she'd been through.

She knew that Haley put up a strong front, but losing Jake was the hardest thing she'd ever gone through. Brooke rarely saw her cry, she knew she didn't like to break down in front of other people; she liked to be strong. But she knew that when she was alone, the loss must have eaten away at her. And then, with Nathan leaving at the end of the Summer, she must have been devastated.

Even if they refused to admit it, Brooke knew there were stronger feelings between the two of them. Somewhere deep down she always thought that Haley would have ended up with Nathan in the long run. But then Jonnie came along. From what she'd heard from her best friend, he was the perfect guy. Maybe that was truly who she was meant to be with.

"Well I'm glad you're excited," Brooke said a minute later.

"I'm glad you're finally getting to meet him."

Brooke nodded and then glanced in the side view mirror. She could see Lucas's truck behind them and she sighed. As much as she was excited to meet this guy, she knew that this trip was going to be awkward. Lucas still wasn't talking to her. He took rejection like a thirteen year old girl. Now he was giving her the silent treatment.

"What's wrong?" Haley asked glancing back at her friend.

"Lucas," Brooke replied and then placed her feet on the dashboard. "He hates me."

"Oh whatever," Haley replied with a shake of her head. "He does not hate you. But you know Lucas. He doesn't handle stuff like this well. He just needs some time to get over it."

"Well I've moved on," Brooke said, "he's just making me feel bad."

There was something in Brooke's voice that showed irritation. Haley knew that Brooke felt bad; she hated hurting people, especially people she loved. But she could tell that her friend was just over it. Like she had said, she moved on. It was time for Lucas to do the same.

"Maybe you just need to talk to him."

"I would if he weren't ignoring me."

Haley nodded. She knew that game. Lucas did things like that when he didn't get his way. He'd been like that since he was little. When Jake wouldn't share his G.I. Joes when they were little Lucas would go an entire afternoon without talking to him. He stopped talking to Haley when she picked a different lab partner in Chemistry their sophomore year. They all had things that made them immature at times, for Lucas, it was the silent treatment.

"He'll get over it," Haley replied, "just give him sometime."

Haley focused back on the road. She knew she was getting close to the beach house. Checking on the GPS again she saw that it was just a few minutes away. She turned into a neighborhood and continued down the road the screen was leading her on. Soon a white house with blue trim came into view. There were cars parked outside, one was Dave's Tahoe. They were there.

She stopped the car and quickly opened the door to get out. The door to the house swung open a second later and Haley saw Jonnie come into view. He smiled when he saw her and jogged down the steps towards the driveway. When he reached Haley he pulled her into a tight embrace. She wrapped her arms around his neck and reveled in the feeling of being in his arms again.

"I missed you so much," she said and then leaned back so she could kiss him. When their lips met, she was instantly reminded of how much she loved him.

"I missed you, too."

Jonnie smiled at her as he took in the sight of her again. He really had missed her. Even though he had a great time with his family over the past two weeks, he couldn't deny the fact that she had constantly been on his mind. He hated being away from her and if he had his way, he would never let her go again.

Brooke walked around to where they were standing and crossed her arms over her chest. "Hales, do you think you could stop sucking face long enough to introduce me to your boyfriend?"

Haley blushed and covered her face with her hand before looking back at her friend. "Yes, of course. Jonnie," she said pressing her hand to his chest, "this is my best friend Brooke and Brooke, this is Jonnie."

Jonnie stuck his hand out towards Brooke while keeping his other arm wrapped securely around Haley. "Nice to meet you Brooke," he said with a smile, showing his dimples, "I've heard so much about you. I feel like I already know you."

Brooke smiled and said, "uh oh, that could be a bad thing. I hope she didn't tell you _everything_."

Jonnie laughed and shook his head, "only the good things."

Haley turned her head when she heard Lucas's truck pulling up. After he'd shut it off the three in the car began to get out. Peyton walked over and hugged Jonnie telling him it was great to see him again. Soon, Lucas came over to talk to them as well. But, Haley couldn't help but notice that Nathan was keeping his distance.

"Nathan," Haley said catching his attention. "You remember Jonnie don't you."

Nathan looked towards the two of them and nodded. "Yeah."

There was an awkward silence surrounding them now and Jonnie took the chance to talk to him. "I'm happy to see that you made it home safe, Nathan. You should know that Haley worried about you all the time."

Nathan nodded and then stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "Thanks."

Haley's eye brows creased and she looked at Nathan with a confused expression. Why was he being like this? He was being a little rude. Jonnie was making an effort to have a conversation with Nathan, but apparently that wasn't what Nathan was up for. This so wasn't like him at all.

Jonnie cleared his throat, "well why don't we get your bags inside and I can show you to your rooms."

* * *

Nathan stood in the room that he was sharing with Lucas while they were there. The only thing on his mind was how much he really didn't want to be there. This was going to be a weekend from hell. He felt sick to his stomach when he watched Haley and Jonnie kiss. They were acting so in love and it made him wanna puke.

He put his clothes into the drawers of the dresser in front of him, all the while thinking about Haley. Things had been great between them since he'd gotten home. He loved every minute they were spending together. And now, everything was being ruined.

He knew that his behavior was a little ridiculous. Obviously, Jonnie was her boyfriend and of course she was going to be happy to see him, but still. It was like she completely forgot about everything else when she was with him. But as much as he wanted to, he couldn't hate Jonnie.

Obviously, he wasn't a huge fan of him, but he couldn't hate him. He made Haley happy, and that was all that Nathan wanted. He was always going to want her to be happy. In her letters she sent him she always talked about Jonnie and how great he was and how happy he made her. And it was obvious that she was crazy about him. As much as it killed Nathan, he wanted that for her.

But he just didn't want to have to see it.

Nathan finished unpacking his things and then he made his way out the door and down stairs. When he got down the stairs he saw two guys and a brunette girl sitting on the couch watching old 80's re-runs of Cops. In the kitchen Haley stood with Jonnie and another dark haired guy. A girl with honey blonde hair stood in front of them chatting.

Brooke was standing next to the dark haired guy and Lucas had made his way out to the living room. Nathan had been introduced to most of these people when they came inside, but he'd already forgotten their names. He probably wasn't really listening when they were being introduced. His mind was other places.

"Hey Nathan," Jonnie greeted with a smile, "can I get you something to drink?"

Nathan shook his head, "no, I'm good."

"You sure?" the dark haired guy who's name Nathan couldn't remember, asked.

"Yeah, I'm good."

He nodded and then the girl from the living room yelled out, "Ben, could you get me a lemonade?" she asked with a southern drawl.

Ben nodded before going to the fridge and grabbing a Smirnoff Lemonade. He walked out to the living room before handing it to the girl who thanked him before cuddling back up with the dark haired guy on the couch.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, but Nathan wasn't exactly having the time of his life. All he really wanted to do was find a basketball and find a court to play on. That seemed like the only thing he could think of that would be any fun. It was the only thing that might take his edge off at the moment.

Haley looked at Nathan and noticed how he seemed to be looking at anything but her. He'd been acting weird since they got there. He was going out of his way to be rude to Jonnie, but when he'd met his friends he was his normal self. It didn't make any sense to her. She knew that this wasn't who he was, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out why he was acting like this.

Nathan glanced at her before walking towards the back door and opening it. He walked out onto the porch and then down the steps. He reached the bottom of the steps before sitting down. The sand was beneath his feet and the warm wind was blowing around him. He took in the view of the ocean in front of him and realized that this was something he'd missed.

There was nothing even close to this in Afghanistan. It was all dirt and hot sun. The beach was something he could only dream up in his head.

He listened to the sounds of the waves and the people who were farther down the beach. The sun was starting to set and the colors all seemed to blend together. The sun reflected off the water casting a golden glow on everything Nathan could see. He would miss this sight when he was gone.

Nathan heard the sound of the sliding glass door open and then the sounds of footsteps on the porch. He looked up when he felt someone come to his side. Brooke sat down on the step next to him and handed him a bottle of Heineken. He smiled slightly before thanking her. He took the bottle to his lips and then took a sip.

"No problem," she replied, "I figured you were lying when you said you were good earlier."

Nathan laughed quietly and nodded. "Maybe a little. I definitely need a beer or two to go through with this weekend."

Brooke rested her arms on her knees and then looked at Nathan. "What's with the attitude Soldier? You've been crabby since we got here."

Nathan ran his hand through his hair and shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't really wanna come on this trip to begin with. I'm only here cuz Haley wanted me to."

"Oh," Brooke said, "I see. So this is about Haley and her boyfriend, huh?"

"What?" Nathan asked, "no."

"You're a liar Nathan Scott."

Nathan took another drink of the beer in his hand before resting his elbows back on the step behind him. "It's not. I mean, not really. I just… I don't know."

"I don't think I've ever heard you struggle for words before," Brooke said with a laugh before taking a sip of the beer in her hand. "Just admit it Nate. You have feelings for her don't you?"

"What does it matter?" Nathan asked and then turned his head to look at her. "She's with Jonnie and I'm leaving again. And besides, I told her awhile ago that I wasn't gonna make her wait for me and I'm not. And obviously, she wasn't waiting."

"I still think you should tell her how you feel."

"No."

"Why not?" Brooke asked shifting in her spot to face him. "She can't love you back if she doesn't know how you feel."

"It doesn't matter now," Nathan said harshly.

Brooke shook her head before moving back to her original spot. This conversation was obviously going no where. He didn't want to talk to her about it. He probably didn't want to talk to anyone about it.

"Fine," Brooke said. There was a few moments of silence before Brooke spoke up again. "So what do you think of Jonnie's friends?"

Nathan shrugged. "I don't even remember their names."

"Ben, in the kitchen," Brooke said, "Duncan, the blonde one is Jonnie's brother. Then there was Dave, the kid with the dark hair who was watching Cops." She took a sip of her beer and then said, "oh yeah and Oakley," she then laughed before faking a thick southern accent. "Oakley like the sunglasses."

Nathan laughed a little. "Oh yeah."

Brooke laughed again, "but I like her. She's nice. And then there was Lindsay. I think she's Jonnie's cousin or something."

Nathan nodded. He was glad Brooke had been listening because he sure wasn't. It was nice to have Brooke around. Back in high school she had definitely annoyed him at times but she was a good friend. And he knew that she was always looking out for Haley when he couldn't. That, he was especially grateful for.

* * *

Peyton sat on the steps in the front of the house with her phone pressed against her ear. This was the first time she'd be away from Jenny over night. Sure, Jenny was in good hands with Lydia and Jimmy, but Peyton couldn't help but be nervous.

She'd called Lydia about six times since they'd left earlier in the day. She knew that she must have seemed like an overprotective parent, but that's what she was. Jenny was her baby, and she couldn't help but be afraid to leave her alone for the first time.

"Peyton," Lydia said from the other end of the line. "You do realize this isn't our first time babysitting? And we did have to kids of our own that we watched."

"I know," Peyton replied and then began to chew on her thumb nail. "I can't help it though. This is the first time I've ever been away from her over night. Or at all really."

Lydia laughed, "I know Sweetie, but I promise that she's fine."

"Ok," Peyton replied, "just make sure she's asleep before 8."

"I know."

"You should probably feed her at least half an hour before she goes to bed."

"Got it."

"Where is she right now?" Peyton asked.

"Jimmy's giving her a bath."

"Oh," Peyton said, "did he make sure to check the water? Make sure it wasn't too cold or too hot?"

"I'm sure he did."

"But you don't know for sure."

"Peyton," Lydia said, "trust me. She's fine. We know what we're doing."

'I know," Peyton said, "sorry. I'm just a little nervous. Oh! And one more thing, did you-"

"Peyton I gotta go we'll give you a call tomorrow morning."

"Lydia-" Peyton began but was cut off by the sound of the line going dead. She actually hung up on her. Peyton couldn't believe it. Well, maybe she could. There was a chance that she might have been going a little overboard with all her worrying. Lydia and Jimmy had taken care of babies before, they weren't amateurs.

Peyton dropped her phone to the stair and then ran her hands through her curly blonde hair. She heard the door behind her open and she looked up and saw a dark haired guy walk out. "Sorry," he said seeing the stressed out looking blonde. "I can go if you-"

"Oh you're fine," Peyton said and shook her head. "I was just on the phone with Haley's mom and she actually hung up on me."

He laughed and then walked toward the stairs. He sat down on one above her and then rested back against the railing. "That's a little rude."

Peyton laughed, "well I guess I have been bombarding her with phone calls all day. I would get sick of me too."

He smiled and then said, "why would you be calling Haley's mom?"

"She's watching my daughter. Her granddaughter. This is the first time I've ever been away from her and I'm kinda freaking out a bit."

"Gotcha," he said, "so you had a kid with Haley's brother?"

Peyton nodded and then ran her hand through her hair.

"Sorry," he said, "I don't mean to pry and this might be a sore subject-"

"It's fine. I really don't mind talking about him."

"I've heard a lot about him from Haley. He seems like he was a great guy."

"He was the best guy," Peyton said with a smile. "And he gave me the best thing in my life."

He smiled, "I understand. That's how I feel about my daughter."

"You have a daughter?"

He laughed, "no I don't. I guess I was just trying to make conversation."

Peyton laughed and shook her head. "Wow, is that always how you start up a conversation with someone? You really need to work on your conversation skills…" she said trailing off trying to remember his name.

"Ben," he said.

"Right. Ben. So Ben do you do that often? Make up fake kids?"

He laughed and shook his head. "No definitely not."

Peyton smiled before standing up. "Well thanks for talking with me Ben but I better get inside and put my phone a safe distance away from me. Don't wanna be making any more calls tonight."

He nodded his head and then said, "no you don't. But it was good talking with you Peyton."

"And you too."

She smiled again before walking through the door. As she walked back towards her door she realized that was the first time she'd really laughed with a guy who wasn't Jake. That realization was something she didn't know how to feel about.

* * *

"_Nathan! I'm not going in there!"_

_Haley stood on a wooden dock facing Nathan who had already jumped into the water. They'd been back in Tree Hill for a few weeks and they'd been trying to spend as much time together as they could before he had to leave. It was hard with Haley working so much at the Café and getting ready for school. But anytime they could take they would._

"_Yes you are!"_

_Nathan waded through the water while trying to convince Haley to jump in. They were at a lake that had been one of Jake's favorite places to go while they were growing up. Neither could remember the last time they'd been there. It felt like forever ago. _

"_It's freezing," Haley said crossing her arms over her bikini clad chest. "I'm not getting in there. I can't even believe you're in there."_

_Nathan had surprised her by bring her to the lake. It didn't take long before Nathan had stripped off his t-shirt and jumped into the lake. When he resurfaced her let out a yell, surprised by the temperature. Haley had sat down on the edge of the dock, dipping her feet in. When she felt the freezing cold water she had vowed to not get in. _

"_Just get in! You'll get used to it."_

"_No!"_

_Nathan rolled his eyes before dunking himself back underwater He was determined to get her into the water. Even if she was kicking and screaming the whole way, she was getting in. He came back up and ran his hand over his face wiping away the water. "Fine," he said swimming toward the ladder on the dock. "Will you at least hand me that towel?"_

_Haley nodded and walked towards where he'd dropped the towels when they arrived. She picked it up and turned around to hand it to Nathan. He was walking towards her and he smiled before taking it from her hand. "Thanks," he said and then ran it over his head. He dropped it to the ground and then quickly grabbed Haley around the hips._

_He pulled her towards the end of the dock and she screamed while trying to get out of his grip. "Nathan! Don't!" she yelled but by then he'd already thrown them both into the water. _

_The cold water surrounded them both and when they surfaced Haley yelled out. The water was colder than she was expecting and when she turned around she faced Nathan who was laughing. She shoved him in the chest before trying to swim towards the dock. Nathan shook his head before grabbing at her again._

"_Don't even think about it," he said with a laugh, "you're already in, you have to stay in."_

"_I hate you so much," she said, her teeth chattering._

_He laughed and then threw her gently through the water. He saw the look on her face and he could tell she was trying not to laugh. As much as she didn't want to go in the water, she was still having a good time, he could see it on her face. "Don't pretend you're mad."_

"_I am."_

_She couldn't help it anymore and a smile came to her face. Nathan always made her smile even when she was pissed at him. She swam closer to him and when she was close enough she put both hands on the top of his head and pushed him under the water. When he came back up he reached for her so he could return the favor. He laughter filled the air around them and in that moment he knew that it was the sweetest sound he would ever hear._

Nathan was broken out of his thoughts when he heard the sound of Haley's laughter. He looked across the fire that was now burning on the beach and saw Haley sitting next to Jonnie. He was whispering things into her ear making her laugh and smile. Nathan wanted to throw up. He'd only been there a few hours and he wanted to go home.

Haley looked up at Nathan from across the fire and their eyes met. It was the first time all day that he hadn't been avoiding her gaze. There was something wrong with him tonight. She hoped that whatever it was wasn't going to bother him the whole trip. She wanted him to get to know Jonnie. But if he kept acting the way he was acting, he wasn't going to get to know anyone.

She turned to Jonnie and placed a kiss on his cheek before standing up. "I'm gonna go get something to drink, I'll be right back."

Nathan watched her walk away from the fire before walking towards the house. He glanced back at Jonnie who was now standing up and making his way over to him. He really hoped that he wasn't going to try and chat with him. He really couldn't handle that right now.

Nathan looked away from him and back at the fire. He could hear the sounds of the wood crackling in the flames and sounds of Kings Of Leon playing from inside the house. They were on of Haley's favorite bands, of course just another thing to keep her on his mind.

Jonnie sat down in the empty seat next to Nathan and leaned back in the chair. He took a sip from the water bottle in his hand. Nathan had forgotten that Jonnie didn't drink. But now he remembered, he was one of the only guys at the party last year who wasn't getting trashed. Nathan suddenly felt guilty for having a beer in his hand.

"You been having a good time?" Jonnie asked after a minute of awkward silence.

Nathan nodded, "yeah I guess. I'm just a little tired."

Jonnie nodded and then leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. "Well I'm glad you made it out with everyone. It's really good to see you again Nathan. All Haley did this year was talk about you, so it's nice to actually get a chance to get to know you."

"Yeah," Nathan replied, not really interested in making an effort to get to know this guy.

"Look," Jonnie said, "I know that last year when we met I told you you should tell her how you feel… so now you probably hate me-"

"I don't hate you," Nathan said and then finally looked at him.

"I hope not," Jonnie replied. "The thing is, I want us to be friends Nathan. I know that you're one of the most important people in Haley's life. She loves you, Nathan. I'm not gonna try to pretend that I don't see it. She loves you and I know that. But I love her, too. And she does love me."

"I know that," Nathan replied, "you've got nothing to worry about with me. She never had to choose between us."

"Of course she did," Jonnie said.

"No. We were never-"

"It doesn't matter. She still had to choose. But I want you to know that I love her and that I would never hurt her. I don't want you to ever worry about me hurting her, cuz I could never do that."

"Good," Nathan replied, "because if you did, I swear to God I'd kick your ass."

Jonnie laughed, "I know you would. And trust me getting the shit kicked out of my by an angry soldier is not something that's high on my list of things to do before I die. Just believe me. I love her."

Nathan nodded and then looked back at the fire. He knew that Jonnie loved her. He could see it in the way he looked at her. There was so much love in his eyes every time she was around, or whenever someone mentioned her. He couldn't hate someone for loving Haley; how could he not love her?

"All I want is for her to be happy," Nathan said, "and I know that you make her happy."

Jonnie smiled at Nathan one last time before looking back up at Haley who was walking towards where they were sitting. She smiled at the both of them before sitting on Jonnie's lap. "Whatcha guys talking about?"

"Nothing," Nathan replied before standing up. "I think I'm gonna go to bed though. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Haley turned to watch Nathan walk away and there was something inside of her that ached as she watched him leave. She felt like she'd hardly seen him at all today and that killed her. She wanted every moment with him that she could get and it seemed like he was always leaving. All she wanted was for him stay.


	21. Come Around

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 21: Come Around**

Some things get easier with time. It's easier to accept the hard things after some time has passed. But this wasn't one of those times. Seeing Haley with Jonnie this whole trip was driving Nathan crazy and he was glad to finally get back to Tree Hill and leave Jonnie at the beach house. He was glad to not have to see them kiss and smile sweetly at each other. He was surprised he hadn't snapped at them already.

But the worst part was, Jonnie was a great guy. He was the type of guy that was supposed to be with Haley James. He was polite, he held the door for her, pulled out her chair, kissed the back of her hand and told she was beautiful. He was who she was supposed to be with. And that's what killed him. He couldn't make up any more lies for why he should be with her. There wasn't anything he could say. Jonnie was obviously better for her.

Nathan felt like he was broken. He'd been through too much for someone his age. No one should have to watch his best friend die. And he knew that she needed someone who was whole to help her heal. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he just wasn't that guy.

Pulling his car into the driveway of his parent's house he was glad to finally be home. It had only been a week but he was glad he was home. He almost felt guilty for being away from Tree Hill in the short time that he would be home. He took this town for granted when he was growing up and he told himself he wouldn't do that anymore.

After turning off the engine he and Lucas grabbed their bags from the car and made their way into their house. When they walked through the door they saw Keith and Karen in the kitchen. Music was playing on the stereo and they were dancing with smiles on their faces. Candles were on the table accompanied by glasses of wine.

"We clearly ruined the night," Lucas said with a quick laugh before moving on towards his bedroom.

Nathan nodded but continued to watch his parents. He was sure that there wasn't a more perfect couple in the world than them. It almost wasn't fair how perfect they were. He would never say it out loud, but he wished that he could one day be like them. They were the picture of happiness and he envied them.

Keith smiled at his son while continuing to dance his wife around the kitchen. "Hey! How was the trip?"

"It was alright," Nathan said with a shrug. "Don't let us interrupt."

"You're not," Karen said with a shake of her head.

"Get back to what you're doing. I have to get my stuff ready for tomorrow anyway."

There was a dinner party in Charlotte for the troops and he was supposed to be going. He knew that he would see a lot of the guys from Iraq, and he was excited, but he also knew that it was going to bring back some of the bad memories he had from being away. But he had to get used to that, he would be back with them all again soon enough.

Walking into his room he looked around. It was always the same. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to change, but it felt like something should have. After all the changes that had been going on in his world, his surroundings should have changed too. But they never did.

He stepped in front of his closet and pulled open the door. He grabbed his dress uniform and his dress shoes and hung them up next to his bed. He made sure his name pin was straight and everything was in the right order. After that he moved on to unpacking his bag from the trip. Everything inside smelled of salt water and had bits of sand stuck to it.

In the midst of brushing off sand he heard his phone from his pocket and he reached in and grabbed it. He couldn't help the smile that came across his face as he watched Haley's name flash across the screen. He slid the arrow to answer it and pressed it up against his ear. "Hey Hales."

"Hi. So I'm looking through my closet… what do I wear to this sort of thing?"

Nathan laughed and shook his head. "I told you, whatever you wear will be fine."

"But I mean is this fancy? You're wearing your uniform, so I need to look somewhat nice."

"You always look nice."

When Nathan saw that he was allowed to bring a guest to this dinner, there was no one else he would have wanted to bring. He wanted her by his side throughout everything and he was thankful that she was more than willing to do that.

"Well thank you," she said he could tell she was smiling just by the tone of her voice. "Ok, I think I have the right thing to wear then."

"Ok. I'll call you tomorrow before I come to pick you up. You're just gonna get ready there right?"

"Yep."

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow Hales."

"Bye Nathan."

He heard the click of the line going dead and he tossed his phone onto his bed before continuing to unpack. All the while he was trying to get Haley out of his mind, which was never easy, but he had to try.

* * *

Peyton watched Jenny sleep. She had missed this sight. Something like this was just so perfect and she had missed it in the week she'd been away. She knew that leaving her was going to be hard, but she never knew it would be that hard. It felt like a part of her heart had been ripped out. It was so hard to be away from her and she never wanted to let her out of her sight again.

"I missed you," Peyton whispered and lightly ran her finger over Jenny's cheek while she continued to sleep heavily. The feel of her soft skin was so amazing and she couldn't stop herself from leaning further into the crib and placing a kiss on her forehead. "Mommy loves you."

Suddenly she felt her phone begin to vibrate in her pocket and she reached for it. She didn't recognize the number but she brought it to her ear. "Hello?" she asked.

"Peyton," the voice said on the other end. "It's Ben. Um, I know you're probably wondering how I got your number. I promise I'm not some kind of stalker or anything. I just, I got it from Haley and I thought I'd give you a call."

"Ben, did anyone ever tell you, you ramble when you get nervous?" she asked with a laugh.

"I'm not nervous…" he said and then cleared his throat. "Anyway… how are you?"

"Well since I saw you this morning… I'm pretty good. Why are you really calling me Ben?"

"Uh, well, I guess I just wanted to talk to you. Is that weird?"

Peyton bit her lip and let out a sigh. "I don't think so."

Since she'd met Ben, she couldn't stop herself from liking him. He had made her laugh and smile more than she'd remembered laughing and smiling in a long time. Maybe even since Jake. And that just made her feel incredibly guilty. How was she supposed to feel like that? It wasn't ok.

"Good. How's Jenny?"

Peyton had spent the majority of the trip talking with Ben about Jenny and Jake. It was nice to have someone listen to her that hadn't been around forever. That didn't already know every detail of her life. And Ben was refreshing. She'd enjoyed getting to know him.

"Amazing. I missed her so much. I've been watching her sleep since I got back."

She heard Ben chuckle on the other end, "I'm sure she was happy to see you."

"I hope so."

"She was."

Peyton smiled while looking down at her daughter again. "I didn't think it was possible to miss her so much."

There was a few more seconds of silence before Ben spoke up again. "I'd really like to meet her."

Peyton was taken aback by that statement. She hadn't expected him to say that. It wasn't like she had really gone out and met new people; no one new had come into her life. No one that she would have to bring into Jenny's life.

"I mean if that's too weird or something-"

"No," Peyton said. "If you're ever in town I'd love for you to meet her."

"Great! I'll come up with Jonnie and then I can meet her."

"I'm looking forward to it."

They talked for a few more minutes about anything and nothing. She realized that she already missed talking with him and that was something new and unexpected.

"Who was that?" she heard from behind her after she hung up the phone. She turned around quickly and saw Jake standing near the door.

"Just a friend I made at the beach house."

"Oh," Jake said with a hint of a smile. "A guy?"

Peyton laughed uncomfortably and ran her hands through her hair. She felt like this was something she just couldn't talk about with Jake. Not with the boy she was still in love with and would I always be in love with.

"It's nothing. We're just friends."

"Ok. Look Peyton it's not like you can't meet new guys."

"I'm not meeting new guys!" Peyton said feeling suddenly frustrated. "We're just friends."

"You don't have to explain it to me."

"I'm just saying," she said with a sigh before bringing her hands down to her side. "He's just my friend."

"Maybe he should be more."

"Why would you say that? Jake I love _you_."

"I love you too," Jake said and took a few steps towards her. "But it's not like it's fair for me to stand in the way of your life anymore. Maybe you need to move on from me."

"No!" Peyton said with a shake of her head. "I don't want to be with someone else."

"Well you can't be with me!" he sighed and shook his head. "I'm not here anymore."

"Then why are you still here?" Peyton yelled and instantly regretted it. She had let the anger get the best of her and that was something she never meant to do and not with Jake. She knew that she was lucky to get to see him still and she didn't want to take it for granted.

"I'll leave you alone for awhile."

"No, Jake-"

"It's ok," he said before taking another look at Jenny and then heading towards the door. Before she knew it he was gone.

* * *

Brooke stood outside of Karen's Café contemplating the idea of going inside. She had played the scenarios of what would happen over and over again in her head. Karen would both be nice to her, and treat her the way she always had, or she'd yell at her and accuse her of breaking her son's heart. And what if Lucas was there? He was bound to ignore her more and continue to make things awkward. All she wanted was for things to go back to normal. But they would never be normal again.

Finally she pushed her nerves aside and walked into the café. She was hit with the warm, familiar sensation she always got when she was there. It felt like it always had. Maybe she was just being crazy and over reacting. It was time to find out.

She walked over to the counter and sat down. Pulling out a menu she scanned over the items even though she always got the same thing; an iced tea and a slice of cherry pie. Sometimes she thought of branching out and trying something different, but she never did. Always stick to the usual.

Brooke looked up from the menu when she saw Lucas out of the corner of her eye. He walked out from the kitchen and stopped in his tracks when he saw her. The awkward tension in the room was palpable and they were both sure that everyone in the café could feel it.

"Lucas," Brooke said and stood up quickly. She'd hoped that she might actually get the chance to talk to him.

"Brooke," he replied with a tilt of his head before he hurried towards the door and outside. Brooke sighed and dropped her hands to her side. She felt embarrassed and sad. Losing Lucas was something that she had never wanted, but it felt like there was no way to get him back. All she wanted was a friend in him, and it was clear they were nowhere near that.

"He'll get over it."

Brooke turned around and saw Karen standing behind the counter. She had the palms of her hands resting on the counter top and an apron tied around her waist. "He's just hurt, but he cares too much about you to just cut you out of his life."

Taking her original seat again, Brooke ran her hands through her hair. "Are you sure? Cuz I think he actually hates me. That's the most he's said to me since we've been home this summer."

"Boys don't handle rejection very well, Brooke. But I know my son. He'll get over it and soon enough you guys will be friends again. Things always have a way of working themselves out."

"Really?" Brooke asked, "because it seems like I have a way of always messing them up."

Karen suddenly looked towards the door when she heard the bell above it ring and Brooke turned around towards where she was looking. She was surprised by the young man standing near the door dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a light blue plaid button down. The scruff on his chin was the result of skipping a few days of shaving and his dark blonde hair looked perfectly ruffled.

"Julian?" Brooke asked, taken aback by his presence. "What are you doing here?"

"Um," he replied and took a few steps towards her, "I came to find you."

She stood up again and looked back at Karen who nodded at her to go talk to him. Her heart felt like it was racing a mile a minute and she felt like she was suddenly unsteady on her feet. Something about Julian always caused that sort of reaction within her.

"Well you found me," she said with a shrug.

"Wasn't too hard. I mean this is a pretty small town and I saw your car out front… Do you think maybe we can go talk somewhere? I feel like everyone is staring at us."

Brooke glanced around the café and noticed that he was right. Almost everyone was watching her conversation with this boy that they didn't know. She nodded and grabbed his arm while leading him towards the door.

Once outside they were hit with the heavy North Carolina summer air. They walked down the sidewalk under the shade of the buildings, letting the silence surround them. She felt like she had so many things to say to him, but she couldn't form the words. It was too hard to think of the right thing. Sometimes she just couldn't think at all when she was around him.

"Brooke," he said, "I know I told you I was gonna give you time. You know to figure everything out? And I think I have. I just… I need to know how you feel."

"Julian," she started, "I don't want you to think that I'm blowing you off or something. It's not like I've been trying to avoid you-"

"Really?" he asked, "because you haven't replied to any of my texts or answered my calls."

"I know. I just needed to get everything straightened out here and I'm just not sure-"

"How you feel about me?"

"No! I know how I feel about you Julian. It just scares me."

He stopped walking suddenly and faced her. "The Brooke Davis I met was fearless. What happened to her?"

She bit her lip and shrugged. "You told her you loved her."

He laughed a little. "You see normally that's a good thing."

"It is a good thing. Look Julian… the only other person who's told me they love me is Lucas. And I hurt him. I have this tendency of pushing people away once they get close to me. And I don't want you to go anywhere. That's why it's easier for me to just… keep my heart out of it."

"But my heart's all in, Brooke. I'm in love with you. I think I have been since the moment I met you. And I'm not scared of that and I know how I feel and I'll tell you every day. So tell me how you feel."

"Julian-"

"I love you, Brooke Davis."

"I love you, too."

She'd finally said the words. The words he'd been dying to hear for months. She loved him too and she could finally say it back. She'd pushed away whatever fear she'd had and now he knew that she felt the same. He took a few steps towards her and pressed his lips into hers. He felt her kiss him back and he wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her closer to him. Out of all the times he'd kissed Brooke, this was by far the best, because he knew that she loved him too.

* * *

Standing in front of the hotel's full length mirror, Haley ran her hands over the lavender dress she wore. She felt like her palms were sweating and she couldn't stop her beating heart. It was like getting ready for your first date, but that's wasn't what this was at all. She had to remind herself that this wasn't a date, not anything close to that. Just her going to a dinner with a friend.

But even as she kept repeating that to herself over and over again in her head, she couldn't stop the butterflies from flying around in her stomach. She was nervous, and she didn't know why. This was just Nathan, and she never had to feel nervous or scared when she was with him. He was her best friend, right? Wasn't he the one she was supposed to feel the most comfortable with?

There was a knock from the door and she looked at herself once more in the mirror. She checked to make sure her hair was still perfectly curled and she quickly stepped into her pair of nude pumps. Hurrying over to the door, she wasn't fully prepared for what awaited her on the other side.

Nathan was dressed in his dress uniform, his name pin placed perfectly on the pocket. If he looked amazing in normal clothes, then there were no words to describe how handsome he looked in his uniform. It almost took her breath away. Suddenly she was worried that she had been staring and she shook her head.

"Hey!" she said, "you look handsome."

Nathan smiled, but he could barely register what she was saying. She was dressed in a light purple dress that hugged her every curve. The halter top of the dress tied behind her neck and the hem line stopped just under her knees. The shoes she wore on her feet made her legs look amazing and he had to stop and wonder if he might be drooling all over himself.

"Thanks," he replied softly, "you look…" he stopped to think of the right words before making eye contact with her finally. "You look so beautiful."

She felt the blush spread across her face and she looked down at the ground hoping that it might go unnoticed. Suddenly she felt him lightly take her chin in his hand and tilt her head back up to face him. His eyes were a shade darker and she watched as he subconsciously licked his lips. "Really, Haley, you look amazing."

"Thanks," she choked out, finally. She felt like her body was on fire just from his gaze and part of her felt herself wanting to kiss him, just once more to remember what it felt like.

But then Jonnie popped into her mind and she suddenly felt like the worst person in the world. She shook her head and said, "let me grab my purse real fast and we can go."

She walked over to her bed and grabbed her clutch and shook her head once more. She needed to clear her mind and remember her boyfriend. Her boyfriend who she loved. He would be so hurt if he knew the feelings she was trying to ignore when it came to her best friend.

He smiled at her when she came back to the door and he offered her his arm. "Ready?" he asked and she nodded before closing the door.

* * *

The dinner was on a river boat. It looked like it had been freshly painted and the inside had been decorated nicely for the dinner. The dining hall was full of soldiers and their family members. Haley watched as Nathan talked to a few and even introduced some of them to her. She liked seeing him with these people, she liked getting to see this side of him. It was different than the Nathan she saw, and she wanted to see every side to him that she could.

"Scott," they heard from behind them and they turned around to see a tall man with dark hair standing in front of them. He was few inches taller than Nathan and Haley felt like if she took off her high heels, this man would tower over her. "Glad you could make it."

"Thank you, Sir."

The man looked at Haley and she smiled before sticking her hand out to him. "I'm Haley."

He smiled and looked back at Nathan before shaking her hand. "I've heard quite a bit about you. It's great to finally put a face to the name."

"Hales," Nathan said, "this is my Captain, Owen Morello."

"Great to meet you!" she said, "I've heard a lot about you, too."

Nathan smiled as he watched her talk to his captain. He loved the way Haley could instantly win over anyone she talked to. He'd practically watched all the men in the room fall in love with her as she engaged in a conversation with them. She had that effect on a lot of people and it seemed like Owen was no different.

"If you'll excuse me," Owen said, "I left my wife alone at the table and she'll kill me if I don't get back soon." He smiled at Haley again and patted Nathan on the back before walking off towards his wife.

"He seems great," Haley said while turning her attention back to Nathan.

"He is. He keeps us all in line."

Nathan looked around the room and saw Clay and Tony standing outside on the deck and he took Haley's hand in his. "Come on, I have a few more people I want you to meet."

She let him lead her outside and towards two more men. They smiled when they saw him and embraced him like he was an old friend. She couldn't help the smile that spread on her face while she watched them. She was happy to see that these men treated him like he was family. It was what he needed.

"Big time!" one of them said, "I was wondering if you were gonna show up." He looked at Haley and smiled, "so this is your woman."

Nathan shook his head. "Tony, Clay, this is Haley. Haley this is Tony and Clay. I met Tony during training and I met Clay in Iraq. They're both from North Carolina."

"Nice to meet you both," she said while shaking their hands.

"I'm glad you're here," Clay said, "you'll get a chance to meet Sarah and Logan."

Clay motioned towards where a beautiful blonde was helping a small boy tie his shoe. She looked up at him and smiled before picking the boy up in his arms and walking over towards where they were all standing. "Nate, this is my wife Sarah and my son Logan."

Nathan watched as Clay wrapped his arm around his wife's waist before smiling at his young son, who couldn't have been more than four years old. He looked like he was already tired and about to fall asleep in his mom's arms. "Sarah, this is Nathan and Haley, and you already know Tony."

"Of course. It's so nice to meet you guys. I'd shake your hand, but my hands are kind of full," she said motioning to the young boy in her arms.

They talked with them for a few minutes before Nathan and Haley walked farther along the deck until they reached the back of the boat. They watched as they moved along the Catawba River and the sun sank more in the sky. "It's so pretty," Haley said, captivated by the sight.

Nathan stared at her and said, "it's beautiful."

Haley turned towards him and smiled shyly, "I'm really glad you asked me to come with you. It's nice to get to spend some time, ya know just us two. And I really like getting to see this part of your world."

"I'm glad you get to see it."

She smiled again before placing her hand on top of his that rested on the railing. He looked down at their hands and he couldn't stop the voice in his head that said they looked so perfect. It didn't matter that she had a boyfriend, he knew how he felt about her and there was no way that anyone could love her more than he did.

Suddenly he thought back to a moment on the trip. He'd been sitting on the beach trying to get away from Haley and Jonnie when he felt the presence of someone come up next to him.

"_What are you doing out here by yourself?" _

_Nathan looked up and saw Peyton standing next to him. She bent her knees and took a seat next to him in the sand and looked out at the water._

"_I don't know," he replied, "trying to clear my head or something."_

_She nodded and then turned to look at him. "So when are you gonna tell her that you're in love with her?"_

"_God," Nathan said with a shake of his head, "does everyone know that?"_

_She laughed and shrugged. "It's not like you do that well of hiding it. I see the way you look at her and I've known you a long time and I've never seen you look at anyone that way."_

"_Yeah, well she's with Jonnie."_

"_So what?" Peyton asked, "as far as I'm concerned, he's got nothing on you. He's a really great guy, but Nathan you and Haley have been trying to deny this thing you've had going for years. And maybe it's finally time that you guys just admitted it."_

_Nathan sat there soaking in what she was saying to him and he couldn't help but think maybe she was right. He'd been trying so hard to deny how he felt about her and all it was doing was killing him. He needed to at least tell her how he felt. Maybe that way he could finally move on from her._

"Do you wanna dance with me?" Nathan asked.

Haley turned and looked at him and smiled, "I'd love to."

They walked through glass double doors and towards the dance floor where other couples were dancing. She felt him wrap his arms around her waist and pull her flush against him. Her arms wound around his neck and she smiled up at him as they began to dance. All night she'd been struggling to keep her heart beat slow and this was certainly not helping. But everything about being with him felt so right.

"Can I tell you something?" Nathan asked suddenly.

"Of course," Haley replied, "you know you can tell me anything."

His heart was racing a mile a minute and he couldn't stop the thought in his head that was screaming at him _what are you doing?!_ Was he really going to tell her everything when he knew how it would end? Most likely in rejection and his heart ripped out and stomped on? Why was he doing this again?

"Nathan?" Haley said gaining his attention, "what do you want to tell me?"

He looked into her eyes and smiled a bit, "you know you're my best friend, right?"

"Yeah," she said and her smiled spread across her face, "and you're mine."

"You've been so great to me and I don't deserve it after what an asshole I've been over the years. But that's the way you are. You're forgiving and you see the best in people even when they don't deserve it-"

"Nathan-"

"No… I need to get this out," he said. "I think I've always known how amazing you are. I mean since we were kids, I've always known and it took me so long to realize it. Last summer before I left, I kissed you and I tried to tell myself that it was a mistake. I talked myself out of the way I felt for so many reasons. You're Jake's little sister, I was leaving, it just wasn't right. But I spent all year thinking about you. You were who I had to come home to."

Haley was trying to process what he was saying, they were things that she had wanted to hear him say for so long but now she felt like she was at a loss of words.

"I know you're with Jonnie," Nathan continued, "and I know you really like him and he seems like he's so great for you and I hope that you're happy with him. That's all I want for you Haley, but I need you to know how I feel. I have to tell you if I'm ever going to be able to move on. I'm in love with you, Haley. I have been for a long time. And it scares the shit out of me, but there it is."

She felt like her palms were sweating and her heart was about to explode. "Wow… there it is."

"I don't expect you to say it back, I just needed to tell you-"

He was suddenly cut off by her lips on his in a kiss that would change everything.

**Please review! I'm so so sorry for the long wait on this, I feel so horrible about it. I hope people are still reading this! **

**Also, the song for this chapter is Come Around by Rosi Golan. Please give it a listen.**


	22. I Almost Do

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks for the reviews! You guys make me smile! Hope you enjoy this! I know this isn't the longest chapter, but it's pretty important**

**Chapter 22: I Almost Do**

The words rang repeated over and over in her head and she could barely focus on what he was saying now. The only thing that she could really take in was that he said he was in love with her. Her heart was pounding and she was shaking. He was in love with her.

"I don't expect you to say it back, I just needed to tell you-"

She stepped forward and before she knew it, before she had time to think about it she was kissing him. His lips felt so perfect on hers, she'd forgotten how right this felt. In that moment everything faded away around them. She knew that if she had to describe it, it would sound like a cheesy romance novel or movie, but that's how it was. In that moment it was just them and nothing else mattered.

Her lips parted from his and he rested his forehead against hers. He felt like he was dreaming. This moment couldn't have been real; there was no way that she had kissed him.

"What was that?" he asked, a smile taking over his lips.

"I'm not sure," she replied, her eyes not meeting his. She could feel the blush on her face and part of her was wondering how she had been the one to kiss him. It wasn't like her to initiate something like that.

"Really?" Nathan asked, "because it felt like you kissed me."

"Felt like that to me too."

When she looked up she could see the smile on his face and she couldn't stop herself from smiling back at him. That smile on his face was something that always caused butterflies in her stomach.

"Haley, I-"

"Scott, I was wondering if you were going to show up."

Nathan couldn't stop his eyes from rolling as he turned around to see who was ruining one of the most perfect moments of his life. And he didn't even need to see his face to know it was Damien West. Damien always had a way of ruining things for him and making him miserable. Why should right now have been any different?

"Damien."

"Oh come on," Damien said with a smirk. "I don't get a warmer hello than that?"

"Why would you?"

"You act like we're not friends or something."

Nathan could feel his blood boiling. Just the mere presence of Damien could piss him off and it was especially irritating that he came up and ruined his moment with Haley. And trying to pretend like they were friends? What kind of bull shit was he up to now?

"What do you want?"

"Maybe you can introduce me to your hot date," Damien said while leering at Haley. Nathan turned and looked at her and saw her awkwardly staring at the ground. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable and the fact that Damien was staring at her was making him uncomfortable.

"Little out of your league don't you think?" Nathan asked and then wrapped his arm around Haley.

"I doubt it," Damien said and took a step closer towards Haley. He stuck out his hand towards her, "I'm Damien West."

"Yeah I know who you are," she said looking up and making eye contact with him. She'd heard plenty about him from Nathan and from what she heard, she did not like him.

"Is that right? All good things I'm sure."

"Not quite."

"Why don't you get out of here?" Nathan asked, "before I make you get out of here?"

Damien smirked and lightly punched Nathan in the shoulder. "I'll see you soon Nate."

Nathan watched as Damien walked away from them and he couldn't get his fists to unclench. Damien just always had that effect on him. The time on leave where he hadn't seen him almost felt like heaven. And now seeing him again just served as a reminder of why he hated him so much.

"So that's Damien," Haley said.

Nathan looked at her and nodded. "Yeah, he's great right?"

"Something like that."

Nathan sighed and ran his hand over his head. "I'm sorry Haley. He kind of came up and ruined the moment. I felt like I had so much more to say-"

"You don't have to say anything," Haley said, "it's ok. Let's just… have fun."

Nathan nodded and grabbed her hand before pulling her back to dance with him once more. He really did have more to say, but the moment had been shattered and maybe now she was beginning to regret everything.

* * *

The sand beneath her felt so perfect, and so did his arms around her. The stars were shining perfectly and there was nothing that could have made this night any better.

For Brooke, there was no better feeling than finally giving her heart to Julian. She had never felt more in love or more safe in her entire life. There was something about Julian that had made her comfortable from the second she met him and she felt like such a fool for trying to deny it for so long. It was time that she stopped being afraid and now was that time. Even if it scared the hell out of her, she needed to get over her fears.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Julian asked.

His arms wrapped around her as she sat in his lap. They sat on the beach a few feet away from the shore. The breeze was warm and the sky was clear and there was nowhere else they could have been that would be this perfect. But, then again, anywhere with Brooke would have been perfect.

"Hmm… maybe once or twice. But you can say it again," Brooke said turning her head so she could look at him. She couldn't keep the smile off her face as she watched him laugh.

"I love you Brooke Penelope Davis. I love you so much."

She could listen to him say that all day and never grow tired of it. The words were so perfect coming from his mouth. When Lucas said those words to her, she knew he meant it, and she truly did love him as well. But it wasn't the same as this.

When she was Lucas she felt secure and safe. But eventually the spark with them had faded. She would always love Lucas and she would always care about him, but it just couldn't be the way it was with Julian.

"I love you, too, Julian. And I'm so sorry it took me so long to say it."

"All that matters to me is that you said it."

She smiled again and then stood up suddenly. "What are you doing?" he asked.

She pulled her tank top off over head and dropped it to the ground before beginning to unbutton her shorts.

He laughed a little, "I like where this is going so far."

She smiled and turned around before heading towards the water. He watched her drop the rest of her clothes before getting in the water. She disappeared under the surface and when she came back up she saw him pull his shirt over his head and push his jeans down before making his way towards the water. He walked further out into the surf until he reached her.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and planted a kiss on her lips before dunking them both under water. There was nothing that could beat this moment.

* * *

_She'd only kissed Jake a handful of times, but she was sure it was something she could get used to. It made her heart race and her palms sweat and she was sure that no boy had ever made her feel that way before. She'd never been in a serious relationship, but this was starting to feel pretty serious._

_Jake pulled away from her lips when he needed air and he smiled at her. "Thanks for going out with me tonight."_

_He'd planned the perfect date. Dinner on the boardwalk and then they walked around under the stars. He held her hand and made her laugh all night and he was so sweet and she'd never felt so crushed out on a guy before. Brooke had made fun of her for it, saying how un-Peyton it was, and she was right. But she couldn't help herself when it came to Jake._

_The first time they'd kissed had been after Brooke's birthday party when he'd drove her home. It was so unexpected. Jake had always been one of her friends, but the thought of becoming something more had never crossed her mind. So when she leaned over to give him a hug from the passenger seat and his lips suddenly met hers, she was taken by surprise. But it didn't take her more than a minute to realize that kissing him felt so perfect._

_She couldn't keep the smile off her face the rest of the night, or when she saw him at school the next Monday. He had come up to her and smiled at her, like he did every day. However, instead of asking her how she was or how her weekend had been he simply leaned in closer to her before saying, "I'm gonna ask you out."_

_Another smile came across her face and all she could do was nod and smile. He kissed her on the cheek before whispering in her ear, "by the way… you smell incredible today."_

_Now as she sat on her bed, kissing Jake, she couldn't shake the feeling inside that said she loved this boy, and she always had. _

"_Well, thanks for asking me."_

"_Um," he started, "I should probably go soon or… you might not get me outta here."_

_She smiled and shook her head. The last thing she wanted was for him to leave, but she understood what he meant. Sometimes when she kissed him she felt like she couldn't control herself, but she wanted to go slow with him. _

"_You know I just don't want to rush things," Jake said, breaking her away from her thoughts. "You're important to me Peyton."_

"_I don't wanna rush things either," she agreed. "Slow is hard," she laughed and he nodded his head, "but I think it's worth it."_

"_So do I."_

_He kissed her again and stood up. She watched him shrug his jacket back on before pulling his shoes back onto his feet. It felt so strange to her that her heart was aching at the idea of him leaving her, even for the night. When had she become that girl? When did she become the girl that hated the idea of being alone? It wasn't like her to feel so dependent on a boy. When had she become that girl? The moment Jake kissed her._

Peyton sat in bed looking over at Jenny sleeping in her crib. The memory of her first date with Jake and their first moments together as a couple kept creeping into her mind. She wished she could go back to those moments and relive them. She would give anything to be back in those moments with him.

"What are you thinking about?"

She turned her head to the side and saw him standing next to the window. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was watching her with intense eyes. It was the look he always had when he listened to her talk or when they discussed important things.

"You."

She turned so her legs now hung over the edge of the bed and she faced him. "I'm always thinking about you," she said after another moment of silence. "I was thinking about our first date. And the first time you kissed me."

He laughed walked over to the side of the bed before sitting down next to her. "It took me weeks to work up the courage to kiss you. I was scared you were gonna hit me or something."

Peyton laughed and shook her head. "I would never hit you. It surprised me that's for sure, but it was one of the best moments of my life."

"All my moments with you were the best of my life."

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. They were the best moments. And she knew that it was coming close to the time when they wouldn't have any more moments together. He had never gone out and said it, but she had a feeling, a looming feeling that said their time together was coming to an end. And that was enough to break her heart.

"I'm sorry I was such a bitch earlier."

"You weren't," Jake said while shifting to look at her. "You were just being honest."

"No, I was getting defensive and I shouldn't have. I made it seem like I'm not happy that you're here. Trust me I am. I would give anything to have more minutes with you like this. I just wish-"

"They were real?" Jake asked.

"They are real."

"Peyton… if you like that Ben guy-"

"Jake-"

"No, listen. If you like him, it's ok. I don't want you to feel like you can't move on. I don't want you to feel like I'm holding you back."

"I don't want anyone else," she said, tears now streaming down her cheeks. "I just want you."

"And I wish you could have me. But sooner or later we both have to realize that we can't… we can't be together like that. You know that you have to move on from me."

"No."

"I'm not saying it has to be right this second and I'm not saying that moving on means you forget about me and everything we shared together. I just want you to be happy. I just want you to find someone who can make you happy again."

She wished now, more than ever, that she could fall into his arms and let him hold her. She never wanted to be without him, she never wanted to move on from him and she never wanted him to leave her, not again. All she wanted was him, and she wanted him forever.

A few more minutes of silence passed between them and she looked up at him again. "Can you please just stay with me tonight?"

He nodded and they both moved back toward the head of the bed. She reached over and turned off the lamp before settling back down on the pillow. She looked at him and watched as his eyes stayed glued on hers. "Just sleep," he said, "I'll be here in the morning."

* * *

Walking down the long hallway Haley stared down at her feet. An awkward air had fallen around them and she knew it was because of the kiss. All night she'd been playing it over and over again. While talking to Clay's wife she kept seeing that moment. She kept feeling his lips on hers and it made it hard to concentrate on anything else. She knew that kiss had been long overdue, she could feel that when it happened. But that didn't change the fact that there was a voice screaming at her that it was wrong. She had Jonnie to think about.

Nathan glanced over at her as they neared her hotel room and he could see the far off look on her face. She was over thinking something, he could tell. And he knew it was what had happened between them. He wished that she wasn't regretting it, he wanted everything to be ok, he wanted everything to work out. He wanted her to want him back. That's what he wanted more than anything.

"Look, Haley-"

"Nathan," she said cutting him off, "I'm sorry about earlier, I should have thought before I kissed you."

"I'm glad you didn't."

They reached her door and she stopped to face him again. She stared up at his face and she knew he was waiting for her to say something. She wanted to speak, she wanted so badly to have the words that could fix this situation, but she had no idea what to say. It would be a lie to say that she hadn't wanted that kiss for a while, that she hadn't been thinking about how he kissed her before he left the summer before. But things were different now. Weren't they?

"Haley, I get that this is probably a lot to take in and like I said you don't have to say it back. I just needed you to know that I love you."

"I wanna say it back," she said before letting out a sigh and running her hand through her hair. "But Nathan… I can't. You know that. And I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm with Jonnie and it would hurt him if he ever knew about this."

"You're right," he said even though it was killing him. But part of him knew that they just wouldn't work out. No matter how much he wanted them to, they never would. She deserved so much more than him. "I'll see you in the morning."

She watched him turn away from her and head towards his room down the hall and as she watched him she could feel her heart break. Things weren't supposed to be like this.

* * *

"_She's been in her room for the past three hours."_

_Nathan finally looked away from the video game that had been holding his attention for the past hour and a half. He'd come over to hang out with Jake, but the fact that he'd been worrying about Haley all day was ruining that plan. _

"_What happened?"_

"_She found out Logan's been cheating on her."_

_Nathan couldn't believe that. He was never Haley's biggest fan and things had only gotten weirder between them since that night he kissed her, but she didn't deserve that. And Logan always seemed like a nice guy, apparently he was wrong. No guy that treated a girl like that could be considered a nice guy._

"_How longs that been going on?"_

"_I don't know. She caught him with some girl at his house last night and she broke up with him today."_

"_She's been in her room since then?"_

"_Yep."_

_Nathan looked back at the screen and shook his head. If he were Jake he would be at that guy's house kicking his ass right now. He knew the only reason he wasn't was because Haley hated it when he got in the middle of her business. But still, it wouldn't have mattered to Nathan; he'd be over there in a heartbeat._

_Jake turned and looked towards the stairs when he heard light footsteps making their way down. Both he and Nathan watched as Haley walked into the kitchen. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun and she wore a pair of black shirts and an oversized sweatshirt. Her cheeks were tear stained and the sight made Nathan's stomach drop. He'd never seen her like that._

"_Hey Hales," Jake said quietly when she came back out with a glass of water. "Do you need anything?"_

"_No," she replied with a shrug. "I think I'm just gonna watch a movie or something."_

"_Ok," Jake replied, "just let me know if you need anything."_

_She smiled at her brother and headed back in the direction of the stairs. Soon after they heard her door shut and Nathan turned and looked back towards Jake. "Wow, I've never seen her like that."_

"_Yeah. She really liked him."_

_For a few more hours Nathan stayed and continued to hang out with Jake but when the time came for Jake to get ready for his date with Peyton he left. He grabbed his keys off the table and made his way outside. He couldn't stop himself from looking up towards Haley's window. Her lights were shut off and he assumed she was still lying in her bed watching movies._

_Looking away he continued towards his car and got in. He began his drive towards his house but something told him he had somewhere else to go first. He'd been to Logan's a few times. The guy was on the soccer team and he'd thrown a few parties over the year, but Nathan was surprised that he remembered how to get there._

_When he pulled up in front he saw Logan's car parked in the driveway and he shut his car off before getting out and making his way towards the front door. He took the steps two at a time until he stood in front of the door. He rang the doorbell and waited a minute until Logan answered the door. He was dressed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and his hair was disheveled. _

"_Nathan?" he asked, "what are you doing here?"_

"_Can I talk to you out here for a minute?"_

_Logan nodded and walked out onto the porch and then followed Nathan out into the yard. "What's up?" Logan asked, "I'm kind of having a bad day so if you could make this quick."_

_Nathan turned around and without a second thought he swung his fist in the direction of Logan's jaw. He watched him stumble backwards and fall to the ground. He could tell by the look on his face that he didn't know what he'd ever done to Nathan Scott to warrant a punch to the face._

"_What the fuck?" Logan asked angrily and stood back up._

"_That's for what you did to Haley."_

_Without another word, Nathan walked back to his car and got in and drove away. He wasn't sure what made him drive to his house and he didn't know why he needed to punch him in the face, but he knew he needed to. He needed him to know that he could never hurt Haley again and if he ever tried he would have to answer to him. _

Haley laid in her bed staring up at the ceiling, thinking of Nathan. He was just down the hall and she wanted to talk to him so bad, but she couldn't think of the right words to say. She turned her head towards the clock and saw that it was almost two in the morning, but she knew he was still awake. Something told her that he was still up, thinking about her, too.

She sat up in bed and walked towards the window and pulled the curtains open. The Charlotte lights were shining bright against the dark sky and she wondered if Nathan was up staring at the same view. She shook her head and grabbed her sweatshirt before throwing it on over her t-shirt and walking towards her door. It was dumb for her to have to stay in her room wondering about all the things he could have been doing. He was her best friend and she shouldn't have to avoid him.

She heard the door close behind her and she made her way down the hall before eventually stopping in front of his room. Her heart was racing and her hands were shaking, but she needed to see him. The voice in her head had been screaming at her for hours that she needed to talk to him. Finally, bringing her hand up, she knocked on his door.

After a few seconds the door swung open and Nathan was standing in front of her with the same smile he always wore just for her. "Hey."

"Hi," she said, "I know it's late and I don't know if you were sleeping-"

"I wasn't."

"Oh. Good. I just really needed to talk to you. I can't stop thinking about you."

Nathan moved out of the way of the door and she walked farther inside. "I can't ever stop thinking about you," he said and then shut the door.

Haley moved towards his bed and sat down on the edge of it.

"I can't either. And do you know how scary that is? I think about you all the time. You're the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about before I fall asleep. But you shouldn't be… I mean I have a boyfriend."

"And he's a nice guy Hales, but I can't say that I'm sorry for how I feel or that you feel that way about me. I won't ever be sorry for that."

Nathan walked the stretch of the room until he reached the other side of the bed. She could feel the weight shift as he sat down behind her. "What am I supposed to do?"

Nathan sighed and rested his head in the palms of his hands. "I'm not exactly the most impartial person to ask here, Hales. I'm gonna tell you to do what I want, but I don't know if it's what's best."

"You love me?" she asked, quietly.

"More than I've ever loved anyone."

She laid back against the mattress and stared up at the ceiling letting all the thoughts from the night cloud her mind. Soon she watched him lay down beside her and she couldn't help but go from staring at the ceiling to staring at him.

His eyes were so intense as they watched her. It felt like he knew everything about her and he could know every secret she'd ever kept just by looking into her eyes. She took the time to memorize his face like it would be the last time she ever got to look at him. She memorized everything from the dark blue of his eyes to the sharp line of his nose; the freckle under his right eye and the curve of his lips. She learned it all and she knew his image would forever be burned into her memory.

"Can you just hold me?" she asked suddenly.

Nathan's heart raced at her request and he nodded his head. They both sat up and moved towards the head of the bed and laid down so they were now next to each other. He watched her lean over and turn off the lamp on the table beside the bed and soon it was just them and the darkness. He could feel herself shift under the blankets until she was close enough to touch.

His arm wrapped around her waist and he pulled her closer to him, even though it never felt close enough. He could feel her body relax against his and he hoped she could feel how perfect they were. She must have felt it. Wasn't it obvious?

They were silent for a few minutes until she spoke again. "You know what the scariest part of all of this is?" she asked.

"What is it?"

"That I love you, too."


	23. Go Your Own Way

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks so much for the reviews! Enjoy this next chapter!**

**Chapter 23: Go Your Own Way**

Driving into Tree Hill it felt like they brought the storm with them. The dark ominous clouds seemed to trail the back of the car the entire ride back from Charlotte. Haley stared at them through the rearview mirror and part of her felt like they were just a sign of everything they were bringing back to town with them. All the revelations from the weekend were following them home.

Waking up in Nathan's arms was the best feeling she'd had in a long time. She felt safe in his arms and she wanted to stay there forever, but she couldn't. She had to get back to reality. She moved out from the grasp of his arms and hurried out the door before he could wake up. Letting him sleep seemed like the best thing she could have done in that moment. They didn't need to wake up and rehash the confusion from the night before.

She changed her clothes and packed up her bag and met him out by the car. They didn't say many words before getting in the car and starting the drive back to Tree Hill. There weren't any words that could be spoken between them that would be right. They could make small talk, they could talk about the storm that was coming, they could talk about the rest of the summer, but all of it would just be to avoid talking about what they needed to talk about the most.

In his mind he'd played these moments a thousand times. He saw how things would change when he told her how he felt about her. It could only go in two directions; she would either tell him that she didn't love him and then she would want nothing to do with him, or she would feel the same. And it turned out that she felt the same.

But this wasn't what he pictured in his mind.

When she told him she loved him back, he never had to worry about another guy. He never had to worry about her having feelings for someone else also. There was nothing looming over them that continued to threaten to tear them apart. But that was just his fantasy, and now he had to deal with reality. It was there, right in front of him and there was no ignoring it.

Driving through Tree Hill they watched as the wind whipped through town. It was powerful enough to blow leaves off trees and to shake the car when they stopped at stop lights. This storm was going to powerful.

Haley looked out the window again up at the sky that was almost black and she watched lightning streak across the sky and she could feel goose bumps cover her skin just at the sight. There was something inside her that told her this storm was bringing so much more than rain.

Soon her house came into view and she felt the car stop when Nathan pulled into the driveway. The rain began to sprinkle down on the hood and windshield of his car. "Thanks for the ride," she said suddenly cutting their silence.

Nathan turned and looked at her with a small smile. "Of course."

She could feel her heart break when she realized that might have been the most they talked, the entire way back. But she was sure it was just as hard for him to think of what to say to her, as it was for her to know what to say to him. He was in the same position as her; if not a worse one.

"You should probably get inside before the rain starts to come down," Nathan said looking away from her and back out at the rain that was falling.

"Right," she said with a nod of her head before reaching into the back where her bag was. She pulled it up into her lap and looked over at Nathan again. It seemed like he refused to look at her. She opened her mouth again to say something to him but she couldn't think of the right words, yet again. Shaking her head she reached for the door handle and opened the door before stepping out into the light rain. "I guess I'll see you later?"

"I'll see you soon, Hales."

She smiled at him once more before shutting the door. A few seconds later she watched him drive away and it felt like he was leaving her all over again.

* * *

Brooke sat down on the couch, dressed in a pair of shorts and one of Julian's button up shirts. Her hair was pulled back in a short pony tail and her face was free of makeup. Julian sat beside her in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. After coming home from the beach the night before they had made dinner in the kitchen and then stayed up all night talking. Today, Brooke said they would dedicate the day to Julian showing her all of his favorite movies.

Julian threw his arm around her and pulled her closer to her and she rested her head against his chest. She could feel the steady beat of his heart and she felt like hers was racing ten times as fast. That was just the effect he had on her even if they were just sitting together watching movies.

They were half way through another movie and she glanced up at Julian as he laughed and popped another handful of popcorn in his mouth as his eyes stayed trained on the screen. The sight alone was enough to make her smile. She loved watching him like this.

There was something so amazing about the happiness Julian felt when simply watching movies. She could see it in his eyes while he sat there and when he talked about movies, she could tell by the sound of his voice how much he loved it. He had so much passion for it and she wanted so badly for him to get out there and make the movies he wanted. He'd told her his ideas for movies and she knew that everyone would love them if he made them. All she wanted was for him to do it. Do something that would make him happy; it would make her even happier.

He looked down at her and caught her staring at him. "What?" he asked.

"Just watching you. You really love these movies don't you?"

Julian smiled and nodded his head. "I always have. I remember when I was a kid I used to go to the movie theater a few blocks from my house and I would go watch movies all day long. And I fell in love with them. The characters were my friends, as lame as that sounds. I mean, I didn't have many friends when I was growing up, so I kind of invested myself in the movies and the characters."

"When are you going to make your movie? I think it'll be great."

"Not many people are willing to invest in an unknown director with their own story line. If I could get my dad to help me, that would be great. I just don't know when that'll happen."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Yeah. But my dad is a busy guy, ya know? He owns his own company and he has so much to do, he doesn't really have the time for me and my projects."

"You're his son."

"Yeah," Julian said with a nod of his head, "but my relationship with my dad is kind of… I don't know we haven't always had the best relationship. I grew up with my mom so it's not like he spent that much time with me when I was growing up."

"I know that feeling," Brooke said, suddenly thinking of her own parents.

"I'm sorry that you do," Julian said while shaking his head. No one as amazing as Brooke should have ever known how it feels to be ignored or thought of second. She should have been her parent's top priority. They should have seen how amazing their daughter was and they should have been proud of her all the time, and from what she told them about them, that wasn't the case.

"It's ok," Brooke said with a shrug of her shoulders, "I think I've kind of made my peace with it a while ago. I love my parents but… I've come to understand that they're selfish, but it's just the way they are."

"They're still in New York?"

"My mom is. Dad's in California. They hate each other so the solution is that they need to be on opposite ends of the country. Whatever keeps them from killing each other I guess."

"Maybe you're better off without their help in your life."

"I know I am," she said, "I've learned to take care of my own problems and how to stand up on my own two feet. You've helped me learn how to do that."

"Well I'm glad I can have a hand in Brooke Davis's success."

She sat up and placed a kiss on his lips again and smiled at him. "I love you so much Julian. Now let's finish this movie and then I'm making you watch something I like."

* * *

Nathan walked through the front door of his house and was met with silence. He assumed his mom was still at the café, but where was his dad? And he knew Lucas wasn't here, his car wasn't out front. He walked farther in the house and into the kitchen and he saw a note from his dad sitting on the table.

_At the café with your mom. Luke had to go meet up with someone. Your mom left you dinner in the fridge. _

_Love you son._

Nathan set the note back down before walking into the living room. He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV before flipping it to ESPN. They were already talking about the upcoming college football and basketball season. He watched to see when Duke might appear on the screen and when they did, it didn't take long for them to begin to talk about basketball. It almost hurt to watch, but he had to remind himself that he was the only one who could have made the choice he did. He knew what would happen when he chose to enlist.

There was a loud crack of thunder and Nathan turned and stared out the window. The dark sky had opened up since he left the car and now the rain was pouring down. It was almost hard to see out the window through the streaks of water coming down the glass. He sat down on the brown leather couch and let his body sink back into the cushions before focusing his attention back on the TV and not the storm that raged outside.

The truth was he needed to think of anything but Haley. He knew that he'd been an asshole to her in the car. He didn't really want to talk to her, he was afraid if he did he might say something mean or he might let himself become too vulnerable. He couldn't do that again. He'd been vulnerable enough the night before when he told her he loved her. He wasn't going to do it again. It was up to her to decide where things would go with them.

But he still couldn't deny the fact that he was confused and hurt. She had told him that she loved him, too. She was in love with him and he was in love with her so why couldn't they be together? All because of Jonnie. And the worst part about Jonnie was that he was a great guy. He saw the way he treated Haley and he knew that if he couldn't have her, Jonnie was the perfect guy for her. He couldn't hate him because he treated her the way she deserved. But he did hate him because he had her.

Nathan sat there thinking about how selfish he sounded, even in his own mind. He couldn't even rationalize to himself that what he was saying made sense. He didn't deserve Haley. Not when he was just going to be leaving her again in just a week. Their time together was almost over again anyway. He couldn't ask her to give up her life for him, to wait for him for another year or however long he would be gone this time. It wasn't fair.

He stood up and walked back into the kitchen and opened the fridge and saw the plate of food with the plastic wrapping covering it. There was a sticky note sitting on top of it with his name written on top of it in his mother's hand writing. He pulled it out of the fridge and pulled off the plastic before putting the plate in the microwave. He could hear more thunder from outside as he prepared his dinner. This storm was getting big.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen a storm this big. He had been in the desert for the past year and it hadn't rained one drop since he'd been home this summer. Most people probably hated the rain. It was gloomy and depressing and everyone wanted a calm night, but not Nathan. There was always something about the rain that he loved. That was when he felt the most calm.

The microwave beeped signally his dinner was ready and he went to grab it. When he opened the small door he heard another crack of thunder followed by the sound of the doorbell. Grabbing his plate he quickly moved it to the counter feeling the heat from the plate stinging his fingertips. Heading out the kitchen he looked out the window seeing the rain hadn't let up and he couldn't imagine who would be at the door now.

Grabbing the handle he pulled the door open and saw Haley standing on the front porch.

"Haley?" he asked and quickly moved out of the way for her to come inside, "get in here. What are you doing here? It's crazy out."

Haley walked inside the door way and shrugged off her rain soaked jacket revealing the dark green sweater she wore under it. Her hair was soaked and the cuffs of her jeans were drenched from walking in the rain. She toed off her boots and socks and ran a hand through her wet hair before finally looking at Nathan.

"Hey," she said, "sorry to just show up. I just really needed to talk to you."

"Ok," he said, "you do know you could have called. I mean it's really coming down out there."

"Trust me, I know."

Nathan nodded and then said, "let me grab you a towel."

He began to make his way towards the stairs and took them two at a time to get up to the linen closet. Haley could hear him opening and shutting the door and a minute later he returned with a white towel. She took it from him and thanked him before beginning to run the towel over her hair. She could already feel most of the rain coming out her locks and going into the fabric.

"So," Nathan began again while walking in the direction of the kitchen. "Why did you come here?"

Haley followed after him and walked into the kitchen. She watched him grab a fork before sitting at the counter and start eating his dinner. She hopped up on the counter on the other side of the kitchen and ran a hand through her hair again.

"Uh," she began, "I guess I just feel weird about us."

Nathan swallowed his bite of food and then looked up at her. He knew that things were weird; it didn't take a genius to figure that out. He had told his best friend that he was in love with her and she had told him she loved him back. Then she had ditched him in his hotel room the next morning. How could they go about pretending things hadn't changed between them? There was no way.

The air around them was filled with a tension that she had never felt between them. Even in the times that she could have sworn she hated Nathan Scott, she had never felt this way. Like it was uncomfortable to be around him and that she had to hide the way she felt. Never had she ever felt that way around him. Strangely, Nathan had been the one person that she could always be herself around. But something felt different now.

"Weird how?" Nathan asked, "I told you, you didn't have to say it back."

"I know. But I do feel the same way it's just-"

"Stop," Nathan said with a shake of his head. "We don't need to re-hash it. I told you how I feel and I understand that you can't feel the same way. We don't have to drag it out anymore."

"You can't just act like it never happened, Nathan."

She dropped her hands to the counter beside her and shook her head. Nathan was so stubborn and when he didn't want to talk about something he made it very clear. But she knew that they couldn't just pretend like this was nothing. This was absolutely something and they needed to talk about it.

"What do you want me to say Haley?" Nathan said and dropped the fork in his hand to the ceramic plate. He could feel his frustration rising; he did not want to talk about this. He knew where this would go and it was leading nowhere. She couldn't be with him and he was leaving soon and he was back in the same place he was when he left her last year.

"I don't know," she said and sighed, "I just want to feel like you're still my best friend. I want to feel like I can still tell you anything and like I don't have to feel weird around you."

"You can always tell me anything. That's never going to change."

"But it already has!" she jumped off the counter and made her way closer to him. "Can't you see that I'm dying to tell you things that I just can't? I would love to say so much to you right now but I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because!"

She placed her hands on her face and let out another frustrated sigh. This wasn't how she was hoping things would go when she came over. It didn't look like they were going to be sorting things out tonight.

"Look Nathan-"

She started talking with the hopes of getting out what she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him everything and try and get him to see her point of view. She had the words ready in her head and she was about to speak but when she began, the lights went out and soon it was just them and the darkness.

* * *

"That's not good," Jake said and his eyes wandered around the dark room that he sat in with Peyton.

"I'll look for some candles or something."

Peyton stood up from the bed and walked out to the closet in the hallway. "There should be some on the second shelf," Jake shouted to her as she opened the door.

She looked around for a few seconds before spotting a few candles and matches. She grabbed them in her hands and walked back into Jake's room. She stopped when she saw him standing over Jenny's crib. She watched him reach inside and run his hand over her cheek, but she knew that neither he nor her could feel it. But even still she wanted to watch the two of them together forever. This was the most perfect picture she could have ever imagined.

"Find them?" Jake asked over his shoulder breaking Peyton out of her thoughts.

"Yeah," she said before striking one of the matches and lighting the candle. She set it down on the bedside table and then made her way over to the desk on the other side of the room. She lit the candle before going to stand next to Jake. When she reached his side she looked down at her daughter sleeping in the crib in front of her.

"She's so perfect," Jake said, "we did a good job."

Peyton laughed and nodded. "I think so. She's gonna be a heartbreaker someday."

"She's never allowed to date anyone. I'm serious."

Peyton looked up at Jake and she could tell by the look on his face that he was deep in thought about something. But what?

"What's going on?" she asked, "you look like you got something to say."

"No I'm just thinking about how hard it's gonna be to leave her. To leave both of you."

Peyton could feel her heart break at this words and she could feel the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes and she tried to hold them back. She knew that time was coming. She could feel it somewhere inside her for the past few days. There was something in the back of her head that kept telling her that he was going to leave her soon.

"I don't want you to leave," she said while looking down at Jenny. She couldn't even look at him, she knew she would break down right then and there.

This wasn't normal. Jake had been dead for over a year but she was still seeing him. She had seen him almost every day since last summer. She must be going crazy. However, even with that thought in her head, she didn't care. She would go crazy if it meant she got to see him again. If she could spend just a few more minutes with him she would do anything. She would suffer any consequences to spend just a little more time with him.

"You know I don't want that either," Jake said. He turned from his spot and faced her. She was and always would be the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He had been in love with her from the second he first kissed her and she was one of the few people who knew everything about him. All his secrets and all his fears. She was the most important person in his life and thinking about leaving her felt like dying all over again.

"We need to talk about something," Jake said a moment later and she turned her attention towards him. "I don't want you to feel like you can't move on without me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I heard you on the phone with that Ben guy. It sounded like you like him."

"Stop."

"Peyton listen, please? I'm not gonna be here much longer. I can feel it. I've been feeling it for a few days now. It kinda feels like I'm fading away. I know that we're not gonna be able to talk like this for much longer. It doesn't mean that I won't always be with you, just-"

"Please stop," Peyton said, tears now falling from her eyes, "I can't talk about this."

"We need to," Jake said with conviction strong in his voice. "We don't have a choice. I know it's scary and trust me I know how much this sucks. I don't want to leave you. I want to be with you forever. I want to be with Jenny and I want her to know me, but I know that's not gonna happen. But I want you to be happy. I don't want the idea of me to keep you from finding someone who makes you really happy. I want you to be so happy. I want you to find a guy who's gonna treat you right and who's gonna be a good dad for Jenny."

Peyton shook her head and wiped the tears away from her eyes. "No."

"It has to happen. I don't want you to be sad, baby. I want you to do great things and have an amazing life and be an amazing mom to our daughter. Teach her to be just like you. Teach her to be strong and stick up for herself, teach her to be kind. I know you can do that."

"Jake I don't want you to leave. I can't do this without you."

Jake took a few more steps towards her and kneeled down in front of her. He could see the tears that continued to streak her face and he could see her body shake with the sobs she was emitting. He was sure she wouldn't be able to feel it but he couldn't stop himself from reaching out to place his hand on her knee. When he did he watched her quickly look up at him and he knew, for the first time, she could actually feel him.

She stood up quickly and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his body. He wasn't sure if it was because he would never have the chance again, or if it was the combined feeling of both of them needing to feel each other, but they could finally feel one another in their arms. He wanted to hold her forever and make all her sadness and all her hurt go away.

"Hell of a time for us to be able to do this," Peyton joked.

Jake loosened his grip on her just enough for her to be able to look into his eyes. The lights from the candle casted a few shadows on her face but they allowed him to see her eyes. There were still tears but he could tell she was a little less sad.

He brought his hand up to cup her cheek and he let his thumb brush across her cheek bone. Slowly he leaned in closer to her and placed his lips on hers and it felt great to kiss her for the first time in over a year.

When he pulled away Peyton rested her head against his chest. "I'm gonna miss you," she said quietly.

"I'll always be here."

* * *

Nathan finished lighting the candles in the kitchen and dropped the match in the sink before turning his attention to Haley. She was back to sitting on the counter and she was fiddling with her thumbs. He could tell that there was something she wanted to say but she was holding back. He continued to watch her in silence as she tied her damp hair into a messy bun on the top of her head.

He cleared his throat and began to break the silence. "Are you hungry or anything?"

"Um, yeah I guess," she replied.

Nathan began to open the cabinets. "We have a lot of cereal and maybe some leftovers in the fridge. I would call my mom to bring you something but I have a feeling my parents aren't leaving the café anytime soon."

"Cereals good," Haley replied with a smile.

"Ok," he said, "looks like we have Captain Crunch-"

"Sounds good."

"You didn't even let me tell you the other options."

"Well I love Captain Crunch."

Nathan smiled and pulled out the box of cereal before reaching for a bowl. He poured a generous amount into the bowl before going to the fridge to grab a bottle of milk. After pouring the milk on top he handed the cereal to Haley along with a spoon.

They sat in silence for a couple minutes while she ate. Nathan knew that they could pretend like everything was ok, but they needed to talk. Even if he didn't want to, they needed to talk about everything.

"So," he said, "I think we should probably talk about things. What were you gonna say before the lights went out?"

Haley placed the spoon back in the bowl and set it down on the counter next to her. She shrugged her shoulders and took a deep breath.

"This is just so hard for me. There's no solution to this that doesn't make me feel like I'm a terrible person."

"You don't need to feel like a terrible person."

"Yes I do! If I say that I don't feel the same way as you, I hurt you. If I tell you that I love you too, I hurt Jonnie. I-"

"You don't have to tell me you love me. I wasn't looking for you to say it back I just needed to tell you how I felt."

"But don't you get it? I've been in love with you for over a year. I thought that when you left you didn't want to be with me. I thought that I would get over you and when I met Jonnie I thought I did get over you. But every time I heard your voice all of my feelings came back and when I saw you… I knew that I was still in love with you."

"So then what do we do?"

"I don't know."

Nathan shook his head and let out an angry sigh.

"You know what," he said, "I'm tired of holding back the way I feel about you. I don't care if it makes me selfish or if it makes me an asshole. I'm in love with you Haley and I want you. I've been in love with you for a long time and I was just too scared to admit. I know that I should just stand back and let you be with Jonnie but… I can't."

"Nathan-"

"What do you want?" Nathan asked and moved closer to her, "when you really think about it, what do you want? Do you want to be with me or Jonnie?"

"Nathan it's not that easy."

"It's really easy. Do you want to be with me or do you want to be with him?"

Haley reached up and pulled her hair out of her bun before running her fingers through her hair. "Nathan stop. I don't know what to do. This isn't easy for me."

"I know that. And it's not like this was easy for me either. I've been trying to tell you how I felt for so long but I didn't want to mess up things for you and Jonnie. But you have to know that I'm so in love with you."

"Nathan," she said with a shake of the head, "I can't-"

"You know what," Nathan said, "this was a bad idea."

Haley watched him walk out of the kitchen and she jumped down from the counter and followed after him. "What are you doing?"

"I need to get some air."

Nathan pulled open the front door and walked out into the rain and Haley grabbed her boots and pulled them on quickly before following him into the rain. "Nathan! What are you doing it's crazy out here!"

He could hardly hear her over the rain but he turned around and faced her. She was already drenched by the rain and he could see the desperation on her face. He knew it wasn't fair to put her in this position, but he just couldn't pretend like everything was ok anymore. "Haley I can't talk to you about this. I can't pretend that I don't love you."

"I don't want you to. I just-"

"Just what?"

"Nathan…"

"Do you love me?" he took a few steps towards her and grabbed her hands in his. "Do you love me or not Haley?"

Haley stared up at him and watched as the rain continued to pour down on him. She could tell that he was waiting for her to answer him and she knew what the answer was.

"Yes. I love you Nathan. I'm in love with you."

Nathan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body to his before crushing his lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and she felt him pick her up off the ground before walking her over to his car. He placed her on the hood as he continued to kiss her but he pulled away when they needed air.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too," she replied. She let out a laugh and rested her head back against the hood of the car. "This is crazy."

Nathan stood up and took her hand before leading her back towards the door. When the door shut Haley grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back to him. He cupped her face in his palms and kissed her again before picking her up in his arms and heading towards the stairs.

She felt so consumed with him and her heart was racing and it was the best feeling in the world. She'd never felt so loved and in love like she did with him and it felt like she could finally give into something that she'd been denying for far too long.

* * *

Peyton's eyes opened slowly and she took a few seconds to adjust to the light streaming in through the window. The rain had stopped sometime early this morning and now the sun was shining through the clouds. She sat up in bed and looked over towards Jenny's crib and saw Jake standing next to it again.

"Should know by now I can find you there," she said and stretched her arms above her head.

"I can't stop looking at her," he said with a smile on his face.

"I think she knows you're there," Peyton said. "She's always extra happy when you're around."

Jake smiled at his daughter again before turning to Peyton. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she replied, "but that sounded like a goodbye, I love you not a I love you, I love you."

"It's time for me to go, Peyton."

Suddenly her heart felt heavy and tears rushed back again. She knew that when the morning came he would leave her, but she still didn't know how to handle it.

"Do you have to?" she asked.

"I wish I didn't. But I gotta let you be strong on your own. I gotta let you be the amazing woman I know you are."

"I can be all that with you here."

"I wish you could. You're gonna be so great and you're gonna do such great things and it's time that I move out of the way and let you do them."

He looked at Jenny again, "I love you Baby. You're so beautiful and you're so perfect. And your daddy loves you so much and I'm sorry that I won't be able see you grow. I'm sorry that I won't be able to be there when you graduate or watch you walk down the aisle. But even though it feels I'm not there, I promise I am."

Peyton wiped away more tears as she listened to him say his goodbyes to their daughter. Losing him once was hard enough and now she had to do it all over again.

Jake stood up straight and looked at Peyton. "It's time for me to go," he said again.

Peyton shook her head, "no."

"It'll be ok. You're strong and you can make it through anything. And I'll always be here even when you can't see me."

He took a few steps towards her and wrapped his arms around her again and held her tight. He kissed the top of her head and said, "I love you and I always have and I always will."

She sobbed again and held him close. "I love you Jake."

He released her and smiled at her once more before turning towards her bedroom door. She wanted to beg him to stay, she could feel the words at the back of her throat but she knew no matter what she said, he had to leave her. She watched him walk through the door and a few seconds later she followed after him, but by the time she got to the door he was gone. She could feel it, he'd left her and now it was time for her to be strong all on her own.

**Please review! I'd love to know what you guys think. This last scene was really hard to write because I really didn't want Jake to leave either.**

**But in happy news, yay Naley! I definitely got inspiration from The Notebook for their scene. Listen to Go Your Own Way by Lissie for this chapter.**

**Merry Christmas everyone!**


	24. Hearts a Mess

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**I need an escape for a while.. I hope that this can be your escape too.**

**Chapter 24: Hearts a Mess**

Sweat dripped from his forehead and he could feel a familiar ache in his muscles. The worn leather felt so natural against his skin and sometimes he wondered how he was ever able to give up this game. Dribbling the ball against the old cement felt like home. Turning his head up towards the chain net he brought the ball up past his nose and shot it effortlessly. In his mind he could hear the roar of a crowd as the ball flew through the net.

What would his life have been like if he had chosen Duke? That question passed through his mind so many times; mostly at night. Nathan would lay awake in the stuffy tents listening to the hushed whispers or snores from the men around him. The severe cold or stifling heat made it hard to sleep sometimes. As did his racing thoughts. And the question of what could have been was his most frequent visitor.

What would his life be like if Jake were still there? He thought about Jake every day and he missed him more and more each day. There were so many times that he wished he could have called his best friend, just to get some advice. Just to talk. There were a few times when Nathan forgot that they wouldn't be able to talk anymore and the sudden realization felt like losing Jake all over again.

But then there was Haley. The thought of her brought a feeling of calm that invaded his body. The image of her smile put him to ease and he was glad for the fact that at any moment he could picture her face and everything just seemed to get better. No matter what problems he faced she would help him conquer them; there was never a doubt of that.

He'd woken up with her in his arms and he never wanted to leave his bed. He wished he could hold her forever and he feared for when those moments with her would end. As he held her he replayed her words from the night before in his head. _I love you Nathan. I'm in love with you. _

No matter how many years passed he would never forget the sound of her voice or the way his heart felt like it might beat out of his chest when she said those words. In that moment everything was right in the world. It was as if nothing could possibly go wrong with them. Despite all of the hardships they'd faced, they faced them together and all of those moments led them there. It led them to each other.

Today standing on the Rivercourt, Nathan Scott felt normal. He felt like things were falling into place again. For the first time in so long he felt completely and utterly happy.

"Hey Nate."

Nathan turned his head and saw Mouth walking closer to him from his car that was parked just yards away. Nathan smiled and continued to dribble the ball in front of him as Mouth came closer. When he was just a few feet away Nathan passed the ball to him and watched as he caught it in his hands.

"Mouth McFaden at the Rivercourt. Just like the old days."

Mouth smiled again as he held the ball in his hands. "Just don't ask me to play and we'll be good," he replied.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I just come out here when I need to think or when I need to feel home."

Nathan nodded his head before walking with Mouth over to one of the picnic tables. They sat up on the top, side by side, and continued to stare at the old cement court. Memories of their days and nights in high school spent at the court flooded both their minds. It all seemed worlds away now. It had only been a year, yet so much had changed.

"I do some of my best thinking here, too," Nathan commented, keeping his eyes fixed on the net.

"Anything I can help you with?" Mouth asked, genuinely hoping to help his old friend.

"You know," Nathan said, "for the first time in a while things actually seem ok. More than ok." Nathan trailed off for a minute before turning his head in Mouth's direction. "Have you ever been in love before?"

Mouth shrugged his shoulders, "I don't think so. I think the closest to love I've ever been was my huge crush on Brooke, junior year."

Nathan laughed, "Brooke? Really?"

"Yeah," Mouth replied with a laugh. "Then she told me she loved me like a brother and then started dating Lucas, so… Needless to say it wasn't looking too good for me."

They sat there in silence for a few more seconds before Mouth spoke up again. "You're in love with Haley."

Nathan smiled at the mention of her name and if Mouth hadn't already known he was sure it would have been a dead giveaway. There were many times that Nathan would have denied his feelings for her. Back in high school he would have insisted that she was nothing more than a pain in his ass, but it was just a front he put up to hide the feelings for her he never even knew he had.

"Pretty obvious, huh?"

"It's the way you look at her," Mouth said with a nod.

"I've never been in love with anyone before," Nathan confessed. "I love her more than I've ever loved anyone."

"What about her boyfriend?"

Nathan let out a sigh before running his hands over his face. Thinking of Jonnie was something that he hadn't been doing lately and was something he really didn't want to do. The only person he wanted on his mind was her, but reality had to kick in sometime. He just was hoping that it wouldn't be now.

"I don't know. He's a great guy and that's what makes this whole thing so messed up."

"It's hard to fall for the girl that's taken," Mouth said, dejectedly. "But I've seen you two together. Even when you guys hated each other everyone thought you two would end up together. She may be with him, but my money's on you, Nate."

Nathan smiled, "thanks Mouth."

Mouth stood up, still with the orange, leather ball in his hands. He twirled it a few times before looking back at his friend. "You up for a game of horse?" he asked, "I'll even let you take first shot."

Nathan laughed and took the ball from his hands before standing on the top of the picnic table. He shot the ball towards the hoop and he and Mouth watched it soar through. Nathan smiled before hopping off the table and running to retrieve it.

Mouth shook his head once the ball was back in his hands before going to stand on the top of the table, as Nathan had done. While shooting the ball towards the net he could tell the pass was short and he watched as it barely reached the hoop before rolling off the court to the grass.

"This may have been a bad idea."

* * *

_He lowered her gently to the bed and she felt her head hit the soft material of his pillows. She pulled her lip between her teeth as she watched him pull his own shirt off over his head. He balled it in his hands before tossing it to the ground. He leaned down slightly, resting his hands on either side of her head. She watched as his eyes met hers with an intensity that she'd never seen before and it took her breath away._

_Reaching her hand upwards she grabbed ahold of the chain of his dog tags around his neck and used her grip to pull him towards her. Soon his lips were on hers and she released a sigh at the contact. His weight pressed into her and she wrapped her arm around his neck before letting her fingers run over the nape of his neck. When air became a necessity their lips parted before she sat up so he could make work of pushing her sweater off her body._

_The damp material clung to her skin and he tightened his grip on it before pulling it up her body. Once it was off her arms he threw it behind him, not caring where it landed. The burning desire inside him flamed up once more and he grabbed ahold of the back of her neck and placed a hard kiss to her lips. He felt her lips part in a gasp and he used the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. Her tongue matted with his and his hands drifted down to her hips._

_Haley felt him pull her closer to him and when their bodies met she wrapped her arms tightly around him trying to get as close to him as possible. She could feel his hands come around to the front of her jeans and his fingers played along the top near the button. Seconds later she felt him pop them open before sliding his hands down the back._

_Nathan laid her down on the bed once more before grabbing the sides of her jeans and pulling them down off her legs. After depositing them to the floor he stood up before pushing his own jeans down. Standing in front of his best friend in nothing but his boxers he took the moment to take in the way she looked in front of him._

_Her hair was still damp from the rain and was slightly tangled from his fingers. Her lips were kiss swollen and her skin was flushed. She laid on his bed in nothing but a white bra and matching underwear and a pair of gray socks that had been on under her boots. He could see that she was breathing heavy and he was sure that she must have been nervous._

_He came back to the bed and laid his body down next to hers. She turned on her side so she could face him and watched as he ran his fingers along the skin of her arm and down to her leg. A wake of goose bumps followed his fingers and Nathan smiled at the reaction. He looked back up to her face and saw her nervously chewing on her bottom lip._

"_We don't have to do anything," he whispered._

_Haley looked up at him suddenly, realizing those were the first words that had been spoken since they'd made it into his room. She smiled at him and brought her hand to his cheek before leaning forward and placing a kiss on his lips. The kiss was gentle and tender and only lasted a few seconds before she pulled away. _

"_I want it to be you," she said a second later. As she spoke those words she knew that there had never been a statement more true._

"Haley?"

Haley was broken out of her thoughts suddenly and looked up to see both Peyton and Brooke staring at her. They sat in her kitchen, Jenny secure in Brooke's arms. Haley shook her head realizing that whatever they were talking about, she had no clue. Who knew how long she'd been zoned out of their conversation.

"I'm sorry," Haley said running a hand over her face, "what?"

Peyton laughed a little. "I asked where you were last night. You didn't get in until this morning."

"Oh. Yeah the storm was really bad so I just stayed with Nathan."

Haley felt it was best to keep the details of their night to herself. The whole situation was already complicated enough as it was without dragging Peyton and Brooke into it.

Brooke kinked an eyebrow at her, "you sure do spend an awful lot of time with each other."

"He's my best friend," Haley said defending herself.

"There's so much more to it than that and you know it."

"No. Nathan and I got really close last summer and we just like to spend time together."

"How close did you get?" Peyton asked, "I've seen the way he looks at you and the way you look at him. There's a lot more than friendship going on there."

"There's nothing going on with us."

Brooke leaned in closer towards her and stared at her. There was something off about Haley that morning and Brooke would have been willing to bet money that it had something to do with Nathan. Brooke already knew how Nathan really felt, now it was just up to Haley to be honest about it.

"Did you kiss him?" Brooke asked and Haley shot a look at her.

"You did, didn't you!" Peyton yelled while pointing a finger at her.

"Stop," Haley said, "he's my best friend. That's all."

A few seconds of silence passed between them before Brooke spoke up again. "Look Hales I'm not trying to give you a hard time, I really wanna know… is there something going on between you and Nathan?"

"No!" Haley answered before letting out a frustrated sigh. "Maybe… I don't know. Last night we… but I have a boyfriend. And I love Jonnie and I'm a horrible person. But I…" she trailed off trying to gather the right words, but she knew there were no right words that could make this whole situation right.

"You love Nathan, too?" Peyton put in for her.

Haley looked up at them and they could see the guilt stricken look on her face. "I do love him."

"Haley I know how scary it can be to admit that you love someone," Brooke said, "I mean look at me. But I know that I've never been as happy as I am with Julian. I wish that I hadn't lost some of my time with him because I was afraid of how I felt. All I'm saying is… if you really love Jonnie then you have to let Nathan go. Whatever it is that's going on with you guys has to end if you really want to be with Jonnie."

"I know," Haley replied keeping her eyes downcast.

"But if you really love Nathan," Brooke continued and Haley looked up at her, "don't run from it."

Haley sighed again and shook her head. "That didn't really help me come up with a solution that makes everyone happy."

"Maybe everyone won't be happy at first," Peyton said, "but everything's going to work out Haley. I know it."

Brooke looked at Haley and could tell that she needed time to think. This wasn't going to be an easy decision and the outcome could potentially hurt someone and that wasn't something to take lightly. Maybe right now she didn't need to talk about it, all she needed was time to decide. So Brooke turned her attention towards Peyton.

"But speaking of boys," she said, "what's going on with you and that Ben guy?"

"What are you talking about?" Peyton asked.

"I saw you guys in South Carolina. He clearly likes you P. Sawyer and he's totally hot. You should go for it."

"We've just talked a few times. There's nothing going on with us and even if he did like me it's not like it's really a good time for me."

"Why?" Haley asked, "it's not like any one of us wouldn't watch Jenny if you wanted to go out with him or something."

"It's not that…" Peyton said, "it's just that I'm not over Jake."

"Peyton, no one expects that that you would just stop loving Jake. And just because you like Ben, or anyone for that matter, doesn't mean you don't love Jake," Brooke said reaching her hand out towards her friend.

"Yeah," Haley agreed, "besides, Jake would want you to be happy. You and I both know that he would want you to love again. Sitting around and keeping yourself from having feelings for someone isn't going to bring him back."

"It's just that… you guys are going to think I'm crazy."

"What is it?" Haley asked.

"For awhile… it was like I could see him. He was right here with me. I could hear his voice and I could talk to him. But now I don't see him anymore. I think he's gone for good and what if being with someone new makes me forget him?"

"That's impossible," Haley said, looking into Peyton's eyes. "You could never forget him. Loving someone else won't make you forget him. And I don't think you're crazy for seeing him again. I saw him once, too. Last summer. I would give anything to be able to talk to him again."

"Well gee, Jake," Brooke said looking upwards, "thanks for paying your old pal, Brooke, a visit."

Haley and Peyton both laughed before Haley reached out to grab Peyton's other hand. "Call Ben. I'm sure he would love to hear from you and I promise you he's a great guy."

A few minutes of silence passed between them before Brooke sat up and looked down at Jenny in her arms. "Peyton," she said, "your kid reeks," she said handing her back to her, "and I believe that's your area of expertise."

Haley laughed as she watched Peyton roll her eyes before taking Jenny to go get changed. Brooke stood up and washed her hands in the kitchen sink before looking back at Haley who was still laughing.

"I've missed you, Brooke."

* * *

Standing behind the counter in Karen's Café always made Haley feel like everything was going to be ok. She'd been working this job since she was a sophomore in high school and it made her think of all the times back when everything was normal. Back when Jake was still there and back before things with Nathan had become so complicated.

She would never wish that they could go back to hating each other, but she just wished things were simpler. Back when they weren't friends she could at least trust herself to be around him. But now she felt like any time he was near her there was the chance that she might jump him and kiss him forever. Ever since she'd admitted that she was in love with him, she didn't trust herself.

It would have been one thing back in high school to feel this way about him. Sure, she would have been incredibly confused by this change of feelings, but it wouldn't have felt quite as off limits. Something about falling in love with someone you considered your best friend just seemed more taboo. And falling in love with another man when you're already with someone else… that was even more taboo.

And that was what made this situation all the worse. She truly loved Jonnie. He was amazing and he was so great to her and she didn't deserve him. What was more, he deserved someone so much better than she was. He deserved a girl who would love him whole heartedly and maybe she just wasn't that person.

Admitting that to herself hurt and scared her more than she thought it would. Maybe her feelings for him ran deeper than she thought they did?

She bent over the counter and grabbed her head in her hands before releasing a sigh. This day had been tough on her emotions and she was sure she would only become more confused as the days wore on. Part of her wished she could talk to Nathan about this but that wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to him for her to tell him how she was so conflicted on her feelings for him and someone else. How would that make him feel?

"You ok, Hales?"

Haley looked up and saw Lucas walking through the café doors. Thank God. She felt like she hadn't talk to him in such a long time and that was a terrible feeling. Lucas used to be one of her closest friends and she felt awful that she hadn't reached out to him sooner.

"No," she said when he made it behind the counter. Before she could stop herself she reached out him and hugged him tightly. Suddenly tears were spilling from her eyes and she could feel his hand on her back, trying to soothe her. She was sure that he must have been confused about why she was falling apart in his arms.

"What's going on?" Lucas asked, concern evident in his voice.

Haley took a step back but Lucas kept his hands on her shoulders. She wiped tears away from her face and took a deep breath, trying to stop from crying. She felt so stupid breaking down like this, but she couldn't help herself.

"Have you ever been torn between two different things? Like, two things that could lead you in two totally different directions?"

"Yeah," Lucas replied, "that's how I felt about going to L.A. or choosing to follow Brooke to New York. That was one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make."

"So you knew that both things were great and that you could be happy with either choice?"

"Yeah," Lucas said with a nod of his head. "Going to L.A. was great. I learned a lot and I met a lot of great people. Being away from Brooke sucked, but it was what was best for us. I wish things could have worked out with us, but I know she's happy and I'll be happy again."

"How did you make that choice?"

"I just followed what my heart was telling me. It was saying that I had something to do for myself and I listened. I had to."

The bell above the door dinged and Lucas and Haley looked up and saw Mouth, Skills and Nathan walk into the café. They smiled at them before going towards an open booth and taking a seat. Soon Haley was listening to the sounds of the many people talking in the café once again, trying to get her thoughts together before she had to bring waters over to their table.

Lucas smiled at her and asked if she was ok. She nodded her head before filling white cups with water. She took a deep breath before making her way from around the counter towards their table. She smiled at them and placed their drinks in front of them. "Hey guys," she said with a smile still on her face.

"Hi Haley," Mouth said with a smile. "How've you been? I haven't seen you since before you went to South Carolina."

"Oh no," she said, "has it really been that long? I'm good, though."

"Great," he said before opening the menu in front of him.

"Can I get a Coke, Hales?" Skills asked while eyeing the menu even though he already knew he would order some of Karen's chicken pot pie.

"Of course," she said, "and a pot pie?"

"You know me so well," he said with a smile before handing her the menu. She smiled at him before directing her attention to where Nathan was sitting. He'd yet to look at her or say anything.

"What about you, Nathan?"

Nathan looked up at her and instantly their eyes locked. When he looked into her eyes he found it hard to speak. "Uh," he began, "I'll just have… water and a burger?"

"Ok," she replied before sending a shy smile in his direction. He couldn't help but smile back fully at her. Every time he was around her he couldn't stop the smile she caused.

He watched as she listened to Mouth's order before smiling at them all again. She turned and headed back towards the kitchen where he was sure Lucas and his mom were. He continued to watch for any sign of her, knowing that no matter how many times he saw her it would never be enough.

He couldn't pay attention to whatever it was that Mouth and Skills were taking about. His mind was too foggy with thoughts of Haley. He felt like he needed to speak to her, at least needed to get her alone again. He had to be near her, it was driving him crazy.

* * *

_Feeling her naked body against his, Nathan could hardly keep his breathing under control. She had whispered the words "I want it to be you," and he couldn't stop himself from stripping them both out of their remaining clothes before settling on top of her. He was placing a series of kisses across her neck and down to her chest. Her breathing was rapid and she moaned his name as he placed a kiss back up on her neck._

"_Are you ready?" he asked._

_She could feel him just outside her opening and she could feel her body practically aching for him. She looked into his eyes and nodded and then in the next second she could feel Nathan push deep inside her. She gasped out in the sudden pain and tried to get her breathing under control. She felt so full of him, but yet she still didn't feel close enough._

_Nathan rested his head against her shoulder and continued to breathe deeply. She was so tight and it was so hard to keep himself from pounding into her. He wanted her to feel just as good as he did, so he waited for her to tell him when it was ok. In the meantime he took in the way it felt to finally be inside her. If he was being honest, he'd imagined this moment thousands of times, but nothing compared to the real thing. She was so perfect._

_A few minutes passed before Haley breathed, "it's ok now. You can move."_

_As she said those words he could feel her begin to move her hips up towards his and he groaned out loud at the feeling of finally moving inside her. He began to thrust his hips slowly and he watched her face for any sign that he might have hurt her. He watched her bite her bottom lip before letting out a sigh._

"_Are you ok?" he asked and placed a kiss on her cheek._

_He continued to move slowly inside her and she felt like it was too much and not enough at the same time. She couldn't control her breathing and this sensation was something she'd never felt before. Every muscle in her body tightened as she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her._

_Nathan felt her place a kiss on the top of his shoulder before she released another moan. "It feels good," she said, replying to his earlier question. _

_He was glad that she wasn't in pain. All he wanted was to make her feel good. He lifted his head up and stared down at her face once more. Her eyes were shut tightly and her mouth was open in a gasp as he began to move just a little faster inside of her. He continued going, listening to her moans and he could feel her tightening around him, nothing had ever felt as good as she did._

"_Nathan," she moaned again, "I love you."_

_He stopped moving for a moment and waited for her to open her eyes. She did after a few more seconds to find him staring down at her. His eyes were dark as he watched her and she wished he would say something._

"_I love you," he said then began to thrust into her again and again. "I love you, I love you, I love you."_

Nathan continued sitting at the end of the booth watching as Haley waited on other customers. He might have looked creepy watching her all night, but he really didn't care. He was in love with her and he didn't care who knew it. She was beautiful and amazing and he wanted her to be his forever.

Her smile as she spoke was mesmerizing and he found it so hard to look away from her. He knew it was almost closing time and he hoped he would finally get some alone time with her. There were only a few people left in the café and he was hoping they would all leave soon.

His mother had left earlier in the night leaving Haley and Lucas to close up for her. He stood up and walked over to the counter. He had said his goodbyes to Skills and Mouth who had now left. Lucas stood behind the register and Nathan stood across from him. "I can help close up if you want," Nathan suggested.

"No I don't mind," Lucas replied.

"Really," Nathan said looking at Haley who stood at the other end of the counter, "I have to talk to Haley about some stuff anyways."

Lucas looked up at Nathan before glancing down towards Haley. He creased his eyebrows in confusion before looking back at his younger brother. "Ok?" he said, "thanks then."

Lucas closed up the register before heading towards the café door. When Nathan heard the bell above it ring he walked over towards where Haley was standing. She was dressed in a short, high-waisted cotton skirt and a flowy, long sleeve gray shirt. Her blonde hair was pushed behind her ears and she bit her lip nervously as he came to stand across from her.

"Hi," he said after a few seconds of silence.

"Hey," she replied with a smile.

"I've been thinking about you all day."

"Me too," she said, "I really think we should talk."

"So do I," he said and reached for her hand. When it was inside his he smiled before walking around the counter. He continued towards the dimly lit hallway that led to the bathrooms and she followed behind him. He stopped halfway down the hall before backing her up to the wall. Before he could stop himself he pressed his lips onto hers.

Haley had truly wanted to talk to him, there was so much she wanted to say but now all she could think about was how much she loved to kiss him. Her body relaxed into his touch and she wrapped her arms around his neck and let her fingers play with his hair.

Nathan's hands grabbed her hips and he tangled the material of her shirt between his fingers. Her lips parted and he felt her tongue push into his mouth. He loved kissing her.

She was so caught up in him. There seemed to be nothing that could stop her from kissing him. This was what she'd been worried about before. She was right, she wouldn't be able to keep herself from kissing him. Even when she told him she really wanted to speak with him what she really meant was she wanted to be doing this.

She was broken out of her thoughts when she heard the bell ding again. She had forgotten to ask Lucas to turn the sign to _Closed_ when he was leaving and now she was going to have to wait on whoever was in the café.

Nathan watched her look back towards the dining room before she moved away from him and towards whoever would be waiting for her. He followed after her and soon saw who had entered the café.

"Hey Haley!"

Haley was shocked to see the guy in front of her, he was definitely the last person she was expecting.

"Ben?" she said, "what are you doing here?"

The dark haired man walked over to the counter and took a seat at it. He saw Nathan standing not that far behind her and smiled before saying hello. "I'm in town for a little and Jonnie says this place is great. Thought I'd see if you were working."

Nathan watched as he pulled out his phone and began to type something before looking back up at Haley with a smile.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked. "I can put on a new pot of coffee or something."

"I'm good," Ben replied, "but I actually have something for you."

"You do?" she asked.

Before he could answer the door opened again and both Nathan and Haley looked up to see who was coming in. Haley gasped when she saw Jonnie standing there. He was dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a green t-shirt. He wore a smile on his face as the sight of her and Nathan couldn't help but notice the bouquet of pink and orange flowers in his hand.

"Are you gonna come give me a hug?"

**Please, please, please review! I really would love feedback on this chapter. I'm sorry for the delay but I love my readers and I hope they still love this story.**

**Song for this chapter is Hearts a Mess by Gotye**


	25. Anything Could Happen

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**I LOVE you guys! Your reviews made me smile and I really needed it. I would have gotten this up earlier but I'm going through a really rough break up. But I need this to cheer me up.**

**Chapter 25: Anything Could Happen**

Haley could feel her world stop. Jonnie stood right inside the door of the café with a smile on his face and it was like he felt everything in his world was ok. Standing there she started to hate herself. How could she step in and throw his life for a loop? She truly hated herself right now. She couldn't stop herself from turning around slightly to look at Nathan. He looked as if he'd been punched in the gut.

"Well?" Jonnie asked, his smile faltering just a bit. "Do I get a hug or not?"

Haley smiled and moved her way to the other side of the counter. She almost felt as if she was watching this scene play out in front of her, rather than really living it. When she reached him he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight to him. She took in his familiar scent and the feel of his strong arms around her. This feeling was so familiar and she hadn't realized how much she'd missed it until now.

"I missed you, Beautiful," he whispered to her as he continued to hold her.

She wanted to speak, but she couldn't find her voice. Her throat felt dry and her heart was pounding in her chest and she was sure that he had to be able to feel it. Did she look as freaked out to see him as she thought she did? He must have known there was something wrong.

A few more seconds passed before she cleared her throat and finally forced words from her mouth. "I missed you, too."

Her voice didn't sound like her. It seemed like someone had come into her body to speak for her. Some other voice had taken it upon them to make her speak so she could appear as less of an idiot. But still, even though she knew it was her, she couldn't believe this was really happening. What was he doing here?

She took a step back from him and took a moment to really look at him. His hair seemed shorter than when she had seen him last, which really had only been a few weeks. His face was free of any stubble, she was sure he must have shaved recently. His smile was back in place and she couldn't help but smile back at him.

"What are you doing here?" she finally asked.

"I wanted to surprise you! Are you surprised?"

"Very surprised…" she said.

They turned around and walked in the direction of the counter where Ben continued to sit. Nathan still stood near the hallway watching them. He was just as confused as Haley was as to why Jonnie was here. Shouldn't he have called first or something? He couldn't believe that just minutes ago he'd been kissing Haley and everything seemed like it was falling into place. Now everything was falling apart around him.

"Hales," Nathan said finally speaking up, "I think I'm gonna go."

"Oh, do you need a ride or something?" she asked hopefully. She wanted the chance to be able to talk to him. To at least apologize.

"No," he said with a shake of his head, "I'm just gonna walk. I need some fresh air, anyways."

"Ok," she said, watching him as he made his way towards the door. She wanted him to stay and talk to her. But now that was impossible.

"It's good to see you Nate," Jonnie said, genuinely. That made it even harder for Nathan to be around him. Jonnie was always so kind to him and it just made him feel like a horrible person.

"Yeah," Nathan agreed with a nod, "good to see you guys, too."

No more words passed between them before Nathan hurried out of the café. He felt like he needed to get as far away from there as he possibly could. He had wanted to stay near to Haley, but now he just needed distance. He needed to come up with a solution to this, but he knew there wasn't one.

He stepped out onto the sidewalk and felt like he could breathe again. Taking a few steps he stopped and looked back in the direction of the café. Through the windows he could see Jonnie with his arm around Haley and he watched him plant a kiss on her head. He shook his head trying to get that image out of his head. He needed to get as far away from them as possible.

Haley watched Nathan disappear into the dark and she felt like her heart might explode. Everything was so messed up and she felt so guilty being around Jonnie now. She had to tell him everything. She had to tell him the truth but she was dreading that moment.

"Do you think your parents will be ok with us staying with you guys?" Jonnie asked breaking her out of her thoughts. "I know we should have called but I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Oh," she said and rubbed her forehead, "I'm sure one of you can have the guest room and someone can have the couch. I don't think they'll mind."

"Great," Ben said, "sorry that we're intruding."

"You're not," Haley said, quickly disagreeing with him. The last thing she wanted was for Jonnie to feel like he was intruding. "But why did you come, Ben?"

"I just thought I'd come along with Jonnie for the drive?"

"Bull shit," Jonnie said with a laugh, "you wanted to see Peyton."

Haley couldn't help the smile the spread across her face. She hadn't even thought about Peyton and Ben until now.

"You totally like her!" she yelled, noticing the blush on his cheeks. "That's so cute!"

"I just want to get to know her better," he said, trying to defend himself; even though by the looks on Jonnie and Haley's faces, he wasn't doing that good of a job.

"Whatever you say," Haley replied while laughing. "But she likes you, too, by the way."

"She does?" Ben asked, finally making eye contact with Haley.

"Yeah. But you have to understand that she's not completely over Jake and she never will be. She's been through a lot, ya know?"

"I know. I'm not looking to take his place or anything like that. I like her… I just want her to get to know me."

Haley was happy to hear this coming from him. She knew that Peyton would guard her heart from him, but she hoped that she might learn to let Ben in. Peyton deserved to be loved, she deserved to feel love again. Maybe she wouldn't fall in love with Ben, but maybe he could show her what it's like to feel something for someone again.

There was a moment where she hesitated with the idea of bringing Ben to come stay at the house. She hoped Peyton wouldn't be angry with her or anything. But she had to push those worries away. All she could do was hope that Peyton wouldn't be mad and that bringing Jonnie and Ben to her house wouldn't end badly.

* * *

Peyton had just put Jenny down for bed before going to sit with Lydia in the front room. She had a book open in her lap and the TV on quietly. She smiled at Peyton as she sat down on the overstuffed leather chair next to her. Peyton was so thankful to have Lydia and Jimmy around. It was hard to be away from her dad, especially after Jake died. If she didn't have Lydia and Jimmy she would have felt completely alone.

Lydia was the only mother she really had. Her mother had died when she was young and now all she was left with were fleeting memories of her. Since they were young Lydia treated her like a daughter. She remembered when they had their first dance freshmen year and she had gotten ready at Haley's house with her and Brooke. She sat nervously in front of the bathroom mirror trying to arrange her hair the right way but it just wouldn't work. Lydia had come and helped her finish getting ready and told her how beautiful she was and how proud her mother would be of her. That was her favorite memory of her and it was one of many.

Lydia set her book down and looked over at Peyton. "How've you been doing?"

Peyton pulled her legs up to her chest and shrugged. "I've been ok. I miss my dad and I miss Jake and sometimes it's hard."

"Have you talked to your dad lately?"

"I talked to him last week. He's taking another job off the coast of Florida so he'll be gone even longer. I know he does it so he can support me, but it's hard having him gone all the time."

"I'm sure it is. But you know he loves you."

"Yeah, I know."

Lydia could tell there was more on her mind than just her dad, "what else is going on?"

Peyton sighed and scratched her ear. "I've been seeing Jake."

Peyton could see the confused look on her face so she cleared her throat before beginning again. "A little while after he died I could see him. He would talk to me… we would have long conversations like we used to. It was like everything was normal again. Now I don't see him anymore."

"Why not?"

"He told me it was time to move on. That I had to learn to be happy without him. I'm not sure I can ever be happy without him, Lydia."

"I remember when Jake came home from his first date with you. Jimmy and I had been waiting up in the kitchen to give him a hard time when he got home past his curfew," Lydia stopped and smiled at the memory before she continued. "He came in with the biggest smile on his face. He looked at me and Jimmy and he said 'I'm gonna love that girl forever.' He smiled every time he talked about you. He loved you so much and he still does and he always will. He'd want you to be happy, Peyton."

Peyton could feel tears in her eyes as Lydia told her this story. She knew that Jake would want her to be happy, even if that meant being happy with someone else. That's how he was. He was completely selfless.

"You know something else," Lydia said looking at the younger girl. "I don't think you'll every truly be without him. You have Jenny and she's a part of him. And I've always believed in reincarnation. I think you'll see him again."

"So you don't think I'm crazy?"

"Not at all," she said smiling.

A minute of silenced passed between them before Peyton spoke up again. "What do you think he is now?"

"I think he's a raven."

Peyton smiled, "I think you're right."

Lydia reached over and grabbed Peyton's hand and squeezed it before smiling at her once more. A few seconds later the front door opened and they both looked up to see Haley coming through the door. She smiled at them both before opening her mouth to speak.

"Hi," she said, "um… I have some people with me who need a place to stay."

"Who?" Lydia asked while standing up and walking towards the door.

Haley moved out of the way and Jonnie stepped through the door. He smiled when he saw Lydia and moved to where she was standing with open arms to greet him.

"What a surprise!" Lydia said while hugging the young boy. "What brings you here?"

"I wanted to come see Haley. I don't like being away from her for so long."

Lydia smiled at him before noticing Ben standing just outside the door. She smiled at him and motioned for him to follow them inside. "I don't think I've met you before."

"No Ma'am," he said while sticking his hand out towards her. "I'm Ben. It's really great to meet you."

Peyton sat up when she saw Ben come through the door. Her heart began to race at the sight of him and she was surprised at the feeling. The only other guy who'd ever caused that reaction was Jake. "Ben," she said and stood up quickly. "What are you doing here?"

"Peyton," he said with a smile. "Hi."

"Hi," she said back, "what are you doing here?"

"I came with Jonnie. I told you that I would if he was ever coming here."

"Right."

Everyone in the room looked back and forth between them before Lydia cleared her throat. "I'll go get the guest room set up. Haley, would you mind getting blankets and pillows for the couch?"

"Sure," she said before grabbing Jonnie by the arm. "Why don't you help me?"

Peyton opened her mouth to say something but Haley and Jonnie had already hurried up the stairs behind Lydia. She turned and looked back at Ben who stood near the door with his hands in his pockets. She could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to say something. She wanted to say something, too. But no words would come to her.

"Sorry to just show up like this," he said finally. "Jonnie wanted to come surprise Haley. I would have called and told you but…"

"It's ok," she said, "it's good to see you, Ben."

He smiled and took a few steps closer to her. "You, too. I've been thinking about you a lot. I hope that's ok."

Peyton wasn't really sure what to say back to him. Part of her thought it was ok and another part of her thought it still wasn't ok. There was something inside of her that said she still wasn't ready for this, this was way too much for her. It had only been the night before that she had seen Jake. It was too soon for this.

"Um," she replied, "I don't know."

Ben was worried that he was coming on too strong. The last thing he wanted was to freak her out and showing up unannounced was probably not helping to do that. The last time they spoke on the phone he told her that if Jonnie was coming to see Haley he would come with him and now here he was. Maybe she was just being nice.

"I'm sorry Peyton. I shouldn't have come. Or I at least should have called you first… I'm so stupid."

"No," she said quickly, "I'm glad you're here Ben. I guess I was just a little taken off guard. I'm the one who should be sorry. Really. I am glad you're here."

Ben smiled and then looked away from her when Haley and Jonnie came back down the stairs carrying blankets and pillows. "Ok," Haley said, "who's sleeping down here?"

"I guess I will," Ben offered.

"I better go check on Jenny," Peyton said, excusing herself quickly.

She needed a distraction. Now the fact that Ben would be staying in the same house as her would make it harder to pretend like she didn't have feelings for him. How could she have feelings for this guy that she hardly knew? She'd only met him a few weeks ago and now here she was feeling all nervous around him. That wasn't like her at all.

But then again, maybe it was. All she'd known for the past few years was love for Jake. He was the only boy she'd ever loved and she didn't even know what it was like to feel something for someone else. Maybe it really was normal for her to feel so strongly about him. She would have no way of knowing.

She stepped into Jake's room where Jenny was sleeping in her crib and she took a few stops closer so she could watch her. She could never get enough of her. When she looked at her she could see Jake and it made her heart ache. The moments they had spent together with their child weren't enough. They should have had their whole life together and it wasn't fair that it was cut so short.

Right now she would have given anything to be able to see him just one last time. She needed to talk to him again. She needed him to tell her everything would be ok. She needed him there with her forever. Maybe if she could see him again everything would be ok and everything would make sense again.

"I wish you could talk already," Peyton whispered looking down at Jenny. "I need some advice and I know you're gonna be just like your dad. You'd be able to give me advice just like he would, I know it. People keep trying to give me all this advice… and it kinda helps. But what I really want is to talk to your daddy."

Jenny continued to sleep and Peyton leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. She got ready for bed before crawling under the covers. Sometimes she felt like she could still sense Jake here. She needed him here so bad.

* * *

Haley woke up early that morning, restlessness keeping her awake. She had tossed and turned all night going from thinking of Jonnie to thinking of Nathan. But the more she thought about Nathan the more she hated herself because she knew it would hurt Jonnie. There was no easy to solution to this whole web she had weaved and that was becoming incredibly clear. No matter what she decided she was going to hurt someone.

Thinking of Jonnie she thought about all the great things he'd done for her since she met him. He was so nice to her when she started school and he listened to her when all she needed was to be heard. He comforted her when she felt sad about Jake being gone or Nathan being so far away. He gave her space when that was what she needed and she knew that he loved her. He was the perfect guy and any girl would have been lucky to have him and for some reason he chose her.

But then there was Nathan. Nathan was her best friend in the whole world. Things hadn't always been easy with them and clearly they weren't easy now, but there was something she loved about herself when she was with him. When she was with him she never felt like there was anything she needed to hold back. She could be completely herself. Nathan knew her better than anyone, he saw her when she was at her worst and he was there when she was at her best. Her heart raced every time she saw or thought about him. When he kissed her there were fireworks.

Brooke had told her to follow whatever her heart was telling her. That was so much easier said than done. Her heart was torn in two completely different directions. In a perfect world she could have just been friends with Nathan without feeling anything more towards him. Or she and Nathan would have realized they had feelings for each other before and she would have waited for him. Nothing was perfect though.

After the first time Nathan kissed Haley, she felt things change between them. If she was being honest she would admit that that was when her feelings for him began. But she had denied them because things were just too complicated. Her and Nathan just didn't make sense back then. They fought constantly and the only thing they had in common was their love for Jake.

She covered her face and let out a sigh before sitting up. Looking at the clock she saw that it was only 7. She knew there was no way that she was going to be able to fall back asleep so instead she got out of bed and got dressed. She pulled on pair of dark washed jeans and a gray tank top before throwing her hair up into a bun. She slipped in to a pair of flip flops before opening the door and heading towards the stairs.

She grabbed her keys out of the bowl near the front door and quickly made her way towards her car. She looked back at the house once more before getting in the driver's seat and starting the engine. Pulling out of the driveway she didn't even have to think about where she was going before she started driving.

Continuing down the familiar streets it was like she wasn't even thinking. Before she knew it she was pulling into a parking spot. Her heart was beating quickly in her chest and she found herself surprised at how nervous she felt. She took a deep breath and shut the car off before stepping out.

Tall trees filled the cemetery and their leaves shook in the early morning breeze. Goosebumps began to cover her skin as she made her way closer to her destination. Once she reached the spot her eyes suddenly filled with tears as the name _Jacob William James_ came into her line of vision. There were fresh flowers in front of the stone that she knew her mother must have put there the day before.

Her heart felt heavy as she knelt in the damp grass. Leaning forward she lightly ran her fingers over his name. Tears slid down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away.

"Hi," she said quietly. "I know it's early but I really needed to talk to you."

Silence surrounded her and she cleared her throat but then felt a new batch of tears in her eyes. "I know I haven't been here in a while and I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have stayed away this long. I don't have a good excuse other than it was just too hard. It's been so hard to have you gone, Jake. We all need you and miss you. Peyton really misses you. Nathan…"

Haley hung her head down and thought about how Nathan must have felt. He had lost his best friend and now the girl he said he loved was torn between two guys and soon he would be back on the other side of the world.

"When did our lives become like this? Nathan should be playing basketball at Duke. You should be at Duke. You should be here to raise Jenny with Peyton. It's not fair that you were taken away from us. You were such a great person and the world's just not the same without you. Nobody's the same without you."

Haley wished that Jake could talk back to her; she just wanted to hear his voice. She would have given anything to bring him back in this moment. "I really need your advice. I need you to tell me everything's gonna be ok and that everything's gonna work out. Jake, my heart is torn in two different directions. With Jonnie everything just makes sense and it fits, you know? It's like when I'm with him I never have to worry. And he's always there. He's been great to me since the day I met him and I don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without him."

"But then with Nathan," she said and smiled, "you know that me and Nathan are… we're so different. If you had told me two years ago that I would be feeling this way about him I wouldn't believe you. I would have thought you were crazy. He knows how to push my buttons and get under my skin, but he knows me. I guess there was always something there and I just never saw it. But you saw it, didn't you?"

Haley laughed quietly. "That's why you wrote us that letter. Why you wanted us to get away together. I wish I knew before. I love them both so much and they're so different. If I was with Jonnie I know how my life would go. I would have a great life with him. We've never even been in a fight. But with Nathan… everyday would be something new. I would never know what to expect and I think that's a good thing. I don't want to hurt either one of them."

She ran her hands over her face and felt a sob suddenly escape her mouth. She had never felt so alone and all she wanted was for Jake to be there to comfort her. There had been times where he had been the only person who could seem to make things better again. He was the only one who could make her see that everything would be ok. She just wanted him there again.

"Jake," she said through her tears, "please just tell me somehow that everything's gonna be ok. I need to know that everything's gonna be ok."

Haley sat there in silence for a few more seconds, waiting for anything, when suddenly a flock of birds quickly flew out of the tree above her. Her heart raced and she smiled through the tears streaming down her cheeks. That was her sign from him and she knew it.

"Thank you, Jake."

Haley sat there for another half an hour, telling him about her life; talking to him about their parents and friends and about his daughter. She smiled as she told him stories about Brooke and Peyton and she wished that he was sitting with her, talking back. Her heart ached as she said goodbye to him and told him that she loved and missed him. As she walked back to the car she felt another breeze on her skin, another sign that he was with her.

**I'm sorry this chapter's so short. It's really not my favorite and it's kinda just a filler. I promise there will be way more Naley in the next chapter. Let me know what you think and sorry again for the delay.**


	26. Dark Paradise

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Hope you like this!**

**Chapter 26: Dark Paradise**

_Sitting in front of the fire Nathan glanced across the flames towards Haley sitting on the other side. She sat in a chair with a sleeping bag across her lap and a book with a book light in her hand. Even in the dark he could see the look of concentration on her face as her eyes scanned the page. It always amazed him how Haley could just lose herself in a book even when she was surrounded by a group of people._

_Brooke sat cuddled up with Lucas just a few feet from him while Jake and Peyton sat side by side on a rock near their tent. He could hear them all talking and laughing as he sipped beer from the bottle in his hand. He could barely concentrate on his own thoughts with everyone around and there Haley was lost in a book._

"_Where are Skills and Mouth?" Brooke asked a few minutes later. "Didn't they go out to get fire wood like 20 minutes ago?"_

"_Maybe they got eaten by a bear?" Jake joked._

"_Not funny," Brooke replied, "are there bears in these woods? What if they're dead?"_

"_They're not dead," Haley replied with a laugh while looking up from her book. "This isn't a horror movie."_

"_I don't know," Brooke replied, "a bunch of teenagers out in the woods. It's a little _House of Wax_."_

_Lucas crinkled his nose, "I hate that movie."_

_Nathan chuckled and took another swig from the bottle. Soon everyone began talking again and it wasn't long before Mouth and Skills walked back into the camp. Brooke breathed and audible sigh of relief at the sight of them before continuing to dominate the conversation around the fire. Nathan tried to pay attention to whatever she was saying but for some reason he couldn't stop from watching Haley._

_She'd been avoiding him ever since their kiss at the party. And he really couldn't blame her. All he'd been thinking about since then was how dumb he'd been for kissing her. He wished that he'd been so drunk that he just forgot about it. If Jake found out he would kick his ass and he would let him. _

_Haley looked up from her book and her eyes locked with Nathan across the fire. She could feel her cheeks heating up and she knew it was because of him and not the fire. She realized she'd been staring back at him and quickly looked away and towards Brooke who was in the middle of a story. _

_She wanted to ignore him but she could feel him staring at her. She knew this trip was a bad idea. They had a long weekend off from school and Jake and Lucas had suggested a camping trip and at the time it sounded like a good idea. That was until she was face to face with Nathan. Since that party she had avoided being around him. Things just didn't feel right around him now. Not that things had ever been right with him, but now it was even worse._

_Maybe he was so drunk that night that he didn't even remember it happening? But she remembered and she was sure she would never forget. _

_Another half an hour passed and Haley watched as Nathan finished another beer before tossing the bottle somewhere behind him. She rolled her eyes and tried to focus back on her book. Soon Peyton and Jake made their way into their tent and Brooke and Lucas followed shortly after. _

"_Wait," Haley said looking at Skills and Mouth, "so you guys are sharing a tent?" _

"_Yeah," Skills replied, "I brought extra pillows so this kid can't come any closer to me."_

_Mouth rolled his eyes, "didn't you know that? I thought you guys knew you were sharing?"_

_Nathan and Haley looked at each other and she rolled her eyes. "Oh my god."_

"_Don't worry," Nathan replied, "I won't come near you."_

_Haley scoffed and then made her way towards the tent. She didn't understand why he couldn't possibly sleep in a sleeping bag away from her. This trip was such a bad idea and she wished she could be anywhere but there. _

_She settled into her sleeping bag and a few minutes later Nathan made his way inside the tent. "Look," he said, "I'm not happy about this either."_

"_How about we just don't talk to each other?" she said, still not looking at him._

_Nathan rolled his eyes before getting in his sleeping bag. Haley could hear him moving around and trying to settle himself and she sat up and looked at him. "Oh my god can you just stop moving around?"_

_Nathan laughed and laid back against his pillow. "Is there ever a time where you're not a bitch?"_

"_Is there ever a time when you're not an asshole?"_

"_I can't believe I have to be in here with you."_

"_Sleep outside then."_

"_You sleep outside."_

_They both looked up suddenly when the zipper to their tent opened. Brooke stood outside in a pair of sweats and one of Lucas's sweatshirts with her arms across her chest and a scowl on her face. "Look," she said, "I get that you both hate each other and I'm real sorry that you have to be in a tent together. But you guys were doing so well at ignoring each other all day so just keep doing that. Or make out or do something quietly! I'm exhausted and I want to go to bed and if you don't stop yelling at each other so help me God I will kill you both!"_

"_Sorry," they replied in unison._

_She groaned again before zipping their tent back up and making her way back towards hers. They waited until they knew she was gone before they both began to laugh. It was then, during their laughter, that they realized that was the first time, in a long time that they were doing something besides arguing and it wasn't the worst feeling in the world._

Haley sat on the couch in Karen's Café and watched the groups of people mingle and laugh around her. Karen decided to throw another party for Nathan since he was leaving in 3 days. Just thinking about him leaving again caused her heart to ache. Whenever he was gone it felt like a part of her heart was missing. She was terrified for him and she wished there was a way for her to know he was safe one-hundred percent of the time.

"Hey you."

Haley looked up and saw Brooke standing in front of her. She had Jenny in her arms and she moved closer to her to sit down next to her on the couch. Brooke could see the look on Haley's face and she knew she was lost in her thoughts. Ever since their conversation the other day Brooke new that Haley was more confused than ever. She hated to watch her best friend struggle like this.

"You ok?"

"Just thinking," Haley replied, "I'm not ready for Nathan to leave again."

Brooke nodded. "I don't think anyone can really be ready for something like that. Especially when you're in love with them."

Haley looked around quickly to make sure that no one had heard what she said. Jonnie and Ben were there and the last thing she needed was for Jonnie to find out everything that had been going on from someone else. She knew it was awful that she hadn't told him everything by now, but she just didn't know how. The thought of hurting him killed her.

"Wow," Haley replied, "say it louder I'm not sure everyone heard you."

"They don't need to hear me say it; you guys make it pretty obvious."

"What are you talking about?"

Brooke shrugged, "I mean everyone's known since high school that you guys are in love with each other."

"We hated each other."

"Whatever you need to pretend."

Haley began to wonder if her feelings for Nathan really were that obvious. Could Jonnie already tell? That almost made her feel worse. She would have felt pretty crappy if the roles were reversed and it was clear that Jonnie was in love with someone else. To be honest, she felt pretty crappy no matter what.

"Hales, I'm just saying that if you're in love with Nathan, then you need to be honest about it. If you're in love with Jonnie, you need to be honest about it. It's hard right now and I get that. But everything's gonna fall into place."

Haley looked up and saw Nathan talking to her parents across the room. She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as she watched them. She knew where her heart was but her head was in a completely different place. She looked away from him and saw Jonnie speaking to Karen. They both fit so well into her life and she didn't know how she could possibly say goodbye to either one of them.

* * *

Peyton stood at the counter with Jenny placed in front of her. She had just taken her back from Brooke and was now making funny faces at her daughter trying to make her laugh. Peyton loved to watch the smile that spread on her lips when she laughed. It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

She could tell already that she had Jake's eyes and his smile. She was a perfect blend of the two of them and she was her world. As she watched her daughter she wished that she could shield her from everything. There had to be a way to protect her from all the bad things and people that were in this world. Jenny deserved everything and she was going to spend her whole life making sure that she could give her that.

"She looks just like you."

Peyton turned to the side and saw Ben standing next to her. She smiled and shrugged before looking back at her daughter.

"She's got my nose," she replied with a laugh before gently touching the short blonde curls that had begun to grow in. "And maybe my hair."

"I know I've told you this before," Ben said, "but I'm really sorry about Jake."

Peyton nodded, "me too."

"I want you to know that I didn't mean to just show up here and have you feel like I'm ambushing you. I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time to just show up and now that I say that out loud that sounds really creepy."

Peyton laughed and shook her head. "I told you Ben, I'm happy to see you. But that's what's scary to me. The only guy I've ever felt anything towards is Jake. And then you show up and… I like you."

"I like you, too. That's probably pretty obvious though."

Peyton smiled, "maybe a little?"

Ben smiled. "Look… I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to come in and take Jake's place or anything like that. But I do like you and I'm really glad that you like me too. I wanna take things really slow with you because I don't want to mess anything up. I just want you to know that I'm around and I'm here if you need someone to talk to."

"You know what?" Peyton said and looked at him, "that sounds like exactly what I need right now."

Admitting to him that she did like him was the scariest thing she'd done in a long time. Admitting it to herself had been hard but now he knew too. She never thought there would be a day where anyone but Jake would give her butterflies with just a smile. That thought was terrifying but she no longer felt guilty. To some people the fact that she had talked to her dead boyfriend every day for almost a year would seem crazy. But she was thankful for the fact that he had been there and that she knew that he wanted her to be happy. Now it was time to finally be happy without him.

* * *

"Is there any chance you might talk to me?"

Lucas stood in the kitchen with his back towards the door. He had gone in there to get away from everyone for a little bit. Seeing Brooke around town had been hard and now she was in the café with him. He needed to get away from her for a little bit. But now she was here and he knew he had to talk to her.

He turned around and saw her standing the doorway to the kitchen. She was dressed in a pair of dark washed jeans and a lavender tank top. Her short hair was pulled halfway back and she looked beautiful and it made his heart ache. Just being around her it was hard to not feel the way he used to about her.

"What's there to talk about?" Lucas asked and ran his hand over the back of his neck.

"A lot?" she said and shrugged. "I just can't live with the idea that you might hate me. I know that things didn't go the way we expected but I still care about you. You've always been there for me and now you're gone out of my life and I hate that."

"You're the one who ended it Brooke."

"I know that. But it wasn't because I don't care about you. I do and I always will. But Luke when you left… and I left… we stopped talking. What used to be calls at night until the early morning turned into voicemails and we just drifted apart. You have so much going on in your life and so do I."

"Is it because of that guy?"

"Julian?"

"Sure," Lucas replied. "Is it because you fell in love with someone else?"

"Lucas, I do love Julian. I'm not gonna lie to you and pretend that I don't love him. But what happened with us isn't because of him. It's because we stopped being us. I felt you stop missing me and it made me stop missing you."

"I never stopped missing you, Brooke."

Brooke sighed and suddenly felt like she was at a loss for words. All she wanted was to fix things with Lucas and it felt like they were falling even further away from that. She knew he was hurt and she hated herself for being the one to hurt him. But she couldn't help the way things had worked out and she knew in her heart that she and Lucas weren't meant to be.

Lucas could see the look on Brooke's face and he knew she was feeling guilty and hurt. He didn't want her to feel bad, that was never his intention. But he'd been holding in those feelings for a long time and he had to get them out. He hated that his and Brooke's relationship was so different now.

"Brooke," he said a few seconds later and she looked up at him. "I understand that we drifted apart. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to hold on to you when I had you and I should have-"

"Lucas-"

"But I want you to know that you're always gonna be important to me. This might always hurt because I will always love you. But I'm not the guy for you anymore Brooke Davis."

Brooke opened her mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. She knew he was right but there was something so final in his last statement. There had been a time when she thought she and Lucas would be together forever and now, in this moment, she knew that would never happen. She was in love with someone and Lucas wasn't that guy.

Lucas stood in front of her for a few more seconds before sending her a small, sad smile. When no more words could be exchanged between them she watched him walk out of the kitchen and away from her. She had wanted to speak to him for a long time and now that he was there, there weren't any words she could find. When had things become like this? Everyone's lives had become so different and it happened without her even realizing it.

* * *

Nathan had talked to almost everyone in the room. Everyone had given him warm wishes and told him to stay safe while he was gone. He had said the same things back to everyone, thanking them for their support. He had tried to pay attention to everyone but he couldn't stop himself from glancing back towards Haley. Every time he was in a room with her she was all he could focus on. Everyone else just seemed to fade away.

He had been dying to talk to her since the other night but they had been interrupted. He had come to the café to tell her that he would do anything to be with her. He would fight for her no matter what. Unfortunately, he hadn't gotten the chance to tell her that. Now Jonnie was here and he wasn't sure that he could ever tell her that.

When Jonnie wasn't around it was so much easier for him to tell her he loved her. He didn't feel like he was hurting anyone when Jonnie was around. But now he had to watch the way he looked at her and he could see how much he loved her. Telling Haley that he was in love with her was great for him, but it could really hurt someone else. And that was the last thing he wanted.

Jonnie had been nothing but kind to him since the day they'd met and now he felt like he would be stabbing him in the back. How was Jonnie going to feel if he found out that he had slept with Haley. If the situation was reversed he would be pissed and there would be no way he could forgive either of them.

Nathan looked up and saw Haley sitting on the couch where she'd been with Brooke earlier. Jonnie and Ben were being occupied by her parents and he took the opportunity to go speak to her alone. He made his way through the crowded café and over to where she was sitting. He could tell by the look on her face that she was deep into thought.

"Mind if I sit?" he asked once he'd reached her.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Of course not."

He took a seat close to her on the couch and looked at her. She was so beautiful and he wanted to tell her so. He could feel his heart race every time he was around her and it felt like being back in middle school when you saw your crush. He was dying to know if she felt the same way about him but he couldn't ask when her boyfriend was just feet away from them.

"I'm sorry we couldn't talk the other night," Haley said suddenly and turned to face him. "I really wanted to-"

"You don't have to apologize."

Haley glanced up at Jonnie and saw him talking to her parents. She turned her attention back to Nathan and she felt like she wanted to say so much but she couldn't. All she wanted was to kiss him and tell him she loved him but that clearly would have been a bad idea.

"I do," she said, "I didn't know he was coming, I swear. I wanted to talk and spend more time with you."

"Stop Hales. I don't want you to feel bad. He's your boyfriend I can't expect you to blow him off for me."

"I don't know what to do Nathan."

He could see the sadness on her face and he couldn't stop himself from wrapping his arm around her and pulling her to his chest. He hated to think that he had anything to do with her sadness, but he knew he was the cause. She was feeling conflicted; he could see it on her face.

Nathan ran his hand over her back soothingly, trying to make her feel better in any way that he could. He didn't care that anyone could see them right now his only concern was her. "I wish I knew what to tell you that could make everything ok again."

"Everything's so confusing."

She moved back slightly so she could look up at his face. He saw the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. He wished he could take her by the hand and take her away from all this. He wanted her to himself and he wanted to be able to make her smile and laugh. If it would have seemed rude to bail on this party, they would have been gone.

"What can I do?" Nathan whispered. "I just want you to be happy."

"I don't want you to leave again."

He felt his heart break all over again at her words. There were times when he regretted enlisting and this was one of them. So many nights he would lay awake and think about how his life would be different if he had decided to go to Duke. He knew he would be with Haley now and things would be the complete opposite of how they are now.

"Believe me," he said, "I wish I could just stay with you forever. I never want to leave you."

Haley rested her head against his shoulder and let him continue to hold her. She wanted to stay in that moment forever; stay with him forever. But her world was coming apart again and there was nothing she could do to stop it. This is not how she pictured her life at this time last year.

She never would have expected to be torn between two different guys, two completely amazing guys. In a perfect world she wouldn't have to choose between her heart and her head. In a perfect world she could have them both. But nothing about her world was perfect. Nathan was leaving, Jonnie would be hurt by the truth and Jake was still gone. Nothing was simple anymore. Or maybe the truth was that nothing had ever been simple for her and she was just now starting to accept that.

"I have to tell him the truth. I have to tell him what happened between us."

Nathan nodded. They couldn't keep it from him forever and he knew that Haley never would have wanted to. Lying to anyone just wasn't her and especially not if the truth could hurt someone.

* * *

Jonnie stood on the other side of the café watching Nathan and Haley. She was clearly upset and she was crying to Nathan about it. Jonnie didn't want to feel jealous. He knew they were best friends and she was probably upset because he was leaving in a few days. He tried to talk down the jealous feeling that was bubbling up, but he just couldn't stop that feeling.

He was glad that Haley had Nathan. He knew that she needed him because he was one of the few people that knew what she was going through when it came to Jake. He wished that he could be that person for her, but he knew he wasn't. As much as that pained him he was happy that she had Nathan. He had no clue what it would feel like to lose your brother and then know that your best friend was in constant danger on the other side of the world.

There was a part of Jonnie that always felt like he had stolen Haley away from Nathan and he felt guilty about it every time he was around them. Nathan had told him how he felt the summer before and now he had to watch them together. That wasn't fair.

But things changed and he was sure there was a part of Nathan that had to understand that. He couldn't hate him, could he? He hoped not. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Nathan. Nathan protected Haley and was grateful for that. Without Nathan, Haley wouldn't have been the person she was and he loved that person.

But still that jealousy was there. He had to remind himself all the time that they were just friends and he had nothing to worry about. He loved Haley and he knew she loved him too, he could feel it every time they were together. He just had to trust her.

He walked through the café and over towards the couch where they were still sitting. He knew they were whispering to each other and he felt bad about interrupting but he had to talk to her. When he reached the couch they both looked up at him and moved a little ways away from each other. He smiled at them both before saying hello to Nathan, he was the only person he hadn't actually spoken too that night.

"Do you mind if I steal her away for a little bit?" Jonnie asked, motioning towards Haley.

Nathan shook his head, "no. I'll talk to guys later."

Haley watched Nathan stand up and walk towards Brooke and Peyton before she focused her attention back on Jonnie. He smiled at her before sticking his hand out towards her. She sent him a smile before standing up and placing her hand in his.

"Wanna go get some air?" he asked.

Haley nodded and they walked towards the door. She glanced at Nathan once more and his eyes instantly met hers. She wanted to smile or to give him some sort of sign that everything would be ok, but she really didn't know if it would. She had no idea what was going to happen in the minutes to come.

As they stepped outside all she was aware of was the breeze that was in the air and the feel of his hand in hers. She was trying to get her thoughts together but she couldn't. She didn't know what to say or how to feel around Jonnie right now. All she felt was confusion.

They walked across the street and down the sidewalk until they reached the piers. He had been saying a few things off and on since they left the café but she had no clue what. She felt terrible for not paying attention to him, but for the life of her she couldn't concentrate on a thing.

"Hey," he said softly once they'd stopped walking. "Where's your head at, Beautiful?

"What?" she said, finally listening to him.

"What are you thinking about? I can tell you're somewhere else right now."

"I'm sorry," she said and looked down at the ground. She didn't feel like she could look at him without falling apart. "I know I'm… all over the place."

"What's going on?"

She could feel him rubbing his thumb over her hand soothingly. He was trying to comfort her which was making what she had to do so much harder. Thinking about telling him anything that could hurt him or make him hate her made her feel like her heart had been torn out.

"I just feel so overwhelmed right now."

"Because of me?" He asked and she could see the look of guilt that spread across his face.

"No," she said, "just everything that's been going on; school's starting up again soon and Nathan leaving. And I guess I just wasn't prepared for you and Ben to show up. I'm sorry."

"No I just wanted to surprise you I should have thought about what was going on with you. I'm sorry I really should have talked to you about it before."

"I'm happy you're here, trust me I'm glad to see you. I just wasn't ready I guess."

"Ready for what?"

She didn't know the answer to that question. She felt like she wasn't ready for anything that had happened lately in her life. She wasn't ready to fall in love with Nathan then feel something for Jonnie. She wasn't ready to lose her brother.

"I don't know," she replied. "Everything that's been going on for over the last year. It just feels like everything happened so fast and everything's just so overwhelming."

Jonnie wrapped his arm around her and ran his hand over her shoulder. The sun was beginning to set behind the water and he watched as Haley got lost in the sight in front of her. He knew there was more she wanted to say, he could hear it in her voice. But he could also tell that she was overwhelmed and maybe pushing her to talk about whatever it was wasn't the best thing.

Haley could feel her heart pounding in her chest and the truth was on the tip of her tongue. She had to tell him everything, there was just no way around it anymore. Her palms were sweating and she felt like she might pass out.

"I have to tell you something," she said finally.

"You can tell me anything," he whispered and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

Haley took a step away from him and took a deep breath. "Please stop being so nice to me. Stop being so great."

"What's going on?" he asked, suddenly worried by her reaction.

"I don't deserve you," she said, "you've been so great to me since the day we met and I really don't deserve it. There's some things you don't know."

"Like what?" Jonnie said, "tell me what's going on."

Haley sighed and ran her hands through her hair before looking back at him. The look on his face told her he was scared to hear whatever she had to say next. She hated being the reason for that look on his face.

"I fell in love with Nathan last summer. Maybe even before that and didn't know it. Before he left last year he told me not to wait for him and I thought it was because he didn't love me back. And then when I met you again at Duke… I felt something for you that I never thought I would. You've been so amazing to me and you've been there for me when I really needed it and I fell in love with you."

"I fell in love with you, too."

"I know you did," she replied, "but I never realized until lately that I never gave you my whole heart."

"Did something happen with you guys?"

"I slept with him."

Jonnie felt like the air had been knocked out of him. He stepped back from Haley and shook his head. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Jonnie…" she began. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She wanted him to yell at her, tell her she was a terrible person because that's how she felt. She couldn't believe that she had done this to a man who had never done anything but loved her. He still hadn't said a word to her and she had no idea how much time had passed.

"I can't be around you right now."

Jonnie looked away from her and before she knew it he was crossing the street again and making his way down the sidewalk. Soon he was out of sight and she felt sobs leave her body. She felt like another part of her had died as she watched him walk away from her.

**Please review and let me know what you guys think about this chapter!  
Song: Dark Paradise- Lana Del Rey**


	27. When It's Raining

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks for the reviews everyone!**

**Chapter 27: When It's Raining**

The Café was beginning to clear out and Nathan grabbed cups and plates and brought them to the back of the kitchen. With all the work his mother put in to tonight he figured the least he could do was help clean up. He turned on the sink and the back and began to rinse off the dishes. He could hear the voices of his parents and Lucas back in the café and he was glad to hear that they were laughing and they sounded happy.

He knew it was hard for his mom to deal with the fact that he was leaving again. She tried to put on a brave face every time there was talk about his newest deployment, but he could see the fear behind her eyes. Each time he saw it he felt guilt bubbling up inside him and that same thought of what could have been popped back into his head. There were so many times that he pictured the way his life could have been and he wondered if he made the wrong decision.

Nathan convinced himself it was just the selfish part of him that wondered this, but he knew it was every part of him. Every part of him wanted to know if he could have pleased his parents more by just taking his scholarship and playing basketball. Could he and Haley have made it work if he went to Duke? That thought plagued him every day.

Lucas walked back into the kitchen with another stack of plates and placed them on the counter next to Nathan. Nathan thanked him for grabbing them before soaking them in the soapy water. Lucas made himself busy by straightening up the kitchen. A quiet surrounded them and Lucas glanced back at his younger brother.

He remembered the night that Nathan told him that he wasn't going to Duke but that he had enlisted. Lucas had been so angry and he wanted to grab Nathan by the shoulders and yell at him. He wanted to ask him what he was thinking. Why did he think that would change any of the events that had happened to them lately? He was crazy if he thought giving up his dream would change anything.

But now, he was proud of the man Nathan had become. Nathan was the most selfless person he knew. He couldn't think of another person who would set their own dreams aside and put themselves in harm's way to fight for people they didn't even know. Nathan wasn't even close to the guy he used to be in high school. He had grown so much in just a year.

A few more minutes passed before Nathan turned around and looked towards Lucas. "Have you seen Haley? I really need to talk to her."

"Last time I saw her was when she left with Jonnie. She didn't come back?"

"I guess not."

Nathan had no clue what she was going to tell Jonnie. He had no idea what she wanted from him or if she wanted him in that way at all. He knew she said she had to tell Jonnie the truth, but he had no idea how that conversation was going. Maybe she was begging Jonnie to forgive her and put everything that had happened between her and Nathan behind them. Maybe she was telling Jonnie that she wasn't in love with him. He had no idea.

"What's going on with you guys?" Lucas asked. "You and Haley, I mean."

"I'm in love with her," Nathan replied. "But she has a lot she has to figure out."

Lucas nodded and smiled. "You know Jake used to tell me that he thought you and Haley would fall in love someday. He said you fought too much for there not to have been something. He used to say there had to have been something worth fighting over. He said he knew you two would end up together. I think he's right."

Nathan never knew that Jake thought that. He had never once said anything to him about him and Haley. "Why didn't he ever say that to me?"

"You probably would have thought he was crazy."

That was true. Back in high school he would have laughed at the idea of ever being in love with Haley James. He would have denied it forever. But now he couldn't picture a life without her. He couldn't imagine what it would feel like to not love her. There would never be a day where he wouldn't love her, he was sure of that. And he knew Jake knew it too.

"I wish I would have known sooner," Nathan said. "I would have done anything to make it work with her. I would have asked her to wait for him. Now… I don't know what to do."

"It's gonna work itself out," Lucas said, "the best things always do."

Nathan smiled at his brother and hoped to God he was right. He knew there was nothing more he could do, everything would just have to happen on its own. He couldn't make Haley choose him no matter how much he wished he could. Everything would work itself out, that's what he had to keep telling himself.

They finished cleaning up the café and walked towards the door. Karen and Keith walked out in front of them and when the door shut Nathan locked it. They walked towards where their cars were parked and Nathan was about to get in the passenger side of Lucas's truck when he looked across the street and saw Jonnie sitting on a bench with his head in his hands.

"I'll meet you at home," Nathan said.

"What? You're gonna walk?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod of his head, "Jonnie's over there and he doesn't look so good… I'm gonna talk to him."

"You sure that's a good idea?"

"Maybe not," he replied honestly with a shrug of his shoulders, "but I'm gonna do it anyway."

Lucas nodded and Nathan turned around before jogging across the street. He slowly walked towards where Jonnie was sitting. He wasn't really sure what he was going to say to him, he wasn't sure what had been said to him. But he could tell that he was upset.

"Jonnie?" Nathan said, trying to gain his attention.

Jonnie looked up quickly towards Nathan and he could see that his eyes looked a little red and he could tell by the look on his face that he was angry.

"Where's Haley?" Nathan asked next.

Jonnie laughed and leaned back against the bench. "You mean you don't know? I thought you guys were super close and told each other everything."

Nathan could hear the angry tone in Jonnie's voice and he knew that she must have told him everything. The look on his face alone told Nathan that he was pissed and he was sure he hated him now.

"What happened?"

"Well you had sex with my girlfriend for starters."

Jonnie stood up and shook his head before starting to walk down the sidewalk. He didn't want to look at Nathan let alone speak to him. He didn't know what to say to him, all he wanted him to know was that he hated him.

"Jonnie, wait. It wasn't something we planned on. It just happened."

"You know," Jonnie said and turned around to look at him once more. "I saw the way you always looked at her. I knew that you were in love with her. Hell you told me how you felt about her. But I never thought that once I was with her you would still try with her. For some fucked up reason I thought I could trust you."

"I never did any of this to hurt you. And neither did she! She would never intentionally hurt you."

"Is that supposed to make it better?" Jonnie asked and dropped his hands to his sides. "I love her Nathan. You knew I did and you did it anyone. I don't know why I'm talking to you like we were ever friends and I should have expected better from you, but for some reason I did."

"I'm sorry Jonnie. I really am and so is she."

"You're always going to be in love with her aren't you?" Jonnie asked and took a step closer to him. "You'll never get over her and so neither will she."

"I am in love with her," Nathan said, "I wish I had known it sooner and I wish that I could have kept all of this from happening. But I didn't and I can't. But don't punish her for this."

Starring at Jonnie in front of him he could practically see him fall apart. He could hear it in his voice how hurt he was and he knew it was because he was so in love with her. In that moment Nathan hated himself for being the one who caused all this. Haley was happy before he came home and messed everything up. She was happy without him stepping in and confusing her. All he did was get in the way of her happiness and screw things up.

"She loves you Jonnie. It's been you for a while. She's just confused."

"Then stay away from her."

Jonnie turned around and walked away from him for the final time. He had nothing more to say and as far as he was concerned if he never saw Nathan Scott again that would be fine with him. There was a time when he thought he and Nathan might have been able to be friends, but not now. He would never trust him again and he wasn't sure if he would be able to trust Haley.

* * *

Haley sat on the couch waiting for Jonnie to come back through the door. Her parents had come back a while ago with Jenny. Apparently Peyton and Ben were still out. At least they were having a good time that night. Jonnie had disappeared leaving her on the pier and she had no idea where he'd gone. She walked back towards the café but couldn't walk in. She didn't know what she was going to say to Nathan.

Her heart felt broken thinking about how badly she'd hurt Jonnie; that had never been her intention. She wanted to be honest with him but now she just felt horrible. If there was any way for her to fix the whole situation, so that no one could be hurt, she would do it. Everything was so screwed up and it was all her fault. One of the two guys she loved would be hurt no matter what. Jonnie was already hurt.

The door opened a few minutes later and she looked up quickly. Jonnie stood in the doorway and he looked like now that he saw her he didn't want to come in. The look on his face suggested that he wanted nothing to do with her.

She stood up and took a few steps towards the door. "Jonnie," she said, "please talk to me."

Jonnie stepped back out the door and onto the porch. The inside of her house felt like it was closing in on him the second he stepped inside and he needed the air. He walked over to the railing and rested his palms against the wood while he tried to think of what he could possibly say to her. There were no words that he could come up with to say to her.

Haley stepped out and watched him rest against the porch. She knew he was mad at her but she had to make it right with him. She would hate herself forever if he hated her. But she could see that he didn't want to talk to her and she didn't want to pressure him.

"I know you hate me now," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. And I know that doesn't change anything."

Jonnie turned around and looked at her. He could see the guilt on her face and the tears forming in her eyes and part of him still felt like he was responsible. He never wanted to see her upset. But he was still angry and didn't know what to say to her. There was nothing he could do to fix the situation.

"I know you don't want to speak to me but can you please say something?"

"What do you want me to say?" he asked and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know what to say to you."

"Anything," she replied. "Yell at me. Be angry. I deserve it."

"When I look at you I don't even see you anymore. I don't see the girl I fell in love with because she never would have done this to me. But I'm not even sure you were ever that girl. You never really loved me."

"I did love you. I do love you!"

"But you love him, too."

Haley was sure the look on her face said she was guilty of what he was saying. She did love Nathan and there was no point in trying to deny it. But she wished that maybe she could have made it a little less obvious.

"You know he said that it was just a mistake between you two. He said that you didn't actually have feelings for him."

"You talked to him?" Haley asked suddenly.

"I didn't want to but I ran into him outside the café. He told me that you don't actually love him but he's wrong isn't he? You've always been in love with him and I was just someone to occupy your time until he came home."

"Jonnie, no, that's not true! You're so much more than that. I can't make any excuses for what I did and there's probably that I can say that's gonna keep you from hating me but please don't ever think that's true. You are so important to me and I do love you."

Jonnie wanted to believe her but too much of what he learned that night was preventing him. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be ok, but he just couldn't. He didn't want to lie to her and right now he really wasn't sure that they would be ok. He didn't know if it was possible to ever see her as the girl he fell in love with

"I have to think about a lot of things," Jonnie said a moment later. "I don't know if can ever trust you again. And even if I could… I don't know if you even really want to be with me."

Haley moved out of the way of the door and watched him make his way back inside her house before taking the steps two at a time. A few seconds later she heard the sound of the guest bedroom door closing. More tears formed in her eyes as she walked over to the steps. She planted herself down on the top step next to the railing. Her whole body felt exhausted but she didn't want to sleep. If she closed her eyes she knew she would see Jonnie's disappointed face.

There was something else that she kept replaying from their conversation in her mind. She kept hearing Jonnie say that Nathan had told him that him and Haley were just a mistake. Did he really mean that? She had to talk to him.

Haley stood up suddenly and hurried down the steps and began to run. She let her feet carry her towards Nathan's house. She rounded the corner of the sidewalk and ran the two more blocks to his house. When she stopped she saw the lights were still on in the house. Her chest was heaving as she stood on the sidewalk trying to decide what she was going to ask him. What was she supposed to say to him?

She walked up the steps towards the front door and knocked lightly. A few seconds later Keith opened the door and he smiled at the sight of her.

"Hey Hales," he said and stepped out of the way so she could walk in. "What are you doing here?"

"Is Nathan here?" she asked. "I really need to talk to him."

"He just got home a few minutes ago. Go ahead up to his room."

She thanked him before jogging up the steps towards his room. She walked down the hallway, which felt much longer in that moment, before she finally stopped at his door. She could see the light was on from under the door and the sound of old school hip hop was audible from the hallway. Taking a deep breath she brought her hand up to his door and knocked. It felt like hours before he finally opened the door.

Nathan was shocked to see Haley standing on the other side of the door. He could tell by her red eyes that she'd been crying and there was a light sheen of sweat on her forehead. She was still dressed in the jeans and cream colored tank top that she work at the party but her hair was now pulled up in a messy bun on her head.

"Haley?" he said, "what are you doing here?"

She ran her hand over her face and let out a sigh. "I really need to talk to you."

Nathan moved out of the way and motioned for her to come inside. He had no clue if Jonnie knew she was here but he figured if he did he was pissed. He had told Nathan to stay away from her and now he was welcoming her into his bedroom. That was pretty much the opposite of staying away from her.

"I know you talked to Jonnie," Haley said a moment later. "He told me what you said."

"Haley… you shouldn't be here."

"What?"

"You should be with Jonnie. He really loves you Haley."

It felt like he was being stabbed in the heart when he told her to go. He wanted her to stay with him, to tell him she loved him. But he knew that all he'd been doing was standing in the way of her happiness. It was time he let her go. If he finally did then maybe she could really be happy for the first time. He had to let her go.

"Nathan…"

"Haley, you know you should be with him. He can give you so much more than I can. If we were supposed to be together things wouldn't be this hard. What happened between us was a mistake, Haley."

Haley opened her mouth to speak, to tell him he was wrong. But she couldn't. No words could form and she stood there in stunned silence. Earlier she felt like her heart was being pulled in many different directions but now it just felt broken. She couldn't come up with words to tell him he was wrong and she couldn't find the words to tell him he was right.

"Go find Jonnie," Nathan said, "it's how it's supposed to be."

Nathan stood with his back facing her; he didn't want to see the look on her face while he lied to her. He worried that she might agree with him. Maybe she would tell him he was right and they were nothing more than a mistake. That would break his heart all over again. So instead of facing her he stared out the window, hiding how he really felt.

Soon he heard the sounds of her footsteps walking out of his room and down the hall. Seconds later the sound of the front door shutting met his ears. He knew that was how it was supposed to be. Jonnie was right for her and he knew that. But coming to terms with what was right and the way things were supposed to be left him with a broken heart.

* * *

Jonnie sat in the passenger side of the truck while Ben sat in the driver's side with his eyes fixed on the dark road ahead of them. He'd been asking Jonnie what had happened between him and Haley, why they were leaving so suddenly. But Jonnie couldn't bring himself to speak it out loud, it made it too real. To admit what had happened would mean admitting that he might have really lost her.

He felt a dull ache in his chest while he thought about her. Just hours before everything had been ok. He was completely in love with her and he thought she felt the same. He'd been looking back at their relationship, trying to pick up on things that might have tipped him off. Was there anything he could have noticed before that might have helped him now? He couldn't think of anything.

It was no secret how close Haley was with Nathan. He had always known that. But he always thought she was honest with him about the way she felt towards him. There was never a time when he thought she might have been hiding that she was in love with him. Was it right there in front of his face the whole time and he was just too dumb to see it? He felt dumb.

Thinking back on the trip to the beach house just weeks before he remembered how Nathan had acted. It was obvious to everyone there that Nathan was jealous. Haley was the only person who seemed oblivious to it. She was too busy being happy with Jonnie. She was happy wasn't she? He felt like he had replayed all of their moments together and she always seemed happy. He was always able to make her happy, right?

Was there something more he could have done? He would have done anything to fix this. He was good for her, she had to see that. Why couldn't Nathan have just been happy that she was happy with him. Why did he try to take her away from him? It didn't make sense. He always thought Nathan would have at least had the respect for him to not try and steal her away.

Jonnie kept staring at his phone. He was waiting for it to light up with her name on the screen. Part of him felt like all he wanted was for her to call and beg for him to come back. He wanted her to say that he was the only one that she wanted. But he wasn't sure if that call was ever going to come.

He had told her that he needed time to think about everything, but now all he wanted was for her to tell him there was nothing to think about. They were meant to be together. What was there to think about?

* * *

Haley walked back through the front door and saw Peyton sitting on the couch. She stood up quickly at the sight of her. Haley knew she was asking her questions, asking her what had happened with her and Jonnie, where had she just been. But her words fell on deaf ears. Haley could hardly control her own thoughts, let alone think of the answers to Peyton's questions.

She felt suddenly light headed as she stood in the doorway. She walked over to the couch and sat down before putting her head in her hands. The events of the last two hours just kept playing in her head and she couldn't get them to stop. No matter how much she wished them away they wouldn't leave.

"Where's Jonnie?" she asked, finally.

"Hales," Peyton started, "he's gone."

"What?" Haley asked and looked up at Peyton. She could see the look of sympathy on Peyton's face and she wished she wouldn't look at her like that. She was the last person she should have felt sorry for. She was the one who messed everything up.

"When Ben and I got back Jonnie said they had to leave. He had his stuff ready and they left. What happened?"

"I told him the truth. He hates me now and Nathan pretty much told me that he doesn't love me anymore."

"What? There's no way he would say that. Haley, Nathan is completely in love with you."

Haley shook her head and felt more tears come to her eyes. At this point she wasn't sure how she had anymore tears to cry. "He told me to go. He said we were just a mistake and that I should be with Jonnie."

"I don't believe he meant that," Peyton said sitting down next to her. She wrapped her arm around her friend before continuing. "Nathan is in love with you Haley. If he said that it's just because he thinks he has to."

"I'm the most selfish person," Haley said and wiped tears away from her eyes. "I can't make up my mind about two amazing guys and now neither of them want me. This is exactly what I deserve."

"Haley-"

"I know you're just gonna say something to try and make me feel better, and I love you for it, but don't."

Haley stood up and waked towards the stairs before taking them slowly one at a time. Her whole body felt exhausted, the last few hours had completely drained her. But she didn't want to fall asleep. The moment she woke up in the morning she would end up reliving the whole thing over again.

* * *

Brooke stood outside of Haley's bedroom door with Peyton standing beside her. She had shown up an hour before hoping that Haley would be awake. It was almost noon. But Peyton informed her that she hadn't seen her since the night before when Haley had gone to her room with tears in her eyes. She assumed Haley was still feeling down about the night before.

"Should we just go in?" Brooke whispered.

"She might still be sleeping," Peyton replied. "She was up most of the night crying. I could hear her last night."

Brooke had gotten the story from Peyton when she showed up, but she hadn't expected that. The last time Haley had really been this broken up was when Jake died. Maybe she was feeling like she was losing two people she loved this time. The last thing she wanted was for Haley to feel alone or upset. But clearly she didn't want to be around anyone.

"Jimmy tried to get her to come out and talk to him last night but she wouldn't."

Brooke sighed before lightly knocking on Haley's door. After a few seconds of silence she announced herself, but was still met with silence. She looked at Peyton who just shrugged. Neither of them really knew what to say or think.

"Hales?" Brooke said quietly, "I'm gonna come in."

She turned the knob on Haley's door and pushed it open. The blinds were down and the curtains were drawn over it and it was dark except for the light from the hallway leaking in. Brooke could make out Haley's form laying in her bed with her blankets pulled over her. The only sound in the room was the sound of the small fan in the corner.

"You awake?" Peyton asked, following in behind Brooke.

"Yeah," Haley replied quietly, "I didn't really sleep last night."

Peyton and Brooke walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down next to her. Haley had her hair pulled up in a messy bun and even in the darkness they could tell that she'd spent most of the night crying. Brooke placed a soothing hand on her shoulder and tried to think of the right words to say to her. But all she could manage was…

"Haley, what happened?"

"I told Jonnie about me and Nathan and he said he needed time to think about things. Then I went to talk to Nathan and he said we were nothing more than a mistake."

Brooke glanced back at Peyton before shaking her head. "No way. Nathan would never say that and mean it."

"Well he did."

"You need to talk to him again!" Peyton said.

"And say what?" Haley asked and sat up. "That I'm still not sure what to do and if he could just stick around and wait for me to make up my mind that would be great? I can't do that. I don't deserve either of them."

"You really don't know?" Brooke asked. "There isn't even one part of you that says which one you love more?"

"I don't know," Haley replied and gnawed on her bottom. "My head says Jonnie. He's been so great to me since the day I met him. He stayed up late with me and talked to me about Jake and everything going on. We just make sense, ya know?"

"You do," Peyton agreed.

"But when it comes to my heart… it's Nathan. Just when I'm with him I'm so happy. It's like there's nothing that can go wrong when I'm with him and he really has been there for me through everything."

"So what do you do?" Brooke asked.

Haley wished there was a clear cut answer. She wished she could just pick one of them and know that she would be happy but there was a voice in her head that kept reminding her that someone would get hurt. It just made better sense that it should have been her. She didn't deserve either of them if she couldn't make up her mind.

"I don't know."

"Well you'll have to let me know what you decide," Brooke said. "You know I leave tomorrow afternoon."

Haley had completely forgotten. With everything else going on it hadn't occurred to her that Brooke was leaving soon and that she needed to start packing to get ready to go back to Duke. And Nathan was also leaving tomorrow. Everything was happening so fast and she wasn't ready to say goodbye to anyone.

With the way things were with her and Nathan and Jonnie she didn't feel right starting a new year. Everything had to be fixed before Nathan left and she knew that just wasn't going to happen. Jonnie was gone and soon Nathan would be too and she knew she was going to be left feeling empty. Probably more empty than she felt already, if that was even possible.

* * *

Nathan stood at the foot of his bed tossing his clothes back into his duffle bag. His uniform hung on the back of his door, serving as a reminder of the day that was coming. Not that he really needed the reminder, the thought never left his mind.

Thinking about leaving was the only thing that stopped him from thinking of Haley. It kept him from picturing the hurt look on her face that he had seen the night before. She looked so wounded and betrayed. But he knew it was what he had to do. There was no way that he could make her as happy as Jonnie could. Jonnie was there for her and he just couldn't be. And she didn't deserve to be left alone.

"Haley looked pretty upset when she left here last night."

Nathan turned and saw Keith standing in the doorway. His arms were crossed over his chest and he wore a sympathetic look on his face. Nathan turned away from him and focused back on packing. He really didn't want to talk about Haley, not with anyone. But of course now his dad was here, trying to help when it was really only hurting.

"Yeah," he replied a second later, trying to avoid the subject.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

Keith rubbed the scruff on this cheek and nodded. "You don't have to talk but I'm going to. I'm sure you've heard plenty of people say that it's all gonna work out and everything's going to be ok. But I want you to understand that you get what you work for. If you want Haley, you have to prove it."

"She has Jonnie."

"And Jonnie's a real nice kid. But he's not you and he's not the one for her."

"I can't keep making her wait for me. He's here and he's good for her. I'm not."

"So she's just supposed to settle for someone who's around? How is that fair for her? Do you really think that's what she wants?"

"I don't know what she wants and neither does she."

"She doesn't wanna hurt anyone."

"Too late. We're all hurt now."

Keith could see it in his eyes that Nathan was hurt. He'd been watching Nathan fall more and more in love with Haley all summer and now he was sure he was devastated. But he couldn't understand why he was the one who sent her away. If he wanted her he had to prove it.

"There's nothing I can do, Dad. She had to figure this out on her own."

"I just don't want to watch you get your heart broken."

Nathan nodded before looking away from his father. He couldn't talk about this anymore. He had made his decision last night and he had to stick to it. Haley had to be with Jonnie. He was in love with her and he was good to her, and that's the way it had to be; especially with him leaving.

* * *

Haley had spent the whole day in her room. She knew she probably should have spent more time with Brooke and Nathan but she couldn't get herself to leave her room. She had stared at her room waiting to hear from Jonnie, but she didn't get anything. Not that she deserved it.

It was now the morning that Nathan was leaving and she felt like her heart just felt hollow. She wasn't even sure he wanted her there to say goodbye to him. Last night when she spoke to him, it didn't feel like him. It was like someone else had taken over his body. He just seemed so cold to her. Maybe he really didn't love her and he didn't care about her at all.

Her phone vibrated and she saw that Brooke had texted her to ask her where she was. Everyone was on their way to the airport to say goodbye to Nathan. Tears formed in her eyes as she sat in her room. Her hands were shaking and she stood up quickly. No matter how bad things seemed between her and Nathan she couldn't let him leave without saying goodbye. She would never forgive herself.

She changed out of her sweatshirt and shorts into a pair of jeans and a long sleeve white shirt. She slipped into a pair of white toms and ran down the stairs, grabbing her keys from by the door on the way.

"Where are you going?" Jimmy asked.

"I have to say goodbye to Nathan."

"Well I was wondering if you were ever going to come down. Your mother's already at the airport and with your slow driving you'll never make it in time. Now give me your keys."

Haley smiled before tossing her keys to her dad. He ran out the door behind her and was quickly in the driver's seat. Haley buckled her seatbelt and could only sit and wait for her dad to speed towards the airport. She pulled out her phone and told Brooke that she was on her way and to keep him from going through security as long as she could.

Her anxiety was getting the best of her and she kept picturing herself getting there just too late. If she missed him she would never forgive herself. She had to tell him that she loved him, even if he didn't love her back. There would always be that feeling of "what if" if she never told him again.

Jimmy had weaved in and out of traffic and probably broken a few traffic laws on his way to the airport. But when he pulled up in front of the airport he told Haley to hurry inside without him. Once she was out of the car and the door was shut he drove off to find a parking spot while hoping that he had made it in time for his daughter.

Haley ran through the doors and looked both ways before running towards security. She apologized to people as she ran into countless people on her way towards security. In the distance she could see Brooke and Peyton along with Keith, Karen and Lucas and her mother. She couldn't see Nathan.

"Nathan!" she yelled when she got closer to the line and saw him near the front. He turned around and saw her running towards the line and he dropped his bag before moving through the crowd of people.

"Nathan!" she yelled again once she reached him. He grabbed ahold of her shoulders to steady her and he could see the look of desperation on his face. "Nathan, I'm sorry. I should have been here earlier. I couldn't let you leave without saying goodbye."

"It's ok," Nathan said and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry about last night. I just know that you'll be happier with him than you will be with me. I just want you to be happy."

"I know you do."

"Just let yourself be happy."

She wanted to say something more, to tell him that he made her happy but she couldn't find the words, yet again.

"Nathan," Karen said, "you're going to miss your flight."

Nathan nodded and looked back at Haley. "I do love you," Haley said, "and I think I always will."

"And I love you," he said, "you know that. But be happy."

He kissed her head and held her close before telling her that he had to leave. They said their goodbyes and she watched him grab his bag again and get back in line for security. He turned around and their eyes met again and she wanted to beg him not to go. Despite the fact that she'd made it to him in time, she didn't feel any better watching him go. Once he was out of sight she felt like she'd lost him forever

**Please let me know what you think! Sorry about the ending, it's really not my favorite. The next chapter's gonna have a big jump in time. **

**Song for this chapter- Dreams by Gabrielle Aplin and Bastille**

**I highly recommend anything by Bastille. I'm obsessed.**


	28. Where Are You Now?

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thank you guys for your reviews! They make me smile. Like I said at the end of the last chapter there's a big jump in time from then to now. **

**Chapter 28: Where Are You Now? **

Brooke sat on the floor between the couch and the dark wooden table in front of her. Music from Julian's iPod played softly through the speakers in the house and she smiled when she heard him softly humming along from the kitchen. She turned and looked over the top of the couch and saw him making himself a sandwich from behind the counter.

When he had first suggested that they move in together she quickly said yes. If he wasn't sleeping at her house then she was at his apartment. And her house was more than big enough. It just made sense. They made sense.

"You hungry, Babe?" he asked, with a mouthful of the sandwich he'd just made.

"No thanks," she replied, focusing on the work in front of her. "I just ate."

She watched the pen in her hand and paid extra attention to making sure that her handwriting was perfect. A few seconds later Julian came to sit behind her on the couch. He placed his plate on the table and Brooke snagged a grape from the plate and popped it into her mouth.

"You know," she said looking at the stack of envelopes in front of her, "you could have offered to help me."

"Well yeah," he agreed with a slight nod. "But you're handwriting's so much better than mine."

Brooke laughed. "That's true."

A few more minutes passed before Brooke straightened out the stack and proclaimed that she was finally done, with a triumphant smile. She pushed herself up to where Julian sat and snuggled up to his side while he grabbed the remote and started a movie that was in the DVD player. After a few minutes Alex Dupre made her appearance on the screen.

Brooke scoffed. "Good thing she's such a good actress since she sucks in real life."

Julian laughed and glanced down at her. "I thought you guys were getting better."

"Yeah now that she doesn't try and hit on you 24/7 we're a little better. But I still don't like her. I just put up with her for you."

In the past few months Julian had finally gotten the chance to do something he'd been dying to do for years and that was to direct a movie. When the script had come across his father's desk he wasn't so sure about it. However once Julian read it he saw the potential in the story. Paul Norris then made the deal with him that if he could polish up the script with the writer a bit then he would let him produce it.

Brooke had been excited for him to do it, until Alex Dupre showed up. Brooke recognized her instantly from not only her movies, but from the tabloids. Alex had just finished her stint in rehab and she was all the press ever seemed to talk about. Brooke had tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she really was an ok person. But it didn't take long for her opinions to change once Alex began to hit on Julian any second she got.

In the past couple of months Brooke sat by and watched her throw herself at Julian and it made her blood boil. So much so that she had let her emotions get the best of her and even slapped her. That was not her finest hour. But she trusted Julian. Even though she hated watching another girl flirt with him she knew he loved her and her alone.

So she had been trying to just ignore Alex. Alex and her perfect hair and her skinny body would be no concern of hers. It was harder than it sounded but she was managing it. And it seemed like lately Alex had her sights set on someone else so Brooke just brushed it off.

After the movie ended Julian stood up and grabbed the envelopes. "How about I put these in the mail for you?"

She thanked him and kissed him before watching him walk out the door. She smiled as she watched him go and she began to wonder how her life had worked out so well. She was so happy that she had let him in to her life. If she had continued to push him away she knew she would never be as happy as she was now.

If there was anything she could change in her life she wished that more of the people she loved could be closer to her. Peyton had moved to Savannah, Georgia to attend art school and she loved it there. Keith and Karen had decided to go travel the world and they were gone most of the time. Haley was now living in New York City. Of course her parents were still absentees and that was probably for the better. The last time she saw her mother was 5 months ago.

Moving back to Tree Hill had been one of the best decisions she'd ever made. She found that her creativity flowed more easily here than it did in New York. That was something she hadn't counted on. Since moving back to Tree Hill her sketches had become even better and she'd finally opened up her own store.

Once Karen and Keith decided to move she had told Brooke to take the space. First Brooke felt weird about turning the café into something else. But Karen had finally managed to convince her and Brooke was glad she had. Clothes Over Bro's was really popular and she felt proud of herself every time she walked into the store. Despite the extra apostrophe in Bros that Haley had managed to point out.

Lucas had moved back to Tree Hill too, and he wasn't alone. It turned out that he'd kept in contact with Jonnie's cousin Lindsey and now they were engaged. She was happy to see that he was finally in love with someone who loved him the way he deserved. They really were perfect together.

When she thought about it, everyone's lives were so different than they had been 4 years ago. She had just begun falling in love with Julian and now she couldn't picture her life any other way. Maybe now everyone's lives had fallen into place and everything was working out the way it was supposed to.

She was broken out of her thoughts by the sound of her ringing cellphone. She leaned forward and grabbed it off the table and smiled when she saw the familiar name on the screen.

"Hey Hales," she said with a smile. "Julian just put something in the mail for you keep a look out for it."

* * *

He could almost hear the sounds of the crowd cheering as he stood on the familiar court again. The place looked the same as it had years ago, but it was different now. Everything was different now. He was different now. He was nowhere near the guy he used to be when he would take his place on this court.

He dribbled the ball that was in his hands on the court a few times before he heard the sounds of footsteps coming up behind him. When he turned around he saw the group of young guys in their practice uniforms coming through the doors and going towards the court.

"Thinkin' about the old day's Nate? Make you feel pretty old?

Nathan shook his head and looked at the young man standing next to him and shook his head before passing the ball in his direction. "I'm only 23, Q."

"That's old in my book."

"Well that's because you're only 17."

Quentin shook his head and ran out onto the court and began to practice with the rest of the team. Nathan called out a few drills that they should start working on and watched them take their spots on the court. After a few minutes passed Lucas walked in to the gym and walked up next to him.

"Hey," he said, "sorry I'm late. Lindsey's car wouldn't start so I had to drive her to work."

"No problem."

"I guess not," Lucas said watching the team, "you got them hard at work already."

When Lucas had moved back to town the Raven's hadn't been a winning team since he and Nathan had been on the team. Apparently a lot of things had changed. Whitey had retired and the JV coach had taken his place but he clearly didn't know how to coach them. The team was just seen as a joke and Lucas wanted to step in and change things.

After Nathan's final tour in Afghanistan he asked him if he wanted to coach with him and he had quickly agreed. The love of the game had never left either of them and now they both got to do something they loved. And hopefully they were making a difference in the lives of the boys on the team.

When Nathan finally came home he wasn't sure how he was going to go back to a normal life. He wasn't used to it. He was used to always moving around and not sleeping in a real bed and it was an adjustment being home. His apartment was a lot different than tents he was used to. But he couldn't deny that he loved being home in Tree Hill. Nothing compared to being here. For the first time in a long time he finally felt like he had a place and a purpose.

"Lindsey wants to know if you wanna come over for dinner tonight. We're kind of having a party to celebrate the book coming out."

Lucas had finally finished his first book and he had just found out that they were going to publish it. That had been Lucas's dream for such a long time and all of his friends were happy to finally see it coming true.

"Of course I'll be there. Too bad Peyton's not in town with Ben. I'm sure she'd want to be here to celebrate."

"Yeah or Haley," Lucas said then looked at his brother. "Have you talked to her lately?"

"Just letters back and forth but that's it."

Four years was a long time and that was how long it'd been since Nathan had told Haley to pick Jonnie. He wanted her to be happy and he knew that he was the one who could do it for her. They continued to talk through letters over the years but things had changed so much. Anytime they were both in Tree Hill they hardly saw each other. That was mostly his fault.

Nathan avoided any situation that he knew Haley would be at. They ran into each other occasionally but he always came up with excuses to leave or get away as quick as possible. He was sure that was a pretty childish way to deal with things, but it was the only thing he could come up with.

Nathan directed his attention back to practice and tried to get Haley out of his head. Any time she was brought up he found it hard to stop thinking about her. Even after all these years she was still in his head and he wasn't sure if there would ever be a day when she wasn't.

"Tell Clay and Sarah to come too," Lucas said before walking out to the court to give more direction to the team.

* * *

Crowds made their way around her and Haley struggled to hold her own. She had always hated being in the middle of a crowd and this situation reminded her why. She didn't like airports either, but here she was. She tried to keep the thoughts of being over crowded from her mind as she followed other passengers toward baggage claim.

Finally she made it to the metal carousel and waited for it to begin to move. She tapped her gray lace up boot against the dingy carpeted floor and looked down at the rose gold watch on her wrist. It was almost 5:30. She sighed and directed her attention to the carousel, willing it to begin to deposit their bags.

After what felt like ages the red light on the top began to blink as large suitcases began to slide down the small ramp. She moved out of the way as many passengers moved around her to grab their bags and she breathed a sigh of relief when she finally saw her dark red bag. Stepping forward she grabbed the handle and smiled at the middle aged man who helped her pull it off. She thanked him with a smile before pulling the handle of the bag and moving towards the sliding glass doors.

Winter was still in the air as she stepped outside. She pulled her black wool jacket tighter to her body and directed her attention to the line of cars. After a few more minutes she smiled when she saw a familiar silver sedan making its way closer to her.

Jimmy James stopped the car and got out of driver's seat and smiled when he saw his daughter. Her blonde hair was a shade darker than the last time he had seen her and it fell far past her shoulders. She wore a pair of black skinny jeans with a pair of light gray lace up boots and a black wool jacket. But what he noticed most was her bright smile.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed and ran forward before throwing her arms around his neck. It felt like it had been forever since she had been in front of him. There was something so comforting about seeing her dad. She stepped back to look at him and smiled at the sight of him. He wore a dark pair of jeans with a black thermal shirt covered by a jean jacket. She smiled knowing that her mother must have loved that. There was more gray in his hair than when she had seen him last and she couldn't resist teasing him.

"Run out of just for men?" she asked with a smile and tousled his hair a bit.

"Oh shut your mouth," he said with a laugh. "I'll have you know that your mother loves this look on me."

Haley laughed and grabbed her suitcase before tossing it into the backseat. Jimmy walked around to the driver's seat once more and started the engine once more. Haley pulled the seatbelt across herself and buckled in. Being in the car with her father at the airport always brought back the memory of racing her to try to get to Nathan.

She shook her head and tried to get that memory from her mind. She tried to think of him as little as possible but it was difficult. Instead of thinking of him she focused back on her father. "Thanks for picking me up," she said, "I know it was kind of short notice."

"I'll say," he replied with a small laugh. "But it's always good to have you home, Honey."

"Thanks Daddy."

"What brings you home anyway?"

Haley shrugged. "I don't know. I just haven't been back in a while and I miss it here. I was sitting at home with my computer on my lap and before I could stop myself I was booking a ticket home and here I am."

"Jonnie doesn't mind?"

Haley shook her head and smiled before looking out the window. Jonnie was gone anyway and she was sure he wouldn't care that she wanted to go home for a while. Besides even if he did mind it didn't matter. She needed to come home.

When Brooke had called her she was about to board her flight back to North Carolina. It was going to be a surprise that she was coming home but she couldn't help but tell Brooke. Her excited shriek from the other end of the line showed that she was just as excited as she was. Brooke had offered to pick her up and give her a place to stay, the latter she accepted right away.

Her parents were going on a cruise the next day and she didn't want to stay in her house alone. Plus she was excited to get to spend some time with Brooke and Julian. Besides the few short visits over the years she hadn't gotten to see much of them and this would be a welcomed change.

"Lucas and Lindsey are having people over for dinner tonight," Brooke had told her on the phone, "you have to come with us and surprise everyone!"

"Will Nathan be there?" Haley asked before she could stop herself.

Thinking back on it now it was a dumb question. She was sure he would be there, he was his brother after all and he was back in town. Why wouldn't he be there? Her heart pounded at the thought of seeing him. She was scared that once he saw her he would find a reason to bail. That was what he normally did when she was around.

"What time is Brooke picking you up?" Jimmy asked.

"Around 7, I think."

"Good. Plenty of time for your mother to visit with you before we leave."

* * *

The doorbell to the James' house rang at 6:57 and Haley hurriedly ran to answer it. When she pulled the door open Brooke stood on the other side. Her hair was past her shoulders now Haley noticed the ombre coloring. She was dressed in a long sleeve lace black shirt with dark washed boot cut jeans. Brooke always managed to make her beauty seem so effortless. Behind her stood Julian. He was in a dark pair of jeans as well and a light blue button up under a light gray jacket.

Brooke launched herself through the door and threw her arms around her best friend. Haley quickly reciprocated the hug. She hadn't realized how much she missed Brooke until that moment. They talked on the phone almost every day but nothing compared to being able to see her in person. "I'm never letting you leave again, Tutor Girl!"

Haley laughed and stepped back from Brooke and smiled at her. Brooke took a few more steps inside and walked over to Jimmy and Lydia. Haley welcomed Julian in and gave him a tight hug as well. Seeing them both in front of her helped her to feel home.

She could hear Brooke talking animatedly to her parents and she smiled before she and Julian walked over to where they were.

"Brooke," Lydia said, "you have to let me see this thing!"

Lydia reached forward and grabbed Brooke's left hand and stared down at the large square cut diamond ring on her ring finger. Lydia's mouth opened in shock and she looked towards Julian and smiled. "You Sir, have excellent taste!"

Julian smiled and blushed slightly. "Well I have to admit that I had some help. I kept sending pictures to Haley and Peyton and asking them for their opinions."

"Thank God you did or I might have ended up with something pear shaped on a gold band or something," Brooke said, jokingly.

Brooke and Julian had been on vacation to a film festival in Utah when Julian had surprised her with the ring. She remembered the moment clearly when she thought of it. They had been on a walk in the lightly falling snow and she had been making some jokes about the many actors and actresses that they had been meeting. When Julian remained silent she knew something was up with him.

He had stopped her and told her how amazing she was and how lucky he was to be with her. At first she worried that he might have been trying to break up with her. That was until Julian smiled and got down on one knee. Her breath caught in her throat as he pulled out a black box revealing the gorgeous diamond ring. He'd barely gotten the chance to finish his speech before Brooke said yes. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and she didn't want to wait any longer for him to know.

"We brought you guys your invite," Julian said and reached into his coat pocket. He handed it over to Jimmy who smiled at the young couple in front of him.

"You know we'll be there!" Lydia exclaimed before yanking the invitation from Jimmy's hands.

She peeled the envelope open and pulled it out before looking down at the invite. Brooke and Julian's names were printed across the inside in cursive black font on the cream paper. The date for their wedding was April 8th, just two months and Brooke couldn't wait.

"Good," Brooke replied with a bright smile. "It wouldn't be the same without you guys. Or you Hales."

Haley smiled at her best friend before promising to be there. There was no way that she would miss this wedding. As long as she'd known Brooke, she'd guarded her heart. Even with Lucas she was overly protective of herself and she knew it was because of her parents. She was sure that growing up feeling like your own parents didn't love you made it hard to trust someone else when they said they did.

But now, she could see how happy Brooke was. Whenever they spoke on the phone and she talked about her life with Julian she could hear it in her voice. Her smile was audible over the phone. Now there was no way she would ever miss the day that Brooke would marry Julian.

"You know I'll be here."

* * *

Haley sat in the back of the car while Julian drove down the familiar streets towards Lucas's house. He lived in the house where he and Nathan had grown up and it led her to wonder where Nathan was living now. She doubted that he wanted to live with an engaged couple.

She felt her nerves kicking in when she realized he was definitely going to be there tonight. It felt like it'd been forever since the last time she saw him in person. And the last time did… it wasn't really a memory she wanted to remember. The last time she was home was the year before and seeing Nathan then… it wasn't how she wanted to see him.

She tried to get that memory out of her head and focused instead on how excited she was to see everyone else. Then she began to wonder who else was going to be there. She wasn't even sure and that thought made her smile. It had been so long since she had seen everyone and once she saw them all again it would finally feel like being back home.

"How's Jonnie?" Brooke asked from the passenger seat.

"He's good," Haley replied. "He's been gone for the last two weeks on a mission trip with the kids at our church. He comes home next week."

"It's too bad he couldn't come back with you," Julian said. It was then that she realized he was pulling into Lucas's neighborhood and her heart began to beat a little faster.

"Yeah," Haley replied, "I'm not sure he's really comfortable being around Nathan still."

"Right," Brooke replied, "yeah love triangles can be complicated."

She kinked her eyebrow and looked toward Julian who held up his hand in defense. Haley couldn't help the laugh that slipped out of her mouth. "Is Alex coming tonight? I actually kind of want to meet her."

"Yes she'll be there," Brooke replied with a sigh.

Haley was sure that there was nothing that Brooke needed to worry about with this Alex girl. It was clear to anyone that saw them that Julian was completely in love with Brooke. No girl would be able to just walk into their life and change that.

Julian pulled up in front of the house and Haley stared out the window noticing the many cars parked out front. Nathan's black GMC was parked just feet away which meant he was already inside. She opened the door and stepped out of the car and looked up at the house. She took a deep breath and walked with Brooke and Julian towards the front door.

Brooke knocked on the door a few times and Haley tried to get her pounding heart under control as she waited for the door to open. A few more seconds passed by before the door swung open and Lucas stood on the other side. He smiled at Brooke and Julian and then suddenly his eyes landed on Haley.

"Hales!" he said excited and took a few steps towards her before pulling her into his arms. Haley couldn't help but smile and wrap her arms around him. Lucas always made her feel so comfortable and that was one of the reasons he was one of her best friends. No matter how long she was away he always made her feel home.

"I've missed you so much," she said and loosened her hold on her friend. "And I'm so proud of you! I hope you know I want an autographed copy of your book."

"Of course," Lucas said with a smile. "You're in it so of course you get an autographed copy."

Lucas's book, _An Unkindness of Ravens,_ was inspired by all of his friends and family and growing up in Tree Hill. He had finished it in his last year in college and now it was getting published. Lindsey had helped him edit it and find a publisher and now it seemed like his dream was coming true.

"Come in," Lucas said and ushered the three of them inside. They pushed their jackets off their shoulders and hung them over the back of a chair in the living room. The room was empty but they could hear voices from the kitchen and they continued down the hall towards the voices. Julian walked in first wit Brooke and Lucas behind him and Haley followed after.

Her palms were beginning to sweat and her arms felt cold. The first people she recognized were Mouth and Skills. Next to them stood two women, one Haley recognized as the girl who had been working as Brooke's assistant the last time she was home. Her name was Millie if she remembered correctly. Standing next to Skills, only coming up to his shoulder was a small blonde woman in a light blue dress and a pair of black heels.

On the opposite side of the room she saw a woman with golden blonde hair that tumbled down her back. She wore a flowy black top with a silver necklace and a pair of black skinny jeans. She held a glass of wine in her hand and smiled at the man standing next to her. He was in a white button up shirt under a dark blue sweater. His short dark blonde hair was slightly spiked with gel and he wore light blue jeans. It took a few seconds for her to realize that she recognized them both. She had met Clay and Sarah at the dinner Nathan took her to on the riverboat 4 years before. The night he told her he loved her.

Not far from them she saw a girl with long dark brown hair and skinny frame. She was dressed in a pair of dark jeans and an emerald green sweater that was cut into a V in the front. She held a glass of water in her hand and she was laughing and smiling at the man standing next to her. Her laugh was loud and easily heard throughout the room. Haley knew that laugh. It was a flirting with a boy laugh. Suddenly she realized that girl was Alex Dupre and the man standing next to her was Nathan.

Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him and her heart felt like it might beat out of her chest. He was dressed in a dark pair of jeans and a long sleeve black shirt. Through the sleeves she could see that the muscles in his arms were bigger than she had realized the last time she saw him. His hair was now buzzed short again and he smiled at Alex before taking a sip of the beer in his hand.

A few more seconds passed before Alex saw Brooke and Julian and yelled towards Julian telling him to come say hi. Haley was left standing alone while Brooke rolled her eyes before walking over to Clay and Sarah. Once Julian reached Alex and Nathan, Nathan looked up towards the door to the kitchen and saw Haley standing there.

She was the last person he was expecting to see that night. His heart dropped to his stomach as she saw her standing just a few feet from him. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to not see her the second she walked in. Now he felt very aware of her every movement. He wasn't sure if he should walk over to her and say something or if he should just keep his distance. Right now he really didn't know what he would even say.

Haley wasn't sure how long they'd been standing there staring at each other but she finally looked away from him. She turned towards where Skills and Mouth stood and made her way over to them. She was embraced with hugs and was quickly introduced to Millie and Skills' date, her name was Lauren and she was a teacher. She tried to busy herself with the other people in the room, trying to keep herself from looking towards Nathan.

"You're Haley right?" she heard suddenly and turned around and saw Alex Dupre standing behind her.

"Uh," Haley replied, "yeah I am. Alex, right?"

"Yeah." Alex gave her a bright smile before continuing. "I've heard a lot about you! I didn't know you were going to be here tonight though."

"Oh it was kind of a… spur of the moment decision to come home and it turned out that Lucas and Lindsey were having people over. Seemed like a good idea to surprise everyone."

"Maybe we can get to know each other better while you're in town?" Alex asked, taking Haley by surprise. Why did this girl want to get to know her?

"Sure," Haley replied. "Sounds great."

Alex smiled once more before opening the door to the fridge and grabbing a beer. "Do you want me to grab you one?" she asked.

"Oh, no. I'm fine, thanks."

Haley watched as Alex walked back over to where Nathan was standing and she handed him the beer in her hand. He smiled and thanked her before sneaking another glance towards where Haley was standing. She looked away from him quickly and tried to look like she wasn't watching him.

"You're a sight for sore eyes."

Haley turned her head to look over her shoulder and smiled when she saw Clay standing just feet from her. She took a step forward and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. It really had been forever since she'd seen him last.

Clay and Sarah moved to Tree Hill shortly after Clay's last deployment. They had found a nice house on the beach and he was working on starting his own company. It had always been his dream to be a sports agent and now he finally felt like he could do that. Living in Tree Hill allowed him to be close enough to other small towns where a lot of sport prospects lived and he didn't mind driving out to meet with them.

"It's good to see you," Clay said, "it's been what… a year?"

"That was the last time I came home," she replied with a nod of her head.

"When Nathan-"

"Yeah," she replied with a nod. They didn't need to talk about it.

"So how do you guys like living here?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"We love it. Sarah loves that we have such good friends so close and it's a great place for me to start my business."

"That's so great Clay."

She wanted to pay attention to what he was saying to her but she couldn't help but look back towards Alex and Nathan. From here she could see her trying to lay on the charm with him and it made her heart drop. She didn't want to watch this.

"They're not together," Clay said a moment later.

Haley turned and looked at him wondering if she really seemed that transparent. Was it so obvious that she was wondering if they were together? She thought Alex liked Julian?

"I wasn't wondering.."

"Sure you weren't," Clay said with a small smile.

"It's really none of my business anyway."

Clay nodded and she asked him more about his business. She wanted to only focus on what he was saying and not on anything else. If she let her mind wander she would only stumble upon unwanted thoughts and that was the last thing she wanted.

* * *

Haley took a seat at the long table between Sarah and Brooke and she watched as Nathan sat down across from her, with Alex at his side. They had been together all night, the only time they weren't was when she had spoken to Alex in the kitchen. She knew she had no right to be jealous, she was with Jonnie. She should have been happy that Nathan seemed to like someone.

But she couldn't stop the jealously from flaring up inside her. Was this what it was like for Nathan whenever he saw her with Jonnie? That thought caused guilt to wash through her and she suddenly felt like a terrible person. If that was how she had caused him to feel, she hated herself.

Soon everyone was seated at the table and they were all talking. She was happy to be surrounded by all of her friends again, but she wished Peyton and Jenny were there. She knew they were happy in Savannah but she wanted them to be here for this. She hadn't seen them in so long.

"Has anyone talked to Peyton lately?" Lucas asked, as if he'd been reading her mind.

"Yeah I talked to her yesterday," Nathan replied. "I think she, Jenny and Ben are gonna come home this weekend."

Haley couldn't help but look up at Nathan. Those were the first words she'd heard from him all night. It didn't feel right for them to be completely ignoring each other, but he was making it pretty clear that he wasn't trying to speak to her. Besides the few letters that had been sent back and forth between them over the last four years, they hadn't really spoken. When had they gone from being so close, to not even speaking.

The night he told her to choose Jonnie.

"So Nathan," Haley said suddenly before she could even stop herself, "how are you liking coaching so far?"

She had heard from Lucas that Nathan was now coaching the Ravens with him and she felt like that was the only thing she could talk to him about. But once the words left her mouth and everyone looked between them, watching the scene unfold in front of them, she felt so stupid. Now she was trying to make small talk with him?

"I like it," Nathan replied and then took another sip of the beer in front of him.

He'd been trying to ignore her. Trying to keep himself from watching her interact with everyone in the room. He didn't want to hear the sound of her laugh or watch her smile. But now she sat right in front of him and he was finding it hard to look away. Did she always have to look so beautiful? It wasn't fair. And she was choosing now to try and talk to him? About something like basketball?

"Good," she replied and then grabbed her wine glass before finishing it off. This was so awkward.

Nathan looked at her again before clearing his throat. He had to get the attention off of him somehow. "Julian we're having poker night at my apartment tomorrow night. You in?"

Brooke looked at Julian and smiled before answering for him. "He'll be there."

Julian laughed and nodded. "I guess I'll be there."

The rest of the dinner carried on with chatter from everyone at the table and Nathan was glad that Haley hadn't tried to say anything more to him. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to her, he'd been dying to speak with her for years, but was just too hard. He'd made the promise to Jonnie that he would stay away from her and he had to do that. He had to let them be happy together. No matter how beautiful she was and no matter how much his heart still ached for her.

After dinner Haley refilled her wine glass and excused herself to get some air. She grabbed her jacket from the living room and slipped it back on before stepping out onto the front porch. She was met with cold air as she went to sit on the steps of the porch. Her mind was racing with a million thoughts and she didn't even know how to begin to process them.

A few minutes passed before she heard the door open behind her and she looked over her shoulder and saw Nathan standing the doorway. He had a black jacket on and his hands were in his pockets.

"Hey," he said quietly before walking towards the steps.

"Hi."

He sat down next to her and resisted the urge to turn and look at her. He wasn't even sure what had possessed him to follow her out there. Sure he had wanted to speak to her, but after the way he treated her the last time he saw her, he wasn't so sure she'd ever want to speak to him.

"So," Haley began, "Alex seems nice."

"She is," Nathan agreed with a nod of his head. He really didn't want to talk about Alex with Haley, that was just too weird.

"She clearly likes you."

"No. We're just friends. She's only gonna be in town for a little bit longer. I mean once the movies done she'll be gone."

"You like her?" Haley asked and looked at him. "You know it's ok to tell me that you do, right?"

Nathan laughed and shrugged his shoulders. He liked Alex, she was fun and lively and fun to hang out with, but he had never really thought about liking her as anything other than a friend. Obviously she was beautiful, but there was always that voice in the back of his head that reminded him that she wasn't Haley.

They sat in an awkward silence for a few more minutes. He was trying to come up with the right words to say to her, but he just couldn't think of anything. After years of wishing he could just be around the girl who used to be his best friend again, now he had no clue what to say. He just went with the first thing that popped into his mind.

"Why'd you come home Hales?" he asked suddenly and Haley quickly turned her head to look at him.

"What?" she asked and he shrugged. "I miss it here, Nathan. I miss everyone here. My whole life was here."

"But now it's in New York right? With Jonnie?"

"Don't say it like that's not what you wanted," Haley replied, "you told me to be with him. You practically forced it on me."

Nathan shook his head. He knew she was right but he still didn't know what to say. Things with them had just become so complicated and it didn't feel like there was any way to make things right with them again. They were just too far from the way they used to be.

The front door opened again and Alex stepped out onto the porch. "Hey you're still here," she said smiling at Nathan. "Can you give me a ride? I came with Millie but I think she's going home with Mouth and I'd rather not third wheel."

Nathan stood up and nodded. "Let me grab my keys."

Haley stood up and went back inside. She really didn't want to be left alone with Alex while she waited to leave with Nathan. This whole night was just so awkward and now she was second guessing coming home at all. The last thing she wanted was to feel this way the whole time she was here.

**So there's definitely a huge jump in time in this chapter. I promise I'll fill in more missing details in the chapters to come. Please let me know what you think!**

**Song for this chapter:  
Where are you now?- Mumford and Sons**


	29. This Is Your Heart

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Chapter 29: This Is Your Heart**

_4 years ago_

_Two weeks into the first semester and Haley already felt overwhelmed. She wasn't ready to be back at school and away from Tree Hill. Especially considering the way things ended up at home. Nathan didn't want to be with her, he'd made that obvious by telling her to be with Jonnie. And Jonnie didn't even want to be with her. He hated her and she couldn't blame him. _

_Oakley had been bombarding her with questions about what had happened between her and Jonnie and Nathan and she really didn't know what to say. She really didn't want to talk to her about what had happened. She didn't want to talk to anyone. The only two people she wanted to talk to either wouldn't speak to her or couldn't. Everything was falling apart and it was all her fault._

_Every day she worried about running into Jonnie. She knew that when she did see him he was still going to be angry with her. At least she hoped he was still angry. She deserved it. She kept making up scenarios in her mind of how their conversation would go and it always ended with him yelling and telling her he hated her._

_The sun was beating down on her as she walked across campus. Her headphones were in her ears and she was thankful for the sounds of music drowning out the sounds on campus. The library came into her sights and when she reached the steps she jogged up them through groups of students. Pushing the doors open she was met with the refreshing feel of the air conditioning. _

_Walking past the front desk and through rows of desks she finally made it to a set of stairs. Taking them upstairs she saw around 20 students spread throughout the stacks of books. She made her way closer to a vacant table and when she reached it she dropped her heavy backpack to the ground with a thud. Pulling out the chair she sat down and turned down her headphones a bit._

_She pulled out a textbook for her Ethics class and began to skim the pages, highlighting sections of the text she thought might have been important. After an hour Haley finally looked away from the page and up at her surroundings. From the windows she could see that the sun was beginning to set._

"_Haley?"_

_Through the low sound of her music she vaguely made out the sound of her name being called and she quickly pulled the earbud from her ear. Turning her head to the right she saw Jonnie standing just a few feet away. He wore a pair of light blue jeans and a plain white shirt with a green baseball hat on backwards over his hair._

"_Jonnie," she said, clearly surprised. "Hi."_

"_Hey," he said and stepped closer to the table she currently occupied. "I was saying your name but you didn't hear me."_

"_Right," she said and picked up her headphones again. "Sorry."_

_When she said that she wasn't sure if she was apologizing for not being able to hear him earlier or if she was really apologizing for everything else. She thought it might have been for everything else. It wasn't like she could really apologize enough for it._

"_How've you been?" she asked, even thought that was probably a pretty stupid question to ask._

_He shrugged, "not that great."_

_Haley nodded and bit her bottom lip. "If it makes you feel any better I've been feeling pretty awful lately."_

"_It doesn't really help."_

_The awkward tension between them was palpable. There was so much that needed to be said between them but neither of them was willing to go there. She just wanted things to be ok with them, for him to at least not hate her. However she wasn't sure if that would ever be possible. So all she could do was sit and stare at him, at a loss for words._

"_I wanted to call you," he said finally. "I just couldn't. But I shouldn't have just left without saying anything to you."_

"_I don't blame you," she replied. "I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with me if I was you. And I wanted to call you, too. I just figured you needed some space."_

_He nodded his head and then cleared his throat. "Are you heading out of here soon?" _

"_Yeah. I just needed a quiet space to study and Dave was over with Oakley so I came here. But I'll probably head back soon."_

"_You want me to walk you?"_

_She was taken aback by his question. She wasn't sure why he even wanted to be around her right now. _

"_Yeah," she replied. "I'd like that."_

_The walk back to her dorm was mostly silent. Neither of them really knew what to say to each other, still. Walking side by side seemed like falling back into their old regular pattern. But it was too soon for it to feel normal, wasn't it? Was there even anyway for them to be normal again? Or even friends?_

Haley laid awake staring at the ceiling thinking back on years ago. She hadn't anticipated Jonnie showing up in the library that day and she definitely wasn't expecting him to offer to walk her back to her dorm. But from that day on he walked her home from her classes and got coffee with her when she was free and eventually it felt like they were them again. She didn't understand how he could forgive her and she questioned him about it multiple times. Why was he so understanding?

Each time she asked him why he would take her back he just smiled and told her it was because he loved her so much. He was willing to fight to have her back, to prove to her that he loved her and he would be the only person she would ever need. They would be good again. Even when she would receive letters from Nathan he didn't question it. He trusted her, he said.

As the years passed they took it slow and eased back into their relationship. She had fun with him and he made her smile and she realized why she had fallen for him in the first place. She put aside the voice in her head that nagged at her that still things could never be the way they had been with Nathan. It didn't matter. What she had with Nathan was so different from what she had with Jonnie. She didn't want them to be the same. They could never be the same.

After Jonnie graduated he moved back to South Carolina and he and Haley made visits to see each other. He had a job with a church from his town as a youth minister and he loved it. She could hear the passion in his voice when he told her about his work and she was happy for him.

The next year when she graduated she started a job at a record label in New York City. Her new life was so exciting and so different from what she was used to. But for once it felt like everything was finally falling into place for her. She loved her job and her apartment and she'd made new friends. Eventually Jonnie moved to the city to be with her and things with them were great.

She kept in contact with Nathan through letters but over the past 4 years only about 20 letters had been sent back and forth between them. And they had been short and contained nothing but tidbits about their lives. They weren't the same people they had been when he first left. She could tell by his words that he didn't look forward to her letters like he used to. She almost felt like it seemed to be a chore to him to write back to her. That broke her heart.

And after last night she had no idea where things stood between them. They hardly even seemed like friends. Were they back to where they were in high school? Tolerating each other's presence for the sake of their friends seemed so strange. Nathan had once been a person that she would have told anything to. He was her confidant and she trusted him with her whole heart. Now they could hardly even make conversation with each other. That wasn't right.

Haley sat up in bed and pushed the blankets off herself before getting out of bed. When she pushed the door open she heard the sound of Julian's voice from the kitchen and the sounds of pop music playing from an iPod dock as she made her way towards the stairs. As she walked down them she saw Julian already dressed and ready for the day while Brooke sat at the kitchen island in her pajamas.

Brooke smiled at the sight of her best friend and waved her down. In front of Brooke was a plate with peanut butter and jelly toast and a glass of orange juice. Her hair was pulled up into a bun and she had glasses on the bridge of her nose. Haley smiled, Brooke must have really be comfortable around Julian if she was willing wearing her glasses. She never wore them in front of anybody.

"Want something to eat?" Brooke asked when Haley came into the kitchen.

Before Haley could even respond Brooke was up making her toast and getting her something to drink. Julian continued to talk on the phone while trying to finish his breakfast. "Yeah. Well I'm leaving right now and I'll be there in 20 minutes. If we can't figure something out I'll have Brooke come by and fix it."

He hung up the phone and sighed before finishing off his glass of juice. "What's the emergency?" Brooke asked and sat back down in her original spot.

"Josh doesn't like his outfit for the scene we're filming today."

"Are you serious?" Brooke asked with a laugh. "That's the emergency that they're making you come in early for?"

"Apparently. If we can't find something to make him happy will you bring down some more options?"

"Yeah," she said with a smile. "I'll come down later anyway so I can show Haley around."

"Oh yeah," Haley agreed quickly. "I totally wanna see this set. This is so cool I can't believe I'm friends with all these glamorous people."

Julian laughed and ran a hand over his light brown hair. "It's not nearly as glamorous as it sounds." He walked over to Brooke and kissed her on the cheek. "I gotta head out but I'll see you later, Gorgeous. Bye Haley."

Brooke smiled as she watched him walk out the door. She got butterflies whenever she was around him, even now. Somehow she knew that feeling would never go away. She still didn't know how she got so lucky with him.

"You guys are so cute," Haley gushed and took a bite of her toast.

"He's the cute one," Brooke said with a shrug.

"How cool is it that you get to do the wardrobe for the movie?"

"It's good that I can put Alex in something hideous if she's pissing me off," Brooke said with a smirk.

Haley laughed a little and then cleared her throat. "Yeah but it seems like she's moved on from Julian. I mean did you see her with Nathan last night? She was definitely hitting on him."

"Are you jealous?" Brooke asked with a kinked eyebrow. She didn't even really need to ask she could easily see the signs of a girl jealous because of Alex Dupre. She'd been there before.

"What?" Haley asked and shook her head. "Of course not. I'm just saying I don't think you have anything to worry about with Alex and Julian. Seems like she likes Nathan."

Brooke leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest and closely watched her best friend. She was staring down at her cup of juice and lightly circling the rim of the cup. Her eyes were far off and Brooke knew without a doubt she was thinking of Nathan.

Haley looked up and saw Brooke's eyes watching her intently. "What?"

"Nothing."

"I'm happy for him."

She was happy for him. She didn't want him to be alone. It was just strange to see Nathan with someone. All throughout high school he had gone out with random girls but he'd never been in a serious relationship. But if he was happy then she was happy.

Haley cleared her throat and then laughed, finally noticing the music in the background. "What are you listening to?"

"I can't help it if I have a soft spot for One Direction. They're cute."

Brooke stood up and brought her plate and glass over to the sink before rinsing them off. She looked back at Haley and saw her still lost in thought and she turned around before facing her again. "So how long are your parents gone?"

"They come back next Friday."

"It's so strange to think of Papa James lying out in the sun somewhere on a cruise ship," Brooke said with a laugh.

Haley couldn't help but laugh along with her. Her dad was definitely not the relaxing type. He was always working and if he wasn't he was at home fixing something, even if there really wasn't anything to be fixed. But after everything that her parents had gone through they deserved a vacation.

"I know."

"Hey go get dressed and soon we can head down to the studio. Julian would totally love to show it off."

Haley nodded and headed back towards the stairs. She was looking forward to seeing the studio, figuring it would give her mind a distraction. The last thing she needed to do was think about Nathan all day.

* * *

Lucas stood inside _Tric_ staring up at the stage. During the day there were never that many customers, except for a few regulars who spent their day sitting at the bar. The lights dimly lit the stage and an idea came to him.

Karen opened _Tric_ 3 years ago and when she and Keith moved she gave it over to Lucas. Since they left he had worked his hardest to keep the business up and running. And he'd been doing pretty well but he knew he could do better. When the club had first opened Karen let Peyton book bands and solo artists to sing there some nights. Now seemed like a good idea to start that up again. He just wished Peyton was still around to help him out with that.

He turned around and walked back towards the bar and Chase, the bartender, walked over to where he stood. "Can I get you something Luke?"

"I need your opinion," Lucas replied, "what do think about having live entertainment here again?"

"I think that's a great idea. That will bring in a lot of people. Probably a lot more than we're already getting."

"Too bad Peyton's not around. She knows music better than anyone."

"Did I hear my name?"

Lucas turned around and saw Peyton standing at the top of the stairs with a young girl standing beside her. Peyton's hair was much longer than the last time he'd seen her. She was dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and a gray button up. Lucas smiled at the sight of his old friend before his eyes drifted down to Jenny who stood at her side.

Jenny's bright blonde hair was curly just like Peyton's had been and it hung around her shoulders. She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a mini Led Zepplin t-shirt. Clearly her mother had dressed her.

"Lucas!" Jenny yelled excitedly and ran towards him.

He crouched down and picked up the younger girl in his arms. Her eyes were exactly Jake's and it brought back so many memories of him when he looked at her. He couldn't believe she was almost 5 years old now. It seemed like it had only been yesterday when they were all at the hospital waiting for her to be born.

Peyton walked over to them and wrapped her arms around Lucas. She couldn't believe what it felt to be back here. She had missed it more than she realized she would. All her friends were here and she realized her heart was still here. "I've missed this place."

"Any chance you'll be sticking around for a while?" Lucas asked.

"You know I think there's a very good chance of that."

"What does that mean?"

Peyton smiled. "Ben and I are moving back here. This is my home and I belong here. I'm just lucky enough that he wants to come with me. Besides, Jenny should be around Lydia and Jimmy more. I know they'd love that."

"Well then I definitely need your help. I want to start having live entertainment here again."

"Luke, that's a great idea!" Peyton exclaimed. "You definitely need my help picking out the bands then. Oh there's this great British band that's not far out of town. Maybe I can get them here."

Lucas smiled. "It's good to have you back, Peyton."

* * *

Brooke was giving Haley the grand tour of the studio and she was trying to take it all in. The set of the house that was used in the movie was modeled after the house that Nathan and Lucas had grown up in and it was strange to stand in its replication. It was surreal to think that her friends were part of such a large project like this, and that it was in the middle of the town she'd grown up in. In high school she never would have thought as Tree Hill as the place to house a movie.

As Brooke took her back to the trailer that housed the wardrobe she could hear the happiness in her voice. She was sure that being in charge of something like this was a dream come true for her. Not only did she have her own successful store but now she was in charge of wardrobe for a movie.

"The best part," Brooke said while mindlessly shuffling through the racks of clothes, "is that I can make sure that Alex is never in anything sexy in front of Julian."

Haley laughed and nodded while looking through the clothes next to her. "How is she when she acts? I've never actually seen her in anything."

"Truthfully?" Brooke said and turned her attention to Haley. "She's great. I mean I was watching her film a scene with Josh last week and she was so amazing she actually made me cry. And I hate to admit that."

"Wow. What's her story? I mean I always hear about her in tabloids and stuff but she seems like she's actually a cool girl." Even if she did have a thing for Nathan.

"Yeah she's had her problems with drugs and alcohol. Julian's had to flush some of her cocaine before. There were some pretty rough times for her here but she's doing better. She hasn't been drinking for months and when she works she's really professional."

"That's good."

Haley knew that if Brooke had good things to say about her than they must have been true. She was asking so many questions because she wanted to know who this girl was that was so interested in Nathan. Nathan deserved the best and she wanted to know that Alex was really a good girl. Sure, she had her issues to work out, but so did everyone. At least she seemed to be doing ok now that she was in Tree Hill.

Brooke grabbed a pair of Nike sweats and a dark blue long sleeve t-shirt and nodded her head. "Maybe Josh can handle this for the scene."

Haley followed her back out the door and saw Julian, Alex and Josh standing there waiting for them. Josh had originally been dressed in a pair of shorts that he claimed were "too gay" for his character to be wearing. Brooke tossed the clothes to him and he hurried off to his trailer to change.

Julian smiled and placed a kiss on Brooke's forehead. "Thank you for saving the day."

"It was hardly a big deal," Brooke replied. "I didn't realize he would hate the shorts so much."

"Josh is such a baby," Alex commented and looked down at her nails before turning her attention to the three people standing in front of her. "I mean he spends more time in the makeup chair than I do."

Julian laughed and shook his head. "Are you ready for the next scene once Josh is ready?"

"Of course," Alex said and flashed a bright smile in Julian's direction. "I'm ready whenever you want me."

Brooke rolled her eyes and grabbed Haley by the arm. "Let's go. I'll finish giving you a tour of the set."

They walked back into the set of the house and through some of the rooms. They made their way inside what looked exactly like Nathan's old bedroom. There were posters on the walls and pictures on the dresser but instead of pictures of Nathan and his friends and family there were pictures of Josh and people that she didn't know.

"This is crazy how much it looks like his room," Haley whispered.

"Oh I know," Brooke replied, "they're practically identical."

Even though it wasn't his room, she was still flooded with memories of Nathan's bedroom. The morning that she had come to see him about the letter Jake had left for them, nights that summer that they had stayed up late watching movies and talking, the night in the rain. She shook her head and tried to think of other things.

"This is so great," she said looking at Brooke. "I can't wait to see this movie."

"I know, me too. Julian's so excited about it and he's so proud of it too." Brooke smiled thinking about how Julian beamed when he talked about it. It was finally his time to be excited and proud of something. "I'm so proud of him."

"You should be."

A few seconds of silence passed between them before Brooke looked back at Haley. "You have to come to _Tric _with us tonight. Lucas called me earlier and said that he's planning some live entertainment for tonight. And he has a surprise for everyone. Please tell me you'll come with us."

"Of course I will. I wanna spend as much time with everyone as I can before I go back to New York."

Brooke pouted. "Can't you just move home? I mean everyone misses you Hales. And you belong here."

Haley ran her hand through her long blonde hair and sighed. She'd been back in Tree Hill less than 24 hours and she felt happier than she had in months. She loved the city but everyone she loved was here. But how could she ask Jonnie to leave the job he loved and move to Tree Hill with her, especially when she was the reason he moved to New York in the first place?

"I wish I could."

"You can! Don't you think you and Jonnie would be happy here? I know you're happy here."

"I am. Trust me I'm so happy being home but Jonnie loves his job and he's great at it. He can't move here. And how would it look if I moved back home and left him there?"

Brooke nodded her head even though she didn't agree at all. She was sure that if it was something that would make Haley happy Jonnie would do it. And just because she came home wouldn't mean she loved him any less. It was selfish of her to think this and even suggest it but she missed her best friend. Both of them. She just wanted all of the people she loved to be in the same place. Was that too much to ask?

"I understand," Brooke replied. "But think about it, please? I mean I think you guys would be way happier here."

"I'll think about it."

She'd already been thinking about it. But there just wasn't any way. No matter how much her heart ached to come home.

* * *

Nathan walked through the doors of _Tric _with Clay and Sarah following behind him. Lucas had invited all of them to come that night for the first night of live entertainment in a long time. Nathan wasn't sure how he'd managed to plan something like this so quickly but he wanted to support his brother.

The club was packed with people and they made their way closer to the bar. Lucas and Lindsey were already standing there talking with Chase and they smiled at the 3 of them when they reached them. Lindsey embraced Sarah in a hug before greeting Clay and Nathan with smiles. Lucas set his bottle of beer back against the counter before hugging his brother and friend.

"Luke this place is packed!" Clay said. "Who's playing tonight?"

"Bastille," Lucas said. "They're British. I'm shocked that they're even able to play here tonight."

Nathan listened to Lucas talk about getting the band for that night and he still wondered how he'd done it. From what he'd heard from his brother earlier, having live entertainment was a pretty spur of the moment decision but he'd done it.

He turned his head and looked to the other side of the bar and saw Alex sitting alone with a glass of water in front of her. By the look on her face she was deep into her thoughts and she looked upset. He walked away from the other three and over to where she was sitting before taking a seat next to her.

"I hope you're not thinking about ordering a drink."

Alex looked up and smiled when she saw Nathan sitting next to her. She'd lost track of how long she'd been sitting at the bar staring at her glass of water. When she arrived it hadn't been that crowded but now there seemed to be people everywhere. She was completely lost in her thoughts until Nathan had showed up.

"Trust me I want to," she replied and ran her hand through her hair. "But I won't."

"What's going on Dupre?" Nathan asked. "I haven't seen you with a pouty face in a while."

She laughed a little and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know I just sucked today. I just felt like I couldn't get it together and Julian's probably totally disappointed in me. And Brooke was there and she saw how awful I was."

"I'm sure Julian's not mad at you. And Brooke probably doesn't care."

"She was probably glad to see me mess up."

Nathan shook his head. "That's not Brooke. She may not be your biggest fan but you can't really blame her for that. I mean didn't you take your clothes off in front of Julian?"

"That was just one time."

"Well, still. But this movie is important to Julian so it's important to her. And she wouldn't want to see anyone mess up anything. Trust me that's not her."

Alex sighed and ran her finger up and down the side of her glass. She was still mortified about today. When she got to the set that morning she was sure that everything would be fine. She had stayed up late the night before with Josh working on their lines. But when she saw the way Brooke and Julian were with each other on set she just forgot all of them. She couldn't focus when they were filming knowing that Brooke was watching her. She kept forgetting her lines and she could hear the frustration in Julian's voice as he had to read the lines back to her. It was mortifying.

"Nathan it was awful!" Alex said, "I'm so embarrassed."

"Everyone has off days. It'll be fine."

Alex leaned into his side. "Thanks Nathan. It means a lot to know that someone has faith in me."

"I promise I'm not the only one."

A few more seconds passed before Nathan waved Chase over and ordered a Jack and Coke. Chase nodded before mixing his drink. When he placed it in front of him he also placed a glass of Root Beer in front of Alex. "I figured you might want something more than water."

He smiled and Alex blushed a little before thanking him. It wasn't like her to blush because of a guy, but she couldn't help it. The bartender was definitely cute. Once Chase walked away she turned and looked at Nathan when she heard him laugh a little.

"What?" she asked.

"You have a thing for Chase?"

"I do not!" she denied. "He's cute that's all."

"Sure, whatever."

"Don't even start with me Nathan. Do you want me to ask you about you and Haley?"

Nathan looked away from her quickly and ran his hand over the back of his neck. He really didn't want her to start asking him about Haley. No matter what she asked him he wouldn't really know what to say. He and Haley were so far from the people they used to be and he really wasn't sure where they stood. Were they even friends anymore?

"That's what I thought," she said with a shake of her head.

* * *

_Haley sat on a plush couch in the library with her laptop on her lap trying to focus on the paper she was supposed to be finishing. It was the last assignment of her college carrier and she was so ready to be done. She had loved her time at Duke and she was happy to have the great people in her life that she did because of this place. But it was time to graduate soon and she was so ready to do it._

_She'd been offered and internship at a small record label in New York City and in three months she was moving there. It terrified her to think about starting a new life in a new city all over again. She remembered how terrified she had been when she started college and now that same sense of dread was taking over her now._

_Jonnie had moved back to South Carolina after he graduated the year before and he still managed to come visit her from time to time. Things had been going well with him but she always felt guilty whenever she talked to Nathan. He had told her that he trusted her and he understood that she couldn't cut Nathan out her life. But she saw the look on his face any time he was mentioned._

_The truth was that she hadn't really talked to Nathan in a long time. It had been months since his last letter and she hadn't spoken to him on the phone in forever. Whenever they were both back in Tree Hill he hardly spoke to her. Things with them had sure changed in the last few years._

"_How's that paper?"_

_Haley looked up Oakley who sat across from her in her own chair. She was dressed in a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt with her hair thrown up into a bun. She had the cap of her highlighter between her teeth and a text book in her lap._

"_I just have to write this conclusion and I've restarted it about 100 times."_

"_Yeah I think I've read this same paragraph like 5 times. I can't concentrate for my life," she replied with her southern drawl. Haley watched as she tossed the book onto the table in front of her before standing and stretching her arms above her head. "I'm gonna get more coffee, do you want anything?"_

"_No I'm good thanks," Haley replied and stared back at her computer. She'd already had 3 cups in the couple of hours that they had been sitting in the library and it hardly seemed to help her finish. It was close to being 1 in the morning and there were only a handful of students left scattered throughout the library._

_Finals week was always busy on campus and Haley was feeling the pressure to finish strong. In just a week she would be graduating and starting a new life all over again. Sometimes she wondered how her life became the way it was. She didn't feel like the girl she used to be in high school. That girl had disappeared. _

_A few minutes passed before Oakley returned with a large coffee and a bagel in her hand. She plopped back down in her seat and ran her hand over her face. She was exhausted and she wasn't sure how she was even awake right now. Looking over at Haley she could see the same exhaustion on her face._

_Haley re-read what she had typed on her computer a few more times trying to think of something else to say. She was at the point where she just felt like she was repeating herself and everything just seemed like crap. Clearing her throat she prepared to finish up the final paragraph but stopped when the sound of her cell phone ringing caught her attention. Who would be calling her at 1 in the morning?_

_She reached into the top zipper of her backpack and pulled out her cellphone. She was surprised to see _Lucas_ across the screen and she quickly answered it. "Lucas Scott what are you doing calling me so late?" she asked with a laugh. No matter what the reason she was happy to be hearing from one of her best friends._

"_Haley, it's Nathan," Lucas replied with sadness laced through his voice and suddenly her heart dropped. "He's being flown to Charlotte. He was shot. They don't know if he's going to make it."_

_That was the moment that she felt her world falling apart all over again. _

Standing in the spare bathroom in Brooke's house Haley suddenly recalled that moment. She wasn't sure what had caused that memory to come to mind but now she couldn't stop replaying it. She remembered throwing her books back into her bag and shutting down her computer and running towards the exit. Oakley had been shouting out to her asking her what was wrong but she could hardly answer.

When she made it back to her dorm she grabbed her car keys and raced back out to the parking lot to get to her car as quick as she could. She had told Lucas she would meet them there and she had no time to waste. The 2 hour and 13 minute car ride had seemed like the longest of her life. She'd done the drive to that hospital many times and this was just one too many. She could hardly keep her breathing under control as she sped there. The whole time Lucas's words replayed in her head that Nathan might not make it.

By the time she got to the hospital it was past 3 in the morning and Nathan hadn't even arrived yet. It felt like more wasted hours as she sat with his family in the waiting room. Finally when the sun began to rise he was finally being brought in and he was quickly wheeled into surgery. The surgery went on for hours and she hardly kept it together. By the time it was over the doctor told them all that Nathan was still unconscious and he would wake up on his own time. But that was if he woke up at all. He'd lost a lot of blood but it was better that he was back in the states and being treated by some of the best doctors they had.

That had been one of the worst days of her entire life and she hated thinking about it again. She had never been more scared than in those hours. Thinking that she could have lost Nathan too was one of her worst fears. She wasn't sure how she'd make it if she lost him.

"You almost ready?"

Brooke stood in the door way dressed in a tight dark green sweater dress and a pair of dark brown ankle boots. Her hair was curled and pulled back into a pony tail and she looked gorgeous as always. The look of concern on her face grew as she realized that her best friend was crying.

"Haley what's wrong?" she asked and stepped into the bathroom, closer to her friend.

Haley hadn't even realized that she was crying. She didn't have any reason to. Nathan was ok and all she was left with were bad memories. But she couldn't seem to get the tears to stop.

"I'm fine," Haley replied and wiped the tears away. "I was thinking about when Nathan got shot and I guess it just got to me. I don't even know why I'm crying. I'm fine."

Brooke wrapped her arms around her best friend and pulled her into a tight embrace. "Don't even think about that. That was a terrible time and we don't even need to remember it. He's ok so you don't have to think about that."

"I know," Haley replied and shook her head trying to think about something besides that day. "I don't even know why my mind went there."

Brooke nodded wiped away more tears. "Well finish getting ready because we're gonna have a great time tonight and you won't even have to think about that."

Haley nodded and looked back towards the mirror. She ran a tissue under her eyes and wiped away smudges of mascara. Brooke was right. Tonight was all about having fun and the last thing she needed to worry about was something so terrible.

Once she'd finished getting ready with Brooke's help they both made their way down stairs to where Julian was waiting. Soon they were in the car on their way to _Tric_ and all Haley wanted to worry about that night was having a good time. She just wanted to make the best of her time with her friends and not think about some of her worst times.

* * *

Nathan and Alex had been dancing to countless songs and having a good time. But when Nathan saw Haley walk through the door he completely forgot about everyone else who was around him. She still had that effect on him. Her long blonde hair was slightly curled and it tumbled down her back. She was in a short, long sleeve, gray dress that had a V in the front and a bow in the back. Under it she wore a pair of black tights and black ankle wedges. She was so beautiful.

"You're staring," Alex said with a laugh and turned her head to look in Haley's direction. "Not that I can blame you, she does look gorgeous."

"I'm not staring," Nathan replied and then looked back down at Alex.

She crossed her arms over her chest and scoffed. "You so are! Why don't you go say hi!"

"No," he replied, "things are weird with us right now. She probably doesn't even want to talk to me."

"Oh come on. You're acting like a 12 year old. How can you guys even be friends if you won't go talk to her?"

She did have a point. He did at least want to be friends with her but every time he'd thought about calling her in the last couple of years he'd remember Jonnie's strict instruction to stay away from her and he had to stick that. As much as he hated it. He was sure that Haley probably thought he hated her or something. But it was quite the opposite.

"I could never just be her friend, Alex."

She watched him stare at her some more and her heart broke for him a little. She knew what it was like to want someone you couldn't have but his feelings for Haley ran much deeper than hers did for Julian. He had never gone out and told her that he was in love with Haley but she knew he was just by the way he looked at her. She suddenly felt jealous. No one had ever looked at her that way.

"Will you please try to have fun tonight?" she asked, bringing his attention back to her.

"I am having fun," Nathan replied with a smile.

From the other side of the club Haley had spotted Nathan with Alex. They were clearly having a deep conversation and she watched the way they smiled at each other and it made her heart ache. She shook her head and ignored the feeling before looking around the room. It was packed full of people and she smiled when she recognized a few. All of her friends who had been at Lucas's the other night were there and then she saw someone else she recognized.

"Ben!" she yelled and ran over to the dark haired man standing just a few feet away from her by the bar.

Ben turned and looked at her and smile overtook his face when he realized who it was. She threw her arms around him in a tight hug. It had been so long since she'd last seen him and she had no idea that he was going to be here. If he was here then that meant that Peyton must have been there too.

"What are you doing here? Is Peyton here?" she rushed out quickly.

"We're moving back here," Ben said.

"No way!" she replied. "That's great!"

After a few minutes Brooke raced up to Haley with Peyton by her side and she quickly embraced her friend in her arms. She had not expected to see her there that night but she was so glad she was there. It only made this trip more worthwhile.

Peyton explained how they decided to move back to Tree Hill and that Lucas had asked her to help him plan this entertainment. Now it seemed like that would be her job here. Now it seemed like everyone she loved was making a life for themselves in Tree Hill and she felt so disconnected from them.

It wasn't long before Bastille took the stage and Haley was instantly drawn into watching them. While she was busy watching them Nathan was still watching her. He loved the way she could be so drawn into something and everything around her just seemed to fall away.

"Go talk to her," Alex said and pushed him towards her. "Go!"

Nathan rolled his eyes and moved closer to where Haley was standing and when he reached her she turned and looked up at him. "Hi," she said, clearly surprised to see him.

"You like the band?" he asked over the loud music.

"They're great," she replied, still watching them. They were singing a song called Laura Palmer, one she knew well. She had heard them through work but had never had the chance to see them and now she couldn't look away from them.

Nathan tried to think of the right words to say to her but he didn't know what to say. She was so caught up in the music and she looked so happy watching them and he realized that there would never be a day when he would stop loving her. He wished he could tell her that, but he couldn't. She wouldn't want to hear that from him anyway.

"Where's Alex?" Haley asked after a minute.

Nathan turned and looked back at Alex who was flirting with Chase from across the bar. "With Chase."

"Did you guys come together?"

"Nope."

Haley nodded and then finally looked at Nathan. He stood much taller than her and she forgot how he had a way of making her feel so short. He was in a thin, long sleeve white hoodie and jeans with a pair of black Nikes on his feet. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbows and she glanced down at the watch on his wrist. It was one that she had bought for him a few years before for his birthday. He always looked so handsome.

"You look great Nathan," she said before she could stop herself.

Nathan couldn't help the small smirk that came to his lips. "You always look great, Hales."

She felt the blush painting her cheeks and she looked down at her shoes, hoping that he wouldn't see it. Earlier she felt like all she could focus on was the band but now that he was standing next to her she could hardly keep herself from looking at him. Just being near him was dangerous for her but she couldn't deny that she was happy to be near him. She'd missed him so much.

He leaned in closer to her so he could whisper to her. "I'm sorry if I've been weird to you. Trust me I'm glad you're home."

"I'm glad I'm home too."

Nathan smiled once more before turning to walk back to where Alex was standing. She found it hard to look away from him and to get her beating heart under control. She wasn't sure how much longer he would have that effect on her but part of her knew that would never go away.

**Let me know what you think about this chapter!**

**Song for this chapter:  
Laura Palmer- Bastille.**

**Like I said before I definitely recommend anything by Bastille. I love them.**


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